Adult "Allowances"

Teddy917 · December 2014

How do you and your SO figure spending money?

My husband and I have agreed that I will put a set amount in an account for him each day and I will get to spend whatever I feel I need. He's incredibly spendy. I'm the opposite. If he had control of the money, we wouldn't have a dime in savings. While I will see something that I like, think about it, go home, think some more, and most likely decide it's not important. I don't like this system but he insists on it. FWIW I work, he doesn't. So I'm earning the money.

I just want to see if there are any solutions that we haven't thought of yet.

teddygirl9 · December 2014

We allocate enough to cover our 'together' items, mortgage, house insurance, utilities. Then pay our separates, like phone bill, car insurance. After that we each put 500/cheque into investments/savings. The rest is fun money, or if theres left over it gets put into savings as well. But we are both earning, and not saving for anything in particular.

Basically we pay off everything first, save second, spend whatevers left. I would rather save up for something than skip saving one month.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

I think agreeing to a set amount of money that one can spend each week on incidentals and random "I want" items is a good idea. It keeps each person from over spending and helps them to question if what they are buying is really a need.

If your H knows how he is with money and wants you to give him an "allowance" then that is what you should do.

H and I gave ourselves an "allowance" of $80 a week in fun money. We can do whatever we want with that money. If we have some over at the end of the week then we can use it in the next week or we can save it or whatever. If we go over then we have to deduct the overage from the following week.

And just because you are earning the money doesn't mean that it is YOUR money so all decisions are yours to make. You are married so it is both of your money. If you are giving your H an "allowance" then you should impose one on yourself as well.

The way H and I figured how much we get each week is by making a spreadsheet. We take what we bring home, figured out our house bills, how much each will contribute to that, then our personal bills, then how much we will be putting into savings. What is left over is how much we have for the rest of the month, divide by 4 and bam you have our "allowance."

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

teddygirl9 said:

We allocate enough to cover our 'together' items, mortgage, house insurance, utilities. Then pay our separates, like phone bill, car insurance. After that we each put 500/cheque into investments/savings. The rest is fun money, or if theres left over it gets put into savings as well. But we are both earning, and not saving for anything in particular.

We do something along these lines. We also agree that if we want to make a big ticket purchase, we talk with the other person before doing it.

ShesSoCold · December 2014

Teddy917 said:

How do you and your SO figure spending money? My husband and I have agreed that I will put a set amount in an account for him each day and I will get to spend whatever I feel I need. He's incredibly spendy. I'm the opposite. If he had control of the money, we wouldn't have a dime in savings. While I will see something that I like, think about it, go home, think some more, and most likely decide it's not important. I don't like this system but he insists on it. FWIW I work, he doesn't. So I'm earning the money. I just want to see if there are any solutions that we haven't thought of yet.

BOX _--

H and I are similar. He spends every cent and I'm a money hoarder. We each get a weekly cash allowance. I pay the bills but let him know what was paid and when, and how much I put into savings. If either of us need to make an additional purchase, we talk about it. Since I keep track of the checking account, he asks me if there is enough for him to buy a tool or whatever and I let him know that we can afford for me to get a manicure or anything. It's working.

theycallmelinz · December 2014

You definitely need to be on the same page when it comes to money. FI and I aren't doing any unnecessary spending right now because we're saving for the wedding, and I run every purchase I make by him just in case. Example, today I was going to place an order for some Scentsy stuff that was going to be $20. I asked him if he minded, he said he didn't, and then I ultimately decided not to get it because we are saving.

I mention this because you're going to have to sit down and talk about your finances, seriously. In our early stages of planning and saving money (this hadn't been an issue before now because we had money to spend wherever) I was getting anxiety because I felt like he wasn't on board with saving, and then we had a conversation and he brought to my attention that I was the one who wasn't saving because I was going out for lunch 4 out of 5 work days, spending $20 here and there on fun stuff for me, etc. And I was like ooohhhh yeah. You're right.

