Sound-Off: Weddings around the holidays

KnotRiley · December 2014

Hey Knotties!

What are your thoughts on people having weddings on a holiday or holiday weekend? Do you think it's rude or just potentially inconvenient?

Let us know what you think!

atlastmrsg · December 2014

I considered a Memorial Day weekend wedding, and my friends were very unhappy when I polled them. They had obligations they do every year--family reunions, Indy 500, etc. After asking around, I selected the weekend after and everyone was very happy. I think people like to keep their holiday plans. While your wedding is really important to you, weddings tend to be a chore. You have to pay to travel, buy present, sit through toasts with jokes you don't get, watch endless dances/garter/bouquet...in the end, weddings can be a lot of stress/work/expense for guests who would rather be doing what they look forward to like going to lake, mini vacation, etc.

And travel costs are usually higher on holidays.

doeydo · December 2014

I don't think it is rude, but I would have been disappointed if I couldn't make it to someone's wedding because I had my Christmas plans already. If you actually have it on Christmas or Christmas Eve (and your guest list are people who celebrate Christmas) then I am sorry, but you are going to be judged by me. It's not that I think it is rude, per se, just that you probably won't have any guests and those that you do have will probably be miffed that they had to rearrange their Christmas plans and traditions.

arrrghmatey · December 2014

Weddings around the holidays initially sounds like a great idea: yay, people have an extra day off! But after giving it a moment of thought, the ugly truth about weddings around the holidays becomes apparent.

1 - Not everyone has every holiday off. I'm a federal employee, so I get holidays off like Columbus Day and Veteran's Day. But most people do not. So brides and grooms who may have those obscure holidays off may not consider the fact that many of their guests do not.

2 - Travel around the holidays SUCK. Even those that many people do not have off as mentioned above. Airports are more crowded, highways are congested, and fares are high. Out of town guests will be shelling out more $$$ to attend a wedding that requires them to travel, and have to deal with the hassle of holiday travel.

3 - As mentioned by PP, people may have yearly commitments on certain holidays. Or they may not want to forfeit a full long weekend because a wedding is occurring right smack-dab in the middle of it on a Saturday. Personally, if it were a good friend or family member that was getting married on a holiday, I'd go without a gripe. No big deal for me. I'd be more miffed with having to deal with holiday travel if it were an OOT wedding. But not everyone shares the same sentiment, and would be annoyed by having to choose between the annual camping trip with Grandma and Grandpa or a wedding.

My personal choices of holidays to say 'no' to when it comes to scheduling weddings: New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day, 4th of July (weekend if it is OOT), Thanksgiving Day/Weekend, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. I will not go to weddings on those days.

My sister got married the day after Thanksgiving in New Orleans. I had to travel from Alaska to NOLA, out of a snowstorm, during holiday travel. Yeah…

Edited: for spelling. And cute cuddly lion above. Aww….

rooz103 · December 2014

I'm one of the guilty ones planning a wedding during the holiday season.

Actually, we chose the date because it was during the holidays. With families flying internationally from three countries with differing national and religious holidays, this was the only time of year that everyone had off work and could predictably be in the same location at the same time. We put priority on our VIP list and worked around them; it would have been absurd to have the wedding on a date that's more convenient for others but would require an additional $1000+ per person flight for our families.

The way I see it, it might be more of a hassle for the very few out-of-state guests, but in our case, it was more important to accommodate the out-of-country guests. If our guests think it's rude or inconvenient, or if they have other obligations or traditions, they have the option of declining as they see fit.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

Rude to plan one during the winter religious holidays? No. Rude to expect that every guest will drop their own plans in favor of attending your wedding? Yes.

It's super for you if Christmas is your favorite holiday and all your family is in town and that's a great time for you to get married. Just don't get pissy when I decline, because I likely will.

Federal holidays like Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day... more on the rude/selfish side than winter holidays, IMO. You likely don't have family from all over the world flying in to celebrate Memorial Day, you just wanted the convenience of one fewer PTO day to take, and I probably have plans to spend my long holiday weekend that don't include a wedding in the middle of it.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

Many people have traditions, travel and other obligations associated with holidays. Because of that and the added cost of travel around holidays, these kinds of weddings dates often have a higher decline rate. I don't think it's "rude" of the couple per se, but it's definitely inconvenient. Personally, I always roll my eyes when I get a wedding invitation that's on or close to a major holiday and we usually decline unless it's a close family member.

No matter when a couple wants to get married, they should check their date with their VIPs before booking anything. Otherwise, they risk those important people having conflicts, having to make major changes to their plans, or not being able to attend at all.

girleyeslightup · December 2014

lolo883 said:

Rude to plan one during the winter religious holidays? No. Rude to expect that every guest will drop their own plans in favor of attending your wedding? Yes.

