Slow down!

peekaboo2011 · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I feel like in this day in age everyone is in a hurry to get married and because of that a lot of people feel like they need too.

But I think we really need to look at ourselves and see what is the best decision for you and your other half.

I know I have felt that way too with 2 of my good friends getting married this year and being in both their weddings.

Couple 1: they dated for 9 months and got engaged. when they got married at the end of june they had only been together 1.5 years however they were both 27. They both had their college paid for from their parents and no car loans. He moved into her apt complex and when his lease ended, he moved in to her apt. So thay saw each other constanstly. Her parents paid for the wedding.

Couple 2: Dated a year and got engaged. By the time they were married in October they had been together almost 2 years. Her parents paid for her college and her dad died a coupld year earlier so with that money she paid off her car. her husband is in the army, so college to pay for and he paid off his truck. He won money from a lawsuit years earlier so he bought a little fixer upper house for about 30k. He lived a hour away and they saw each other on the weekends but not every weekend. Last year he was deployed from August until May of this year. They paid for the wedding

Now with that it feels like i shoudl have been engaged by now. Me and my bf have been together for 3 years. Before we move into together we saw each other constanstly and pretty much already lived together. But then I start to think straight. I have school loans, and a car payment. I would like to buy a house next year and hopefully get married there the following year. my bf is 4 years younger. So what is the big hurry, who cares if me and my friends arent pregnant at the same time (which i have always wanted) or she has already had her third before i have my first. The time line we are on feels right.

So i want everyone to please stop comparing, you will get your dream wedding it doesnt have to happen right away.

Do you want a cookie?

loves2shop4shoes · December 2014

Uhm. What?

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I clicked on this post just because I assumed there would be awesome GIFs. And @GoldenPenguin and @TwoDimes didn't disappoint.

lilacck28 · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I feel like in this day in age everyone is in a hurry to get married and because of that a lot of people feel like they need too.

But I think we really need to look at ourselves and see what is the best decision for you and your other half.

I know I have felt that way too with 2 of my good friends getting married this year and being in both their weddings.

Couple 1: they dated for 9 months and got engaged. when they got married at the end of june they had only been together 1.5 years however they were both 27. They both had their college paid for from their parents and no car loans. He moved into her apt complex and when his lease ended, he moved in to her apt. So thay saw each other constanstly. Her parents paid for the wedding.

Couple 2: Dated a year and got engaged. By the time they were married in October they had been together almost 2 years. Her parents paid for her college and her dad died a coupld year earlier so with that money she paid off her car. her husband is in the army, so college to pay for and he paid off his truck. He won money from a lawsuit years earlier so he bought a little fixer upper house for about 30k. He lived a hour away and they saw each other on the weekends but not every weekend. Last year he was deployed from August until May of this year. They paid for the wedding

Now with that it feels like i shoudl have been engaged by now. Me and my bf have been together for 3 years. Before we move into together we saw each other constanstly and pretty much already lived together. But then I start to think straight. I have school loans, and a car payment. I would like to buy a house next year and hopefully get married there the following year. my bf is 4 years younger. So what is the big hurry, who cares if me and my friends arent pregnant at the same time (which i have always wanted) or she has already had her third before i have my first. The time line we are on feels right.

So i want everyone to please stop comparing, you will get your dream wedding it doesnt have to happen right away.

Who are you talking about, with the bolded?

And yes, everyone (should) get married when the timing and relationship feels right for them, not just at an arbitrary number of years or months of dating.

Also, "in this day and age" people are getting married later and later in life... I don't think people are feeling more pressure to get married earlier than they used to. In fact, I'd say there's less pressure.

And, finally, you don't need to have your entire financial life figured out (aka, no debt, at all) before you get married. When you buy that house, you're probably going to have debt (aka, a mortgage) for quite a while. You're not going to wait 30 years to get married so you don't have that debt anymore, are you? I see a mortgage the same way I see student loans.

