We're having a mid-sized destination wedding and I asked my future MIL for some names (mainly older people) for my fiance's side of the family that I am not too familiar with. She sent me names and addresses but included two of her step-daughters on the invite list. She recently got married and my fiance and I do not know them at all and frankly my fiance does not like the man his mother married, not to mention the fact his father passed away about 5 years ago, so he does not consider them family or even want them at the wedding. I haven't told this to my MIL, but when the invites go out and they are not on it I don't want this to be an awkward conversation. Basically what it comes down to is we don't want them at the wedding because it's an intimate destination wedding with close family and they are not it. What do I tell her if it comes up? Should I bring it up before invites go out???
Re: Destination guest list issues + family
And intimate and mid-sized are contradictory in size. Be prepared for some hurt feelings on this.
ETA: if you don't want to invite the stepsisters only, if they're minors living in the house with your FMIL, you need to invite them. If they're adults, you don't need to invite them. Once again, just be ready for some hurt feelings.
How old are the kids? Adults? I think if they are adults you can easily exclude them, but if they're teens or younger you may just have to reconsider. If kids cannot come, husband may have to stay home to watch them, and then you FMIL may be very upset...
Maybe you can get away with noting that your venue can only accommodate a tightly limited number of people and that you couldn't invite people you and your FI are close to-if it's true. Or you can try to meet them beforehand.
Either way, if you don't invite them, I think you might be in for some sticky times ahead. Best of luck!
If someone has a significant other (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, regardless of how long they have been together), they need to be invited together. So your MIL's new husband must be invited regardless of how your FI feels about him.
Is your MIL paying for the wedding at all? If she is then she gets a say in the guest list and you may have to include the stepdaughters. If she isn't then you don't have to invite them, but I'd expect there to be hurt feelings.
Formerly martha1818
But what i'm hearing from everyone is that this is going to be awkward and feelings are going to be hurt no matter what.
Hmm, well you're within etiquette to not invite them, but the only reason I think this may cause hurt feelings is:
- You're already inviting people you don't know well
- Your wedding is around 60 people, which isn't massive but I think you'd have better ground to stand on it your wedding was, say, under 20 people.
That being said, you're obviously within your rights to invite whoever you want as you're paying for the wedding and you aren't splitting up couples.
Formerly martha1818
Yes. This isn't even your problem to deal with. It's your fiance's mother, so he should be the one to tell her whatever.