It's super for you if Christmas is your favorite holiday and all your family is in town and that's a great time for you to get married. Just don't get pissy when I decline, because I likely will.

Federal holidays like Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day... more on the rude/selfish side than winter holidays, IMO. You likely don't have family from all over the world flying in to celebrate Memorial Day, you just wanted the convenience of one fewer PTO day to take, and I probably have plans to spend my long holiday weekend that don't include a wedding in the middle of it.

I freaking hate spending the Saturday or Sunday of a long weekend at a wedding.

minttobemrsb · January 2015

I am also guilty of holiday weekend wedding (Saturday before Memorial Day) BUT we talked it over with our families and friends first as we started looking at dates.

Almost all of our guests are local. Neither of our families, even extended family, go on vacations that weekend. The majority of our friends said they would have no problem with it. We have 2-3 people that live out of state, but they are both grandparents who told us they will travel regardless of the time of year- gotta love Grandmas

If you have a lot of out of town guests, it might make traveling harder due to prices and finding flights.

My vote- it depends on the holiday (A Christmas Eve wedding might be hard to attend) and your guests (local, usual plans, budget).

larrygaga · January 2015

Technically it's not rude but I get offended just like if it was rude.

"Please don't spend your holiday usually spent the same way every year with family or friends. I know you don't see them often but would still rather come watch me have a wedding instead. All that money, days off work and possible traveling shouldn't be wasted with your loved ones. Spend it on me. At my wedding. It's my DAY."

I will not coming to a wedding unless it's like my sister. Unfortunately the last 3 weddings I went to were all my (or fi's) sisters on holiday weekends and I was NOT PLEASED. It comes off as selfish and AWing and I don't care who gets mad at me for saying that. There are so many weekends in a year, pick another one. I don't care if you want everyone to have an extra day to spend on your and your wedding. If you choose a DW on a regular weekend, expect less attendance.

I hate them more than cash bars. I mostly get mad that I have to miss the wedding, because I love weddings and most people who invite me are very important to me and I would like to be there to support them.

JenLD2015 · January 2015

We are doing Memorial Day weekend. Mostly our guest list is local, so travel is not an issue. Plus everyone was excited to join us that weekend. Win/win

hpubride · January 2015

We did ours on Labor Day Weekend it was great because so many guests were from OOS or OOT. It allowed plenty of time for them to travel and this time of year was perfect temperature/weather wise.

Wegl13 · January 2015

I really don't care, because it's not a summons. We had our wedding in December because that was what was feasible for us. If the only day we had off to get married was Christmas Day, we are going to get married on Christmas Day and invite the people that we want there. If you can't be there, we get it, we got married on a major holiday and that's what's going to happen. Send your regrets and move on. I also don't get having these major plans on weird ass holidays like Memorial Day, but that's probably because I have never in my adult life seen Memorial Day as anything other than when OTHER people got to be off from work.
To me having a wedding on a holiday is similar to having a DW: you know you are limiting your guest list due to inconvenience, but if that's what works, it's what works.
Btw my sentiments have a lot to do with my family's wedding history. My grandparents got married on Christmas Eves Eve, in the next state over, because "our state had a three day waiting period and we only had two days off from work."

faaaancy · January 2015

The responses here are sort of freaking me out. We are planning a 4th of July wedding because it's a Saturday this year. People who are saying that they want to spend the holiday with friends and family- that's what a wedding is! A party with your friends and family! Both of our entire families are invited to be there. I didn't do it to be selfish- I thought it would be more fun for everyone involved. Especially if people get Friday off. To hear that people think the exact opposite of what I was planning is really distressing.

lovesclimbing · January 2015

faaaancy said:

The responses here are sort of freaking me out. We are planning a 4th of July wedding because it's a Saturday this year. People who are saying that they want to spend the holiday with friends and family- that's what a wedding is! A party with your friends and family! Both of our entire families are invited to be there. I didn't do it to be selfish- I thought it would be more fun for everyone involved. Especially if people get Friday off. To hear that people think the exact opposite of what I was planning is really distressing.

The thing with all of these is, who says you're inviting all their friends and family? You're inviting both of your friends and family, so it'll be a big party and fun for you and your H because all of your friends and family are there, but what about the friends and relatives of all your guests? I can guarantee all of your guests' friends and family aren't there. So they're spending their holiday with one side of the family or a couple friends, but not everyone.

You chose a Fourth of July wedding, and you should own it. I'm sure your wedding will be fun. You have the right to choose any day of the week you want. I had a wedding on a Wednesday afternoon. Yes, there were people who couldn't come, but our immediate families could and we had to choose a day that worked for us, and literally nothing else would.

