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Chit Chat
Who really WANTS to be a bridesmaid?
I have never been a bridesmaid. Maybe moving 17 times before I was 16 years old had something to do with it. It is hard to form long friendships when you attend four different high schools.
Those of you who have, were you anxious to be a bridesmaid in a wedding? Were you excited to spend that money on a dress you would probably only wear once? Did you really want to do the showers and the bachelorette parties, or were you worried about the money you were spending?
I keep reading posts from brides-to-be who are worried about leaving a friend out of their wedding party. I don't have any personal experience to understand these posts. Is this the norm? Would you be offended at not being picked to stand up in high heels in a fancy dress?
Personally, I have never felt bad about not being a bridesmaid. Enlighten me, please.
Those of you who have, were you anxious to be a bridesmaid in a wedding? Were you excited to spend that money on a dress you would probably only wear once? Did you really want to do the showers and the bachelorette parties, or were you worried about the money you were spending?
I keep reading posts from brides-to-be who are worried about leaving a friend out of their wedding party. I don't have any personal experience to understand these posts. Is this the norm? Would you be offended at not being picked to stand up in high heels in a fancy dress?
Personally, I have never felt bad about not being a bridesmaid. Enlighten me, please.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Who really WANTS to be a bridesmaid?
I've been in one and will be in one this coming year. Honestly I am honored to be in it and to think they picked me to stand up and support them on their wedding day. I love weddings and I'm really excited to be a part of them.
Now with that in mind. These two girls are incredibly chill and reasonable. Dresses were in a very managable budget for all and other costs were pretty minimal and the wedding was/will be in town. If I had a bridezilla experience I may think differently, but for these two weddings they've been wonderful.
A different perspective - A friend of H just got engaged and H is hoping he isn't asked to be a groomsmen. With this it would require a cross country trip for the wedding and then we'd be committed for sure at the point. Right now we are still unsure if we'll be able to afford the trip but it's still a year away.
I haven't been "passed over" by anyone I'm close enough with to assume I'd be a bridesmaid, so I can't speak to that.
I can't imagine being offended at not being chosen, though.
I helped with one project, helped with the engagement shower, skipped the Bachelorette party and did the wedding. I was the only single person in the wedding party and knew no one else besides the bride.
As soon as dinner was over I went outside and sat for about 2 hours until I felt it was "okay' to leave without being rude.
It wasn't a "super fun" thing but it wasn't the worst experience. I could care less if I ever get to be one again.
ETF: it's early.
I've been a bridesmaid once and hated the experience. I ended up spending far too much money - my BFF got very demanding and had high expectations when she got married. I loved that she chose me to be her MOH but after the experience, I wish I had said no. I was young and broke and ended up getting very resentful towards her regarding her attitude.
I haven't had any other close friends get married yet but I do have a couple friends that I would of course say yes to if they asked me. I know they'd be completely chill and understanding. Others, not so much.
I chose not to have any bridesmaids - we had a small wedding and I just wanted everyone to come and enjoy themselves. My BFF was completely thrown off by this and pretty much made herself an unofficial bridesmaid, along with another close friends of ours. They planned a bachelorette party for me, coordinated outfits for the wedding (both had dark blue dresses), helped me get ready and I asked them to do readings during the ceremony. Worked out quite nicely - she got to fulfill a lot of the traditional bridesmaid roles like she wanted and I didn't have to worry about picking out dresses, extra bouquets, etc.
I know the wedding party should only be expected to show up mostly sober wearing the proper attire, but I'm on board to help my best friend with anything she needs. She's a little bit of a princess but she's also practical, and the MOH and one of the other BMs both have small children (as does the bride), so I don't see her making crazy demands of her bridal party.
One of my maids is engaged, and if she doesn't ask me I will be crushed. We've been like sisters since high school and I love her like crazy. As far as I know she hasn't asked anyone yet, because she's in grad school and letting her mom handle the planning.
I've been a bridesmaid twice. The first time was for one of my BFF's from high school. It was right after we graduated college and she was understanding of the fact that none of us had a lot of money so she picked a cheap dress, bought our jewelry and shoes and paid for our hair (we did our own makeup). I was honored to stand with her because I introduced her to her husband and her wedding was a blast. The only complaint I had was that she wanted all the BM's to get together constantly, to the point where I was relieved when the wedding was over. The only other thing I didn't like about that experience is that her H's sister was a BM and was much younger than us and we had to include her in everything. It was exhausting to have to deal with her constantly.
