At what age do SO invites become necessary?

juliedonnellymathews · December 2014

In my family, typically a significant other is only invited if the couple is engaged or lives together or if the bride and groom know the SO. In fact, I actually was invited to a wedding alone before I got engaged and by the date of the wedding, I was engaged. This was slightly uncomfortable, because people expected him to be there. But I understood. I come from a large family, and people can't afford to invite everyone their cousins are dating - and after all, many teenagers have relationships that only last a few months.

plainjane0415 · December 2014

juliedonnellymathews said:

In my family, typically a significant other is only invited if the couple is engaged or lives together or if the bride and groom know the SO. In fact, I actually was invited to a wedding alone before I got engaged and by the date of the wedding, I was engaged. This was slightly uncomfortable, because people expected him to be there. But I understood. I come from a large family, and people can't afford to invite everyone their cousins are dating - and after all, many teenagers have relationships that only last a few months.

The bolded is very rude. It's not you or your family's place to judge the validity of a relationship.

I'm still puzzled as to why the "live together" thing makes it totally ok to invite a SO. FI and I have been together for over 7 years, we have never lived together during that time. I think being with someone 7 years makes it a pretty serious relaionship wouldn't you say?

snakeylady · December 2014

juliedonnellymathews said:

In my family, typically a significant other is only invited if the couple is engaged or lives together or if the bride and groom know the SO. In fact, I actually was invited to a wedding alone before I got engaged and by the date of the wedding, I was engaged. This was slightly uncomfortable, because people expected him to be there. But I understood. I come from a large family, and people can't afford to invite everyone their cousins are dating - and after all, many teenagers have relationships that only last a few months.

I also come from a large family with lots of cousins. With the exception of the one cousin I mentioned that prompted the question, all of them will be 18 or older when I get married. They are--or will be, as three cousins and my sister hit that milestone before the wedding--adults whose relationships I should respect. If I had a cousin get married last year, before Fiance and I moved in together and got engaged, and Fiance wasn't invited, I wouldn't have gone.

If I couldn't afford to treat my cousins the way they should be treated at the wedding, I'd keep making adjustments (changing venue, food choices, downgrading from a standard open bar to beer and wine only) until I could.

plainjane0415 · December 2014

snakeylady said:

juliedonnellymathews said:

In my family, typically a significant other is only invited if the couple is engaged or lives together or if the bride and groom know the SO. In fact, I actually was invited to a wedding alone before I got engaged and by the date of the wedding, I was engaged. This was slightly uncomfortable, because people expected him to be there. But I understood. I come from a large family, and people can't afford to invite everyone their cousins are dating - and after all, many teenagers have relationships that only last a few months.

I also come from a large family with lots of cousins. With the exception of the one cousin I mentioned that prompted the question, all of them will be 18 or older when I get married. They are--or will be, as three cousins and my sister hit that milestone before the wedding--adults whose relationships I should respect. If I had a cousin get married last year, before Fiance and I moved in together and got engaged, and Fiance wasn't invited, I wouldn't have gone.

If I couldn't afford to treat my cousins the way they should be treated at the wedding, I'd keep making adjustments (changing venue, food choices, downgrading from a standard open bar to beer and wine only) until I could.

This.....Is the correct answer.

annakay511 · December 2014

As a high school teacher, I do not think children invited with their parents need a SO at a wedding. Yes, that includes a 17 year old senior (they're still children). When you are 18 and legally an adult, I would invite a SO if they were in a significant relationship (teenagers change boyfriends/girlfriends like they change socks) and I had consulted the parents. As some other people have pointed out, having their kids' SO there in a situation that might include an overnight stay in a hotel might put the family in a difficult/awkward situation.

AddieCake · December 2014

I will forever be baffled at the audacity of people to presume to decide for others what is and is not a significant other or a serious relationship.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

annakay511 said:
As a high school teacher, I do not think children invited with their parents need a SO at a wedding. Yes, that includes a 17 year old senior (they're still children). When you are 18 and legally an adult, I would invite a SO if they were in a significant relationship (teenagers change boyfriends/girlfriends like they change socks) and I had consulted the parents. As some other people have pointed out, having their kids' SO there in a situation that might include an overnight stay in a hotel might put the family in a difficult/awkward situation.

