Wedding Etiquette Forum

Calling About a Missing RSVP

I'm still many months out from having to send invites- hell, I don't have to send my STDs until March or April.

That said, I'm curious about why I have to contact people who haven't returned their RSVP card once the deadline has come and gone.  Why should I have to do that?  Don't we just take no response to mean no they are not coming?  It seems silly to have to track down grown adults.

Only reason I could MAYBE see doing this is in the off chance that someone's invite may have been lost in the mail.

Any other reason?

Etiquette-wise, am I in the wrong if I DON'T place that follow-up call once the deadline has come and gone?

Re: Calling About a Missing RSVP

  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think it's because it eliminates the chance that someone didn't realize they had to RSVP, or forgot, etc, Things happen. It's better to be on the safe side and check so you're prepared in case they do show up.  

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    ChemFanatic25japrincess24
  • Definitely call!  Two of our invitations were lost in the mail, and one response card showed up mangled after we returned from the honeymoon.  We wouldn't have known about it unless we called.
    japrincess24
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Definitely call!  Two of our invitations were lost in the mail, and one response card showed up mangled after we returned from the honeymoon.  We wouldn't have known about it unless we called.
    Same with us.  We had a few guests who never received the invite.  Can't respond to something that was never received.    We had 2-3 RSVP that were received the week of the wedding even though the post mark was 6 weeks before.  Those people DID RSVP on time. We just didn't get them from the PO.

    Then we had my cousin who said to my mom "Oh shit Aunt R, the [sealed] RSVP envelope is still sitting on the front seat of the car".  He was coming.


    Some people are slackers, but some honestly did RSVP or never got the invite.  No way of knowing unless you call.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Will do, then!

    Oh hey, you're from my hometown. Yay for locations in avatars! 
    ________________________________


    edenisle[Deleted User]
  • @feeleytobe and @thisismynickname Same hometown for me!! I don't live there anymore, but still have the 815 area code to prove it!
    thisismynickname2[Deleted User]
  • lyndausvi said:
    Definitely call!  Two of our invitations were lost in the mail, and one response card showed up mangled after we returned from the honeymoon.  We wouldn't have known about it unless we called.
    Same with us.  We had a few guests who never received the invite.  Can't respond to something that was never received.    We had 2-3 RSVP that were received the week of the wedding even though the post mark was 6 weeks before.  Those people DID RSVP on time. We just didn't get them from the PO.

    Then we had my cousin who said to my mom "Oh shit Aunt R, the [sealed] RSVP envelope is still sitting on the front seat of the car".  He was coming.


    Some people are slackers, but some honestly did RSVP or never got the invite.  No way of knowing unless you call.
    The control freak in my would want to personally hand them the invites so that I know that they got them but I also know this is not a good idea because they could shove it in their pocket and completely forget about it as someone stated in another post.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Definitely call!  Two of our invitations were lost in the mail, and one response card showed up mangled after we returned from the honeymoon.  We wouldn't have known about it unless we called.
    Same with us.  We had a few guests who never received the invite.  Can't respond to something that was never received.    We had 2-3 RSVP that were received the week of the wedding even though the post mark was 6 weeks before.  Those people DID RSVP on time. We just didn't get them from the PO.

    Then we had my cousin who said to my mom "Oh shit Aunt R, the [sealed] RSVP envelope is still sitting on the front seat of the car".  He was coming.


    Some people are slackers, but some honestly did RSVP or never got the invite.  No way of knowing unless you call.
    The control freak in my would want to personally hand them the invites so that I know that they got them but I also know this is not a good idea because they could shove it in their pocket and completely forget about it as someone stated in another post.
    When you live on a island and your guests (including immediate family) lived in 14 different states and 1 different country that really isn't an option.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 

  • edenisle said:
    @feeleytobe and @thisismynickname Same hometown for me!! I don't live there anymore, but still have the 815 area code to prove it!
    How fun!  did you guys go to the HS there?  I just moved there a few months ago.  Love it; fiance has lived in unincorporated Woodstock since junior high and was a football coach and substitute teacher for 5 years at WHS.  I've been going there for weekends the past three years to see him, and we love it there, so when it came time to move, we went for it.

    We live on the square- so, so, so much fun!

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You need to contact them because sometimes, in spite of your best efforts, your guests, who intend to come, either don't get the invitation or for some reason their response gets lost in transit.  And sadly, there are those clods who never RSVP but show up anyway because their attitude is "I'll just show up and they can fucking deal with it" and nobody fucking deals with it by throwing them out on their asses as they deserve.

    And inviting someone and not being prepared to host them, regardless of the circumstances, just isn't polite.  It makes you look bad.  So it's always best to err on the side of caution and follow up with any guest whose RSVP you haven't received.
  • I'll admit that I have been one of those terrible wedding guests who forgot to RSVP once... and I was very grateful and not the least bit insulted when the bride contacted me directly and asked whether I was planning on coming.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I only received about 20% of my RSVP's back.  Everyone received their invites... my family is just not big on following etiquette.   Most of the non-rsvp responses were "no"... and they figured they only need to RSVP if attending.  But there was one person that filled out the rsvp, got it ready to send, then left it on their counter before leaving on a 3 week trip. One person just plain forgot about it.  A few of them talked to my parents and mentioned they were coming and thought that was sufficient, but that message was never relayed to me.

    So, most of the non-rsvp people will be "no", but there are likely to be a few "yes" responses in there.  And it will make your like easier on wedding day if you are able to properly account for them, rather than scrambling for extra chairs & food because you assumed that no response meant they weren't attending.  Yes it does suck having to track people down, but it's still easier than dealing with accommodating unexpected guests on wedding day.  

    And it will likely make you SO much more responsible about returning RSVP's in a timely manner in the future... I will always return those things immediately after experiencing being on the other end of it.

    image 

  • Thanks ladies.  I think my "aversion" to calling is because I hate picking up other people's slack.  My attitude was, "Well, you must not have wanted to go if you didn't respond, so why should I waste my time to call you?"  And I don't really care if people don't come.

    I don't mean that the way it sounds.  I guess what I mean is, my day won't be ruined just because so-and-so didn't come to the wedding.  As long as my fiance and I are there, that's what counts.  I understand people have lives, other commitments, budgets to consider, etc.  if they can't make it, they can't make it.

    I just don't understand why it's so hard to check yes/no and the food you want, stuff an envelope, lick it and drop it in the mail box.  I have always been a very good RSVP-er. 

    That said, you've made good points- I should be prepared to host anyone I invite and I can't do that if people just "show up" even though they never RSVPed.  And, it's a nice thing to do for those people who had their shit together but had their response lost in the mail, etc.


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