Honestly, have a conversation about this and get on the same page. I have a friend who's system with her husband is they don't have to discuss it unless it's over $100. Maybe that's something that might work for your guys? Or you may need to be like us and run everything by each other until you're in a better position financially.

teddygirl9 · December 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

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teddygirl9 said:

We allocate enough to cover our 'together' items, mortgage, house insurance, utilities. Then pay our separates, like phone bill, car insurance. After that we each put 500/cheque into investments/savings. The rest is fun money, or if theres left over it gets put into savings as well. But we are both earning, and not saving for anything in particular.

We do something along these lines. We also agree that if we want to make a big ticket purchase, we talk with the other person before doing it.

Heh, that's important. I got in trouble for buying central air when we moved in to the house...whoops...

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

For us, right now, we both work. We came into the relationship already well-established financially (own our own homes, own 401ks, own savings). The logical thing for us was to establish a joint checking/saving account and put enough in their for truly joint expenses and keep our normal saving and investing practices. It's working for now, but as we start thinking more heavily about starting a family, we'll have to figure out a more aggressive savings plan.

I'm not down with calling something an "allowance." Something about that word is degrading, in my opinion. One of my coworkers has an allowance, and she makes her own money! I know it's just semantics, but call it a budget. Your husband has a budget.

If that's what he needs in order for you to have a financially sound household, it actually sounds like a good solution. You set the budget, he has to learn not to spend outside the budget.

Liatris2010 · December 2014

We keep our money separate, pay our individual bills, and take turns paying our shared bills. We also have a joint savings account that we use for saving. Since it is for saving, we don't have to worry about how to spend it.

mikenberger · December 2014

Teddy917 said:
How do you and your SO figure spending money?

My husband and I have agreed that I will put a set amount in an account for him each day and I will get to spend whatever I feel I need. He's incredibly spendy. I'm the opposite. If he had control of the money, we wouldn't have a dime in savings. While I will see something that I like, think about it, go home, think some more, and most likely decide it's not important. I don't like this system but he insists on it. FWIW I work, he doesn't. So I'm earning the money.

I just want to see if there are any solutions that we haven't thought of yet.

If he's unemployed, why would he need money every day? I would put a set amount in on a set date (eg: 1st and 15th) and call it good. Once his money is gone, its gone. Might seem a little childish, but perhaps it'll help him learn how to budget when he doesn't have money continually through the month.

I would encourage though a "limit" on your purchase without needing to clue the other in. Ours is $100. Usually it's just "Hey, I think I might pick up a new purse. Thoughts?" And typically I get met with "Remember those shoes you "loved" and were saving for or those jeans?" He's helpful in my thought process. Its not an approval process.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

teddygirl9 said:

show previous quotes

PrettyGirlLost said:

teddygirl9 said:

We allocate enough to cover our 'together' items, mortgage, house insurance, utilities. Then pay our separates, like phone bill, car insurance. After that we each put 500/cheque into investments/savings. The rest is fun money, or if theres left over it gets put into savings as well. But we are both earning, and not saving for anything in particular.

We do something along these lines. We also agree that if we want to make a big ticket purchase, we talk with the other person before doing it.

Heh, that's important. I got in trouble for buying central air when we moved in to the house...whoops...

Yeah it's not so much a controlling thing as it is a communication thing, because should an emergency arise, you need to know the money is there. . . or that it isn't! But no one likes a surprise.

NowIamMrsKlein · December 2014

We currently have separate accounts but think of it all as 'our money' not mine and his.

As we are currently saving for the wedding and buying a house we definitely keep an eye on our spending, but don't have a set 'allowance' so to speak.

We do most of our shopping together, its very rare for one of us to just be out randomly shopping and that way its a joint decision on whats being spent and we both know our input vs. output.

