Friend is getting married - not inviting SO?

emmiejayne · December 2014

I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it. I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF. He's a partner. A SO. In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers. Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc. No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony. However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

I think that's fairly polite, right? Her reply?

"Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!" I have not replied. What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.

lovegood90 · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it. I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF. He's a partner. A SO. In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers. Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc. No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony. However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

I think that's fairly polite, right? Her reply?

"Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!" I have not replied. What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.

OH MY GOD. No. Just no.

I would reply "unfortunately no, sorry." and leave it at that. I'm sure you won't be the last to decline because of this.

Fran1985 · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it. I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF. He's a partner. A SO. In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers. Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc. No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony. However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

I think that's fairly polite, right? Her reply?

"Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!" I have not replied. What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.

I would say unfortunately no, and I think you should say you were hurt. I think "Unfortunately no. You know I wish you and FH the best in the world, but I can't help but feel hurt that on the day you are declaring your love for each other, you'd ask me to be there without the person I love with me. "

bethsmiles · December 2014

Fran1985 said:

emmiejayne said:

I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it. I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF. He's a partner. A SO. In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers. Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc. No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony. However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

I think that's fairly polite, right? Her reply?

"Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!" I have not replied. What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.
I would say unfortunately no, and I think you should say you were hurt. I think "Unfortunately no. You know I wish you and FH the best in the world, but I can't help but feel hurt that on the day you are declaring your love for each other, you'd ask me to be there without the person I love with me. "

I would say exactly this. Your friend sucks, I wouldn't lose any sleep over her.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it. I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF. He's a partner. A SO. In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers. Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc. No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony. However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

I think that's fairly polite, right? Her reply?

"Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!" I have not replied. What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.

Actually, I would ignore the art project comment because she is trying to distract from the issue.

I'd just say, "If you checked the list and BF is on it, we're happy to attend. If not, then I'm sorry but neither of us can make it." Put the ball back in her court so that she's accountable for the reason you can't attend.

If she pushes on the art projects, just say you're busy every time she asks you to help.

KatWAG · December 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

emmiejayne said:

I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it. I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF. He's a partner. A SO. In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers. Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc. No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony. However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

I think that's fairly polite, right? Her reply?

"Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!" I have not replied. What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.
Actually, I would ignore the art project comment because she is trying to distract from the issue.

I'd just say, "If you checked the list and BF is on it, we're happy to attend. If not, then I'm sorry but neither of us can make it." Put the ball back in her court so that she's accountable for the reason you can't attend.

If she pushes on the art projects, just say you're busy every time she asks you to help.

Meh, even if the zilla does decide to do the right thing and extend the invite to @emmiejayne 's SO, Emmie, would you want to attend and bring him knowing that she doesnt want him there?

I wouldnt attend solely because this speaks volumes about her character.

emmiejayne · December 2014

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

emmiejayne · December 2014

KatWAG said:
Meh, even if the zilla does decide to do the right thing and extend the invite to @emmiejayne 's SO, Emmie, would you want to attend and bring him knowing that she doesnt want him there?

I wouldnt attend solely because this speaks volumes about her character.

No, I'm not going after the last damn text she sent! I don't know if it's the whole Zilla thing or if she's always been like this and I haven't noticed.

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

Nooooo!!! Sending you hugs. I recommend a cooling-off period. Do not reply.

emmiejayne · December 2014

thisismynickname said:
Nooooo!!! Sending you hugs. I recommend a cooling-off period. Do not reply.

I haven't, and I won't. Thank you for the hugs

Currently sitting in the freezer so I don't lose my shit

emmiejayne · December 2014

No, thank you guys. It's good to know I'm not being a total dick

lovegood90 · December 2014

thisismynickname said:

emmiejayne said:

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

Nooooo!!! Sending you hugs. I recommend a cooling-off period. Do not reply.

Agreed. Sorry she's being like this! It sucks when people disappoint you. I'd just put down your phone and don't engage any further. She's making herself look bad- can you just imagine how conversations will go at her wedding:

"Oh, why isn't (you) invited?"

Friend: "She wouldn't come because her BF wasn't invited! Can you believe how rude?"

"Oh, but everyone else's SO is here...and didn't she do your invitations for you?"

Friend: "..."

KatWAG · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

KatWAG said:

Meh, even if the zilla does decide to do the right thing and extend the invite to @emmiejayne 's SO, Emmie, would you want to attend and bring him knowing that she doesnt want him there?

I wouldnt attend solely because this speaks volumes about her character.
No, I'm not going after the last damn text she sent! I don't know if it's the whole Zilla thing or if she's always been like this and I haven't noticed.

Woah, didnt see her last text before I replied. :: hugs::

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

@KatWAG - yea I probably wouldn't want to go either, but you never know.

