Girlfriend Not Invited to T-Day

banana468 · November 2014

Or he's a spineless doormat who can't tell family no.

ashley8918 · November 2014

danamw said:

Okay, this letter to Dear Abby has been on my mind and now I know why. I posted before that there was too much left out of the letter, but now I know why it was still bugging me.
This guy wants to dump this girl. The letter doesn't say she was told by anyone but him, that she wasn't invited. She invites him to her family T-giving, but he says no, I am going to my family's party, my sister is paying, you aren't invited. He gets to blame his sister, hey, he's innocent.
They had a nice time with her family last year but since then, he has cooled off. Logically, if anyone is cooling off of their SO, they better not spend a holiday with them and their family.
"Of course I love you sweetheart! I can't come to your Thanksgiving party this year, my family is having a thing! You are not invited! What can I do? My sister is a bitch!'
I wish we could find out more. But this explanation feels right to me.

...That's a really weird conclusion to jump to.

luckya23 · November 2014

LakeR2014 said:

blabla89 said:

I guess I have a UO here...

In my family boyfriends/girlfriends
aren't invited for the holidays, and none of them have gotten bent out
of shape about it. Until FI and I got engaged, I would never even ask to
bring an SO to Thanksgiving dinner. Holidays for us are strictly
family; that's just the way our family operates. Every family is
different. Maybe his sister wanted to host an intimate family dinner for
just the parents and siblings. I personally think that's reasonable. If
it was a big event where everyone was invited except for the writer,
then yeah, that would be shitty - but we don't know that from the
letter.

I will say, the way she threw in that her bf's
sister is rich kind of rubbed me the wrong way, like because they have
the money she is entitled to dinner on their dime.

@blabla89 So you simply don't spend the holidays with your SO? Aren't they your nearest and dearest? When my now DH and I started dating the first major holiday was approximately 4 months after - even then it wasn't an option for us to be apart on that day. It's a day to give thanks for all you had - you bet your a$$ we were thankful for our families and each other and wanted to spend that time together sharing in that joy. I just don't understand how, on the biggest days/holidays of the year, you'd want to spend it away from someone who is supposedly so important to you.

I REALLY take issue with your use of "supposedly so important to you" (can't bold on mobile).
I haven't spent a holiday yet with my FI and he isn't less important than any boyfriends who have shown up to my family's stuff or dragged me to theirs!
I can be thankful and joyful with him every day, and I don't need to see him on holidays. I've felt bad that he has had to work and didn't get holidays last year, but circumstances other than work this year mean I have to stay home while he visits his family, and I don't feel badly about that. If I held him back from visiting his family because I had a NEED to see him on one specific day when I get him to myself all year, I would feel like a selfish brat.

And for what it's worth, if I could retrieve all of the time I wasted on my different 4 months old "most important people in the world" I totally would.

dcbride86 · November 2014

LakeR2014 said:

blabla89 said:

I guess I have a UO here...

In my family boyfriends/girlfriends aren't invited for the holidays, and none of them have gotten bent out of shape about it. Until FI and I got engaged, I would never even ask to bring an SO to Thanksgiving dinner. Holidays for us are strictly family; that's just the way our family operates. Every family is different. Maybe his sister wanted to host an intimate family dinner for just the parents and siblings. I personally think that's reasonable. If it was a big event where everyone was invited except for the writer, then yeah, that would be shitty - but we don't know that from the letter.

I will say, the way she threw in that her bf's sister is rich kind of rubbed me the wrong way, like because they have the money she is entitled to dinner on their dime.

@blabla89 So you simply don't spend the holidays with your SO? Aren't they your nearest and dearest? When my now DH and I started dating the first major holiday was approximately 4 months after - even then it wasn't an option for us to be apart on that day. It's a day to give thanks for all you had - you bet your a$$ we were thankful for our families and each other and wanted to spend that time together sharing in that joy. I just don't understand how, on the biggest days/holidays of the year, you'd want to spend it away from someone who is supposedly so important to you.

