Telling a Friend They're Making a HUGE Mistake - UPDATE

sarahufl · November 2014

Did he see that message? I would contact him anyway. What exactly is she going to take to the police?

Maggie0829 · November 2014

steph861 · November 2014

At this point, you should be worrying about your own safety. She isn't rational, she's already lashing out at you, and she has a history of violence.

He knows what he's gotten himself into - I don't think anything you say will change his mind. What it could do is send her off the deep end when it gets back to her (which it almost certainly will). Seriously, take care of yourself.

LakeR2014 · November 2014

@loveislouder My first reaction to your update was "She got to the email before he did, knew you'd nay-say their relationship, so threw that back at you first and deleted your email to him so he wouldn't see and wouldn't be connected by you."

I'd do one of two things:

1) Stay the F-out of it. He put himself in this trap and it's up to him to get himself out of it.

2) (and most likely the one I'd do because I'm a glutton for punishment) Contact him by a different way, one you know she'd have no possibility of having, say his work email or work phone and just say you got the email from so-and-so and if that's how he feels, you're fine with it and hope he does well and has a great life.

My bet is - he has no idea you responded and she likely has you blocked from his email.

ETA - On second thought - she's F*cking nuts! Stay far away from them/her.

loveislouder · November 2014

mikenberger said:

Are there only two women to date where you live and you're not available so she's the only one left? Holy fuck. She's crazy but at least her crazy is on display. He's apparently nuts as well.

Actually... after we broke up he called me (completely sober) because he'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk. He ended the conversation with "You know what? You're absolutely perfect. I need to a find a girlfriend who is JUST like you."

esstee33 · November 2014

I would love to be listening in on that call to the police. Heh.

"Yes, officer? This chick is trying to get all up on my man. Pls help."

novella1186 · November 2014

loveislouder said:

mikenberger said:

Are there only two women to date where you live and you're not available so she's the only one left? Holy fuck. She's crazy but at least her crazy is on display. He's apparently nuts as well.

Actually... after we broke up he called me (completely sober) because he'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk. He ended the conversation with "You know what? You're absolutely perfect. I need to a find a girlfriend who is JUST like you."

He clearly failed.

loveislouder · November 2014

novella1186 said:

loveislouder said:

mikenberger said:

Are there only two women to date where you live and you're not available so she's the only one left? Holy fuck. She's crazy but at least her crazy is on display. He's apparently nuts as well.

Actually... after we broke up he called me (completely sober) because he'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk. He ended the conversation with "You know what? You're absolutely perfect. I need to a find a girlfriend who is JUST like you."

He clearly failed.

Lol sure did. Because I'm awesome and this girl is ... something else.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

I see this scenario come up frequently on series on ID TV and you know what happens. . . BSC Lady ends up killing just about everybody!!! I'm not kidding.

Just stay out of it, especially now that BSC Lady intercepted your email or text and then contacted you. Seriously, as harsh as this sounds, your friend is an adult who WILLINGLY entered into a relationship with a woman who stalked him, threatened to rape and kill him in his sleep, and menaced him with a knife. I don't think there is anything you could possibly say to bring his ass back to rational thought and reality when he so clearly chose to leave it all behind when he CHOSE to date this chick! I can't even fathom this. Maybe if I was a clinical or criminal psychologist I could wrap my head around it.

Instead of you being able to help your friend get out of this relationship the greater likelihood is that BSC Lady will train her eyes on you and come after you in some way. . . you are already on her radar. Save that text/email. Document everything in case something happens to your friend or BSC Lady comes after you.

hellohkb · November 2014

LakeR2014 said:

@loveislouder My first reaction to your update was "She got to the email before he did, knew you'd nay-say their relationship, so threw that back at you first and deleted your email to him so he wouldn't see and wouldn't be connected by you."

I'd do one of two things:

1) Stay the F-out of it. He put himself in this trap and it's up to him to get himself out of it.

2) (and most likely the one I'd do because I'm a glutton for punishment) Contact him by a different way, one you know she'd have no possibility of having, say his work email or work phone and just say you got the email from so-and-so and if that's how he feels, you're fine with it and hope he does well and has a great life.

My bet is - he has no idea you responded and she likely has you blocked from his email.

ETA - On second thought - she's F*cking nuts! Stay far away from them/her.

I second this, is there another way to contact him? This sounds absolutely batshit crazy and I would be worried for his safety.

