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Etiquette

Friend is getting married - not inviting SO?

13

Re: Friend is getting married - not inviting SO?

  • MGP said:
    Let's not forget that the way OP found out her SO was not invited was receiving the invitation THAT SHE DESIGNED. How much more insulting can that be?
    Eh, I don't mind doing stuff for people, it's kinda my way of showing love (that, and feeding you).  I just don't like being taken for granted.  It feels pretty shitty.  She's still on the invite list to ours, more to show her how things should be done than anything else.  It's her call if she comes or not!
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've kinda given up.  No other friends know about this - I'm not going to make it into a huge hoo-hah over it.  But it'll be interesting.  "Why isn't OP at the hen party/wedding? Oh, why's she declined your invitation, is everything ok?" 

    Priceless.

    Thank you guys for all the support.
    Yeah, let her dig herself into that particular hole. :)

    runsonveggies
  • You're still inviting her to your wedding? Wow you are the nicest person ever. I would never ever ever invite someone to my wedding who talked shit about my SO. 
    Why thank you XD it's more to prove a point than anything else, TBH I'll be surprised if she turns up - it might not be "classy" (read: we haven't spend enough money) enough for her. But fuck it, it's our day.  I won't let this screw my Christmas up, dammit! If she comes, maybe she'll learn how friends are supposed to be treated.  It kinda makes me the bigger person.  If she doesn't, then she's ostracized herself, and that's fine with me also.  

    I'm just glad I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid! (That particular fun-time has gone to my best friend (who so happens to be a man, therefore I won't get the bitchy shit from him.).)
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I replied, 

    "I'm afraid not.  I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered.  Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here).  I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

    [I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective.  I did the art for her damn invitations.  And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

    Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

    I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.
    WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! 

    To me, that absolutely ends the friendship, such as it is at this point. And don't be surprised or sorry if she doesn't show up at your wedding, because you know what she's like, and her shitty attitude will drag down the tone of the entire thing. 



    It may not be nice, but I think they are so far beyond being nice at this point. 

     I would honestly say that to her, you're no longer invited to my wedding because I don't want your shitty attitude dragging down my wedding.

    Is it classy? No. But this person doesn't deserve class.
    image
    image

    image


    [Deleted User]Liatris2010rcher912hellohkb
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it.  I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

    I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF.  He's a partner.  A SO.  In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers.  Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc.  No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

    I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony.  However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

    I think that's fairly polite, right?  Her reply?

    "Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!"  I have not replied.  What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.
    Don't respond to her request for help, imo.

    Ignore it and hope she takes the hint.  If she presses the issue, then I'd just politely tell her No, that's what your FI is for.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    I replied, 

    "I'm afraid not.  I'm a little bit hurt that, on the day you're declaring your love (which is great, by the way, and we wish you all the best) that our relationship is not considered.  Now it just seems like you only asked me because of (insert art projects here).  I'm sorry to have disappointed you."

    [I'm a part-time freelance artist, just to give the reply some perspective.  I did the art for her damn invitations.  And I find out NOW that no other SO's have been left out; her 12 year old sister's BF is coming!]

    Reply from her: "I'm sorry for not wanting your BF there! He's lazy and you know what he's like, he'll just drag down the tone of the entire thing with his shitty attitude. Besides, I don't really care if you help or not, but you're being a crappy friend by pulling out this late."

    I don't even... That last text may or may not have been friendship ending.
    Holy.Fuck.Her!!!!

    Now you know what she's like- she's a POS that uses people.

    *Hugs*  She can see you next Tuesday.  You are better off without her.

    Don't reply, just send her an invoice for the invitations ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    MollyandD
  • It's hard to imagine a friend being shittier than this bridezilla. Why do people not get that couples are social units? What would a guests alleged laziness even have to do with being a wedding guest? 

    I picture her wanting guests to haul their own hay bale seats to the reception, ala Dwight Shrute and Angela. 
    image
    rcher912
  • What would a guests alleged laziness even have to do with being a wedding guest? 

    Something about (I heard this from her SO, who apologised to me for her behavior) how he won't bother to put "nice" clothes on (he will, a suit is nice, right? Neither of us have a money to spend on tuxes or morning dress) and he'll embarrass her (he's got an unconventional sense of humour, but he always tones it down with new people).

    Sigh.
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I just texted her again (the first time was last night) just now, and said, "hiya, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make it.  I hope everything goes really well, have a fabulous day."

    I got back, "is this all over your BF?" (He's not a BF.  He's a partner.  A SO.  In my circle BF's are for dating and/or high-schoolers.  Calling a SO a BF is a very subtle slight on your relationship, you know, it's immature, childish, etc.  No offence meant to anyone who calls their SO their BF, I just don't like it, and it irked me)

    I replied, "I'd love to come and support you, and, if the offer is still there, we [the church they're getting married in has plenty of room, so that's not an issue] would be glad to attend and support you at your ceremony.  However the reception we will be unable to attend, but thank you for the invitation."

    I think that's fairly polite, right?  Her reply?

