Etiquette

Adult Only Reception Question

Okay, So my fiancé and I have decided that we would like to have an adult reception. (21 years and older preferably)
I have expressed this to family and friends that do have children already just kind of as a heads up and they're all 
perfectly fine with it. AWESOME! YAY! well here is my problem. All of my friends who are married already all had adult receptions
and have warned me that when we send out our invites even though it will say "Adult Only" some people will RSVP with their 
children included and some will call and ask if they can bring their children. How do you tell someone we would rather not 
have children there without hurting anyone's feelings??? 
BTW I love children and it's nothing against anyones kids its the fact my fiancé's family is HUGE and cutting out kids it opens up like 
30 or more seats (That's just counting first cousin's babies) like i said huge family. 
HELP! has anyone else run into this problem?
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Re: Adult Only Reception Question

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Okay, So my fiancé and I have decided that we would like to have an adult reception. (21 years and older preferably)
    I have expressed this to family and friends that do have children already just kind of as a heads up and they're all 
    perfectly fine with it. AWESOME! YAY! well here is my problem. All of my friends who are married already all had adult receptions
    and have warned me that when we send out our invites even though it will say "Adult Only" some people will RSVP with their 
    children included and some will call and ask if they can bring their children. How do you tell someone we would rather not 
    have children there without hurting anyone's feelings??? 
    BTW I love children and it's nothing against anyones kids its the fact my fiancé's family is HUGE and cutting out kids it opens up like 
    30 or more seats (That's just counting first cousin's babies) like i said huge family. 
    HELP! has anyone else run into this problem?


    JIC

     

    And I agree with @novella1186. Putting "adults only" anywhere is very rude.

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    novella1186PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you leave the names of kids off your invitation envelopes (which is the correct way to indicate that they're not invited) but someone RSVPs for them anyway, you tell them, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation is only for you (and your SO). We cannot accommodate anyone who's not listed on the invitation."
    esstee33Blue_Bird
  • Our wedding included one child - DH's daughter. When we addressed our invites - we wrote out each name specifically. Along with this each invitation was specific on how many seats were "reserved in your honor." We didn't have to call a single person to correct their RSVP. 

    DH's brother was upset about his children not being invited. But honestly, he was upset about tons of things not being what he wanted - so he didn't attend. He also didn't RSVP - so those who are going to be dicks about no kids probably won't be courteous enough to respond anyways. :-)
    novella1186weddingcactus
  • abbyj700 said:
    Our wedding included one child - DH's daughter. When we addressed our invites - we wrote out each name specifically. Along with this each invitation was specific on how many seats were "reserved in your honor." We didn't have to call a single person to correct their RSVP. 

    DH's brother was upset about his children not being invited. But honestly, he was upset about tons of things not being what he wanted - so he didn't attend. He also didn't RSVP - so those who are going to be dicks about no kids probably won't be courteous enough to respond anyways. :-)
    so on the RSVP cards we should state "2 seats reserved in your honor"? I was also told by others that I will just have people that will show up with their kids or with a guest even if they were not given a date! AHHH so stressful!!! I would NEVER do that to someone. crazy! thanks for the reply :) 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    abbyj700 said:

    Our wedding included one child - DH's daughter. When we addressed our invites - we wrote out each name specifically. Along with this each invitation was specific on how many seats were "reserved in your honor." We didn't have to call a single person to correct their RSVP. 

    DH's brother was upset about his children not being invited. But honestly, he was upset about tons of things not being what he wanted - so he didn't attend. He also didn't RSVP - so those who are going to be dicks about no kids probably won't be courteous enough to respond anyways. :-)

    so on the RSVP cards we should state "2 seats reserved in your honor"? I was also told by others that I will just have people that will show up with their kids or with a guest even if they were not given a date! AHHH so stressful!!! I would NEVER do that to someone. crazy! thanks for the reply :) 

    ------

    Its a badge of honor. Welcome to the club.
    novella1186
  • I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

    I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 
    weddingcactus
  • jenajjthr said:
    I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

    I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 
    I honestly didn't know that putting "adult wedding or reception" was a NO, NO. Honestly, every invite to wedding's lately have stated it on the invite. 
    I asked because I've been to weddings where its supposed to be adults only and there were kids. Actually last summer at my friends wedding 35 kids showed up. She was so stressed out and so upset people just showed up with their children even after being asked not to. The food almost ran out and there wasn't enough seats for the invited guests. 