AddieCake · November 2014

Stay out of it. It's a combination of juvenile and psycho, neither of which you need to be a part of. He knew what he was getting into when he started dating her, so worry about yourself and let him take care of his own adult self.

sarawifenow · November 2014

Dude this chick is crazy! I instantly thought of Pennsatucky from OITNB when I read your update.

teddygirl9 · November 2014

Did she call you back on her phone? To be honest, I'd probably make an obvious note to him about meeting for coffee again, where she would see it. Then hopefully she would call back, leave you a VM and you could meet with him and play it for him haha. I would def be checking in with him every so often though, she sounds super creepy.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

teddygirl9 said:

Did she call you back on her phone? To be honest, I'd probably make an obvious note to him about meeting for coffee again, where she would see it. Then hopefully she would call back, leave you a VM and you could meet with him and play it for him haha. I would def be checking in with him every so often though, she sounds super creepy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This chick threatened to rape and kill him in his sleep and then he woke up to her with a knife in his face. . . which wasn't a strong enough reason for him not to date her. . . and then you want OP to bait this legit psycho by calling the friend again?!

Are you insane too? ;-)

ShesSoCold · November 2014

I'd be willing to bet that the GF sent the original text/email/whatever to see what you would say.

doeydo · November 2014

I would be saving any and all correspondence from her and, if you can, talk to him and show him that she is indeed still a psycho-bitch (well, I wouldn't say that, but he should hopefully come to that conclusion for himself).

PrettyGirlLost · November 2014

Cause a log of conversations is waaaaay more psychotic than waking up at knife point. . .

beethery · November 2014

ShesSoCold said:

I'd be willing to bet that the GF sent the original text/email/whatever to see what you would say.

OOOOOH

princessofgenovia · November 2014

Oh that's just a whole mess of crazy. Just...just run.

jdluvr06 · November 2014

Do you have his work number? I would try to call him at work and see if he wants to meet up for lunch or coffee that same day just to make sure he is alright. I wouldn't push it beyond that though because this girl sounds crazy.

AddieCake · November 2014

I believe she sent the message to bait you. Eventually, if you leave him alone, he will contact you to ask what's up. I would then respond via a medium you KNOW it is to him you are speaking, and tell him why you dropped out of his life. When my husband was married before and we were just friends, his wife randomly emailed me to tell me to leave him alone. So I did b/c I didn't want to get involved in anyone's drama. A long time later, he found out what had happened. He needs to know she is doing this, but if you put yourself in the middle of it right now, you are asking for trouble. If the knife story is true, she is clearly a dangerous person, and you need to protect yourself rather than get involved in their drama, drama he knowingly put himself in.

teddygirl9 · November 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

teddygirl9 said:

Did she call you back on her phone? To be honest, I'd probably make an obvious note to him about meeting for coffee again, where she would see it. Then hopefully she would call back, leave you a VM and you could meet with him and play it for him haha. I would def be checking in with him every so often though, she sounds super creepy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This chick threatened to rape and kill him in his sleep and then he woke up to her with a knife in his face. . . which wasn't a strong enough reason for him not to date her. . . and then you want OP to bait this legit psycho by calling the friend again?!

Are you insane too? ;-)

Quite possibly, but this is one of less insane things I do! I'd rather have as much evidence against her, just in case anything were to happen. VM, messages, whatever. Gotta cover your ass.

raissyrais · November 2014

What the darn deuce. That woman is the devil.

lilacck28 · November 2014

holy. crapballs. This is so insane. Distance yourself. Protect yourself. Have hard and electronic copies of that text. Send them to parents/ friends so other people are aware of them.

If he ever contacts you (and you KNOW it is him) feel free to tell him that you think he is nuts, and is endangering himself, and has endangered you. And that you can not remain in contact with him while he is with crazypants, and to please be careful and maybe (definitely) see a counselor.

loro929 · November 2014

First...WTF?!?!

lilacck28 said:

holy. crapballs. This is so insane. Distance yourself. Protect yourself. Have hard and electronic copies of that text. Send them to parents/ friends so other people are aware of them.

If he ever contacts you (and you KNOW it is him) feel free to tell him that you think he is nuts, and is endangering himself, and has endangered you. And that you can not remain in contact with him while he is with crazypants, and to please be careful and maybe (definitely) see a counselor.

I think this is some great advice. Don't go out of your way to get any more involved - but if presented with the situation just be honest.

bride2b71614 · November 2014

Holy shitballs batman...this is all kinds of fucked up. While we might laugh at his GF's threat to go to the police, I think we should take it seriously. If she's gone to the police before to falsely report someone I would not underestimate her crazy. Were these reports filed within your county? Did the police take the accusations seriously? I would collect evidence against her before shit hits the fan.

PPs have suggested printing hard copies of the message. If she harasses you further, I would keep a log of this as well. I would also avoid posting anything else about this situation on social media. Hopefully she will get off the BSC train soon and leave you alone, but it's better to be prepared than not.

This is a horrible and very scary situation to be in. Please protect yourself first, and worry about your friend later.

Telling a Friend They're Making a HUGE Mistake - UPDATE

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