Own your decision and have a great wedding.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

faaaancy said:
The responses here are sort of freaking me out. We are planning a 4th of July wedding because it's a Saturday this year. People who are saying that they want to spend the holiday with friends and family- that's what a wedding is! A party with your friends and family! Both of our entire families are invited to be there. I didn't do it to be selfish- I thought it would be more fun for everyone involved. Especially if people get Friday off. To hear that people think the exact opposite of what I was planning is really distressing.

Are you inviting everyone's friends and families? Probably not. Probably just YOUR friends and family.

You're not doing a "bad" thing but everyone I know definitely eyerolls and sighs an annoyed sigh when getting a holiday wedding invitation..

Knottie73952415 · March 2015

My wedding will be in Memorial Day this year and so far most people are ok with it. I'm inviting local family and its and evening wedding so it gives them time to do whatever else they wanted to do with their day.

chloe97 · March 2015

I wanted to have my wedding Labor Day weekend this year, but it didn't work out. I actually strongly believe that it is nicer to your guests to have a wedding on the long weekend because people have to travel in from out of town get an extra day to travel if they want/need it. I don't have longstanding plans Memorial Day, 4th of July, or Labor Day weekend. If we get an invitation to a wedding that conflicts with another event, we have to make a decision, but that could be any weekend. If it's someone I am close to, I will know about the date months and months ahead of time and can likely avoid a conflict.

I do have to say that I HATE weddings around Christmas and New Years. It snows and it makes travel a pain in the ass. It can be hard to get off days around the holidays because everyone wants them off. Plus it's cold (most places).

I will say though that the one downside about summer holiday weekend weddings is that flights and hotels could be more expensive for your guests....

flantastic · March 2015

chloe97 said:
I wanted to have my wedding Labor Day weekend this year, but it didn't work out. I actually strongly believe that it is nicer to your guests to have a wedding on the long weekend because people have to travel in from out of town get an extra day to travel if they want/need it. I don't have longstanding plans Memorial Day, 4th of July, or Labor Day weekend. If we get an invitation to a wedding that conflicts with another event, we have to make a decision, but that could be any weekend. If it's someone I am close to, I will know about the date months and months ahead of time and can likely avoid a conflict.

I do have to say that I HATE weddings around Christmas and New Years. It snows and it makes travel a pain in the ass. It can be hard to get off days around the holidays because everyone wants them off. Plus it's cold (most places).

I will say though that the one downside about summer holiday weekend weddings is that flights and hotels could be more expensive for your guests....

To the bolded - but other people do, that's the point.

No one wants or needs an extra day for travel. This is a myth. Very few people like the idea of "turning a wedding into a vacation trip" because they like to vacation when they don't have events to go to, and it's highly unlikely that wherever you're getting married is so super fun.. Instead, you've taken up a weekend where they could have taken an actual vacation for themselves, and now they can't.

chloe97 · March 2015

flantastic said:

chloe97 said:
I wanted to have my wedding Labor Day weekend this year, but it didn't work out. I actually strongly believe that it is nicer to your guests to have a wedding on the long weekend because people have to travel in from out of town get an extra day to travel if they want/need it. I don't have longstanding plans Memorial Day, 4th of July, or Labor Day weekend. If we get an invitation to a wedding that conflicts with another event, we have to make a decision, but that could be any weekend. If it's someone I am close to, I will know about the date months and months ahead of time and can likely avoid a conflict.

I do have to say that I HATE weddings around Christmas and New Years. It snows and it makes travel a pain in the ass. It can be hard to get off days around the holidays because everyone wants them off. Plus it's cold (most places).

I will say though that the one downside about summer holiday weekend weddings is that flights and hotels could be more expensive for your guests....

To the bolded - but other people do, that's the point.
No one wants or needs an extra day for travel. This is a myth. Very few people like the idea of "turning a wedding into a vacation trip" because they like to vacation when they don't have events to go to, and it's highly unlikely that wherever you're getting married is so super fun.. Instead, you've taken up a weekend where they could have taken an actual vacation for themselves, and now they can't.

I PERSONALLY like the extra day for travel to out of town wedding and to see my friends, family from out of town, and make a weekend out of it. Many of my close friends and most of my family live in a big city 400 miles from here and I can't just drive up for a quick weekend. Usually after imbibing a lively wedding, the last thing I want to do is drive 400 miles home the next day. I can't think of a wedding that I have been up to the last 8 years that I haven't had to take a day off to attend. I would be thrilled if my friends and family had their wedding on a long weekend so I didn't have to take an extra day off.

flantastic · March 2015

chloe97 said:

flantastic said:

chloe97 said:
I wanted to have my wedding Labor Day weekend this year, but it didn't work out. I actually strongly believe that it is nicer to your guests to have a wedding on the long weekend because people have to travel in from out of town get an extra day to travel if they want/need it. I don't have longstanding plans Memorial Day, 4th of July, or Labor Day weekend. If we get an invitation to a wedding that conflicts with another event, we have to make a decision, but that could be any weekend. If it's someone I am close to, I will know about the date months and months ahead of time and can likely avoid a conflict.