So if you had an adult guest (18), you would contact their parents to ask about the seriousness of their relationship?

This is bad advice. Adults get their own invite and their SO gets invited, without an outside passing judgment on their relationship.

Knottie1463426215 · December 2014

I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

plainjane0415 · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

That's terrible advice. Would you like people to judge the validity of your relationship? I doubt it. Stop judging their's. And I won't even touch that ridiculousness of college aged kids not being adults. What a narrow minded view point.

AddieCake · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

Nobody says to hand out plus ones for the sake of handing them out. If you have a guest who is a LEGAL ADULT (not the age you deem said person is an adult based on criteria you set....I mean, seriously, are you going to say "Jane is an adult b/c she is 20 and has a job and her own place, but Tom is not b/c he is 20 and lives at home and is in college with no job" ???), you need to give that person his or her own invitation AND include his or her romantic partner (again, regardless of your criteria for what makes one). If your ADULT cousin is going to stay at the hotel with her parents, it is not your business where her boyfriend stays. It is their business. Her PARENTS can decide whether or not they share a room or what they do.

ETA: This is seriously so fucked up. Not only do we have people around here determining for others the seriousness of relationships, but now we have people deciding who is and is not an adult?

chibiyui · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

Clint? Clint is that you?

Go home Clint you're drunk.

LadyMillil · December 2014

AddieCake said:

Knottie01055312 said:

I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

Nobody says to hand out plus ones for the sake of handing them out. If you have a guest who is a LEGAL ADULT (not the age you deem said person is an adult based on criteria you set....I mean, seriously, are you going to say "Jane is an adult b/c she is 20 and has a job and her own place, but Tom is not b/c he is 20 and lives at home and is in college with no job" ???), you need to give that person his or her own invitation AND include his or her romantic partner (again, regardless of your criteria for what makes one). If your ADULT cousin is going to stay at the hotel with her parents, it is not your business where her boyfriend stays. It is their business. Her PARENTS can decide whether or not they share a room or what they do.

ETA: This is seriously so fucked up. Not only do we have people around here determining for others the seriousness of relationships, but now we have people deciding who is and is not an adult?

Guys, I'm a 28 year old full-time student that has never had a "real job". Does that mean I'm still not an adult?

AddieCake · December 2014

LadyMillil said:

Guys, I'm a 28 year old full-time student that has never had a "real job". Does that mean I'm still not an adult?

I guess you are not, at least according to Knottienumbers!

MGP · December 2014

AddieCake said:

Knottie01055312 said:

I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

Nobody says to hand out plus ones for the sake of handing them out. If you have a guest who is a LEGAL ADULT (not the age you deem said person is an adult based on criteria you set....I mean, seriously, are you going to say "Jane is an adult b/c she is 20 and has a job and her own place, but Tom is not b/c he is 20 and lives at home and is in college with no job" ???), you need to give that person his or her own invitation AND include his or her romantic partner (again, regardless of your criteria for what makes one). If your ADULT cousin is going to stay at the hotel with her parents, it is not your business where her boyfriend stays. It is their business. Her PARENTS can decide whether or not they share a room or what they do.

ETA: This is seriously so fucked up. Not only do we have people around here determining for others the seriousness of relationships, but now we have people deciding who is and is not an adult?

Wow, just wow. So with all of these different options when would I have been considered an "adult" and worthy of having my SO invited?

A) when I turned 18

b) when I started working full time at 19 in addition to going to school full time

C) when I moved out of my parents house at 23 and had bills to pay for the first time

D) when I got engaged at 28

The answer is actually E) it doesn't even matter because I would tell whoever would make judgments about how I live my life to go fuck themselves.

Knottie## go away and take your terrible attitude with you.

