annulment stories

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I am in the process of an annulment started in December hopefully done by this December..interested in others stories..good or bad.

cftaylor2013 · May 2014

Rachel, I am also in the process of an annulment. So interested also in stories. I will pm you; I'm interested in your story and I will in turn share mine.

+AMDG+ · June 2014

Ladies,

My annulment was some time ago, I was married in 1988, separated in 2005, divorced in May 2007, final annulment in 2009, with Vetitum lifted in January 2010.

I pursued the annulment from day one of the divorce. It took about two years. We have a "slow" diocese and a diocese that is extremely traditional.

I went through four YEARS of tries with a former beau which all failed just over a year ago. We did not make it through the process as a couple.

Any specific questions?

Blessings,

~M

Calypso1977 · June 2014

depending upon your diocese and how many annulments they do per year will influence how long your process may take. typically, its 18-24 months. also keep on top of your witnesses to respond timely.

photokitty · June 2014

My annulment was a horrid process that almost led to me leaving the church. I never had a crisis of faith, but certainly had a crisis of doctrine. It only took a year, but was very invasive and judgmental. As a result of the findings for the annulment I opted not to marry again in the Catholic church, so currently I am not in good standing. My priest has offered to help me get a consolidation, but I haven't done so yet.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

It's sad that I have not heard one good thing about them from people going through them or people within the church... All of our stuff is turned in the witness statements were all turned in, in April.. now I guess we just wait.

Calypso1977 · June 2014

Rachel, the thing you have to keep in mind when you hear about the negativity is that some people simply dont understand WHY the church as to ask so many questions or be so "invasive". this is pretty serious stuff, and annulments are not (as many mistakenly think) a "catholic divorce". divorce and annulment are two very distinctly different things.

It also takes time. Time can be frustrating and cause people to be negative, but at the outset of the process the church is very up front with people about how long it takes. some people get upset because they've moved on and dont like their next wedding being delayed. this is why its ideal that people pursue the annulment IMMEDIATELY after they divorce rather than waiting until they meet someone else, particularly since without the annulment they do not have the right to date in the first place. however, this is where (in my opinion) the church fails many catholics who face divorce. there is no counseling whatsoever offered to catholics facing divorce to take care of the annulment immediately, if there is a valid reason that one can be granted.

photokitty · June 2014

FWIW - I didn't care one bit about the length of time it took. I didn't love the invasive questionnaire, but I understood why they were asking the questions. It was emotionally draining and cathartic at the same time.

What made my process horrific was the 2 hour "interrogation" I had to sit through with 2 priests. They were extremely judgmental and kept harping not he same thing over and oner and over again until I finally gave in and told them what they wanted to hear. It wasn't a lie, but it also wasn't relevant to my situation. It was very slanted to the man's perspective. My priest, who had previously served as the defender of the bond, was shocked withe the decision as well. When he had been on the tribunal case like none were review, passed on and approved without further probing bc of the circumstances.

The way I was treated by the tribunal was the issue. No to mention that these are all man made laws, not God's law.

It really upset me that they tell you to go get a civil divorce THEN come back. If they don't approve the annulment what are you supposed to do...go back after 2 years and try and work things out? It's cruel and insane.

We are debating about getting an annulment for DH so I can be in good standing again, but I fear that if he is treated better than I was and given an easy out that it will actually turn me further away format he church. It's really a no win situation for me. I wanted to be part of the church, it gave me an annulment, but at the same time I knew in my heart based on their ruling that I could never enter into a sacramental marriage. So I got remarried outside the church and now I'm not welcome to communion, despite the fact that my priest said he would give it to me. I won't go bc I know I'm not allowed. How crappy is it to want to be part of a faith that isn't inclusive? This is my constant battle.

Calypso1977 · June 2014

It really upset me that they tell you to go get a civil divorce THEN come back. If they don't approve the annulment what are you supposed to do...go back after 2 years and try and work things out? It's cruel and insane.

that is my biggest issue with the process because its totally illogical for the very reason you state.

i am confused as to why you think the faith isnt inclusive. they gave you an annulment, you had the freedom to marry in the church again, yet chose not to, knowing the implications. had you married in the church, then youd be able to receive.

your priest was wrong, btw, to tell you that you can receive with a civil marriage outside of the church. i do commend you for not following his bad (while perhaps good intended) guidance.

i assume you dont want to go into detail as to why you received the annulment but didnt agree with it...but i find it odd and confusing all at the same time.

at thsi point, all i can advise you is to pray and i hope you find some direction with your choices as i do know all well that feeling of feeling conflicted.

photokitty · June 2014

Oh I know he's wrong and he knows it's wrong. But recently the pope *allegedly* told a woman in a similar situation that she could receive the sacrament.

I asked my priest, different guy, how I was supposed to ever enter into a sacramental based not he tribunal findings - He couldn't answer...this is probably why he would allow me to receive the sacrament as he repeatedly told me "the law can be cruel and I know you, you cannot be outside the sacrament."

He has offered to help get the annulment and then give a convalidation. He was happy to do a convalidation, but DH is divorced non-Catholic. You can receive a civil marriage outside the church you just have to get the convalidation, which can be hard depending on your circumstances. I wasn't willing to have a Catholic ceremony knowing I could not enter into sacramental marriage based on the tribunal's ruling. I wasn't going to lie knowingly at my wedding.

I'll pm you since you are curious, but I don't care to go into detail on a public forum.

Calypso1977 · June 2014

photokitty, YGPM

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Calypso1977 said:

Rachel, the thing you have to keep in mind when you hear about the negativity is that some people simply dont understand WHY the church as to ask so many questions or be so "invasive". this is pretty serious stuff, and annulments are not (as many mistakenly think) a "catholic divorce". divorce and annulment are two very distinctly different things.

It also takes time. Time can be frustrating and cause people to be negative, but at the outset of the process the church is very up front with people about how long it takes. some people get upset because they've moved on and dont like their next wedding being delayed. this is why its ideal that people pursue the annulment IMMEDIATELY after they divorce rather than waiting until they meet someone else, particularly since without the annulment they do not have the right to date in the first place. however, this is where (in my opinion) the church fails many catholics who face divorce. there is no counseling whatsoever offered to catholics facing divorce to take care of the annulment immediately, if there is a valid reason that one can be granted.

They actually dont give you much of a time line... I've been told 8-10 months.. while others over two years... I actually wasn't catholic... I joined the church this past Jan. My "legal" divorce was almost 9 years ago. The thing about not dating again because I"m not free too... always strikes me funny. In my case my ex had an affair. He filed for divorce, judge granted it. Not much else I could have done. The Church does not view an affair as the sole reason for divorce.. but yet you can't date until you get an annulment because they still view you as married. They say this time is used for healing?? No it's not. Like I said I did my healing years ago, with the help of the church I was attending then. They need to ask some of the questions they ask me to people going through the marriage classes maybe there wouldnt be so many divorces if those classes went this indepth.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

Update: Got my final letter last week. They granted the annulment.. Mine took at total of 11 months and $450. If this helps anyone down the road.

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