you're marrying a douche

skyhigh27 · December 2014

A dear friend from my hometown is getting married next month and she asked me to prepare a speech or toast, which is fine; I pretty much have it down to a science. Last night her fiancé shot me an email, giving me talking points to use -- he wants to see the final version prior to the big day. Basically, he wants me to tell everyone what an amazing person HE is and go over his major life achievements, he included a bit about their dog and never even mentioned his bride to be once. The guy is a pathological liar, his so-called achievements are such a load of bs... he might as well claim to have invented post-it's. I've been torn about participating in their wedding for a year and a half. I sucked it up, went dress shopping with her, bought a hideous dress that I'll never wear again and have a pit in my stomach about the whole situation. None of her friends like him for obvious reasons, her father hates him and isn't even attending their wedding. Clearly I cannot stand up in front of their guests and say what I want to say (good luck, you're marrying a douche!) Would it be appropriate to simply talk about who she is as a person and not even mention Captain Douche at all? Or is bowing out of the task a better option? I've known this girl for 20+ years and don't want to burn a bridge. Thanks!

sarals24 · December 2014

If she asked you to prepare a speech and you know her well, make it about her. Don't mention him except to say that you are happy that he makes her happy. And definitely don't show him a draft, that's insane. Just say that you would like it to be a surprise for her and that you promise you will do a great job.

mikenberger · December 2014

I would completely disregard his email. Your speech is for her and about her. Not him. He should get a recognition for being her husband but meh, beyond that if you don't want to include him, don't. Just focus on her.

I agree with the other PP. Just say it is a surprise and it will be great.

vulpiepop · December 2014

I agree with PPs. You're her friend, you know her better than you know him, and I'm assuming you're in her side of the bridal party not his so the speech should be about her. Someone on his side of the bridal party will probably make a speech for him.

Disregard the e-mail and don't even mention him in your speech except to say that he makes your friend happy and you wish them both a long happy life together.

hellohkb · December 2014

Knowing me, I would pretend I never received the e-mail. I agree with PPs... Just ignore him and write the speech how you want to. He really does seem like a douche.

climbingsingle · December 2014

Yikes. He really does seem like a douche. I'd totally ignore the email too. Must have gone to a spam folder! Oh well.

arrrghmatey · December 2014

Ignore the e-mail, don't ever reply to him. Instead, make your speech all about your friend and your relationship with her. Wish her nothing but happiness, and make no mention of Sir Douche and his little dog, too, in your speech.

jacques27 · December 2014

Another vote for delete the email and carry on as you originally planned.

Also, for what it's worth, every toast/speech I've seen at a reception, it's been the MOH speaking about the bride and the Best Man speaking about the groom. She is your friend. You should be speaking about her with a small nod to her husband and their relationship. The best version I've heard of this was at my friend's wedding. I didn't know her husband very well and the speech his best man gave did a good job of detailing a few of the positive attributes about his friend (the groom), how happy he was that the groom found someone equally as wonderful, and then toasting them to a happy future. So it was something like "Mike is one of the most kind and generous people I know. When we were children...*insert anecdote here*...and I worried that I would never think anyone was good enough...then he met Sara and...blah blah blah." By the end of the speech, I actually felt like I knew the groom a little better and was a little less apprehensive about him.

I guess what I'm saying is, if he wants someone to speak about him, then he should go find a friend of his own to do it. And if he wants people to know about all his "accomplishments" then he can just print his curriculum vitae in the program for all to see.

skyhigh27 · December 2014

Thanks for the advice ladies! Doucher's best man (and only member of his wedding party minus the dog) is his father and he doesn't want to give a toast. So I was supposed to represent both of them. Yeahhhh, not going to happen!

jenna8984 · December 2014

skyhigh27 said:

Thanks for the advice ladies! Doucher's best man (and only member of his wedding party minus the dog) is his father and he doesn't want to give a toast. So I was supposed to represent both of them. Yeahhhh, not going to happen!

Yes that's totally dumb. My MOH really wanted to make a speech, so she did. None of the groomsmen wanted to so they didn't. Was no big deal that there was only one for me.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Actually I'd give him a "draft" of what he wants to hear.. then have the actual copy and read from that

carrie0924 · December 2014

RachelLee83 said:

Actually I'd give him a "draft" of what he wants to hear.. then have the actual copy and read from that

Haha this!

Liatris2010 · December 2014

skyhigh27 said:

Thanks for the advice ladies! Doucher's best man (and only member of his wedding party minus the dog) is his father and he doesn't want to give a toast. So I was supposed to represent both of them. Yeahhhh, not going to happen!

I find it this rather telling. If you don't have anything nice to say...

Teddy917 · December 2014

There shouldn't be any speeches anyway. Toasts are fine though. But they should be kept short. Bonus: If he asks why you didn't mention his accomplishments, you can say they were to long.

KatWAG · December 2014

I would be an assholes and say something like "Douche emailed me a list of his finer qualties to highlight but I am going to tell you about Susie....."

redheadbride15 · December 2014

Wow, anyone say "control freak"?!? I'm not surprised he doesn't have a friend to make a real toast for him... I agree with everyone else. Ignore the douche and toast your friend!

MegEn1 · December 2014

As a bride to be who doesn't have a lot of people who would give a toast about her, I can KIND OF understand his fear that he'll be seen sort of as a prop to Suzie and how awesome she is ...

... that said, I'd ignore him entirely and do what you planned to do. Speak from the heart and speak true about your friend!

JamieLynn913 · December 2014

I would disregard him. Like previous posters have said, just say that you promised it would be a surprise and you will make sure it's a great speech. If you are HER friend, there is no reason to mention anything about him except for the end (wishing them a well life together, even though you obviously don't like him, etc) and have that be that.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · December 2014

Wow, he sounds uber controlling. Ignore the email, gush about your friend and don't mention the guy at all.

ddkappy · December 2014

How is your friend marrying this guy? I get love is blind and all that but if he is that transparent, I worry for your friend.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

KatWAG said:

I would be an assholes and say something like "Douche emailed me a list of his finer qualties to highlight but I am going to tell you about Susie....."

1000X this. Brilliant!

People would definitely laugh - probably because they know his tendencies already.

you're marrying a douche

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