Knottie1463426215 · December 2014

Ha, this is hilarious! So you all can share your opinions, but I can't share mine? My whole point is that I don't agree with handing out +1s to everyone. Read on (this was written by The Knot):

Q. Do we have to invite every guest with a date or a “plus-one”?
A. No, you don't have to. If a guest isn't married or in a serious relationship, it's perfectly acceptable to invite them solo. Most guests will understand that without “and Guest” or another name on the invitation means they aren't invited with a plus-one. While it's always nice to invite everyone with a guest, if you're having a small wedding, your family and friends should understand your reasoning. What to do if a guest RSVPs for two? Call them up and explain that you're having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest. But if you realize that nearly everyone will be coupled up, extend a plus-one invitation to your few single friends and family.

FWIW, most of my guests have SOs, so they'll be invited with them. I have a few older guests that don't and would otherwise be traveling alone, so they'll be getting +1s. But FI's young cousins... We refuse to give them +1s. Someone who's just barely 18 and has a different boyfriend every week...no. We've set our rules and we've stayed consistent. I don't care if you think I'm rude or a B for saying this, it's not your wedding, not your money, and therefore your opinion doesn't really matter.

AddieCake · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

Ha, this is hilarious! So you all can share your opinions, but I can't share mine? My whole point is that I don't agree with handing out +1s to everyone. Read on (this was written by The Knot):

Q. Do we have to invite every guest with a date or a “plus-one”?
A. No, you don't have to. If a guest isn't married or in a serious relationship, it's perfectly acceptable to invite them solo. Most guests will understand that without “and Guest” or another name on the invitation means they aren't invited with a plus-one. While it's always nice to invite everyone with a guest, if you're having a small wedding, your family and friends should understand your reasoning. What to do if a guest RSVPs for two? Call them up and explain that you're having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest. But if you realize that nearly everyone will be coupled up, extend a plus-one invitation to your few single friends and family.

FWIW, most of my guests have SOs, so they'll be invited with them. I have a few older guests that don't and would otherwise be traveling alone, so they'll be getting +1s. But FI's young cousins... We refuse to give them +1s. Someone who's just barely 18 and has a different boyfriend every week...no. We've set our rules and we've stayed consistent. I don't care if you think I'm rude or a B for saying this, it's not your wedding, not your money, and therefore your opinion doesn't really matter.

Of course you can share your opinions, but just so you know, articles written by TK are not etiquette approved. TK is a business and is designed to make money, not to ensure that your guests are hosted properly. Also, there is a difference between giving SINGLE guests a PLUS ONE and inviting the SIGNIFICANT OTHERS of people IN RELATIONSHIPS. A SIGNIFICANT OTHER is not the same thing as a PLUS ONE. The article you reference is talking about single guests and plus ones, not significant others in relationships.

Knottie1463426215 · December 2014

I'm finding the same advice a lot of other places online. You must be an etiquette specialist, @AddieCake, and know much better than any of the resources online.

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser

http://www.bridalguide.com/etiquette/bridal-etiquette-qas/wedding-invitation-etiquette/who-gets-plus-one

Knottie1463426215 · December 2014

@AddieCake, you must not have read my post. My post was specifically referring to +1s, NOT SOs.

banana468 · December 2014

FFS, could people please STOP referring to Martha Stewart as an etiquette expert? !

The woman doesn't know dick about how to treat others. She was hated by her neighbors because of how she treated them, she'd cheap out on staff and wouldn't reimburse them for things that SHE ASKED THEM TO BUY, and have you watched her? She loved to bring people on her show and put them down in an effort to make herself Lil better.

