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Chit Chat
climbingsingle
member
I ended two friendships recently (long)
climbingsingle
member
in Chit Chat
Things that occurred at my wedding was the last straw with two girls that I've known for quite a few years. I can't say that I'm sad that the friendships are done - there have been many things in the past that made me question my friendships with these girls. But I'm sad it went down and I'm really pissed about what happened at my wedding.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
3 years ago, Cathy got pregnant. There were many things going on in her life at that time, and she didn't feel ready to have a child. Cathy called up Karen looking for a friend, as Cathy was pretty distraught. Cathy didn't know this, but Karen is very against abortion. Eventually Karen told Cathy she didn't agree with her decision and couldn't be there for her. And that was the end of their friendship. Cathy told me about this not long after it happened, and said she didn't hold any ill will towards Karen - she's entitled to her opinion. Cathy never brought it up again after that.
Fast forward to my wedding. It was the first time Cathy and Karen were going to be seeing each other in years. Cathy is one of my best friends, and I see her very often. Karen - she's the one I was really questioning my friendship with. Anyway, Cathy told me she'd be civil to Karen, but she wasn't going to go out of her way to say hello.
Enter Laney, friend to all three of us. Laney and Karen were seated at the same table. Karen brought up the fact that Cathy was there, and that she was "ignoring" her. Laney then proceeds to tell Karen that Cathy has talked mad shit behind her back. According to Laney, Cathy's been all over town telling people that Karen is a religious jerk who told her she was going to hell for her decisions. I find this incredibly hard to believe. But whatever. Laney and Karen spend most of the wedding shit-talking Cathy (this was confirmed to me by two other ladies sitting at their table). I've known Laney to be a shit stirrer before, and she's been known to bend the truth.
Why was it necessary to rehash 3 year old drama at my wedding? Does this seem ridiculous to anyone else?
Literally 30 minutes after the wedding, Cathy started getting text messages from Karen. Karen had already left the wedding with her husband, and Cathy was with us at our after party. "You're a piece of garbage. How dare you talk about me. You're such a piece of shit. I can't believe I was ever friends with you." And it got worse from there. Cathy was crying and upset.
Enter again shit stirrer Laney. She goes to comfort Cathy, telling her "Karen is so crazy! Don't even respond to her." Ugh.
As soon as I get home from the HM, Karen is texting me, saying she's got all this drama to tell me about. I ignore her texts regarding the drama. It's none of my business and I don't want to be involved. But I did respond to her about other things.
BTW, Karen is the girl that invites me to ALL of her kids birthday parties, if you remember me posting about that.
Two weeks ago, I go out to dinner with Cathy and the rest of my best friends. Someone posts a picture of all of us on FB. The very next morning, I get a crazy long message from Karen. I almost want to post it here so that you can guys can see how nuts it was. She accuses all of my other friends of ignoring her. She says bad things about Cathy. It was just bananas.
And this was all drama that happened 3 years ago! These are women in their mid 30s! Are you kidding me? What is this nonsense?
So I basically told Karen that I didn't want to be put in the middle of this, and that I was pissed she forced me into it. I told her that her behavior made me question whether I wanted to continue a friendship with her.
And Laney? Why stir the pot at my wedding? Was that really the best time and place to get into it? Laney and Karen see each other very often. It's not like this was the only time to discuss it. AND why couldn't Karen confront Cathy in a more mature way? "Hey, is it true you've been saying these things about me?"
It's all just so high school, you know?
So if you made is this far, thanks for reading. I just wanted to get that out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I ended two friendships recently (long)
Good for you for keeping a solid head.
I definitely think that you made the right choice to end those friendships. Toxic is what they sound like.
I feel like the older I get, the more...picky...I am about who I am friends with. Quality over quantity. KWIM?
I'm the fuck out.
I don't blame you for ending those friendships at all. I had to do the same thing recently and life has been SO much better. I just don't have patience any longer for people who constantly invite drama into their lives and others.
I had two girlfriends who were each others BFFs but half the time HATED each other. So I was stuck being the middle man and pulled in two directions when they decided they didn't like each other every three months. One of the girls even brought drama to my wedding, however everyone made sure I didn't know about it until afterwards. I've been pulling away and not responding to text messages if it's clearly meant to stir the pot and I don't reach out to them. Life has been SO much better. More peaceful. At some point it's just not worth the effort to maintain friendships that are just toxic.
So I might have had a reading comprehension fail. Did you speak with Laney about her shit stirring? Did you also end that friendship?
These women/children sounds like they belong in Gossip Girls
It sounds like Laney is not a good person and enjoys stirring up drama.
From just this issue, it seems like Karen is having issues with the actions of her friend. While I can sympathize that this can be a big deal. I honestly don't know that I would be cool if a friend came to me asking to support having an abortion. It would be hard for me and I'd wonder if I did everything in my power to prevent it from happening. Guilt works in its own way. If Karen is religious, she could be grappling with whether she didn't do enough and inaction is in itself a sin. On the surface, I see this as Laney stirring the pot and bringing up the extremely sensitive issue with Karen to watch her lack of comfort manifest itself over cocktails.
Laney deserves a throat punch.