I do have to say that I HATE weddings around Christmas and New Years. It snows and it makes travel a pain in the ass. It can be hard to get off days around the holidays because everyone wants them off. Plus it's cold (most places).

I will say though that the one downside about summer holiday weekend weddings is that flights and hotels could be more expensive for your guests....

To the bolded - but other people do, that's the point.
No one wants or needs an extra day for travel. This is a myth. Very few people like the idea of "turning a wedding into a vacation trip" because they like to vacation when they don't have events to go to, and it's highly unlikely that wherever you're getting married is so super fun.. Instead, you've taken up a weekend where they could have taken an actual vacation for themselves, and now they can't.
I PERSONALLY like the extra day for travel to out of town wedding and to see my friends, family from out of town, and make a weekend out of it. Many of my close friends and most of my family live in a big city 400 miles from here and I can't just drive up for a quick weekend. Usually after imbibing a lively wedding, the last thing I want to do is drive 400 miles home the next day. I can't think of a wedding that I have been up to the last 8 years that I haven't had to take a day off to attend. I would be thrilled if my friends and family had their wedding on a long weekend so I didn't have to take an extra day off.

That's great for you. Every wedding you've been to has been in this one city where basically everyone you know lives? Great, an excuse to go visit everyone, which you'd probably be doing already.

The situation for most people at most weddings is not that way, and so thinking you're being "kind" by giving them an extra day of the weekend (or advising that others do) is really just so you can have that day yourself and feel good about it.

Also, most people don't have severe hangovers after all weddings, or if they do, they choose to fly home the 400 miles.

dcbride86 · March 2015

flantastic said:

chloe97 said:

flantastic said:

chloe97 said:
I wanted to have my wedding Labor Day weekend this year, but it didn't work out. I actually strongly believe that it is nicer to your guests to have a wedding on the long weekend because people have to travel in from out of town get an extra day to travel if they want/need it. I don't have longstanding plans Memorial Day, 4th of July, or Labor Day weekend. If we get an invitation to a wedding that conflicts with another event, we have to make a decision, but that could be any weekend. If it's someone I am close to, I will know about the date months and months ahead of time and can likely avoid a conflict.

I do have to say that I HATE weddings around Christmas and New Years. It snows and it makes travel a pain in the ass. It can be hard to get off days around the holidays because everyone wants them off. Plus it's cold (most places).

I will say though that the one downside about summer holiday weekend weddings is that flights and hotels could be more expensive for your guests....

To the bolded - but other people do, that's the point.
No one wants or needs an extra day for travel. This is a myth. Very few people like the idea of "turning a wedding into a vacation trip" because they like to vacation when they don't have events to go to, and it's highly unlikely that wherever you're getting married is so super fun.. Instead, you've taken up a weekend where they could have taken an actual vacation for themselves, and now they can't.
I PERSONALLY like the extra day for travel to out of town wedding and to see my friends, family from out of town, and make a weekend out of it. Many of my close friends and most of my family live in a big city 400 miles from here and I can't just drive up for a quick weekend. Usually after imbibing a lively wedding, the last thing I want to do is drive 400 miles home the next day. I can't think of a wedding that I have been up to the last 8 years that I haven't had to take a day off to attend. I would be thrilled if my friends and family had their wedding on a long weekend so I didn't have to take an extra day off.

That's great for you. Every wedding you've been to has been in this one city where basically everyone you know lives? Great, an excuse to go visit everyone, which you'd probably be doing already.
The situation for most people at most weddings is not that way, and so thinking you're being "kind" by giving them an extra day of the weekend (or advising that others do) is really just so you can have that day yourself and feel good about it.
Also, most people don't have severe hangovers after all weddings, or if they do, they choose to fly home the 400 miles.

This. If I went to a wedding right around a bunch of people I know and would want to visit either way, of course I'd like to make a weekend out of it! However, that wedding in Upstate NY I went to? I really didn't need that 3rd day. And my hangover was gone by 11 AM, at which point my FI and I were more than capable of driving home. We really didn't need that to be a 3-day affair, and I would have rather spent my long weekend going on a fun getaway with my FI

Sound-Off: Weddings around the holidays

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