Pregnant Yet?

holyguacamole79 · November 2014

NWR, but this pissed me off. I was at the grocery store and the man in front of me was buying flowers for his wife who had just given birth to their daughter. I congratulated him. When he asked, I simply said that we don't have children yet. The cashier asked "when do you plan to start trying?"

I REALLY wanted to say? Well, bitch - what's your definition of "trying"? Having sex? Yep, we're doing that. Having my husband jab injections of hormones into my ass? Yep, that too. Having surgery on your ovaries just so you can actually ovulate? Yeah, done that.

So, yes - we are trying. Thanks for bringing it up.

(I just smiled and said "it's on God's time."

abbyj700 · November 2014

pinkrevenge said:

abbyj700 said:

People are awful.

Saturday night I had to explain to three different women that we don't plan to have any children. And they were just mortified. It went as far as them explaining that I would be lonely if my husband dies and I have no children to take care of me. Because ya know...having spawned at some point in my life would make it easier to lose my life partner...

I get it, you'd be nothing without your kids. You'd be bored, unhappy, feel unfulfilled, have no significance, meaning or path in your life. But guess what? Some of us aren't you.

Not your problem their lives are so empty. Whose fault is that?

And the husband thing is appalling. Depending who they were, I might have asked them what if you have a kid and it dies of SIDS and then your husband dies of a heart attack from the grief, and the dog, like, eats the lillies from your husband's funeral and your mom gets in a fatal car accident on her way over to comfort you and then she's not there to make sure your dad takes his medication and he has a stroke? WHAT THEN?????

Grief-trolling is fun!

The husband thing really irked me. And continues to. Almost to the point of me wanting to head to facebook and politely explain to the masses that my uterus is no longer up for discussion. And that yes, when my husband dies I will be sad and lonely. Because ya know, that's what people do when their spouse is gone - regardless of children or no children.

sarahufl · November 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

NWR, but this pissed me off. I was at the grocery store and the man in front of me was buying flowers for his wife who had just given birth to their daughter. I congratulated him. When he asked, I simply said that we don't have children yet. The cashier asked "when do you plan to start trying?"

I REALLY wanted to say? Well, bitch - what's your definition of "trying"? Having sex? Yep, we're doing that. Having my husband jab injections of hormones into my ass? Yep, that too. Having surgery on your ovaries just so you can actually ovulate? Yeah, done that.

So, yes - we are trying. Thanks for bringing it up.

(I just smiled and said "it's on God's time."

My policy on stuff like this is to make them uncomfortable. It is not a CASHIER'S business to ask you about your family planning. I would actually say "That is a personal question and is not your business to ask me. You should be more sensitive to the fact that not everybody is ready or able to have children"

No way would I have let that slide.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

princessleia22 · November 2014

smichek said:

Yessss people ask us ALL THE FUCKING TIME when we're having a baby and my response is always "let me push one out RIGHT NOW, it's a great party trick!"

And any time I get frustrated with my students or I'm sad or even really happy at work, without fail one of my students says "Mrs. Smichek must be pregnant! She's so hormonal today!"

People don't know it, but it really upset me when people ask/say that stuff because H went through full body radiation when he had cancer and we don't know if we can conceive.

DH had radiation & chemo for colon cancer several years ago and was told that there's a high likelihood that he would be sterile, since it was focused in that vicinity. He's never been tested, but we are looking into getting him tested just to know. Plus, if he is sterile, that would could affect my BC choices. I also have some major back problems and pregnancy would cause me extreme pain, if not longer lasting consequences.

We don't want/plan to have kids, but what if we did? There are a lot of people out there that want kids that aren't able to for various reasons or that have difficulty conceiving. Or that are devastated by miscarriages. It can be a very sensitive subject that is usually wrapped in a lot of emotion for those that have problems. Why don't people realize that?

And even for people like me, I do sometimes get crap from people when I say we don't want kids (luckily our parents are understanding of it). Well, that's our choice... and honestly, I sometimes wonder how much the health issues subconsciously played into that choice. I have on occasion, if people get really annoying about "why don't you want kids", just flat out said that my back can't carry a kid and his penis is broken... oh, and we like our careers and money. It always makes them feel like crap for asking, and I'm sure they won't ask anyone (or at least me) again.

