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I ended two friendships recently (long)

climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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Things that occurred at my wedding was the last straw with two girls that I've known for quite a few years. I can't say that I'm sad that the friendships are done - there have been many things in the past that made me question my friendships with these girls. But I'm sad it went down and I'm really pissed about what happened at my wedding. 

Names have been changed to protect the innocent. 

3 years ago, Cathy got pregnant. There were many things going on in her life at that time, and she didn't feel ready to have a child. Cathy called up Karen looking for a friend, as Cathy was pretty distraught. Cathy didn't know this, but Karen is very against abortion. Eventually Karen told Cathy she didn't agree with her decision and couldn't be there for her. And that was the end of their friendship. Cathy told me about this not long after it happened, and said she didn't hold any ill will towards Karen - she's entitled to her opinion. Cathy never brought it up again after that. 

Fast forward to my wedding. It was the first time Cathy and Karen were going to be seeing each other in years. Cathy is one of my best friends, and I see her very often. Karen - she's the one I was really questioning my friendship with. Anyway, Cathy told me she'd be civil to Karen, but she wasn't going to go out of her way to say hello. 

Enter Laney, friend to all three of us. Laney and Karen were seated at the same table. Karen brought up the fact that Cathy was there, and that she was "ignoring" her. Laney then proceeds to tell Karen that Cathy has talked mad shit behind her back. According to Laney, Cathy's been all over town telling people that Karen is a religious jerk who told her she was going to hell for her decisions. I find this incredibly hard to believe. But whatever. Laney and Karen spend most of the wedding shit-talking Cathy (this was confirmed to me by two other ladies sitting at their table). I've known Laney to be a shit stirrer before, and she's been known to bend the truth. 

Why was it necessary to rehash 3 year old drama at my wedding? Does this seem ridiculous to anyone else? 

Literally 30 minutes after the wedding, Cathy started getting text messages from Karen. Karen had already left the wedding with her husband, and Cathy was with us at our after party. "You're a piece of garbage. How dare you talk about me. You're such a piece of shit. I can't believe I was ever friends with you." And it got worse from there. Cathy was crying and upset. 

Enter again shit stirrer Laney. She goes to comfort Cathy, telling her "Karen is so crazy! Don't even respond to her." Ugh. 

As soon as I get home from the HM, Karen is texting me, saying she's got all this drama to tell me about. I ignore her texts regarding the drama. It's none of my business and I don't want to be involved. But I did respond to her about other things. 

BTW, Karen is the girl that invites me to ALL of her kids birthday parties, if you remember me posting about that. 

Two weeks ago, I go out to dinner with Cathy and the rest of my best friends. Someone posts a picture of all of us on FB. The very next morning, I get a crazy long message from Karen. I almost want to post it here so that you can guys can see how nuts it was. She accuses all of my other friends of ignoring her. She says bad things about Cathy. It was just bananas. 

And this was all drama that happened 3 years ago! These are women in their mid 30s! Are you kidding me? What is this nonsense? 

So I basically told Karen that I didn't want to be put in the middle of this, and that I was pissed she forced me into it. I told her that her behavior made me question whether I wanted to continue a friendship with her. 

And Laney? Why stir the pot at my wedding? Was that really the best time and place to get into it? Laney and Karen see each other very often. It's not like this was the only time to discuss it. AND why couldn't Karen confront Cathy in a more mature way? "Hey, is it true you've been saying these things about me?"

It's all just so high school, you know? 

So if you made is this far, thanks for reading. I just wanted to get that out. 

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Re: I ended two friendships recently (long)

  • That's bananas.

    Good for you for keeping a solid head.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    I definitely think that you made the right choice to end those friendships. Toxic is what they sound like.

     

    I feel like the older I get, the more...picky...I am about who I am friends with. Quality over quantity. KWIM?