Oh, and there's that little matter of thinking that rules of selling stock just didn't apply to her. You can look to her for coordinating your linens but when it comes to how to treat others; take what she does and do the opposite.

kao2015 · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said: I'm sure I'll have a number of people jump down my throat for saying this, but I'm against handing out +1s just for the sake of handing them out. FI and I are having a very small, intimate wedding, and there's a good amount of family we're not even inviting (e.g. the only cousins I'm inviting are those in my bridal party). We're giving +1s to our wedding party and anyone out of college who would otherwise be coming alone. But college-aged kids? Sorry, but these are not adults. Eighteen used to be the age that marked adulthood, but today kids live off of the parents, move back home, stay on their parent's insurance until 26... Sorry, but this isn't adulthood. One of FI's cousins will be 18 by the time we send out our invites. She changes boyfriends like she changes socks, just like most highschoolers. She'll be traveling to our wedding with her parents, staying at a hotel with her parents. I'm not going to pay $200 for her to bring her flavor of the week. Besides, where would he stay? With her parents too?

Not trying to jump down your throat, but:

Everything would be fairly etiquette-approved until you get to bolded. You said in a post above that you were talking about plus-ones, not SOs. No matter how many boyfriends she has or how frequently she changes them, it is not your place as a host to judge the validity of her relationships. If she calls someone her boyfriend, that is her SO, and you are officially not talking about plus-ones anymore, you are talking about splitting up a social unit, and that is rude.

And, from the Emily Post (who is actually an etiquette expert) wedding etiquette book: "You should invite the spouse, partner, fiance, or significant other of any guest in a serious or exclusive relationship, even if you don't know or care for this person." I bet if you asked your FI's cousin about her relationship status, she would say they are in an exclusive relationship. That makes him an SO, and he needs to be invited. If they break up before the wedding, I'm guessing he won't come anyway, so what's the problem?

As far as your logic regarding people that are college-aged: FI and I started dating at the very beginning of sophomore year of college. He was included in all of the weddings in my family--even though on that side of my family I have over 30 first cousins and all the weddings were on limited budgets--and I would have found it offensive if he wasn't invited just because some cousin didn't think our relationship was legitimate. And, shockingly, we figured out the logistics of lodging just fine. For a while he just got his own hotel room, then we started sharing. Sometimes (but not usually) my parents would even pay for these hotel rooms. It was just fine, so that point is totally moot.

AddieCake · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

@AddieCake, you must not have read my post. My post was specifically referring to +1s, NOT SOs.

I read it just fine. You referenced your cousin's BOYFRIENDS, not "some guy my cousin wants to bring." Calling the person she is with at the time a boyfriend puts him in significant other territory, not plus one territory. So your post was NOT specifically referring to plus ones.

redoryx · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

@AddieCake, you must not have read my post. My post was specifically referring to +1s, NOT SOs.

The problem is that you have apparently decided it's your job to define how serious or exclusive a relationship is. It's not, that's the role of the guest. THEY get to decide if they are in a relationship and you need to built your guest list accordingly.

You just said your cousin changes boyfriends like she changes socks. Boyfriends are SOs, not +1s. Deal with it.

flantastic · December 2014

HPUgirl27 said:

Mean girls go back to the snarky board. I wasn't rude and didn't offend anyone who I actually care about (sorry not sorry). Etiquette is not always black and white. I didn't say my way was the only right way. I was simply posting my opinion and you guys are being pretty negative and catty. It's not like I specifically wrote this on the invitations or on my wedding website. That is harsh. I had this conversation with several guests so we could agree on fair guidelines for everyone. Everyone had a good time. No one felt left out and a lot of people came out of my wedding with good friends and even budding romances. I don't ever attack someone else on these forums and I will never understand why some people do.

I know this is old, but this is the real crux of the issue.

If you care about them, it would make sense not to judge their relationships and to invite their significant others.

If you don't care about them, don't invite them to your freaking wedding. It's not that hard.

(I use "care" loosely - sometimes you're adding in parents' friends, so even if you don't actually know them personally, A. It would be good to care about them as a human being, and B. You should care about their comfort for the sake of the person who's helping you pay for the wedding and on whose suggestion they are being invited.)

Knottie1463426215 · December 2014

I totally agree with @HPUgirl27. Etiquette isn't always black and white, which is why this thread was started to begin with. I'll never understand why "adults" can't respectfully disagree with someone else's opinion.