@LakeR2014 - I have yet to spend a holiday with my FI. Yes, he is my nearest and dearest, and he is invited to my family's and I'm invited to his. But we decided we wanted to spend the holidays with our families until we get married, and his family is 3.5 hours away, so it's impossible to do both in one day.

Maybe I'm totally interpreting your post wrong (very possible - it's so early and I had to wake up at 4:30 am for work - ugh), but to me it seemed like you're saying it's negative for SOs to not spend the holidays together. I mean, ideally, I'd be able to spend it with him, his family, and my family. But that simply can't happen - so one last year holiday with my family sounds amazing before I go to gis for Christmas every year

LakeR2014 · November 2014

dcbride86 said:

LakeR2014 said:

blabla89 said:

I guess I have a UO here...

In my family boyfriends/girlfriends aren't invited for the holidays, and none of them have gotten bent out of shape about it. Until FI and I got engaged, I would never even ask to bring an SO to Thanksgiving dinner. Holidays for us are strictly family; that's just the way our family operates. Every family is different. Maybe his sister wanted to host an intimate family dinner for just the parents and siblings. I personally think that's reasonable. If it was a big event where everyone was invited except for the writer, then yeah, that would be shitty - but we don't know that from the letter.

I will say, the way she threw in that her bf's sister is rich kind of rubbed me the wrong way, like because they have the money she is entitled to dinner on their dime.

@blabla89 So you simply don't spend the holidays with your SO? Aren't they your nearest and dearest? When my now DH and I started dating the first major holiday was approximately 4 months after - even then it wasn't an option for us to be apart on that day. It's a day to give thanks for all you had - you bet your a$$ we were thankful for our families and each other and wanted to spend that time together sharing in that joy. I just don't understand how, on the biggest days/holidays of the year, you'd want to spend it away from someone who is supposedly so important to you.

@LakeR2014 - I have yet to spend a holiday with my FI. Yes, he is my nearest and dearest, and he is invited to my family's and I'm invited to his. But we decided we wanted to spend the holidays with our families until we get married, and his family is 3.5 hours away, so it's impossible to do both in one day.
Maybe I'm totally interpreting your post wrong (very possible - it's so early and I had to wake up at 4:30 am for work - ugh), but to me it seemed like you're saying it's negative for SOs to not spend the holidays together. I mean, ideally, I'd be able to spend it with him, his family, and my family. But that simply can't happen - so one last year holiday with my family sounds amazing before I go to gis for Christmas every year

@DCbride86 & @luckya23 Sorry for making it sound harsh and not the way I meant. My main thought in response to the previous poster was her saying that the SO was specifically NOT invited to her family's holiday events, not that they chose not to go. I can completely understand deciding to spend it apart from each other for whatever reason tradition, work, schedules, etc. Completely understandable. What I was mainly addressing (and poorly at it, I admit) was the idea that her SO was specifically not invited at all to the family events. That I just can't get behind.

blabla89 · November 2014

LakeR2014 said:

dcbride86 said:

LakeR2014 said:

blabla89 said:

I guess I have a UO here...

In my family boyfriends/girlfriends aren't invited for the holidays, and none of them have gotten bent out of shape about it. Until FI and I got engaged, I would never even ask to bring an SO to Thanksgiving dinner. Holidays for us are strictly family; that's just the way our family operates. Every family is different. Maybe his sister wanted to host an intimate family dinner for just the parents and siblings. I personally think that's reasonable. If it was a big event where everyone was invited except for the writer, then yeah, that would be shitty - but we don't know that from the letter.

I will say, the way she threw in that her bf's sister is rich kind of rubbed me the wrong way, like because they have the money she is entitled to dinner on their dime.

@blabla89 So you simply don't spend the holidays with your SO? Aren't they your nearest and dearest? When my now DH and I started dating the first major holiday was approximately 4 months after - even then it wasn't an option for us to be apart on that day. It's a day to give thanks for all you had - you bet your a$$ we were thankful for our families and each other and wanted to spend that time together sharing in that joy. I just don't understand how, on the biggest days/holidays of the year, you'd want to spend it away from someone who is supposedly so important to you.