    Yes, that's so true. The older I get, the less patience I have for this kind of stuff. And I feel much more choosy about the people I want in my life. 

    sarawifenow
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
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    You made the right choice to end those friendships. Who wants to be in the middle of that drama? And yes, it's ridiculous that they would bring up old drama at your wedding. That's some Real Housewives shit right there.
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    climbingwifePrettyGirlLost
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
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    That is just ridiculous. Best decision you made, moving on. Who needs that dumb drama at this stage of life? 
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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
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    Yuuuuuuuuck. I'm sorry boo!
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    climbingwife
  • I had to cut two friends out of my life that i had known for a very long time for similar reasons. At one point we were super close. After high school and all through college I realized that every time they were around, it was nothing but drama, and they were constantly trying to pull me into things that I did not want to be involved in. 

    It kind of hurt at first to come to the realization that they would always be immature and dramatic, and that I just could not be friends with them anymore. But since I cut them out, my life has been FAR more peaceful, drama free, conflict free, and way easier. I do not regret my decision. 

    I think you did the right thing. These ladies sound extremely tacky and immature. To stir up that kind of drama, years later, at someone else's wedding, and then to perpetuate it? No thanks. 
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    climbingwifePrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    I had to cut two friends out of my life that i had known for a very long time for similar reasons. At one point we were super close. After high school and all through college I realized that every time they were around, it was nothing but drama, and they were constantly trying to pull me into things that I did not want to be involved in. 

    It kind of hurt at first to come to the realization that they would always be immature and dramatic, and that I just could not be friends with them anymore. But since I cut them out, my life has been FAR more peaceful, drama free, conflict free, and way easier. I do not regret my decision. 

    I think you did the right thing. These ladies sound extremely tacky and immature. To stir up that kind of drama, years later, at someone else's wedding, and then to perpetuate it? No thanks. 
    That's really the same thing with these two. Always drama, always fighting with someone. I don't want that in my life at all. 

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    esstee33 said:
    What in the holy hell is wrong with those two? What a bunch of children. And poor Cathy, having to make an incredibly awful, difficult decision, then to be tormented for it for YEARS afterward by people who were supposedly friends. Good riddance, seriously. 
    I know. And in this crazy message Karen sent me, she basically says that Cathy can't live with her decision and that's why she's lashing out. Yeah. 


    levioosa said:
    Welp, looks like you don't have to worry about those kid b-day party invites anymore.  
    Woo hoo! 

  • I had to cut two friends out of my life that i had known for a very long time for similar reasons. At one point we were super close. After high school and all through college I realized that every time they were around, it was nothing but drama, and they were constantly trying to pull me into things that I did not want to be involved in. 

    It kind of hurt at first to come to the realization that they would always be immature and dramatic, and that I just could not be friends with them anymore. But since I cut them out, my life has been FAR more peaceful, drama free, conflict free, and way easier. I do not regret my decision. 

    I think you did the right thing. These ladies sound extremely tacky and immature. To stir up that kind of drama, years later, at someone else's wedding, and then to perpetuate it? No thanks. 
    That's really the same thing with these two. Always drama, always fighting with someone. I don't want that in my life at all. 


    SIB
    Yep, there comes a point where you just realize that your life is better off without that. Being friends with people like that, the cost really outweighs the benefit. 
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    climbingwifeesstee33
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
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    esstee33 said:
    What in the holy hell is wrong with those two? What a bunch of children. And poor Cathy, having to make an incredibly awful, difficult decision, then to be tormented for it for YEARS afterward by people who were supposedly friends. Good riddance, seriously. 
    I know. And in this crazy message Karen sent me, she basically says that Cathy can't live with her decision and that's why she's lashing out. Yeah. 


    levioosa said:
    Welp, looks like you don't have to worry about those kid b-day party invites anymore.  
    Woo hoo! 

    Ummm, yeah, pretty sure it's Karen who can't deal with Cathy's decision. Karen sounds seriously fucking unhinged. 
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    climbingwifechibiyui
  • Not gonna lie, I'm kind of curious to see this message from Karen. But I also feel like it will piss me off, cuz I hate crazy girls. 
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    cafarrieemmaaaPrettyGirlLostChemFanatic25
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
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    I don't blame you for ending those friendships at all. I had to do the same thing recently and life has been SO much better. I just don't have patience any longer for people who constantly invite drama into their lives and others.

