Is it weird for husband to not attend wedding that I'm in?

jenna8984 · December 2014

My husband hates social events, hates meeting new people, hates small talk. (I'm the opposite!) The last wedding we went to he bitched and moaned asking if we could leave, so we left after dinner. I was disappointed because I had been looking forward to it for months.

I was just asked to be a maid of honor. All I can think of is how much he hates being at events even with me by his side, I can't imagine him sitting there alone for the ceremony and cocktail hour. If it was my best friend that he knows well, sure it might be different. But he has never met the bride & groom, let alone any of their guests. Do you think the bride or other people would find it strange if my husband doesn't go? Would it be better to make him go, or maybe make up an excuse like work, or just be honest about it? I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want him to be miserable either.

theartistformerlyknownas · December 2014

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You don't owe an explanation to the other guests, and if just tell the bride "he's really sorry but he can't make it."

lurkergirl · December 2014

Eh. My FI is sort of similar--he's actually great at talking to people, but hates forced socialization and is not a dancer, so he's sort of a bummer at weddings. But he knows how much I would rather have him with me, so I know he would suck it up even if he didn't want to be there.

If you don't want to torture him, though (good for you, I'm not that generous

) I don't think it's that weird to not bring him. I wouldn't even bother with an excuse unless asked, and then I would just say something super vague like, "he's busy/has plans" so I'm not totally lying, ya know?

mikenberger · December 2014

I wouldn't force him to go, especially if he's not comfortable in new social situations. You can very easily excuse him, "He wasn't able to make it." You'll probably have more fun knowing that he's happy at home versus miserable and faking it. And begging you to leave. That would become highly annoying VERY fast.

cupcait927 · December 2014

mikenberger said:

I wouldn't force him to go, especially if he's not comfortable in new social situations. You can very easily excuse him, "He wasn't able to make it." You'll probably have more fun knowing that he's happy at home versus miserable and faking it. And begging you to leave. That would become highly annoying VERY fast.

All of this. If you're happy to go alone and he's happy staying home, no sense forcing him to go somewhere where he'll be miserable. Neither of you will have a good time and that's not fun for anyone.

larrygaga · December 2014

My FI is the same way sometiems and you better believe I just tell them some excuse and party my ass off. You don't have to like the same things!!!

banana468 · December 2014

I think it makes perfect sense for him to stay home if you know he'll be miserable. There's a reason I don't wake up at the ass crack of dawn to go to car shows with DH. :-)

climbingsingle · December 2014

I'd definitely let him stay home if you think he'll be miserable. I think you'd be fine to say he couldn't make it.

Inkdancer · December 2014

Nope, not weird. I stay home from parties that H wants to go to pretty often, because I'm just not up for it. Nobody thinks it's strange.

anjemon · December 2014

What @larrygaga said. Whenever my FI doesn't want to come along to events, I just make up some excuse and continue on my way. He probably wouldn't even make up an excuse, but I hate telling my family that he "just didn't want to come". Having something else to do is much easier on my mind.

From an outside perspective, I probably would think it was unusual that your husband wasn't there when you're in the bridal party. But since he dislikes it so much, I would go with the option that would let you both have a good time.

Couggal12 · December 2014

My DH is very social and will talk to just about anyone. I think even he still wouldn't want to go to a wedding if I was in the WP and he didn't know anyone and would be stuck sitting without me.

I think it's fine if he doesn't go and you just say you're sorry he couldn't attend.

smgold6 · December 2014

I was a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's weddings and DH (BF at the time) didn't attend. Nothing wrong with it, you both will have a better time.

jenna8984 · December 2014

Thank you everyone!!

I get so worried that a wedding is like the one event that people should rearrange their schedule for. Like if he misses a birthday party, no big deal. But I feel bad being like "Gee you're only getting married once and he's known about it for 6 months...but he was busy".

But you are all right, we'd both have a better time if he didn't go, so maybe I'll just go with the stand by that he got stuck with the on-call shift. I know I don't owe her or anyone an explanation but I still kinda feel like the above, like she would want to know why he's known about it for 6 months and isn't coming.

decembergrl2014 · December 2014

I agree with the PPs as well. I'm sure you'll miss him, but this way you can have a great time with your friends and won't have to leave early. If anybody does ask where he is, follow lolo's advice and say that he couldn't make it. You don't owe anyone any explanations.

buttercup1958 · December 2014

I agree with the PPs as well. V is very similar, he hates force small talk and social events where he doesn't know anyone. I've gone to parties without him and I say he isn't feeling well. Sometimes it's the truth and sometimes it isn't ha. But we are both happy, I get to see my friends and he gets to watch his documentaries. Plus I love bringing home new gossip and stories to him after each party ha.

ashley8918 · December 2014

I don't think it's weird, but who cares if other people do? I definitely don't think you should ever try to force him to do something that you KNOW will make him miserable and uncomfortable. Especially not for the sake of appearances.

alpacalunch · December 2014

I might think it was weird if he was also close with the couple getting married, but if not? Meh. No sense in him being on his own the entire day without feeling comfortable.

STARMOON44 · December 2014

I'd think it was weird and I think it's quite likely the bride, groom, and other guests will too.

That doesn't mean he has to come- absolutely random people vaguely finding him weird isn't a reason he needs to be uncomfortable but I do think you should make this decision with an understanding that at least some people may wonder if there's something wrong because yeah, couples are a social unit and usually attend weddings together.

ETA: also what the hell? I'm sorry you hate people but you don't get to make me leave an event I'm enjoying. Suck it up and make a better plan for next time (2 cars, hotel room on site, positive plans for ways to make it pleasant). Throwing up your hands and bitching and moaning would not be acceptable to me.

drunkenwitch · December 2014

Being in a couple doesn't mean you suddenly have to attend everything together. If he'll be miserable I see nothing wrong with him skipping the wedding. If some random nosy person is bothered by it, that is their problem, not yours.

steph861 · December 2014

If he doesn't know the couple or anybody else there, I don't think it's weird.

lyndausvi · December 2014

I do think it's a little odd. but I would also just assume he was working or had another engagement or something. NBD

If it was a family wedding I would encourage him to go. If it was a friend, not so much.

ashley8918 · December 2014

lyndausvi said:

I do think it's a little odd. but I would also just assume he was working or had another engagement or something. NBD

If it was a family wedding I would encourage him to go. If it was a friend, not so much.

Oh, yeah. Also this. And please note the use of the word "encourage" as opposed to forcing/making him go.

wrigleyville · December 2014

H is the same way. If he decides to go to a party/whatever with me, he almost always leaves before me. (We use public transit, so it's no big deal, but when we lived in Michigan, we took two cars.)

I've found I have more fun if I just go by myself because then I'm not worrying about him being miserable. He does come to the things that are really important to me, like my holiday party at work, so it's not like he's a total curmudgeon.

Is it weird for husband to not attend wedding that I'm in?

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