Our main 'rule' for personal spending without each other is, 'if its not necessary to live, and it's over 30$, then check with the other person. That way I don't randomly spend 50$ thinking its no big deal not knowing that he is out randomly spending 50$ and without knowing we've combined spent 100$

the only exception is christmas and birthdays. Then we usually try and look at our finances and say ok, we can spend 'x amount' on each other this year. Divide the money as you see fit.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

I don't really talk to H about large purchases because I am the "accountant" in our house. I know how much money we have in savings and how much we can safely spend without going below the set amount I put on our savings account. H on the other hand is horrible with money. Like crazy horrible. He would spend and spend and spend without any consideration for how much money we had. So he trusts me that I wouldn't just spend willy nilly. He also knows that for me to make a large purchase takes a lot of time and thinking and anxiety on my part so I certainly don't just go out and buy all new appliances because they are shiny. Finally our huge purchases are generally house related so they are typically made together anyways.

lyndausvi · December 2014

DH is a spender. He insisted on an allowance for himself. He spends that money however he feels fit, no questions asked by me. I'm not as much of a spender,I have a sort-of self imposed allowance for myself.

teddygirl9 · December 2014

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

We currently have separate accounts but think of it all as 'our money' not mine and his.

As we are currently saving for the wedding and buying a house we definitely keep an eye on our spending, but don't have a set 'allowance' so to speak.

We do most of our shopping together, its very rare for one of us to just be out randomly shopping and that way its a joint decision on whats being spent and we both know our input vs. output.

Our main 'rule' for personal spending without each other is, 'if its not necessary to live, and it's over 30$, then check with the other person. That way I don't randomly spend 50$ thinking its no big deal not knowing that he is out randomly spending 50$ and without knowing we've combined spent 100$

the only exception is christmas and birthdays. Then we usually try and look at our finances and say ok, we can spend 'x amount' on each other this year. Divide the money as you see fit.

$30 you have to check in? Geeze that's a bit excessive imo. That's like, a nice lunch out. I wouldn't check in for going to lunch with a friend.

AprilH81 · December 2014

We each have a set amount of money each month that is our fun money. That money covers anything that we individually want that is not covered by another budget category.

Our fun money covers: lunches out (if you take lunch from home it comes from the grocery budget), hair cuts, clothes, work happy hours, movies/entertainment that we both don't participate in, etc.

Couggal12 · December 2014

H and I have separate accounts and prefer it this way. We have a joint savings account that is our emergency fund in case something happens but, other than that we split our bills in half, put money away in savings each pay check, and take turn buying groceries and other necessities. It works best for us and unless it's a ridiculously expensive item we normally don't consult each other on our spending.

KeptInStitches · December 2014

I'm a spender, but what's helped me is having big-ticket items I want. I want to have a nice wedding for my friends and family, I have to save for it. I want a house, I have to save for the down payment ... I've been in this thought pattern for about a year and on the whole I have done a lot better about my spending now!

abbyj700 · December 2014

I hate the term allowance for and SO. It's not their allowance, they are adults.

DH and I have separate accounts. We've only been married just over a month but were living together before that and financially functioning together before making it official. I pay a majority of the home expenses as I make a great deal more than him. He pays for fun time (which we have a lot of). We each pay our own car payments, insurance and phone bills. When the other person needs help - we ask. He's paying off some debts while I'm busy saving for the future. Together, we're a pretty perfect team of being ready for the future.

If I pay the engagement ring payment one month or he gives me some money to do Christmas shopping - we don't consider it a loan or "allowance" -it's just us reallocating OUR money.

princessofgenovia · December 2014

We're still just starting to combine our finances. We only moved in together in September so...it's still new to us.

I've always set an allowance for myself though, basically since I started working. I'd figure out what I had to spend, and then whatever was left I'd let myself have about half for whatever I wanted. The other half was "in case of" money.

We just opened a joint checking and joint savings account to pay our rent out of and to put money aside (for the wedding now, for future purchases down the road). So we agreed we'd each make sure our half of the rent money was in there by the 1st of each month. Until now we'd just been swapping off who paid and the other would pay back their half of the rent. It was a pain in the ass.

I went and set it up so a percentage of each of checks will go into those accounts so I don't have to worry about moving money around. FI says he plans on doing the same but it's a little more complicated at his job, it was easy peasy for me, took like 5 minutes.

We decided he'd handle the electric bill, I'd take care of cable/internet. He makes more then I do, but I have less bills then he does. He's got a car payment, some credit cards, his cell phone, car insurance (which is higher then mine); I've just got car insurance and cell phone. So we've tried to make it balance.