    Btw can i ask what was stated on the invite about how you "should" dress?? I started that other thread about a formal wedding. 
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    jenajjthr said:
    I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

    I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 
    I honestly didn't know that putting "adult wedding or reception" was a NO, NO. Honestly, every invite to wedding's lately have stated it on the invite. 
    I asked because I've been to weddings where its supposed to be adults only and there were kids. Actually last summer at my friends wedding 35 kids showed up. She was so stressed out and so upset people just showed up with their children even after being asked not to. The food almost ran out and there wasn't enough seats for the invited guests. 

    Btw can i ask what was stated on the invite about how you "should" dress?? I started that other thread about a formal wedding. 

    I think a lot of people are just too lazy to address their invites the correct and proper way that they decide that putting "adults only" kind of blankets everyone, and it's quick and easy.  They don't realize that it's not the proper way. 
    image
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    jenajjthr said:
    I got an invite from a co-worker. It had "We've reserved 2 seats for you" It let me know it was for me and hubby, along with only being addressed to J & K.   Guess what....I got that my kiddos weren't invited and I was ok with that. I didn't need the invite to point out specifically that they weren't invited, that would have been rude. 

    I did side-eye it telling me how to dress, but that is a different thread. 
    I honestly didn't know that putting "adult wedding or reception" was a NO, NO. Honestly, every invite to wedding's lately have stated it on the invite. 
    I asked because I've been to weddings where its supposed to be adults only and there were kids. Actually last summer at my friends wedding 35 kids showed up. She was so stressed out and so upset people just showed up with their children even after being asked not to. The food almost ran out and there wasn't enough seats for the invited guests. 

    Btw can i ask what was stated on the invite about how you "should" dress?? I started that other thread about a formal wedding. 
    RE: the bolded -- this is why we say that just because things are commonly done, it doesn't make them not rude. Cash bars are common in my area, but they're still rude, no matter how many people have them. 

    You may have people who show up with kids anyway, and there's nothing really you can do about that unless your venue strictly prohibits them. They're the rude ones in that case. My stepmom's family RSVP'd yes for everyone who was invited, then half of them didn't show and my aunt decided to bring her grandson instead, despite him not being invited, and being one of only two children there (the other was my nephew, who was in the bridal party and was invited). Life goes on. 
    image
    sarawifenownovella1186
  • Danielle0413, welcome to TK. I like you!
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    ChemFanatic25KatWAG[Deleted User]
  • Danielle0413, welcome to TK. I like you!
    Thanks for the welcome!!!! :) I like you too!! 
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    novella1186
  • Agreed- no "adults only", address the invite to who it is for.

    If anyone shows up with their kids (or an uninvited date) that will look bad on them when there is no place for them to sit or meal to eat (and no, I don't think you should be responsible for trying to accommodate them- they were rude, not you). 

    We put the "X" seats have been reserved for you. No issues with people bringing extras, or awkward phone calls. Granted though, we did have people RSVP yes, then not show up (including one child- her parents- my cousin and his gf- were there). 
  • Or you could list each person individually on the RSVP like this:

    Bob Smith ____ will attend _____ is unable to attend
    Sheila Smith _____ will attend ______ is unable to attend

    lc07southernbelle0915wrigleyville
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think the "Two seats are reserved in your honor" thing is not the greatest idea. Anyone who doesn't already get the hint about people being named on the invitation being the only ones invited are going to say "Well, my husband can't come so I'm bringing little Susie! You reserved two seats for me!" Just invite those who are invited by name. If someone RSVPs with a child let them know the invitation was for Mr + Mrs only and you cannot accommodate other guests and that you hope they can still attend.
    d&bbride2015huskypuppy14
  • There were kids at this wedding, but I would assume they were family of the B&G. Just because my kids weren't invited doesn't mean all kids were not invited. The groom didn't know my kids and I didn't expect them to be invited. I would have been the rude one to RSVP for more people than he invited, 2 people, or different people than he invited, my husband and I. He wasn't the rude one to only invite who he wanted at his wedding. 

