We have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, help!

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

I have 1 moh and 5 bridesmaids and my fiance has 1 best man and 3 groomsmen. My flower girls are very shy so I brought this idea to my fiance: have my sister walk down with her twin daughters, the flower girls, and have my other sister walk down with her son, the ring bearer. My fiancé said no because he's afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people, but I don't want him to choose people just to have the same number of people. What should I do?

CMGragain · December 2014

You do not have a problem. There is no rule that sides must be even. Asking people to be in your wedding party just to fill out sides is tacky. The two ladies can walk together, or with their children on the way out. Nobody watches after the bride and groom leave, anyway. They are too busy gathering their coats and purses, and getting ready to leave for the reception.

penguin44 · December 2014

I had the groomsmen walk in with my H first. Then the BMs walked in before me. They don't have to walk together.

AddieCake · December 2014

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

redoryx · December 2014

You should do nothing. You get to choose who stands on your side and he gets to choose who stands on his. If that means different numbers, so be it.

WhatawagSBNy · December 2014

Different numbers for B & G is fine, and common.
The 3 children may walk together just ahead of the 2 women, or 1 child with mom, other 2 with mom.

Sometimes it looks kind of raggedy with a woman in a big gown holding a bouquet leaning down to a child who is nearly out of sight over seat tops. Twice.

Try it both ways. If any pictures are taken as you emerge from the ceremony area or church, 1 girl on either side of the boy, with the 2 moms side by side behind them, makes the women and gowns a nice background for the kids, and a very nice keepsake picture for the kids and their families.

flantastic · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

I have 1 moh and 5 bridesmaids and my fiance has 1 best man and 3 groomsmen. My flower girls are very shy so I brought this idea to my fiance: have my sister walk down with her twin daughters, the flower girls, and have my other sister walk down with her son, the ring bearer. My fiancé said no because he's afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people, but I don't want him to choose people just to have the same number of people. What should I do?

This sounds like a great idea. What exactly did your FI say "no" to (your side of the bridal party is not under his control, by the way)? That you can't have them walk that particular way, or that you can't ask more people than he does? If the former, I hope he has a better suggestion. If the latter, you will have to tell him that these are the people you want standing with you as you get married and he can get the hell over it.

I actually think having your sisters walk with their kids would look less "lopsided" (although again, that's not a real concern) than if they walked down by themselves or with two girls to one GM.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

AddieCake said:

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

That seem way too extreme to tell him to go eff themselves after being together for 7 years. I really don't appreciate your comment.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

WhatawagSBNy said:

Different numbers for B & G is fine, and common. The 3 children may walk together just ahead of the 2 women, or 1 child with mom, other 2 with mom. Sometimes it looks kind of raggedy with a woman in a big gown holding a bouquet leaning down to a child who is nearly out of sight over seat tops. Twice. Try it both ways. If any pictures are taken as you emerge from the ceremony area or church, 1 girl on either side of the boy, with the 2 moms side by side behind them, makes the women and gowns a nice background for the kids, and a very nice keepsake picture for the kids and their families.

My family is very short, the tallest one is 5'2'' I think, so there wouldn't be any leaning down. Mom's aren't in the picture. I am still trying to figure everything out. I still have lots of time. Thank you for your input.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

flantastic said:

Knottie2542059 said:

I have 1 moh and 5 bridesmaids and my fiance has 1 best man and 3 groomsmen. My flower girls are very shy so I brought this idea to my fiance: have my sister walk down with her twin daughters, the flower girls, and have my other sister walk down with her son, the ring bearer. My fiancé said no because he's afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people, but I don't want him to choose people just to have the same number of people. What should I do?

This sounds like a great idea. What exactly did your FI say "no" to (your side of the bridal party is not under his control, by the way)? That you can't have them walk that particular way, or that you can't ask more people than he does? If the former, I hope he has a better suggestion. If the latter, you will have to tell him that these are the people you want standing with you as you get married and he can get the hell over it.

I actually think having your sisters walk with their kids would look less "lopsided" (although again, that's not a real concern) than if they walked down by themselves or with two girls to one GM.

He said no to not finding 2 more groomsmen, but I don't want him to have to ask just for the sake of having even numbers. I'm still thinking of different ideas, I have 2 pairs of sisters in my wedding party, my 2 sisters and his 2 sisters, and I was thinking of having either of them walk together. My nieces might feel more comfortable walking down since their cousin, my nephew, will be with them. Thank you for your input!

AddieCake · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

That seem way too extreme to tell him to go eff themselves after being together for 7 years. I really don't appreciate your comment.