@koa2015, it's funny you mention Emily Post, because I have one of her wedding etiquette books. I quote: "Partners of invited guests must be included in wedding invitations. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together...whether you or anyone in the wedding party knows them or not." I'm taking this one step further and inviting SOs of guests who aren't married, engaged, or living together if it'd feel awkward/wrong not to include them. But according to this book, there's no obligation to do that.

@AddieCake, clearly your opinion is that any and all relationships fall into the SO category. I don't agree with that. To me, having a SO means having someone significant in your life. While FI's cousin doesn't currently have a BF, all of her past relationships have only lasted a week or two. I don't see anything significant about that at all. If the wedding rolls around and she has a more serious BF, I'll address it then. You can argue your point all you want, but it's just your opinion. At the end of the day, it doesn't make you right.

AddieCake · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

@AddieCake, clearly your opinion is that any and all relationships fall into the SO category. I don't agree with that. To me, having a SO means having someone significant in your life. While FI's cousin doesn't currently have a BF, all of her past relationships have only lasted a week or two. I don't see anything significant about that at all. If the wedding rolls around and she has a more serious BF, I'll address it then. You can argue your point all you want, but it's just your opinion. At the end of the day, it doesn't make you right.

See, that's the problem. YOU don't get to decide for OTHER PEOPLE who is significant. We can only make that call for ourselves, not others. And if you disagree, at least take your own advice. Your opinion is that someone she has been with for 2 weeks isn't significant, and your opinion doesn't make you right, any more than mine makes me so, then, does it?

plainjane0415 · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

I totally agree with @HPUgirl27. Etiquette isn't always black and white, which is why this thread was started to begin with. I'll never understand why "adults" can't respectfully disagree with someone else's opinion.

@koa2015, it's funny you mention Emily Post, because I have one of her wedding etiquette books. I quote: "Partners of invited guests must be included in wedding invitations. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together...whether you or anyone in the wedding party knows them or not." I'm taking this one step further and inviting SOs of guests who aren't married, engaged, or living together if it'd feel awkward/wrong not to include them.

@AddieCake, clearly your opinion is that any and all relationships fall into the SO category. I don't agree with that. To me, having a SO means having someone significant in your life. While FI's cousin doesn't currently have a BF, all of her past relationships have only lasted a week or two. I don't see anything significant about that at all. If the wedding rolls around and she has a more serious BF, I'll address it then. You can argue your point all you want, but it's just your opinion. At the end of the day, it doesn't make you right.

And it also doesn't make you right either. Do you really want to be thinking about EVERY SINGLE GUEST INVITED to your wedding relationships and determining if they are "serious" or "not serious"? Screw that. I can think of about a million other things to do in regards to wedding planning than judging my guests' relationships. As a side note, you shouldn't be judging others relationships anyway because it's very rude.

Knottie1463426215 · December 2014

@AddieCake Ha, you're still trying to argue you're right. The point is it's a judgement call, which is why it's not black and white. You got to do what you wanted to do at your wedding, and I get to do what I want to do at mine. At the end of the day, we're never going to see eye-to-eye, so you're wasting your time trying to convince me otherwise. I'm not going to continue to waste mine going back-and-forth with you and the rest of the snarky ladies on here. Grow up and act your age.

plainjane0415 · December 2014

Knottie01055312 said:

@AddieCake Ha, you're still trying to argue you're right. The point is it's a judgement call, which is why it's not black and white. You got to do what you wanted to do at your wedding, and I get to do what I want to do at mine. At the end of the day, we're never going to see eye-to-eye, so you're wasting your time trying to convince me otherwise. I'm not going to continue to waste mine going back-and-forth with you and the rest of the snarky ladies on here. Grow up and act your age.

Here we go.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

plainjane0415 said:

Knottie01055312 said:

I totally agree with @HPUgirl27. Etiquette isn't always black and white, which is why this thread was started to begin with. I'll never understand why "adults" can't respectfully disagree with someone else's opinion.