@LakeR2014 - I have yet to spend a holiday with my FI. Yes, he is my nearest and dearest, and he is invited to my family's and I'm invited to his. But we decided we wanted to spend the holidays with our families until we get married, and his family is 3.5 hours away, so it's impossible to do both in one day.
Maybe I'm totally interpreting your post wrong (very possible - it's so early and I had to wake up at 4:30 am for work - ugh), but to me it seemed like you're saying it's negative for SOs to not spend the holidays together. I mean, ideally, I'd be able to spend it with him, his family, and my family. But that simply can't happen - so one last year holiday with my family sounds amazing before I go to gis for Christmas every year

@DCbride86 & @luckya23 Sorry for making it sound harsh and not the way I meant. My main thought in response to the previous poster was her saying that the SO was specifically NOT invited to her family's holiday events, not that they chose not to go. I can completely understand deciding to spend it apart from each other for whatever reason tradition, work, schedules, etc. Completely understandable. What I was mainly addressing (and poorly at it, I admit) was the idea that her SO was specifically not invited at all to the family events. That I just can't get behind.

Sounds like you misunderstood my post. I've neverhad anyone tell my SO "you are NOT invited" (and in fact they have been invited to many family functions, besides Thanksgiving and Christmas), it's more like, my family does our thing and SO's family does theirs.

LakeR2014 · November 2014

blabla89 said:

LakeR2014 said:

dcbride86 said:

LakeR2014 said:

blabla89 said:

I guess I have a UO here...

In my family boyfriends/girlfriends aren't invited for the holidays, and none of them have gotten bent out of shape about it. Until FI and I got engaged, I would never even ask to bring an SO to Thanksgiving dinner. Holidays for us are strictly family; that's just the way our family operates. Every family is different. Maybe his sister wanted to host an intimate family dinner for just the parents and siblings. I personally think that's reasonable. If it was a big event where everyone was invited except for the writer, then yeah, that would be shitty - but we don't know that from the letter.

I will say, the way she threw in that her bf's sister is rich kind of rubbed me the wrong way, like because they have the money she is entitled to dinner on their dime.

@blabla89 So you simply don't spend the holidays with your SO? Aren't they your nearest and dearest? When my now DH and I started dating the first major holiday was approximately 4 months after - even then it wasn't an option for us to be apart on that day. It's a day to give thanks for all you had - you bet your a$$ we were thankful for our families and each other and wanted to spend that time together sharing in that joy. I just don't understand how, on the biggest days/holidays of the year, you'd want to spend it away from someone who is supposedly so important to you.

@LakeR2014 - I have yet to spend a holiday with my FI. Yes, he is my nearest and dearest, and he is invited to my family's and I'm invited to his. But we decided we wanted to spend the holidays with our families until we get married, and his family is 3.5 hours away, so it's impossible to do both in one day.
Maybe I'm totally interpreting your post wrong (very possible - it's so early and I had to wake up at 4:30 am for work - ugh), but to me it seemed like you're saying it's negative for SOs to not spend the holidays together. I mean, ideally, I'd be able to spend it with him, his family, and my family. But that simply can't happen - so one last year holiday with my family sounds amazing before I go to gis for Christmas every year

@DCbride86 & @luckya23 Sorry for making it sound harsh and not the way I meant. My main thought in response to the previous poster was her saying that the SO was specifically NOT invited to her family's holiday events, not that they chose not to go. I can completely understand deciding to spend it apart from each other for whatever reason tradition, work, schedules, etc. Completely understandable. What I was mainly addressing (and poorly at it, I admit) was the idea that her SO was specifically not invited at all to the family events. That I just can't get behind.

Sounds like you misunderstood my post. I've neverhad anyone tell my SO "you are NOT invited" (and in fact they have been invited to many family functions, besides Thanksgiving and Christmas), it's more like, my family does our thing and SO's family does theirs.

