Wedding anxiety

Knottie12887721 · December 2014

So here I am 6 months into wedding planning and I have this overwhelming feeling that every decision I have made so far has been awful. I set a date too soon without considering where I might be in the midst of graduating and starting a career. I bought a wedding dress way too early and now I'm not sure if it's the right one. I decided to use a friend as a photographer and my engagment photos turned out awful so I pretty much wasted that money. I just feel like I'm losing control and am wondering if anyone has any advice for getting it back?

atlastmrsg · December 2014

Let it go. What's done is done. Now make a list of what you want to fix, make a budget if you haven't already, and set a timeline for when you're going to knock things out.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Hate your photos? Set a timeline for meeting with the photographer to see if they can be re-done, or if it's better to break the contract. Make sure you have a plan B who's available if you're going to break it.

Hate your dress? Have a reality check. Is it because you're stressed, or it really isn't flattering? If you still hate it, see if you can exchange (some chains, like David's, will let you swap it out). If not, what's your budget for a replacement? Post it online and start looking for new one. Set a deadline though to make a decision so it doesn't take over other things you have to do.

How's reception planning--if you haven't started, here's a chance to start fresh. If you have, start lining up details.

It'll all fall into place. But make sure you know what you need to do, when you're doing it, and how much you can spend. Without these basics, it'll be a lot more stressful.

climbingwife · December 2014

Breathe. I had a lot of the same anxieties before my wedding. I started questioning everything, including my dress. Honestly, it all went fine. I loved my dress again, and was very happy with the choices I made. It will pass.

If you're not happy with the photographer, now is the time to change it. I would act on that right away. I'm sure that will help at puttng your mind to ease.

CMGragain · December 2014

Prioritize. This is what will be important to your guests:

1. Comfort - in summer this means air conditioning, and a chair for each guest.
2. Food - plenty and tasty.
3. Drinks - no cash bar.

This is what most of your guests will care about. They won't care about your pictures, your dress, how many bridesmaids you have, your wedding colors, your flowers, your decor.

Now relax. It will be fine.

thisismynickname2 · December 2014

I'm actually wondering if this kind of anxiety is normal in your life? Are you usually anxious about big decisions such as where you went to college, what major you choose, and what career you were aiming for?

Or is this only about the wedding? Do you normally second guess decisions such as where to live, what car to buy?

I think you might need to dig deep and think about why these wedding things are causing you so much stress. Yes, I bought my dress way too early and second guessed it too after seeing new fashions, but I just made myself stop looking and get excited about styling myself in the dress I did choose.

And thank goodness you figured out that your engagement photos were not good so you can choose a much better photographer for your wedding! I say that's a crisis averted.

Even if you're not religious, think of the Serenity Prayer---

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

cmurphy389 · December 2014

I understand the stress of having a lot of "life" going on around the same time as your wedding. We set our wedding date in the middle of my busiest season at work!

Once you check things off your list, it might help to focus on the other details. Keep in mind that there's no such thing as "way too early" or "too late". Planning comes together in different time frames for different brides based on their own schedules. My FSIL and I bought our dresses the same week... and her wedding is 8 months before mine!

I purchased my dress, it's hanging in my closet and I actively avoid looking at dresses online or in magazines so I don't want something different. Some details can be planned in advance and then forgotten about, so you can get into the other exciting parts of your wedding and future marriage.

Good Luck, and breathe deep

MandyS573 · January 2015

If there are small details that could be easily changed or altered about your dress to make it closer to 'the one' that may be an easy solution. No idea what your dress looks like obviously but I am thinking adding a sparkly belt or belt in a different color, add/remove straps if that can be done easily, a friend of mine bought a dress that was a straight cut neckline and had her seamstress sort of pinch the fabric down to make a sweetheart... there are probably lots of little things that could be tweaked that could make a big difference.

If you will be job hunting in the few months prior to your wedding I would maybe suggest being clear about needing some time off at that time during interviews, so they have a heads-up, or else give your employer as much notice as possible about your wedding dates.

Engagement photos, while fun, are not nearly as important as the wedding photos. Sit down with your photographer, show them clear examples of what you do and do not like about the photos they took, and show them photos from pinterest or the knot as examples of what you want the finished product to be. Also it may be a good idea to have them come with you to your hair/makeup trial (if you are having one) so they can get a little more practice before the big day.

I agree with the post above about prioritizing what is most important to your guests, but also make a list, with your fiancé, of the top three things that are most important to you, and focus on those. Be it flowers, music, the menu, the stationery, etc.
Also, make a list together of the two or three things on your mental to-do list that are least important to you and scrap them altogether. Custom-making fancy envelopes? No. Wedding favors? Not necessary. Identical bridesmaid dresses? Pick a color and length and let your girls choose their own. Fancy hand painted signs? Nope. You'll thank yourself later.

My last suggestion would be to take a break from the wedding. A two-week or month long ban on anything and everything wedding related, just to clear your head.

AnnoymouseBride124 · March 2015

I bought my dress the week I got home from Paris (where he proposed) because it was gorgeous and on sale at small boutique bridal salon. When my sister got engaged 3 weeks after me we went wedding dress shopping for her at a chain. As I wandered around the store I kept grabbing dresses that were similar to mine thinking how much I wanted that dress instead. I began to doubt my dress! When I picked it up a few weeks ago and tried it on again I realized how gorgeous my dress was and that is was actually the best one. Wedding doubts are totally normal. I question all my decisions on a daily basis! I regretted booking a certain band until my fiancé and I brought all of our friends to see them and everyone was on the dance floor and loved them! Its totally normal

MesmrEwe · March 2015

First, stop stressing yourself out, make your decision, be confident in your decision, and stick with it come heck or high water.

Go try on the dress! If you don't get the butterflies wearing it all glitzed up with your tiara/veil/fascinator/etc., set a budget to replace it. Worse comes to worse, you go online to the knockoff sites and purchase it for less than a third that a bridal salon would gouge you for. OR, you go someplace else and shop within that budget for a replacement and leave the emotions out of it to not get (suckered) into a new dress that's the first pretty one you see.

Change photographers, if you hated the photos, change now. OTOH, was it the photos, or the reflection of yourself you didn't like? That can happen too where you think you had a great session with the photographer only to get the pics back and say WTF!?!?!? I had that with the guy who used to take my pro pictures, he just stopped capturing the moment, and that's when we parted ways. Better to do so now than not have pictures you like down the road (it's the one thing you'll have for the long-term from your big day..)..

If this is a normal thing for you in life in general and it's getting to the paralyzing point there are people who you can work with to learn a better skillset (not necessarily a therapist). Or, you could hire a coordinator to do some of the dirty work for you on your wedding planning to take the stress off. It'll all come together!!!

Wedding anxiety

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