I survived MIL's visit.

climbingsingle · December 2014

I need to vent.

Let me start this by saying again that I really do love my MIL and I feel very, very lucky to have her. But a whole week of her staying in our house is very stressful. She is constantly asking me questions. Here's an example. She was leaving on Saturday, and after that, our friends were coming over to hang out.

"What time are they coming? Are you going to order in food? What are you going to get? Are you guys drinking wine? What are you going to wear? How are you going to wear your hair? Are you going to just dry your bangs and pull the rest back? How late will you guys be up?"

This went on for 6 days. The second I got home from work every day, I was bombarded with questions.

Now, we've told MIL many times that we're not having kids. She's not happy with that decision. She made jokes last week about tampering with my birth control pills. She also went to have her hair done by my best friend. She implied to my friend that my husband actually does want to have kids, and he just don't want them because I don't.

I really just wish she'd respect our decision. H and I have discussed it, and he's going to talk to his mom again. But I'm hurt and frustrated. Thanks for letting me get that out.

novella1186 · December 2014

Oh man the questions thing drives me nuts too. FFIL does that to me. And he always asks me why. "How do you know how to play the piano?"

"Um... I taught myself as a kid"

"Why?"

"Um... because.... I don't know. I thought it would be fun? Why do you need to know why? What's interesting about this?"

lol I love him, he's such a great guy, and he's like the father I always wanted. But for some reason tons of questions just makes me so annoyed! Seriously, why do you want to know all the boring details?!

Congrats on surviving. I'm sorry it was such a rough week :S

anjemon · December 2014

It sucks that she's being so pushy about kids. But it's good your H is on the same page as you and willing to talk to his Mom about it.

jaygeejay · December 2014

I know what you mean about the constant questions. My FMIL is like that too. I know she means well and just wants to have something to talk to me about but it can be irritating.

flutteringinfl · December 2014

My dad is the king of questions. His favorite pastime is, while watching a movie, to ask a question about what's going on despite the fact that the audience doesn't know what's going on. This question is usually answered on screen within ten seconds of him asking, but he often misses it because he's too busy waiting for an answer from me.

I'm sorry your MIL doesn't respect your decision not to have kids. It's great that she's awesome in so many other aspects, but I can see how that would be sucky

banana468 · December 2014

I'm sorry your MIL can't respect your decision. It's annoying at any time that you know a parent is talking about a decision made as if they know better.

It sounds like she also loves you but is still not accepting that she isn't going to have grandchildren.

climbingsingle · December 2014

I'm glad you guys understand. I honestly feel a little guilty for even complaining.

But now she's texting me non-stop telling me I need to remind my H to send his father a Christmas card. H doesn't send cards. He NEVER has. Why all of a sudden does he need to send cards, and why is it my responsibility?

banana468 · December 2014

You're the wife. Didn't you know that was your job now??

If it makes you feel better, I remember hearing female family members talk after a cousin got married. They didn't send thank you notes for almost 6 months and many of the women said, "I'm not faulting him. The TY notes are HER job."

So like it or not, the stupid sexist division of labor is alive and well in some people.

novella1186 · December 2014

FMIL called ME to figure out Christmas plans. Not that I minded cuz I like talking to her, but I was in my office. FI had the day off (which she knew) and was sitting at home. I just wanted to say "Your son is also capable of telling you about our plans/schedule." But no, I'm apparently the official scheduler of the household now. Oh well.

ETA: also, one of his best friends contacted me because she thought her parents were invited to the wedding (which they are) but they didn't get a save-the-date. Well, if they didn't get one then FI failed to send one or didn't get their address or whatever else happened. Why ask me? Why is it my job to invite FI's friends and relatives? Isn't that on him???

Couggal12 · December 2014

Your MIL sounds a lot like mine. Hopefully after your H talks with her again she will respect your decision to not have children.

My MIL bought me baby slippers 2 days after we got married. Yeah, that wasn't annoying at all.

climbingsingle · December 2014

Couggal12 said:

Your MIL sounds a lot like mine. Hopefully after your H talks with her again she will respect your decision to not have children.

My MIL bought me baby slippers 2 days after we got married. Yeah, that wasn't annoying at all.

Holy jeez.

novella1186 · December 2014

Couggal12 said:

Your MIL sounds a lot like mine. Hopefully after your H talks with her again she will respect your decision to not have children.

My MIL bought me baby slippers 2 days after we got married. Yeah, that wasn't annoying at all.

My mom picked out a knitting pattern for a little baby hat years ago, when I didn't even have a boyfriend, showed it to me, and said she'd "put it away in a special place until it's time to use it." Ugh.

ETF: lol I meant "baby hat." Not "baby hate." But isn't that the perfect Freudian slip?!

banana468 · December 2014

Couggal12 said:

Your MIL sounds a lot like mine. Hopefully after your H talks with her again she will respect your decision to not have children.

My MIL bought me baby slippers 2 days after we got married. Yeah, that wasn't annoying at all.

I recommend buying her a book on aging and/or Depends. "Oops I crapped my pants sure can hold a lot of dung!"

Couggal12 · December 2014

novella1186 said:

Couggal12 said:

Your MIL sounds a lot like mine. Hopefully after your H talks with her again she will respect your decision to not have children.

My MIL bought me baby slippers 2 days after we got married. Yeah, that wasn't annoying at all.

My mom picked out a knitting pattern for a little baby hat years ago, when I didn't even have a boyfriend, showed it to me, and said she'd "put it away in a special place until it's time to use it." Ugh.

ETF: lol I meant "baby hat." Not "baby hate." But isn't that the perfect Freudian slip?!

SITB

Ugh is right. That sounds like something my MIL would do if she had a daughter!