    "Well, are you still helping me with (insert artsy projects here) or not? I can't believe you're causing this much fuss over your BF!"  I have not replied.  What do I say?! I want to be the mature one here.
    Late as fuck but:

    image

    You are better off not wasting time helping that douche.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    bumbletiger88PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    What would a guests alleged laziness even have to do with being a wedding guest? 

    Something about (I heard this from her SO, who apologised to me for her behavior) how he won't bother to put "nice" clothes on (he will, a suit is nice, right? Neither of us have a money to spend on tuxes or morning dress) and he'll embarrass her (he's got an unconventional sense of humour, but he always tones it down with new people).

    Sigh.
    For the life of me I will never understand why people have such strong emotions on what other people wear?   Sure I throw around a side-eye on people's clothing choices, but it's never occurred to me to offended or upset over someone's clothing?    Talk about FWP?   I'm sure there are other things to worry about no?

    And yes a suit is just fine.  I bet others will be in suites also.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • DaniBites said:
    I would cut that bitch off like no one's business!

    And if you see her on the street:
    image

    LMAO...ever since I saw the above seen on Family Guy, that phrase totally goes through my head any time I'm talking to someone who irritates me.

    And for those of you who have not seen this episode, Stewie delivers the line with a polite, "it's been so good to see you" tone of voice.  It makes it even funnier.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    DaniBites said:
    I would cut that bitch off like no one's business!

    And if you see her on the street:
    image
    UPDATE: So, now all our friends know because, apparently, she was bitching about my decision not to come.  And the question was asked, "why did you invite our SO's and not hers?"  And according to my best friend (and bridesman!) she lemminged herself and said it was because I didn't deserve it and that I wasn't happy and excited and congratulation-y as I should have been when she announced it.  

    Long story short, I'm now wondering why she invited me in the first place, because I'm clearly such a terrible person.  Anyway, we're no longer speaking.  And that's fine by me! :D
    WOW! Hopefully your mutual friends also see through her BS! You are definitely better off! 

    Hopefully this is a good warning to lurkers- NO ONE will be as excited about your wedding as you! Don't alienate your friends by expecting them to kiss your feet just because you're engaged!

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    plainjane0415PrettyGirlLost
  • OMG! I don't even know what to say about this....

    Mostly, this friend is not your friend. Completely rude. Completely disrespectful. Seems she wants your "friendship" for what SHE can get out of it. 

    Please don't ever let her guilt you. She dug herself into this hole, not you. You were only ever more than kind. 
    emmiejayne
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    UPDATE:

    She phoned me, literally half an hour ago, saying that because of me a couple of our mutual friends have declined her invitation over what I did, that my OH is invited and will I please come because "it's all being blown up out of proportion?!"

    I straight up said no, thank you though and wouldn't budge.  And she then guilt trips me over it.  I hung up to her whining and crying over how her wedding was ruined "because of me!"

    Thank you for your support, I'm glad I finally saw her for what she was, and I don't need people like that in my life. 
    Ah yes, funny how so many people forget their own actions caused the consequences.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    MobKazemmiejaynePrettyGirlLost
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Good for you! Now you know your friends are. They know she was horrid and won't stand for it.
    emmiejaynePrettyGirlLostmissxasia
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Ha! She deserves to have other people decline. Good for you for sticking to your decision. You will be better off not having her in your life.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
    runsonveggiesemmiejayne
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She is a total jackass. Good for your for holding strong. You don't need people like that in your life. 

    bumbletiger88runsonveggiesPrettyGirlLost
  • rcher912rcher912 Philadelphia member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    OMG OP you are my hero. I am also way too nice and accommodating to my "friends", and you standing your ground like that is AWESOME. 

    Your mutual friends inquiring about the situation and even declining because they see what a crazyperson your ex-friend has become is ALSO AWESOME. I was really afraid people might not realize the extent of the situation (I mean, really, how many times does one have an in-depth discussion about invitation art? Although I'm sure it was beautiful and special! It's just not typical dinner conversation.)

    YAAAYYYYY! I love it when zillas get read.



    ETA: I literally cannot believe the 12yo gets a +1 and you do not. Still can't believe it.
    emmiejaynePrettyGirlLost
  • rcher920 said:
    OMG OP you are my hero. I am also way too nice and accommodating to my "friends", and you standing your ground like that is AWESOME. 

    Your mutual friends inquiring about the situation and even declining because they see what a crazyperson your ex-friend has become is ALSO AWESOME. I was really afraid people might not realize the extent of the situation (I mean, really, how many times does one have an in-depth discussion about invitation art? Although I'm sure it was beautiful and special! It's just not typical dinner conversation.)

    YAAAYYYYY! I love it when zillas get read.



    ETA: I literally cannot believe the 12yo gets a +1 and you do not. Still can't believe it.
    1st bolded: Yeah, they're a lovely bunch.  It'll be interesting what happens after the wedding's over!

    2nd bolded: Yeah, weird conversations abound! 

    Me: "what are you after?"
    Her: "classic, but modern"
    Me: "Uh, alright then..." *runs with it*
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