     I had two girlfriends who were each others BFFs but half the time HATED each other. So I was stuck being the middle man and pulled in two directions when they decided they didn't like each other every three months. One of the girls even brought drama to my wedding, however everyone made sure I didn't know about it until afterwards. I've been pulling away and not responding to text messages if it's clearly meant to stir the pot and I don't reach out to them. Life has been SO much better. More peaceful. At some point it's just not worth the effort to maintain friendships that are just toxic.

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  • Is Karen the same friend that rescinded her godparent offer? 

    I always think that its better to remove any negative/toxic energy from your life, just makes for a better nights sleep.  Good riddance!
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
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    I think you made the right call. Who wants to act like their still in high school?
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    loro929 said:
    Is Karen the same friend that rescinded her godparent offer? 

    I always think that its better to remove any negative/toxic energy from your life, just makes for a better nights sleep.  Good riddance!
    YES. 

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    Not gonna lie, I'm kind of curious to see this message from Karen. But I also feel like it will piss me off, cuz I hate crazy girls. 
    I know. I really kind of want to post it too. But I don't know if it's a good idea. 

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
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    So I might have had a reading comprehension fail. Did you speak with Laney about her shit stirring? Did you also end that friendship?

    These women/children sounds like they belong in Gossip Girls

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  • What does Karen do with the birthday parties?

    It sounds like Laney is not a good person and enjoys stirring up drama.

    From just this issue, it seems like Karen is having issues with the actions of her friend. While I can sympathize that this can be a big deal. I honestly don't know that I would be cool if a friend came to me asking to support having an abortion. It would be hard for me and I'd wonder if I did everything in my power to prevent it from happening. Guilt works in its own way. If Karen is religious, she could be grappling with whether she didn't do enough and inaction is in itself a sin. On the surface, I see this as Laney stirring the pot and bringing up the extremely sensitive issue with Karen to watch her lack of comfort manifest itself over cocktails.

    Laney deserves a throat punch.
    novella1186
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    KatWAG said:

    So I might have had a reading comprehension fail. Did you speak with Laney about her shit stirring? Did you also end that friendship?

    These women/children sounds like they belong in Gossip Girls

    I haven't spoken to Laney directly yet. But as of right now, she hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted her. I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie for now. If she contacts me, I'll tell her how I feel. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    edited November 2014
    banana468 said:
    What does Karen do with the birthday parties? It sounds like Laney is not a good person and enjoys stirring up drama. From just this issue, it seems like Karen is having issues with the actions of her friend. While I can sympathize that this can be a big deal. I honestly don't know that I would be cool if a friend came to me asking to support having an abortion. It would be hard for me and I'd wonder if I did everything in my power to prevent it from happening. Guilt works in its own way. If Karen is religious, she could be grappling with whether she didn't do enough and inaction is in itself a sin. On the surface, I see this as Laney stirring the pot and bringing up the extremely sensitive issue with Karen to watch her lack of comfort manifest itself over cocktails. Laney deserves a throat punch.
    I posted about Karen Snarky brides. She basically sends me invites to every single event her kid has, ignores me while I'm there, and I never get a simple thank you for the gifts I've given.  

    Initially Cathy did not go to Karen to support her abortion. She called her up and said, "Omg, I'm pregnant, and I don't know what to do." At the time, Cathy discussed that maybe abortion was the right choice. But when that conversation ended, nothing had been decided yet. After that is when Karen reached out to her, saying that Cathy possibly having an abortion was causing HER too much stress in her life and that she couldn't support her. 

  • Bitches be crazy.  I had to cut out some dramatic friends a few years ago.  Best decision I ever made.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
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    Good for you!  I feel like you definitely made the right decision.  I have a similar "Karen" in my group, and I just don't have the strength to cut it off with her.  Just because she is so dramatic about everything, and would cause a huge scene if I confronted her about her past and present behavior. One day though, I will.. haha... Sounds like you made the right decision, no one needs that in their life and it especially should not have been stirred up at your wedding.  I would have been so pissed!
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    climbingwife
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
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    I'm sorry you were put in the midst of that when it wasn't your problem to begin with. I think you handled yourself very well and acted very maturely in regards to not choosing sides. It isn't your fault that Karen basically gave you and ultimatum...not fair at all. Again, I'm sorry but you're right, you seem like you'll be better off without the baggage.

    climbingwife
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