@blabla89 Sorry, I misunderstood, I got that idea from your statement:

blabla89 said:

I guess I have a UO here...

In my family boyfriends/girlfriends aren't invited for the holidays,

lovegood90 · November 2014

danamw said:

Okay, this letter to Dear Abby has been on my mind and now I know why. I posted before that there was too much left out of the letter, but now I know why it was still bugging me.
This guy wants to dump this girl. The letter doesn't say she was told by anyone but him, that she wasn't invited. She invites him to her family T-giving, but he says no, I am going to my family's party, my sister is paying, you aren't invited. He gets to blame his sister, hey, he's innocent.
They had a nice time with her family last year but since then, he has cooled off. Logically, if anyone is cooling off of their SO, they better not spend a holiday with them and their family.
"Of course I love you sweetheart! I can't come to your Thanksgiving party this year, my family is having a thing! You are not invited! What can I do? My sister is a bitch!'
I wish we could find out more. But this explanation feels right to me.

Um, you literally just pulled that story out of thin air. It has nothing to do with anything...

VulgarGirl · November 2014

danamw said:

Okay, this letter to Dear Abby has been on my mind and now I know why. I posted before that there was too much left out of the letter, but now I know why it was still bugging me.
This guy wants to dump this girl. The letter doesn't say she was told by anyone but him, that she wasn't invited. She invites him to her family T-giving, but he says no, I am going to my family's party, my sister is paying, you aren't invited. He gets to blame his sister, hey, he's innocent.
They had a nice time with her family last year but since then, he has cooled off. Logically, if anyone is cooling off of their SO, they better not spend a holiday with them and their family.
"Of course I love you sweetheart! I can't come to your Thanksgiving party this year, my family is having a thing! You are not invited! What can I do? My sister is a bitch!'
I wish we could find out more. But this explanation feels right to me.

levioosa · November 2014

MagicInk said:

danamw said:

Okay, this letter to Dear Abby has been on my mind and now I know why. I posted before that there was too much left out of the letter, but now I know why it was still bugging me.
This guy wants to dump this girl. The letter doesn't say she was told by anyone but him, that she wasn't invited. She invites him to her family T-giving, but he says no, I am going to my family's party, my sister is paying, you aren't invited. He gets to blame his sister, hey, he's innocent.
They had a nice time with her family last year but since then, he has cooled off. Logically, if anyone is cooling off of their SO, they better not spend a holiday with them and their family.
"Of course I love you sweetheart! I can't come to your Thanksgiving party this year, my family is having a thing! You are not invited! What can I do? My sister is a bitch!'
I wish we could find out more. But this explanation feels right to me.

Yeah, nothing she posts makes sense.

I can literally think of ten different scenarios that might have happened before this one even comes close to being in mind.

teddygirl9 · November 2014

Sometimes I wish my BFs family was like this haha. They invite me to literally EVERYTHING and I feel so bad when I can't go

danamw · December 2014

levioosa said:

MagicInk said:

danamw said:

Okay, this letter to Dear Abby has been on my mind and now I know why. I posted before that there was too much left out of the letter, but now I know why it was still bugging me.
This guy wants to dump this girl. The letter doesn't say she was told by anyone but him, that she wasn't invited. She invites him to her family T-giving, but he says no, I am going to my family's party, my sister is paying, you aren't invited. He gets to blame his sister, hey, he's innocent.
They had a nice time with her family last year but since then, he has cooled off. Logically, if anyone is cooling off of their SO, they better not spend a holiday with them and their family.
"Of course I love you sweetheart! I can't come to your Thanksgiving party this year, my family is having a thing! You are not invited! What can I do? My sister is a bitch!'
I wish we could find out more. But this explanation feels right to me.

Yeah, nothing she posts makes sense.

I can literally think of ten different scenarios that might have happened before this one even comes close to being in mind.

What is so weird about a guy wanting to break up with his girlfriend?? And avoiding her while dragging it out?

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