    As for the attire, please do not tell me how to dress. I hate dresses with a passion above all others. But I do know that for a wedding, in a fancier venue, "cocktail attire" .....dress.... is probably better than my usual attire of jeans or work pants for my job. I don't need you (general you) telling me that. 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenajjthr said:

    As for the attire, please do not tell me how to dress. I hate dresses with a passion above all others. But I do know that for a wedding, in a fancier venue, "cocktail attire" .....dress.... is probably better than my usual attire of jeans or work pants for my job. I don't need you (general you) telling me that. 

    Yes.
  • jenajjthr said:
    There were kids at this wedding, but I would assume they were family of the B&G. Just because my kids weren't invited doesn't mean all kids were not invited. The groom didn't know my kids and I didn't expect them to be invited. I would have been the rude one to RSVP for more people than he invited, 2 people, or different people than he invited, my husband and I. He wasn't the rude one to only invite who he wanted at his wedding. 

    As for the attire, please do not tell me how to dress. I hate dresses with a passion above all others. But I do know that for a wedding, in a fancier venue, "cocktail attire" .....dress.... is probably better than my usual attire of jeans or work pants for my job. I don't need you (general you) telling me that. 
    I definitely know not to tell anyone how to dress now lol Thanks for the advice! you guys are the best :) 
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    holyguacamole79novella1186Viczaesar
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Stick around!
    novella1186
  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    So much love. See how nice we can be sometimes! *SIGH*

    image
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    novella1186
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
    novella1186d&bbride2015arrrghmatey
  • I was very afraid of this, so here's what I did:

    told the family gossips I was planning to have an adults-only wedding, so they could spread it by word of mouth.

    Made the RSVPs out to basically say
     _ seats have been reserved in your honor. _/_ attending.
    M _______________
    Please initial food choice.
    ___ chicken
    ___ beef
    ___ fish

    For any questions, comments, or food restrictions, please write here
    __________________

    I then filled out the 1st and 3rd blank to the number allotted for that invite.That way I knew how many were coming and exactly who they were. I also numbered the RSVPs in case someone didn't actually fill out their names or initial.

    I don't think I could have been any more obvious that I was saying you get X amount of seats and THESE are the people invited and I need the names of everyone coming and their food choice SO I WILL KNOW IF YOU BRING YOUR KID UNINVITED.

    I did not have a single person try to sneak in a kid. I had two say they couldn't come, but they were already a long shot without adding kids in the mix, it was NBD.
    The bolded is super genius. I was actually a little worried about what would happen if I got RSVPs back with no names. I'm totally gonna steal your trick!
    image
    d&bbride2015weddingcactus
  • URGH! I've just run into this problem, so I understand your fears completely!

    After reading these boards and talking to various people, I understood that saying the event is "adult only" would be rude and to be avoided... so that's what I did. I also addressed the invitations to the adults using their names only (and avoided the dreaded "and family").

    We are using an online RSVP system (via our wedding website), and set it up so that people have to write in the names of the people attending (and are limited to a maximum of 2 people). Even with these precautionary methods, my cousin tried to bring her 3 children (ages 6-12). She only RSVPed for 2 (her and her husband), but her mother told my father that she would be bringing the kids. And of course, she never bothered asking me or mentioning it to me! So yes, be prepared to have a super awkward discussion with people if they can't understand the intent behind your wording and insist on bringing their children along.

     Every precaution can't prevent silly people from trying to circumvent these issues. I ended up being lucky and my awesome MOH (my sister) offered to contact the cousin and have that awkward convo for me!

    My wedding is in less than a month, so hopefully I won't have anyone show up uninvited, and won't have too many no-shows.
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    d&bbride2015
  • Ok, I feel really stupid for asking this, but can someone explain the "M___________" line on the RSVP cards? Don't worry, I haven't yet mailed any invitations, so my stupidity has not yet impacted anyone else. I'm guessing it's name or something? But I just don't quite get it.

    Love the suggestions of "# seats reserved in your honor" and "# accept" and especially numbering the RSVP cards in case someone's name isn't on them. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok, I feel really stupid for asking this, but can someone explain the "M___________" line on the RSVP cards? Don't worry, I haven't yet mailed any invitations, so my stupidity has not yet impacted anyone else. I'm guessing it's name or something? But I just don't quite get it.

    Love the suggestions of "# seats reserved in your honor" and "# accept" and especially numbering the RSVP cards in case someone's name isn't on them. 

    Stuck!

    M__ allows someone to fill in Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms. 

    I did the # seats and numbering of RSVP cards and it worked perfectly. 
    ________________________________


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