1. When you post on a public message board, you need to be prepared for any and all comments, so I don't care whether you appreciated it or not. You posted, I responded how I wanted to and will continue to do so with our without your blessing.

2. Clearly you missed my point. I wouldn't marry someone who valued appearances over people, and while I wasn't being serious that you shouldn't marry him over this (and the fact that you took it seriously presents new concerns, frankly), I would have no problem telling someone I was about to marry that his putting appearances over people is not a quality I would want in a mate or even a friend.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

AddieCake said:

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

That seem way too extreme to tell him to go eff themselves after being together for 7 years. I really don't appreciate your comment.

1. When you post on a public message board, you need to be prepared for any and all comments, so I don't care whether you appreciated it or not. You posted, I responded how I wanted to and will continue to do so with our without your blessing.

2. Clearly you missed my point. I wouldn't marry someone who valued appearances over people, and while I wasn't being serious that you shouldn't marry him over this (and the fact that you took it seriously presents new concerns, frankly), I would have no problem telling someone I was about to marry that his putting appearances over people is not a quality I would want in a mate or even a friend.

I was looking for suggestions on what to do, as in how to have everyone walk down together, not stupid petty comments from someone who doesn't have any suggestions. If you are going to reply to someone with a petty comment you should prepare yourself for some backlash. I guess you could ay my fiance and I are "old fashion" and actually discuss everything and talk about things if we have a disagreement, and I'm not going to dump someone off on the streets because of one disagreement. Appearance isn't even a major concern, its about how to have everyone walk down together and getting input on my suggestions. You don't know me or my fiance and if you did you would know that we couldn't care less about what people think of us. Part of my family can be very judgemently and that was his concern. Thank you and goodbye. You commented, I replied what I thought, just like you did. Learn to take criticism yourself. Don't dish what you can't take.

chibiyui · December 2014

Don't worry about how many people you have on each side. Problem solved.

AddieCake · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

That seem way too extreme to tell him to go eff themselves after being together for 7 years. I really don't appreciate your comment.

1. When you post on a public message board, you need to be prepared for any and all comments, so I don't care whether you appreciated it or not. You posted, I responded how I wanted to and will continue to do so with our without your blessing.

2. Clearly you missed my point. I wouldn't marry someone who valued appearances over people, and while I wasn't being serious that you shouldn't marry him over this (and the fact that you took it seriously presents new concerns, frankly), I would have no problem telling someone I was about to marry that his putting appearances over people is not a quality I would want in a mate or even a friend.

I was looking for suggestions on what to do, as in how to have everyone walk down together, not stupid petty comments from someone who doesn't have any suggestions. If you are going to reply to someone with a petty comment you should prepare yourself for some backlash. I guess you could ay my fiance and I are "old fashion" and actually discuss everything and talk about things if we have a disagreement, and I'm not going to dump someone off on the streets because of one disagreement. Appearance isn't even a major concern, its about how to have everyone walk down together and getting input on my suggestions. You don't know me or my fiance and if you did you would know that we couldn't care less about what people think of us. Part of my family can be very judgemently and that was his concern. Thank you and goodbye. You commented, I replied what I thought, just like you did. Learn to take criticism yourself. Don't dish what you can't take.

You stated in your OP that your fiance was "afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people." That implies he is concerned with how things look (aka appearances.) As I have already stated but will repeat for you again, I wasn't seriously suggesting you kick him to the curb. Once again, it concerns me that you can't grasp that. I can take criticism just fine when it is warranted (and preferably spelled correctly and using proper grammar so I can actually follow it), and I didn't dish anything I couldn't take. In the future, I suggest your replies/comebacks make sense if you would like them to hold any weight.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

AddieCake said:

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

That seem way too extreme to tell him to go eff themselves after being together for 7 years. I really don't appreciate your comment.

1. When you post on a public message board, you need to be prepared for any and all comments, so I don't care whether you appreciated it or not. You posted, I responded how I wanted to and will continue to do so with our without your blessing.

2. Clearly you missed my point. I wouldn't marry someone who valued appearances over people, and while I wasn't being serious that you shouldn't marry him over this (and the fact that you took it seriously presents new concerns, frankly), I would have no problem telling someone I was about to marry that his putting appearances over people is not a quality I would want in a mate or even a friend.

