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Etiquette

Upgrade table linens?

Wedding is Nov of 2015 and will be black tie optional.  All white/cream flowers in a hotel ballroom.  Silver chivari chairs, silver place settings, white china, silver chargers.  Currently using basic white hotel linens.  Is it worth looking into linen upgrades?  Suggestions on what to look at?

Thoughts on round or square chargers/plates?
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Re: Upgrade table linens?

  • Nobody notices linens. Save your money
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I upgraded my linens because I knew exactly what I wanted and it wasn't white polyester, but if you aren't even sure what you should be looking for instead of white then I wouldn't bother wasting the time and money.
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  • I admit, I'm not a fan of the basic linens that are at a lot of weddings - I don't like the texture (I'm a very tactile person). That being said, the only reason I upgraded ours was because our caterer gave the upgrade to us for free. I may not love the basic ones, but there's no way I'd pay extra for tablecloths and napkins :-)
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Black tie optional isn't a thing. You're describing what I'm having; a formal wedding with black, white/champagne, silver and gold accents.

    I upgraded my linens but moreso to match my color scheme (gold satin linens which I already have with the upgraded linen being a sparkle overlay). I am also having round silver chargers because I like them, regardless of the fact that guests will not notice them.  


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  • Not going to waste my money!  However, my wedding is very laid back and on Halloween, so it won't really make a difference at my event.  To each their own!
  • Since it sounds like you're having a black tie affair and if you have the money to upgrade, I would. You don't have to, but why not?

    I agree with all others - putting "Black tie optional" on invitations is actually against etiquette (had to mention it since you posted to the etiquette board). It's ok to put "Black tie" if you're actually having a black tie wedding. But black tie isn't just a dress code, it's an event style - complementary valet, white gloved service, multi-course meal, passed apps, top shelf open bar, live multi-piece band with DJ to play on breaks, the works...

    Writing "Black tie optional" does a few things:

    1) It tells people you don't understand proper etiquette
    2) The people you're trying to target to step it up aren't going to get it anyway (they never do)
    3) The people who know etiquette will be offended that you're inferring they don't know how to dress nicely for a wedding
    4) It's confusing - is it black tie or not?

    I've been to a few "Black tie optional" weddings. They're never actually black tie events - which is super frustrating. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm in the "save your money" camp - put it on something else that your guests will enjoy more, like additional an additional appetizer or upgrade at the bar. For a formal event, I personally like the more traditional look of round plates and chargers, but that's just me.

    I won't get into the black tie optional thing, but I suggest searching for past threads about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2014
    I upgraded my linens.  IMHO, it's a nominal expense that DOES make a difference in creating a nicer look in the room.  Linen upgrades cost me $1,300 and very worth it, to me.My Mom was also very adament that we upgrade the linens. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    disaiak said:
    I upgraded my linens.  IMHO, it's a nominal expense that DOES make a difference in creating a nicer look in the room.  Linen upgrades cost me $1,300 and very worth it, to me.My Mom was also very adament that we upgrade the linens. 
    I wouldn't call $1,300 a nominal expense, and I had a 30K+ wedding.
    I was going to say the same thing.  $1300 is actually quite a bit of money on something that your guests either won't notice or will notice for two seconds and say "oh pretty" and then move on to their cocktail.

    blabla89indianaalum
  • disaiak said:
    I upgraded my linens.  IMHO, it's a nominal expense that DOES make a difference in creating a nicer look in the room.  Linen upgrades cost me $1,300 and very worth it, to me.My Mom was also very adament that we upgrade the linens. 
    I'd rather extend my reception, bar service, and DJ another hour with that amount.

    Most people don't notice the linens. They will be too busy eating, drinking, dancing, and chatting to notice the upgrade. Anyone who does notice needs another drink.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • Thanks, all.  Black tie optional is not going on the invites.  It is what we are telling guests. I appreciate the feedback.  
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2014
    Thanks, all.  Black tie optional is not going on the invites.  It is what we are telling guests. I appreciate the feedback.  


    1) Black Tie Optional isn't actually a thing, as others have said. Black Tie is designated by the event, not the dress code. Your event either is Black Tie or it is not.

    2) Regardless of whether or not it's going on your invitations, you shouldn't tell your guests how to dress (unless you actually are having a Black Tie event).

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    Maggie0829[Deleted User]fwtx5815chibiyui
  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2014
    Thanks, all.  Black tie optional is not going on the invites.  It is what we are telling guests. I appreciate the feedback.  
    But what IS Black Tie Optional? Don't give your male guests pressure to rent a tux and your female guests pressure to buy a gown if they don't have one. Just have a formal wedding and let your invitations, venue, and time of day tell the guests that.

    I don't need to tell my guests I'm having a formal wedding because they're not 5 years old and can infer what all the details mean.