I'm hoping once we get the joint account going we can also use that for grocery shopping and other household items. That's the long term plan anyways. Right now we just both kind of swap off on whose buying what. I mean, I know if I was like "Hey we need toilet paper" he'd just go buy it without asking me to chip in and if he asked for something from the store I'd buy it without asking him to chip in.

We each are good at budgeting our money separately, we're great at saving and have investments towards our future. But it's bringing everything together that we're still working out. But I feel confident we have a good start. It helps that we've always been comfortable talking about money. One of his moms is a financial planner and taught the kids about money management early on, and money was an open topic in my house cause we didn't have any and often my part-time jobs helped make ends meet. Plus my mom was big on me being independent and knowing how to manage my money was a big part of that.

lyndausvi · December 2014

abbyj700 said:

I hate the term allowance for and SO. It's not their allowance, they are adults.

DH and I have separate accounts. We've only been married just over a month but were living together before that and financially functioning together before making it official. I pay a majority of the home expenses as I make a great deal more than him. He pays for fun time (which we have a lot of). We each pay our own car payments, insurance and phone bills. When the other person needs help - we ask. He's paying off some debts while I'm busy saving for the future. Together, we're a pretty perfect team of being ready for the future.

If I pay the engagement ring payment one month or he gives me some money to do Christmas shopping - we don't consider it a loan or "allowance" -it's just us reallocating OUR money.

Meh, If my DH wants to call his do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want-to-do-with money an allowance it's no skin off my back.

NowIamMrsKlein · December 2014

teddygirl9 said:

show previous quotes

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

We currently have separate accounts but think of it all as 'our money' not mine and his.

As we are currently saving for the wedding and buying a house we definitely keep an eye on our spending, but don't have a set 'allowance' so to speak.

We do most of our shopping together, its very rare for one of us to just be out randomly shopping and that way its a joint decision on whats being spent and we both know our input vs. output.

Our main 'rule' for personal spending without each other is, 'if its not necessary to live, and it's over 30$, then check with the other person. That way I don't randomly spend 50$ thinking its no big deal not knowing that he is out randomly spending 50$ and without knowing we've combined spent 100$

the only exception is christmas and birthdays. Then we usually try and look at our finances and say ok, we can spend 'x amount' on each other this year. Divide the money as you see fit.

$30 you have to check in? Geeze that's a bit excessive imo. That's like, a nice lunch out. I wouldn't check in for going to lunch with a friend.

It may seem excessive but because of it we managed to lump sum pay of FI's student loans last september and already have enough to pay for our entire wedding with no help. And since we are planning on getting married and buying a house within 3 months of each other next fall, saving money is our number 1 priority right now.

It wont be like that after we have our house and have got married because then we wont have any big ticket items left to save for.

It may be different if we lived in a big city near our friends and family, but we live in a remote northern location and really have no friends here besides our co-workers so there really isn't any opportunity to spend money. There are no restaurants here that it would cost over 30$ to eat at. There are minimal clothing stores and nowhere to buy videos/games/electronics. So there is no reason to be randomly dropping cash. We moved here in order to save money for our future so that's what we are focusing on:)

And its not like we don't spend the money. I wanted new makeup the other day and i just shot him a text saying 'hey im ordering makeup online, its 70$. Cool?' and he was like 'yup. cool'

It's mainly a check-value. If he had responded 'oh, I was hoping to order that new PS4 game this week. It's 70$' then I may have held off on the makeup until the following pay period. Random 30$ expenditures can add up quickly (2 people, 30$ 2x a week each month is almost 500$)

teddygirl9 · December 2014

SoontobeMrsKlein said:
It may seem excessive but because of it we managed to lump sum pay of FI's student loans last september and already have enough to pay for our entire wedding with no help. And since we are planning on getting married and buying a house within 3 months of each other next fall, saving money is our number 1 priority right now.

It wont be like that after we have our house and have got married because then we wont have any big ticket items left to save for.