@emmiejayne - that last text is really nasty and shows her true colors. She sounds very young and immature. I'm really sorry. On the bright side, at least you know she's a piece of junk without spending more time on art projects, buying a gift, taking the time to attend her wedding, etc. Cut your losses and leave her behind.

Kauris · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

Thank you all I did ask (via text) she sent me one back that "she'll just go check the list", which says to me that he's not and she's thinking up how to say no.

This statement alone would make me decide not to go and I'd pretty much end my friendship with her. She is clearly being rude. She most certainly does not deserve your help. That is complete and utter bullshit.

MGP · December 2014

thisismynickname said:

emmiejayne said:

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

Nooooo!!! Sending you hugs. I recommend a cooling-off period. Do not reply.

Agreed. Do not reply. Sorry your friend is being so terrible.

Seriously is this National Brides Being Assholes Week? Between the thread yesterday about the CoupleZilla uninviting a wheelchair bound guest via Facebook to their weekday PPD because she wouldn't wear a dress (and OP handled it like a class act) and now this I am really starting to lose my faith in humanity.

weddingcactus · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

Holy shit! I cannot believe she had the audacity to respond with this. You are/were friends and you were there essentially providing free skilled labor for her wedding and she cannot even invite your partner? And then when you decline because it was hurtful for her to do, she calls him "lazy" and that his "shitty attitude" will "drag down the tone of the entire thing"?! Wow. I am almost speechless. This bride sounds like a self-centered bitch who has been using you and does not deserve your friendship. I imagine her shitty personality is going to "drag down the tone" of the wedding all on its own.

NYCMercedes · December 2014

I think you should send her an invoice for the work you did. Just kidding. I'd reply that friends help friends and you're not treating me like a friend. She's a shit.

esstee33 · December 2014

Oh, HELL NO, @emmiejayne. Not only would I not be going to that wedding (even just the ceremony), or helping with her little projects, I would never be able to remain friends with such a selfish, rude bitch. She openly, blatantly disrespected your SO and your relationship, and then blamed you for it?! Fuck everything about that.

luckysnorkel · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

I'd say she's got enough of a shitty attitude to handle that all on her own.

Good riddance to her, OP. You're better off.

sarawifenow · December 2014

I am livid for you! What a piece of work.

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

I mean, gosh, I feel the need to reply again. Look, being real, haven't we all had a time when we haven't liked someone our friend was in a relationship with? In the worst cases, we express our concern in a loving heart-to-heart, like, "Jane, when you're with John, he always seems down or negative. Is he ok? And are you happy?"

Not..."He sucks and he's not coming to my wedding!" over text message! That is truly immature.

wrigleyville · December 2014

emmiejayne said:

I replied,

"I'm afraid not. I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered. Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here). I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

[I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective. I did the art for her damn invitations. And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.

Hooooooooooly shit.

I would have peaced out immediately after that text. Fuck her.

My H is super introverted and gets really worn down after about an hour of social time. He'll usually sit away from the group after a little while (especially if it's at a house with pets he can play with) or play with his phone or something until we leave. Or, we'll drive separately so he can leave early.

All of our (loving, supportive) friends are used to it and always say, "H is invited to come along, but we understand if it'll be too much for him." When he does come along, they are SO happy that he came to hang out, and they don't bat an eye when he "retreats". That's what friends do. Your "friend" is a bitch.

levioosa · December 2014

Wow. Your "friend" is a bitch. I can't believe she said that. AND she's inviting other SO's, but not yours even though you're her friend and helping her decorate?! WTF. It doesn't matter if she's being a bridezilla right now, these are core traits coming out into the ugly light.

jacques27 · December 2014

Hahaha..."you're being a crappy friend..." I don't think that statement carries much weight when uttered by someone who is clearly a crappy human being.

Sorry you lost what you thought was a friendship. Clearly the two of you didn't share the same definition of "friend." Better to have found out now before investing more time in her and her wedding. I'm sure it hurts now, but you did the right thing.

lyndausvi · December 2014

wow. It's pretty clear she was using you for free help.

Sorry-not-sorry you lost the friendship.

natswild · December 2014

...you dodged a rocket with that one! Definitely showing her true colors. You are so much better with her out of your life...

[Deleted User] · December 2014

So beyond sorry your so-called friend is acting like this because that is not what a real friend does at all!

What is it that snaps and turns people in to Epic Bridezilas over a single day?

[Deleted User] · December 2014

MGP · December 2014

Let's not forget that the way OP found out her SO was not invited was receiving the invitation THAT SHE DESIGNED. How much more insulting can that be?

Friend is getting married - not inviting SO?

Re: Friend is getting married - not inviting SO?

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