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loveislouder
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Telling a Friend They're Making a HUGE Mistake - UPDATE
I dated a guy for 6 years. We started dating when we were really young, and we were better off as friends, and we've remained friends ever since.
Right after we broke up, he started being stalked by his roommates girlfriend. She threatened to rape and kill him in his sleep. One night he woke up to her standing over him with a knife so he moved out. I'd always had a bad feeling about her, as she admitted to falsely accusing 3 men of rape. In short, this girl is a few quarters short of a dollar, if you catch my drift.
Well... fast forward to now (3 years later) and they started dating 2 weeks ago, and now he's moving in with her. I feel sick about it. How could you move in with someone that threatened to kill you.
I know he's an adult and can make his own decisions, but I'm actually worried about him and his safety.
So do I:
A) Tell him she's bloody f*cking nuts.
Tell him I think he's making a horrible mistake; or
C) Stay out of it.
Thanks guys!
UPDATE!
He asked me what I thought, I said lets meet for coffee and talk about it. That was returned with a: "Hi, this is his GIRLFRIEND. He will no longer be speaking to you. It's a little pathetic that you're trying to steal MY MAN from right under my nose. Not going to happen, slut. Contact him again and we'll be going to the police" So I guess there's nothing else to do, right? Hopefully he's okay.
Right after we broke up, he started being stalked by his roommates girlfriend. She threatened to rape and kill him in his sleep. One night he woke up to her standing over him with a knife so he moved out. I'd always had a bad feeling about her, as she admitted to falsely accusing 3 men of rape. In short, this girl is a few quarters short of a dollar, if you catch my drift.
Well... fast forward to now (3 years later) and they started dating 2 weeks ago, and now he's moving in with her. I feel sick about it. How could you move in with someone that threatened to kill you.
I know he's an adult and can make his own decisions, but I'm actually worried about him and his safety.
So do I:
A) Tell him she's bloody f*cking nuts.
Tell him I think he's making a horrible mistake; orC) Stay out of it.
Thanks guys!
UPDATE!
He asked me what I thought, I said lets meet for coffee and talk about it. That was returned with a: "Hi, this is his GIRLFRIEND. He will no longer be speaking to you. It's a little pathetic that you're trying to steal MY MAN from right under my nose. Not going to happen, slut. Contact him again and we'll be going to the police" So I guess there's nothing else to do, right? Hopefully he's okay.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Telling a Friend They're Making a HUGE Mistake - UPDATE
Oh dear god! When I first saw the subject line, I clicked on it to say, "You don't." Because everytime I've tried to tell a friend they were making a terrible mistake, it backfired.
BUT! None of my friends have ever dated something this f*cking insane. I mean..... !!!!!! I have no words. Except I'm sorry.
Is something else going on in his life that might have led him to make this terrible terrible decision? Like, everyone in his immediate family just died? He was just diagnosed with a major mental illness? He just lost his life savings to a gambling addiction? People who make decisions this terrible usually have their own mess going on in their heads. Maybe that's how you deal with it. Try to figure out what it is that would have led him down this terrible path.
I mean, wow.
I would stay out of this one. He knows how crazy she is, so this is kind of a "make your bed and lie in it" situation IMO.
Maybe just check in with him every so often? Ya know, make sure BSC hasn't gone off the deep end.
You don't need to tell him anything he clearly already knows. Whether you want to remain friends with someone making that choice is up to you but he has all the info already.
Two stories that lead me to that conclusion:
1. The psycho dude I dated who beat the crap out of me, threatened to kill me multiple times, then actually tried to strangle me to death started dating an acquaintance of mine. She KNEW he had done all this shit to me, but for some reason thought he wouldn't do it to her. He was known to have violent behavior, from the time he was little. When I tried to warn her that he might end up physically hurting her, she ran around telling everyone that I was a "jealous bitch" and was just trying to break them up. She even told the psycho guy, who of course went on a tirade about what a "liar" I was, and that I was just jealous and didn't want them to be together and blah blah blah, every viscous nasty way to twist my warning around, so it all fell back on me and she kept dating him.
2. My best friend in high school was in a really tumultuous dramatic relationship. They would get in these huge screaming fights and break up pretty much every week, and then get back together. Then he cheated on her. She kept asking me for advice, and I kept telling her to dump him because she seemed so miserable and they were constantly fighting. Well, she dumped ME instead. She ended up not liking my advice, and knew by then that I didn't "approve" of their relationship, so she cut me out of her life. Then she married him. Now they have a baby. I have no idea if their relationship ever got better or if they're still just miserable, cuz to this day she won't even talk to me.
So. If you mention it to him, it could all fall back on your OR he could choose to cut you out of his life. If you keep your mouth shut, you can stay in his good graces and then be there to try and help him/advise him when this all goes south.
But this is just my opinion.
Im not even FB friends with the guy who did that to me. Something must be wrong here. I don't know what advice to give, though.
I think I'll wait til he asks me what I think and then let him know why I think what I think.
I'm the fuck out.
Formerly martha1818