The second time was for another close friend. I wasn't sure if she was going to ask me but was thrilled when she did. She didn't ask for budgets and made us buy a $350 designer dress that the BM's had no input on which needed a ton of alterations. She also had a girl come to do all of our hair on the day of and didn't offer to pay (even though it was understood that we would all get our hair done). I didn't know any of the other BM's and they were kind of cliquey so I didn't have that much fun at the shower or bachelorette party. Overall it just cost a TON of money (overnight bach party, etc.) and I was also relieved when that wedding was over.
It's nice to see that you are someone that the bride considers close. On the other hand, it sucks to have to buy an expensive dress that you didn't pick out, it also sucks to have to spend a ton of money on their wedding vision. For my wedding my mom threw my shower, I chose a $100 dress and my BM's mom did the alterations, I paid for hair and makeup and asked for no bachelorette party. I think it worked out a lot better and I would hate for my friends to have to pinch pennies on my account.
My BIL will probably get engaged soon and I hope they don't ask me to be a BM. I would so much rather pick out my own dress on sale and just be in the family pics.
I've been more upset over not being invited as a guest than not being ask to be a BM. But I ws a little sad when my one friend invited me to her wedding and didn't ask me to be a BM. I thought we were kind of close (and just as close as our mutual friend that she did ask). But it's whatever.
I was the first of my friends to get married, although a few more have since gotten engaged. All but one of them are guys, though.
I was just asked to be a BM for the first time by the one girl, and was honestly surprised - I didn't include her as a BM, but she did come down for my bachelorette party. I did have one of our mutual friends as MOH, and she asked me and the mutual friend and another girl who she was on drumline with in college. I'm a little excited about the novelty of it, and I said yes because it clearly was important to her. She's already been asking my advice about a couple wedding planning things, but I'm happy to be the "expert" and pretty confident that's not why she asked me to be a BM. There was a poem involved, but I don't anticipate this being too bad.
When my MOH/mutual friend gets married, which will probably be within a year and a half, the dress will probably be a shitshow (she's been teasing us about it for a while considering her professed favorite color is "glitter" and sending us short sequiny prom dresses), but I will be excited to wear it and for her because she's wonderful.
I have been a BM 5 times, one of those 5 I was MOH. I love planning showers and b-parties, so that part doesn't bother me. I have had to fight a little bit on my budget a few times, but overall I had very great experiences. Generally, my brides have been chill or I've been able to help tone down the crazy. I only have one more friend I would probably be a BM for, but her BF is not the marrying type, so who knows what will happen.
The worst time I was a BM was with the Momzilla from Hell, I've written about this particular wedding a few times on here. She had to put on the appearance of wealth, which meant the cost got trickled down to the BMs. I am an avid baker and the look on her face when I asked to bake the cake for her shower, to save money, you would have thought I just kicked a puppy across the room. I also asked if we could have the shower at a hall where I could bring in all the food, again to save money, was met with a "My family could NEVER have a shower in a hall, it has to be a restaurant." The amount of money she wanted us to spend was crazy, finally we just told her flat out, I just purchased a house (on my own), my friend just had her first son, and other friend just had to find her own apartment (it was the bride that moved out!) so these expenses were too much. She was also trying to force a BM down in KY to pay for her portion of the shower, even though she wasn't attending.
Honestly I've gotten really lucky I haven't hated the two dresses for the weddings I was in. My only complaint is that they are both uber similar (not their fault). But they are long, dark purple, flattering on everyone that was wearing it, and NOT strapless (I think a jersey or chiffon type material). I can wear them for our company Christmas party. After the second wedding I'll prb shorten one so I have a long and short one. Both times the party went to try on dresses and the girls came to a decision on a dress (given color and length).
My girls loved (at least they said) their dreses (I wish I got one just to wear for occasions). They were short black lace cocktail dresses in which they chose the neckline they liked.
I've never been in the 'hideous dress' camp so I can't speak to that being a downside. I feel like this should be a spinoff - in search of the worst BM dresses you've been subjected to!