@koa2015, it's funny you mention Emily Post, because I have one of her wedding etiquette books. I quote: "Partners of invited guests must be included in wedding invitations. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together...whether you or anyone in the wedding party knows them or not." I'm taking this one step further and inviting SOs of guests who aren't married, engaged, or living together if it'd feel awkward/wrong not to include them.

@AddieCake, clearly your opinion is that any and all relationships fall into the SO category. I don't agree with that. To me, having a SO means having someone significant in your life. While FI's cousin doesn't currently have a BF, all of her past relationships have only lasted a week or two. I don't see anything significant about that at all. If the wedding rolls around and she has a more serious BF, I'll address it then. You can argue your point all you want, but it's just your opinion. At the end of the day, it doesn't make you right.

And it also doesn't make you right either. Do you really want to be thinking about EVERY SINGLE GUEST INVITED to your wedding relationships and determining if they are "serious" or "not serious"? Screw that. I can think of about a million other things to do in regards to wedding planning than judging my guests' relationships. As a side note, you shouldn't be judging others relationships anyway because it's very rude.

Exactly! It's much easier to call up my cousins and just ask, "Hey Tiffany, do you have a boyfriend? Oh, you just started dating a new guy. That's nice. Is he your boyfriend? Great! Can I get the spelling of his name for the wedding invitation?" If cousin Tiffany doesn't want to give you his name for the invite because she's not ready to introduce him to the family you have your answer and can leave him off the invitation. But who knows, maybe Tiffany's flavor of the week will one day marry her and become family. Do you really want to be the person who decided for her that he wasn't important enough to add One More Plate to your wedding?

plainjane0415 · December 2014

adk19 said:

plainjane0415 said:

Knottie01055312 said:

I totally agree with @HPUgirl27. Etiquette isn't always black and white, which is why this thread was started to begin with. I'll never understand why "adults" can't respectfully disagree with someone else's opinion.

@koa2015, it's funny you mention Emily Post, because I have one of her wedding etiquette books. I quote: "Partners of invited guests must be included in wedding invitations. This includes couples who are married, engaged, or living together...whether you or anyone in the wedding party knows them or not." I'm taking this one step further and inviting SOs of guests who aren't married, engaged, or living together if it'd feel awkward/wrong not to include them.

@AddieCake, clearly your opinion is that any and all relationships fall into the SO category. I don't agree with that. To me, having a SO means having someone significant in your life. While FI's cousin doesn't currently have a BF, all of her past relationships have only lasted a week or two. I don't see anything significant about that at all. If the wedding rolls around and she has a more serious BF, I'll address it then. You can argue your point all you want, but it's just your opinion. At the end of the day, it doesn't make you right.

And it also doesn't make you right either. Do you really want to be thinking about EVERY SINGLE GUEST INVITED to your wedding relationships and determining if they are "serious" or "not serious"? Screw that. I can think of about a million other things to do in regards to wedding planning than judging my guests' relationships. As a side note, you shouldn't be judging others relationships anyway because it's very rude.

Exactly! It's much easier to call up my cousins and just ask, "Hey Tiffany, do you have a boyfriend? Oh, you just started dating a new guy. That's nice. Is he your boyfriend? Great! Can I get the spelling of his name for the wedding invitation?" If cousin Tiffany doesn't want to give you his name for the invite because she's not ready to introduce him to the family you have your answer and can leave him off the invitation. But who knows, maybe Tiffany's flavor of the week will one day marry her and become family. Do you really want to be the person who decided for her that he wasn't important enough to add One More Plate to your wedding?

Yes @adk19. I agree wholeheartedly. I've said this before and I will say it again, FI and I had been dating for one month (maybe less, this has been almost 8 years ago now) and his sister invited me to her wedding no questions asked. She could have easily said, yea not inviting her, who knows if it will last, but she didn't because... Well, she's awesome and quite frankly a decent human being.

At what age do SO invites become necessary?

Re: At what age do SO invites become necessary?

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