But, people need to learn to stay out of other people's vaginas. It really is a very rude question, wrapped in person choice and a lot of emotion, and can lead to some hurt feelings. People need to learn some tact.

holyguacamole79 · November 2014

@sarahufl‌ , @pinkrevenge‌ - I was honestly in a rush and really didn't feel like going on a tirade. I ended up calling the grocery store and telling a manager. The manager was very apologetic and understanding. I told her that the cashier is just lucky I didn't have a meltdown, because I know several women who would have.

sarahufl · November 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

@sarahufl‌ , @pinkrevenge‌ - I was honestly in a rush and really didn't feel like going on a tirade. I ended up calling the grocery store and telling a manager. The manager was very apologetic and understanding. I told her that the cashier is just lucky I didn't have a meltdown, because I know several women who would have.

Good for you for reporting her! I know people mean well, which is what makes it so difficult. I am sure she thought she was making polite conversation, but it really is none of her business. I hope things get better for you!

holyguacamole79 · November 2014

sarahufl said:

holyguacamole79 said:

@sarahufl‌ , @pinkrevenge‌ - I was honestly in a rush and really didn't feel like going on a tirade. I ended up calling the grocery store and telling a manager. The manager was very apologetic and understanding. I told her that the cashier is just lucky I didn't have a meltdown, because I know several women who would have.

Good for you for reporting her! I know people mean well, which is what makes it so difficult. I am sure she thought she was making polite conversation, but it really is none of her business. I hope things get better for you!

Thanks. And I told the manager that I wasn't necessity angry, but it was awkward and it could have been much worse. I know she meant well, and I just don't want her to say that yo the wrong person at the wrong time. I've had several fertility related meltdowns, and I'm glad I was in a good mood when this happened.

shanliann · November 2014

I hear it all the time from my sister in law. I have 4 sister in laws, just one of them!!

We never see her except for holidays and last year and Thanksgiving she came up to me and started rubbing my stomach and said why aren't you pregnant yet, I'm not getting any younger.

I literally stood there speechless and sort of smiled. She said it again and I managed to get out, "what about your brother he is 50% of the process" so she started harassing him.

Ever since then every birthday or anniversary she posts on facebook something like "happy birthday when you are guys gonna give me a niece or nephew"

She did that on our anniversary she commented "where is my niece or nephew" so my hubby commented back something along the lines of, "you have a niece that lives in .... another niece in..... 2 newphews in ..... " etc.

Did she get the hint? nope. This woman barely knows me, How does she even know we want to have kids or that I am able to have kids? at this point of being married 2 years how does she know we haven't been trying? Ugh, manners lady!!!!!!!!

carrie0924 · November 2014

I definitely don't understand why so many people think it's their business. PPs covered the bases of "It can be painful to those who are having difficulty conceiving" to "We just don't want 'em for whatever personal reason that doesn't fucking concern you." I've had exactly one brush with the pregnancy pressure... 3 years into dating my FI, his friend's mother asked me about children. We weren't even engaged yet, and certainly weren't discussing children as anything but a distant future possibility. And as a friend's mother, she doesn't even have a stake in any potential children as grandchildren. I responded that I don't currently have a desire to have children, and she told me that I was selfish! I'm selfish!? For not wanting to bring a child into this world before I'm ready!?!? If I got pregnant, we would absolutely embrace parenthood and love it and raise it and it would be fine. But we want to actually want children before we have them. The logic of having children for the sole reason that not having children is selfish is beyond me.

firebabe6519 · November 2014

carrie0924 said:
I definitely don't understand why so many people think it's their business. PPs covered the bases of "It can be painful to those who are having difficulty conceiving" to "We just don't want 'em for whatever personal reason that doesn't fucking concern you." I've had exactly one brush with the pregnancy pressure... 3 years into dating my FI, his friend's mother asked me about children. We weren't even engaged yet, and certainly weren't discussing children as anything but a distant future possibility. And as a friend's mother, she doesn't even have a stake in any potential children as grandchildren. I responded that I don't currently have a desire to have children, and she told me that I was selfish! I'm selfish!? For not wanting to bring a child into this world before I'm ready!?!? If I got pregnant, we would absolutely embrace parenthood and love it and raise it and it would be fine. But we want to actually want children before we have them. The logic of having children for the sole reason that not having children is selfish is beyond me.

That makes no sense whatsoever. How could she think it was selfish to not want to have a kid you weren't ready for?

If anything it can be considered selfish to birth a child when there are millions of abused, homeless, orphaned, and unwanted children already out there in need of a loving family.

AlexisA01 · November 2014

holyguacamole79 said:

@AlexisA01‌, I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Hang in there. ((Hug))

Thank you so much @holyguacamole79 and @bethsmiles!

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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