I was looking for suggestions on what to do, as in how to have everyone walk down together, not stupid petty comments from someone who doesn't have any suggestions. If you are going to reply to someone with a petty comment you should prepare yourself for some backlash. I guess you could ay my fiance and I are "old fashion" and actually discuss everything and talk about things if we have a disagreement, and I'm not going to dump someone off on the streets because of one disagreement. Appearance isn't even a major concern, its about how to have everyone walk down together and getting input on my suggestions. You don't know me or my fiance and if you did you would know that we couldn't care less about what people think of us. Part of my family can be very judgemently and that was his concern. Thank you and goodbye. You commented, I replied what I thought, just like you did. Learn to take criticism yourself. Don't dish what you can't take.

You stated in your OP that your fiance was "afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people." That implies he is concerned with how things look (aka appearances.) As I have already stated but will repeat for you again, I wasn't seriously suggesting you kick him to the curb. Once again, it concerns me that you can't grasp that. I can take criticism just fine when it is warranted (and preferably spelled correctly and using proper grammar so I can actually follow it), and I didn't dish anything I couldn't take. In the future, I suggest your replies/comebacks make sense if you would like them to hold any weight.

Everyone as in family. We don't care what our friends think and that's what this stupid day for, family. And I suggest that in the future, if you want more clarification, ask before making stupid petty comments. As you can see everyone else knew what I was asking, except for you.
Are you seriously going to pull the grammar nazi card. Your more pathetic than I thought. You do realize humans aren't perfect.
Just an FYI, I was fine before your second comment. Again my reply to your comment was my opinion and the fact that you had to "justify" your original comment shows that you can't take criticism.
Do not reply again, I'm done with this.

lc07 · December 2014

Actually, I'm with Addie. What you wrote in your OP has me thinking that your FI doesn't like the way it looks with you having more bridesmaids than he has groomsmen because it looks like he doesn't have as many friends as you do, or even worse that he can't "find as many people" to stand with him. So while you are looking for ways for people to walk down the aisle, it IS about appearances and is silly.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

Okay. Clearly when people are confused they don't ask for clarification. As I originally thought message board to get suggestions are useless.

lc07 · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

I have 1 moh and 5 bridesmaids and my fiance has 1 best man and 3 groomsmen. My flower girls are very shy so I brought this idea to my fiance: have my sister walk down with her twin daughters, the flower girls, and have my other sister walk down with her son, the ring bearer. My fiancé said no because he's afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people, but I don't want him to choose people just to have the same number of people. What should I do?

I am not confused. This is what you wrote. It's very clear.

AddieCake · December 2014

I'm not confused, either. As lc07 said, what you wrote is very clear. Perhaps you're the one confused.

sophhabobopha · December 2014

I don't understand why he would even care.

chibiyui · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:
Okay. Clearly when people are confused they don't ask for clarification. As I originally thought message board to get suggestions are useless.

You don't have a problem. You don't need suggestions because there is no problem.

So what if his family thinks he has less friends than you? Are they going to write him out of theit wills because of it?

This is such a non-issue

dolewhipper · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Knottie2542059 said:

AddieCake said:

Tell your fiance that if he thinks the way something looks is more important than the people you want to include, he should find someone else to marry.

That seem way too extreme to tell him to go eff themselves after being together for 7 years. I really don't appreciate your comment.

1. When you post on a public message board, you need to be prepared for any and all comments, so I don't care whether you appreciated it or not. You posted, I responded how I wanted to and will continue to do so with our without your blessing.

2. Clearly you missed my point. I wouldn't marry someone who valued appearances over people, and while I wasn't being serious that you shouldn't marry him over this (and the fact that you took it seriously presents new concerns, frankly), I would have no problem telling someone I was about to marry that his putting appearances over people is not a quality I would want in a mate or even a friend.

I was looking for suggestions on what to do, as in how to have everyone walk down together, not stupid petty comments from someone who doesn't have any suggestions. If you are going to reply to someone with a petty comment you should prepare yourself for some backlash. I guess you could ay my fiance and I are "old fashion" and actually discuss everything and talk about things if we have a disagreement, and I'm not going to dump someone off on the streets because of one disagreement. Appearance isn't even a major concern, its about how to have everyone walk down together and getting input on my suggestions. You don't know me or my fiance and if you did you would know that we couldn't care less about what people think of us. Part of my family can be very judgemently and that was his concern. Thank you and goodbye. You commented, I replied what I thought, just like you did. Learn to take criticism yourself. Don't dish what you can't take.