It may be different if we lived in a big city near our friends and family, but we live in a remote northern location and really have no friends here besides our co-workers so there really isn't any opportunity to spend money. There are no restaurants here that it would cost over 30$ to eat at. There are minimal clothing stores and nowhere to buy videos/games/electronics. So there is no reason to be randomly dropping cash. We moved here in order to save money for our future so that's what we are focusing on:)

And its not like we don't spend the money. I wanted new makeup the other day and i just shot him a text saying 'hey im ordering makeup online, its 70$. Cool?' and he was like 'yup. cool'

It's mainly a check-value. If he had responded 'oh, I was hoping to order that new PS4 game this week. It's 70$' then I may have held off on the makeup until the following pay period. Random 30$ expenditures can add up quickly (2 people, 30$ 2x a week each month is almost 500$)

I guess small town is different. I know that everything is more expensive in Canada, and I do live in a big city. So going for lunch under 20$ is like, mcdonalds haha. Plus, as I said we aren't saving for anything in particular. With a goal in mind it is MUCH easier to be that good! We were the same while saving for a house.

kaitlynmichelle · December 2014

We have separate accounts currently, and we split bills. We don't keep perfect records of stuff - We trade off paying for groceries, gas, etc. We split rent and car insurance as well.

We might look into a joint account but we've been together so long and we are happy with how we deal with money. We are debt free currently so that isn't an issue either.

Larger purchases we would likely mention or "check in" for but most often if it is a large purchase the other person might be contributing anyway. Smaller items we don't check in. We don't spend a lot anyways so I rarely would need to mention a large purchase to H. I occasionally buy clothes without mentioning it or he buys a video game. No big deal.

I think an "allowance" is fine if it is discussed. I wouldn't be ok with H not working and wanting to just spend all the time. I think an allowance would work well if you both discuss it and come to an agreement on how it would work. I also wouldn't then spend all the time myself if H had a limit.

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

lyndausvi said:

show previous quotes

abbyj700 said:

I hate the term allowance for and SO. It's not their allowance, they are adults.

If I pay the engagement ring payment one month or he gives me some money to do Christmas shopping - we don't consider it a loan or "allowance" -it's just us reallocating OUR money.

Meh, If my DH wants to call his do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want-to-do-with money an allowance it's no skin off my back.

To me, the word "allowance" conjures images of fathers doling out dollar bills to over-eager children. It infers control. Translating that to a married couple rubs me the wrong way, like one controls the purse strings. On the other hand, a couple can partner together on establishing a budget. Even if one partner makes all the money, the couple can agree on a budget. Sorry to belabor the point but it it's one of those things that's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

kat1114 · December 2014

Before we got married, we split joint bills/expenses as a percentage of our income. Any large purchases are generally things that we're buying for a joint purpose, so we talk about it before buying it anyways (i.e. we bought a new mattress last year and both put money towards it). As long as joint bills are getting paid, we don't really keep tabs on what the other spends from their own account.

Now that we're married, I don't really see a need to fix what ain't broke, since our system has been working for us for the last 5 years.

jenna8984 · December 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I don't really talk to H about large purchases because I am the "accountant" in our house. I know how much money we have in savings and how much we can safely spend without going below the set amount I put on our savings account. H on the other hand is horrible with money. Like crazy horrible. He would spend and spend and spend without any consideration for how much money we had. So he trusts me that I wouldn't just spend willy nilly. He also knows that for me to make a large purchase takes a lot of time and thinking and anxiety on my part so I certainly don't just go out and buy all new appliances because they are shiny. Finally our huge purchases are generally house related so they are typically made together anyways.

@maggie0829 SAME!!! I'm the accountant, all of the major savings accounts are in my name and I know exactly how much is going into each one monthly. I have seperate accounts for home improvements, new car, vacations, and emergencies. So if our fridge breaks I know how much is in that account for a new one and it won't affect our vacation fund. DH is not good with money. He would put it all in one account then use it on some super state of the line fridge and we'd have no vacation money.