FI and I are going to be paying off students loans until we're in our 40s (undergrad + grad school for him, grad school for me.) It's just another monthly payment. An annoyingly steep one... but it's certainly not something that is going to hold us back from getting married.

Anyway, yes, its really good that you're keeping your "I NEEDS MARRIAGE NOW!!" feelings in check. Gold star for you.

eilis1228 · December 2014

Hummingbird125 · December 2014

ktornst1 - Apparantly your timeline DOESN'T feel right to you, and I think YOU need to "SLOW DOWN" considering you aren't even engaged yet, and yet you're running your ideas for your bachelorette party and destination wedding by strangers on the internet....

ktornst1 · December 2014

i dont plan to be debt free of course, i would be like 35 if im lucky then when i get married.

im just saying that i dont feel pressured to get married but when everyone else you are close to like your friends its hard to feel like you should wait.

labro · December 2014

In all serious, ok? Thanks? My H and I dated for nearly 3 years before we were engaged and we were engaged for about 10 months. Yes, my parents helped me out partially with college, and they paid for our wedding. I don't see how this matters at all? My H and I both have full-time jobs, we both have student loans that we work hard to pay off, and we have a mortgage. I have friends with 4 kids, friends with 1 kid and another on the way, and PLENTY of friends without kids and some with no plans to have them. It sounds like your friends (or examples of couples or whatever) made the right decision for them and you are making the right decision for you.

GoldenPenguin · December 2014

futuremrshistorian said:

I clicked on this post just because I assumed there would be awesome GIFs. And @GoldenPenguin and @TwoDimes didn't disappoint.

Awkward. returns Tuesday, October 22 on MTV – You're Welcome ...

lacqueredlover · December 2014

Stop judging other people's relationships. It makes you sound jealous and petty. What's right for every couple is different. Calm down.

AuroraRose41 · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I feel like in this day in age everyone is in a hurry to get married and because of that a lot of people feel like they need too.

But I think we really need to look at ourselves and see what is the best decision for you and your other half.

I know I have felt that way too with 2 of my good friends getting married this year and being in both their weddings.

Couple 1: they dated for 9 months and got engaged. when they got married at the end of june they had only been together 1.5 years however they were both 27. They both had their college paid for from their parents and no car loans. He moved into her apt complex and when his lease ended, he moved in to her apt. So thay saw each other constanstly. Her parents paid for the wedding.

Couple 2: Dated a year and got engaged. By the time they were married in October they had been together almost 2 years. Her parents paid for her college and her dad died a coupld year earlier so with that money she paid off her car. her husband is in the army, so college to pay for and he paid off his truck. He won money from a lawsuit years earlier so he bought a little fixer upper house for about 30k. He lived a hour away and they saw each other on the weekends but not every weekend. Last year he was deployed from August until May of this year. They paid for the wedding

Now with that it feels like i shoudl have been engaged by now. Me and my bf have been together for 3 years. Before we move into together we saw each other constanstly and pretty much already lived together. But then I start to think straight. I have school loans, and a car payment. I would like to buy a house next year and hopefully get married there the following year. my bf is 4 years younger. So what is the big hurry, who cares if me and my friends arent pregnant at the same time (which i have always wanted) or she has already had her third before i have my first. The time line we are on feels right.

So i want everyone to please stop comparing, you will get your dream wedding it doesnt have to happen right away.

So wait, you aren't engaged yet, and you are already planning your wedding and bachelorette party?! JFC I think you need to slow down.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1045029/bachelorette-party#latest

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1044955/outdoor-wedding-reception-and-ceremony-in-same-location#latest

ktornst1 · December 2014

I'm not judging, if anything im saying i should be married by now like whats wrong with me.

but i know thats not what i want. having friends getting married makes me feel like should.

labro · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I'm not judging, if anything im saying i should be married by now like whats wrong with me.

but i know thats not what i want. having friends getting married makes me feel like should.