You stated in your OP that your fiance was "afraid everyone will think he can't find enough people." That implies he is concerned with how things look (aka appearances.) As I have already stated but will repeat for you again, I wasn't seriously suggesting you kick him to the curb. Once again, it concerns me that you can't grasp that. I can take criticism just fine when it is warranted (and preferably spelled correctly and using proper grammar so I can actually follow it), and I didn't dish anything I couldn't take. In the future, I suggest your replies/comebacks make sense if you would like them to hold any weight.
Everyone as in family. We don't care what our friends think and that's what this stupid day for, family. And I suggest that in the future, if you want more clarification, ask before making stupid petty comments. As you can see everyone else knew what I was asking, except for you. Are you seriously going to pull the grammar nazi card. Your more pathetic than I thought. You do realize humans aren't perfect. Just an FYI, I was fine before your second comment. Again my reply to your comment was my opinion and the fact that you had to "justify" your original comment shows that you can't take criticism. Do not reply again, I'm done with this.

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

dolewhipper said:

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

I only call it a stupid day because the wedding is a formality for the families. My fiance and I would rather go to the court house and get married but our families would not have any of that.

chibiyui · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

dolewhipper said:

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

I only call it a stupid day because the wedding is a formality for the families. My fiance and I would rather go to the court house and get married but our families would not have any of that.

I get caving to family pressure, but if you don't give a fuck and it's just a formality, stop worrying.

Or if it's stressing you out that much, call the wedding off, elope and send marriage announcements.

dolewhipper · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

dolewhipper said:

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

I only call it a stupid day because the wedding is a formality for the families. My fiance and I would rather go to the court house and get married but our families would not have any of that.

Be an adult and do what you want. You're not children throwing a party for your families.

You're starting your life together in what you believe is a stupid way? What would happen if you just eloped?

My uncle proposed to a woman and got a lot of pressure to have a big wedding. They decided to go to the court house, and immediately after get on a plane to France (where she is from). Before boarding the plane, my uncle sent a mass text about their elopement. My grandmother was pissed, but for what? a day? Then she was just excited her son got married and threw him a little get together party with the family to congratulate them.

Op, please make your wedding how you want it; as small or lavish as YOU and your FI want. Don't let your parents and ILs dictate how you should start the first day of your marriage!

Knottie2542059 · December 2014

chibiyui said:

dolewhipper said:

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

I only call it a stupid day because the wedding is a formality for the families. My fiance and I would rather go to the court house and get married but our families would not have any of that.
I get caving to family pressure, but if you don't give a fuck and it's just a formality, stop worrying. Or if it's stressing you out that much, call the wedding off, elope and send marriage announcements.

I did post this a couple days ago, I know it says it was yesterday but it was at like 1 in the morning, so to me it was 2 days ago and I have since then solved my problem. So I have stopped worrying, honestly, all this is rather hilarious.

dolewhipper · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

chibiyui said:

dolewhipper said:

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

I only call it a stupid day because the wedding is a formality for the families. My fiance and I would rather go to the court house and get married but our families would not have any of that.
I get caving to family pressure, but if you don't give a fuck and it's just a formality, stop worrying. Or if it's stressing you out that much, call the wedding off, elope and send marriage announcements.

I did post this a couple days ago, I know it says it was yesterday but it was at like 1 in the morning, so to me it was 2 days ago and I have since then solved my problem. So I have stopped worrying, honestly, all this is rather hilarious.

You posted the OP a couple days ago yes, but calling it stupid only 5 hours ago...

Either way, OP, I encourage you to have the wedding you and your FI want (while properly hosting guests if you decide to have guests), not what your parents and ILs want.

chibiyui · December 2014

Knottie2542059 said:

chibiyui said:

dolewhipper said:

Actually, this "stupid" day is for you and your beloved to partake in one of the greatest public displays of unity our government and many faiths hold. To call it stupid is offensive to those that hold it high regard (practically everyone who has ever gotten or wants to be married), as well, especially to those who cannot partake in legally getting married.

I feel like you are putting a little too much emphasis on how this day will look, OP. I have 1 more BM than GM and we have 2 FG and 1 RB. As far as how they will walk down the aisle, one GM can escort 2 BM or everyone can go down individually, I don't care, nor will I decide until the rehearsal until I can see it in action. Things like these are petty to stress over. Have some wine.

I only call it a stupid day because the wedding is a formality for the families. My fiance and I would rather go to the court house and get married but our families would not have any of that.
I get caving to family pressure, but if you don't give a fuck and it's just a formality, stop worrying. Or if it's stressing you out that much, call the wedding off, elope and send marriage announcements.

I did post this a couple days ago, I know it says it was yesterday but it was at like 1 in the morning, so to me it was 2 days ago and I have since then solved my problem. So I have stopped worrying, honestly, all this is rather hilarious.

I mean your respones today seemed like you were ready to pull your hair out, but thats good. Have a margarita too.

We have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, help!

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