We have a box in our bedroom and each week he puts his amount in the box. His amount covers half our our living expenses plus a little extra to add to savings. I deposit this into my accounts listed along with my own savings. What we each have left, we are free to do as we please with. I normally spend mine on lunch out with friends, he spends his on new tools or video games.

JaniV123 · December 2014

We are not married yet, and we will be keeping legal separation of goods, but FI made me a budget since I am living off student loans.

Either way I always consult him if I am making a purchase over $50 but more for judgement than control.

He is better with money at times and I am at others so we just go at it as it comes

NowIamMrsKlein · December 2014

teddygirl9 said:

show previous quotes

SoontobeMrsKlein said:
It may seem excessive but because of it we managed to lump sum pay of FI's student loans last september and already have enough to pay for our entire wedding with no help. And since we are planning on getting married and buying a house within 3 months of each other next fall, saving money is our number 1 priority right now.

It wont be like that after we have our house and have got married because then we wont have any big ticket items left to save for.

It may be different if we lived in a big city near our friends and family, but we live in a remote northern location and really have no friends here besides our co-workers so there really isn't any opportunity to spend money. There are no restaurants here that it would cost over 30$ to eat at. There are minimal clothing stores and nowhere to buy videos/games/electronics. So there is no reason to be randomly dropping cash. We moved here in order to save money for our future so that's what we are focusing on:)

And its not like we don't spend the money. I wanted new makeup the other day and i just shot him a text saying 'hey im ordering makeup online, its 70$. Cool?' and he was like 'yup. cool'

It's mainly a check-value. If he had responded 'oh, I was hoping to order that new PS4 game this week. It's 70$' then I may have held off on the makeup until the following pay period. Random 30$ expenditures can add up quickly (2 people, 30$ 2x a week each month is almost 500$)

I guess small town is different. I know that everything is more expensive in Canada, and I do live in a big city. So going for lunch under 20$ is like, mcdonalds haha. Plus, as I said we aren't saving for anything in particular. With a goal in mind it is MUCH easier to be that good! We were the same while saving for a house.

haha yea dinner for two at our 'fanciest' restaurant here would probably be around 50$. So we don't eat out a lot because its just not that good. We love to cook though so we make our own fancy dishes.

Im sure it will be sticker shock for us once we are back living in a city!

Everything (besides restaurants) will be so much cheaper! we pay an average of 1.40$/L up here in gas (4.77/gallon). Which is way higher than cities that are not remote. And basic necessities here (deodorant, shampoo, etc) cost probably a dollar or two more than more central locations. I think our biggest shock moving here was razor blades costing 60$ for 6. (Back south at Costco we could get a 16 pack for 50$)

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

The way we're currently doing finances is having 100% of our paychecks deposited into our joint checking account. Then we have regular transfers set up that go into: 1) my personal checking 2) his personal checking, 3) joint savings and 4) investments.

#1 and #2 are the same amount of money. So I guess you could call that our allowance. We also have a joint credit card for stuff like groceries. That gets paid with our joint checking account. We each have our own credit cards which get paid for with our personal checking accounts.

Neither of us suck with money, thankfully. If anything, I'm worse than he is. I love purses. I can't help it.

lyndausvi · December 2014

thisismynickname said:

show previous quotes

lyndausvi said:

abbyj700 said:

I hate the term allowance for and SO. It's not their allowance, they are adults.

If I pay the engagement ring payment one month or he gives me some money to do Christmas shopping - we don't consider it a loan or "allowance" -it's just us reallocating OUR money.

Meh, If my DH wants to call his do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want-to-do-with money an allowance it's no skin off my back.

To me, the word "allowance" conjures images of fathers doling out dollar bills to over-eager children. It infers control. Translating that to a married couple rubs me the wrong way, like one controls the purse strings. On the other hand, a couple can partner together on establishing a budget. Even if one partner makes all the money, the couple can agree on a budget. Sorry to belabor the point but it it's one of those things that's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Different strokes for different folks. DH does make most of the money and we do have a budget. And his fun money is listed as "DH's Allowance" on the spread sheet. Per his request he wanted an "allowance". So that is what he got. Even though he makes most of the money.

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