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    [Deleted User]chibiyui
  • Indeed, BTO means just that, and is exactly what we are telling our guests --  "you have the option to wear a tux if you would like".  It is a formal wedding (full band, premium bar, 4 course plated white glove meal, valet, after dinner late night snack, dessert bars, champagne pre and post ceremony, etc.) but it's not my place to demand some one spend $$ to rent or buy a tux if they can afford it. I'm more interested in making my guests happy.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Indeed, BTO means just that, and is exactly what we are telling our guests --  "you have the option to wear a tux if you would like".  It is a formal wedding (full band, premium bar, 4 course plated white glove meal, valet, after dinner late night snack, dessert bars, champagne pre and post ceremony, etc.) but it's not my place to demand some one spend $$ to rent or buy a tux if they can afford it. I'm more interested in making my guests happy.
    But wearing a tux is always an option so you don't really need to tell people that.  And telling your guests "our wedding is black tie optional" will put unnecessary stress on your guests to go out and rent a tux because they will then be afraid that they will be under dressed if they don't.

    And if the bolded is true then you will just trust your guests to wear the appropriate attire and stop trying to tell them what to wear.  I am guessing the majority of them are not dumb and know how to dress appropriately for a formal wedding without any instruction.

    [Deleted User]indianaalumfwtx5815chibiyui
  • Thanks all!  I appreciate the feedback from everyone.  Nothing re: attire on invites, we will consider upgrades to linens. And while I can agree that most guests will know what to wear based on time, location, invite style, etc. some will still ask and I'll have to take the attire conversation on a case by case basis. 
    NYCMercedesMandyMost
  • What exactly do upgraded linens look like anyway? different color? Lace??  just curious.

    Our package included our choice of colored napkins with white/ivory tableclothes which made the room look nice..and it was free. What do upgrades ones look like? now I am curious
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What exactly do upgraded linens look like anyway? different color? Lace??  just curious.

    Our package included our choice of colored napkins with white/ivory tableclothes which made the room look nice..and it was free. What do upgrades ones look like? now I am curious
    Different/high end fabrics are used such as satin, pintuck, shalimar, etc.  Also if the linen is embroidered it is an upgrade.

    The typical linens are polyester and in a solid color so when you start going with specialty fabrics then you are getting into upgraded fabrics.

  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks all!  I appreciate the feedback from everyone.  Nothing re: attire on invites, we will consider upgrades to linens. And while I can agree that most guests will know what to wear based on time, location, invite style, etc. some will still ask and I'll have to take the attire conversation on a case by case basis. 
    Awesome!

    And then sometimes Uncle Bob will ask and then still dress in jeans. I've been told my Fi grandfather will be wearing jeans and a shirt that is probably ripped, regardless of anything. Some people just won't care, even if you put a dress code somewhere.


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  • What exactly do upgraded linens look like anyway? different color? Lace??  just curious.

    Our package included our choice of colored napkins with white/ivory tableclothes which made the room look nice..and it was free. What do upgrades ones look like? now I am curious
     
     
    My dinner and cocktail tables will be pintuck and my sweetheart, cake and card tables will all be the same embroidered design.  I really wanted champagne color and not a bright white, polyester, which is the standard at my venue.
  • I didn't do upgraded linens but that was because my venue gave me the option of black or white. I went with black and I thought it looked fine and still formal. I don't personally care for the white linens just because they seem super scratchy and picnic ish to me, but that's JMO. If you can upgrade for a reasonable price (not $1300) I would do it, but like all the PPS said ultimately very few guests will notice or care. 
  • IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2014
    LOL at everyone freaking out over $1300 on linens.  $1300 is less than 1% of my total budget, so, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge expense for us. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    disaiak said:
    LOL at everyone freaking out over $1300 on linens.  $1300 is less than 1% of my total budget, so, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge expense for us. 
    Yes but you spoke in generalities in your previous post.  You called upgraded linens a nominal expense. Well for some people spending your $1300 (or less) is NOT remotely a nominal expense for their budget.

    slothiegalLiatris2010
  • I used to work at a hotel, and we offered black brown or white linens. If they'd offer black I would definitely prefer it over white, but I'm not sure it's worth upgrading (imo).
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  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    disaiak said:
    LOL at everyone freaking out over $1300 on linens.  $1300 is less than 1% of my total budget, so, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge expense for us. 
    Not really super cute to "LOL" over other people's budgets.  Because rereading your post, you definitely generalized $1300 as a "nominal expense".
    Anniversary

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    lc07arrrghmateyAlexaF2014Liatris2010
  • IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2014
    disaiak said:
    LOL at everyone freaking out over $1300 on linens.  $1300 is less than 1% of my total budget, so, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge expense for us. 
    Not really super cute to "LOL" over other people's budgets.  Because rereading your post, you definitely generalized $1300 as a "nominal expense".

    Yeah, absolutely NOT what I was saying but nice try! 
     
    The OP stated she's having an OBT wedding, so my assumption was that she's not working with a smaller budget and upgrading the linens would be worth it, IMO and not a buget breaker.  I  did not mean to offend anyone, so my apologies.
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