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step mom's and programs - help

christinalyateschristinalyates member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance had a really hard time dealing with her mom's death and now that we are getting married she does not want her step mom on the program. Quote "She's not my mom." I know what etiquette would say but really I just want my fiance to be happy. How do I list her dad and late mom without making it painfully obvious her step mom was left off? Can't do Mr. and Mrs...
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Re: step mom's and programs - help

  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    It will be painfully obvious that, on purpose, you omitted her fathers wife. And yes, her father and stepmother are Mr and Mrs X. That's their title. Her mother can still, and should, be on the program, but her stepmom should also be on there. While she may not be important to her, she's obviously important to her Dad. He married her. And it would be extremely disrespectful to her fathers marriage to omit her as she does not exist.

    It should read:
    Bride's Parents
    Mr and Mrs X
    The Late Mrs X

    Good luck, sounds like a tough situation to be in :(

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Could you just skip the programs? They're not necessary.
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  • redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    My fiancee's father is also deceased, his mother is newly remarried and my fiancee barely knows his stepfather, but we knew we had to put him in there. My parents are divorced and both remarried too - so it will be a very long list!

    I'm thinking that our program will read:

    The bride and groom would like to recognize their families for their love and support:
    Mr. X father of the bride
    Mrs. X stepmother of the bride
    Mrs. Y mother of the bride
    Mr. Y stepfather of the bride

    Mrs. Z mother of the groom
    Mr. Z stepfather of the groom
    The Late Mr. Z father of the groom

    I'm now just trying to decide if we should add our siblings too. We don't have a formal wedding party, so there is nowhere else on the program where they would be listed. I have 5 siblings and he has 2... so again, the list is long!
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    redheadbride15 said:
    My fiancee's father is also deceased, his mother is newly remarried and my fiancee barely knows his stepfather, but we knew we had to put him in there. My parents are divorced and both remarried too - so it will be a very long list!

    I'm thinking that our program will read:

    The bride and groom would like to recognize their families for their love and support:
    Mr. X father of the bride
    Mrs. X stepmother of the bride
    Mrs. Y mother of the bride
    Mr. Y stepfather of the bride

    Mrs. Z mother of the groom
    Mr. Z stepfather of the groom
    The Late Mr. Z father of the groom

    I'm now just trying to decide if we should add our siblings too. We don't have a formal wedding party, so there is nowhere else on the program where they would be listed. I have 5 siblings and he has 2... so again, the list is long!
    There's no need to list siblings. It's not a playbill.
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    We didn't have programs because of complexities like this.

    DH's dad is married - but by no means would we call his wife a step mom in the way that his step dad literally raised him. DH had only met his step mother twice before our marriage and hasn't seen her in the better part of 10+ years beforehand. 

    So we avoided drama by not having a program. 

    That being said we got a corsage for SMIL and included her in photographs. While MIL and SMIL have NEVER got along - our wedding (coupled with how inclusive we were of SMIL)  made them burry the hatchet. SMIL hugged MIL - commenting to her what a wonderful son she had raised and how lucky she was to be so included on his special day. 

    Being polite will go a long way and can impact people more than you realize. Remember that as you make decisions regarding your wedding and family members/ parents spouses.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Although programs aren't required, I won't go so far as to suggest that you skip them just to avoid listing your fiancee's stepmother.

    Even if she doesn't consider her to be her "parent," she needs to be listed as her father's spouse.  Just like she and you want your marriage to be recognized by all, it's not appropriate to recognize her father without his spouse if he is married.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I never understand why people put whole family trees in the program.
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I like a program to be an actual program. Just tell me what's happening. I'm fine if it just says "processional", but if you want to list the people in the processional, then that's fine too. Is your stepmother in the processional? If so, list her. If not, you can just list all the other people, and lastly have "Jane Doe, escorted by her father John Doe" or something along those lines.

    It just seems so random and useless to me to just list a bunch of people. Who really cares? Either everyone knows who everyone is, everyone can figure it out, or everyone couldn't care less. Oh, your 3rd bridesmaid is Suzy Smith? Thank goodness I know that now! Your stepmother's name is Joan Jones? Phew. I never would have made it through the day without knowing that! 
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