So if all your friends were jumping off a cliff you'd feel like you needed to too?

lacqueredlover · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I'm not judging, if anything im saying i should be married by now like whats wrong with me.

but i know thats not what i want. having friends getting married makes me feel like should.

Just because your friends are doing something doesn't mean you should. I ended a 4 year relationship as my friends were starting to get married. Now I'm getting married, that doesn't mean my friends should.

Stop the comparing game. There is no point to it. You do what works for you.

And you are judging when you talk about who pays for the wedding and how long they dated before. Quite frankly, its not yours or anyone else's business. it's what THEY decided to do, what YOU decide is a different situation.

AuroraRose41 · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I'm not judging, if anything im saying i should be married by now like whats wrong with me.

but i know thats not what i want. having friends getting married makes me feel like should.

Nothing is wrong with you. If you look at my ticker, you will see that I have been with my BF for about the same amount of time that you have been with yours. We aren't engaged yet either, and that's okay. I know a couple that had dated for 8 years before getting engaged, there are women on here who have dated their SO's for much longer as well. Everyone's relationship moves differently, and that does not mean that anything is wrong with you.

You should not be planning a wedding yet though.

lmcooper86 · December 2014

@TwoDimes - thank you for doing what I should have done on the other thread

peekaboo2011 · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

I'm not judging, if anything im saying i should be married by now like whats wrong with me.

but i know thats not what i want. having friends getting married makes me feel like should.

I think you got a little confused.

www.livejournal.com

loves2shop4shoes · December 2014

@ktornst1, I understand the "must be nice" feeling. I paid for college myself, law school myself, and my wedding myself. I've been financially independent from my parents since I was 17.

So I know it can be frustrating when friends buy houses, get married, etc. when you yourself would like to because they are getting things handed to them that you are not. But you need to stop being jealous, and be happy that people you love and care about are having good things happening in their lives. Stop comparing. It's not a contest.

phira · December 2014

peekaboo2011 said:

ktornst1 said:

I'm not judging, if anything im saying i should be married by now like whats wrong with me.

but i know thats not what i want. having friends getting married makes me feel like should.

I think you got a little confused.

www.livejournal.com

THANK YOU. I came into this thread when the OP first posted and was like ... this sounds like a journal.

beanbot2002 · December 2014

ktornst1 said:

i dont plan to be debt free of course, i would be like 35 if im lucky then when i get married.

im just saying that i dont feel pressured to get married but when everyone else you are close to like your friends its hard to feel like you should wait.

Ummm...I actually WILL be 35 when I get married next year. Is that too old in your book?? I feel like you're saying something here, but maybe I'm reading too far into it.

Dignity100 · December 2014

beanbot2002 said:

ktornst1 said:

i dont plan to be debt free of course, i would be like 35 if im lucky then when i get married.

im just saying that i dont feel pressured to get married but when everyone else you are close to like your friends its hard to feel like you should wait.

Ummm...I actually WILL be 35 when I get married next year. Is that too old in your book?? I feel like you're saying something here, but maybe I'm reading too far into it.

I'm 35 and just got married this year (at 35). We're also not looking to even start TTC until late next year.

GoldenPenguin · December 2014

I'll be 34 when we get married next May.

kipper88 · December 2014

We dated 8 years before we got engaged. Chill the fuck out.

WildMagelet · December 2014

Yeah....we've been together almost 9 years and aren't married. We aren't religious or TTC yet so it's not a huge deal. What's your rush?

irishfly · December 2014

peekaboo2011 · December 2014

irishfly said:

Cool story bro, tell it again.

arrrghmatey · December 2014

Sounds to me like you're the one who is not happy with the current status of your relationship and you are trying to justify your situation to make you feel better.

Just stop. As others have said, stop comparing yourselves to others. I was with my FI for 3+ years when he proposed. I'll be 31 when I get married. My sister already had 4 kids by that age, but you don't see me trying to justify why I'm not there yet.

Slow down!

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