ShesSoCold · December 2014

Ugh, OP, I hear ya. H is his mom's only child and we don't want kids. She tries to guilt us into it. Not because we'll enjoy kids and because we'd be good parents, but because she wants to have fun with grandkids.

MIL and SFIL have also tried to dictate that I dictate H to do things. "You need to make sure he goes to the doctor". "You make sure he calls his mother more often". I file these requests right there under "not my problem".

flutteringinfl · December 2014

ShesSoCold said:

Ugh, OP, I hear ya. H is his mom's only child and we don't want kids. She tries to guilt us into it. Not because we'll enjoy kids and because we'd be good parents, but because she wants to have fun with grandkids.

MIL and SFIL have also tried to dictate that I dictate H to do things. "You need to make sure he goes to the doctor". "You make sure he calls his mother more often". I file these requests right there under "not my problem".

I want kids but only one or two. My uncle, who doesn't have kids of his own and looks to me as a daughter, wants me to have a lot of kids. I asked who was going to take care of all these little ones and pay for their upbringing. He said, "I will!" So at least he offered...

[Deleted User] · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I'm glad you guys understand. I honestly feel a little guilty for even complaining.

But now she's texting me non-stop telling me I need to remind my H to send his father a Christmas card. H doesn't send cards. He NEVER has. Why all of a sudden does he need to send cards, and why is it my responsibility?

Well, now you know she is the "nagger" in her relationship.... she's trying to get you to drink the Kool-Aid. RESIST!

ShesSoCold · December 2014

flutteringinftmyers said:

ShesSoCold said:

Ugh, OP, I hear ya. H is his mom's only child and we don't want kids. She tries to guilt us into it. Not because we'll enjoy kids and because we'd be good parents, but because she wants to have fun with grandkids.

MIL and SFIL have also tried to dictate that I dictate H to do things. "You need to make sure he goes to the doctor". "You make sure he calls his mother more often". I file these requests right there under "not my problem".

I want kids but only one or two. My uncle, who doesn't have kids of his own and looks to me as a daughter, wants me to have a lot of kids. I asked who was going to take care of all these little ones and pay for their upbringing. He said, "I will!" So at least he offered...

Yeah my MIL wants us to send kids to her for one week during the summer. I don't care if I have 15 kids, there's no way in hell I'd just ship them up to her and hope for the best. Bitch is BSC.

climbingsingle · December 2014

ShesSoCold said:

Ugh, OP, I hear ya. H is his mom's only child and we don't want kids. She tries to guilt us into it. Not because we'll enjoy kids and because we'd be good parents, but because she wants to have fun with grandkids.

MIL and SFIL have also tried to dictate that I dictate H to do things. "You need to make sure he goes to the doctor". "You make sure he calls his mother more often". I file these requests right there under "not my problem".

Yes, this is exactly it. She solely wants us to have kids so that she can be a grandmother.

kat1114 · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I need to vent.

Let me start this by saying again that I really do love my MIL and I feel very, very lucky to have her. But a whole week of her staying in our house is very stressful. She is constantly asking me questions. Here's an example. She was leaving on Saturday, and after that, our friends were coming over to hang out.

"What time are they coming? Are you going to order in food? What are you going to get? Are you guys drinking wine? What are you going to wear? How are you going to wear your hair? Are you going to just dry your bangs and pull the rest back? How late will you guys be up?"

This went on for 6 days. The second I got home from work every day, I was bombarded with questions.

Now, we've told MIL many times that we're not having kids. She's not happy with that decision. She made jokes last week about tampering with my birth control pills. She also went to have her hair done by my best friend. She implied to my friend that my husband actually does want to have kids, and he just don't want them because I don't.

I really just wish she'd respect our decision. H and I have discussed it, and he's going to talk to his mom again. But I'm hurt and frustrated. Thanks for letting me get that out.

The bolded alone would drive me nuts. I get annoyed when I come home and H bombards me with questions. It would be 100x worse if it was my MIL. Bless you for having the patience to deal with that for 6 days.

AddieCake · December 2014

Glad you survived. And sympathies to all people who have difficult in-laws! Every time I read stories, I'm grateful for my MIL!

levioosa · December 2014

I feel your pain. I love my Grandfather, but he drives me up a wall. It's always the same question, asked twenty different ways, thirty times.

"How's school? So school's good, huh? What do you think about school? Have you done anything with school yet? What's going on with school? Tell me more about school. Has school been good? What are you doing with school?" and on and on and on. It's honestly an art. I don't know how someone can ask the same question so many times and either not listen or want to hear it again.

I think it's a good call for your H to talk to his Mom again. Boundaries are important. It's good that you're both on the same page.

anjemon · December 2014

kat1114 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I need to vent.

Let me start this by saying again that I really do love my MIL and I feel very, very lucky to have her. But a whole week of her staying in our house is very stressful. She is constantly asking me questions. Here's an example. She was leaving on Saturday, and after that, our friends were coming over to hang out.

"What time are they coming? Are you going to order in food? What are you going to get? Are you guys drinking wine? What are you going to wear? How are you going to wear your hair? Are you going to just dry your bangs and pull the rest back? How late will you guys be up?"

This went on for 6 days. The second I got home from work every day, I was bombarded with questions.

Now, we've told MIL many times that we're not having kids. She's not happy with that decision. She made jokes last week about tampering with my birth control pills. She also went to have her hair done by my best friend. She implied to my friend that my husband actually does want to have kids, and he just don't want them because I don't.

I really just wish she'd respect our decision. H and I have discussed it, and he's going to talk to his mom again. But I'm hurt and frustrated. Thanks for letting me get that out.

The bolded alone would drive me nuts. I get annoyed when I come home and H bombards me with questions. It would be 100x worse if it was my MIL. Bless you for having the patience to deal with that for 6 days.

Yes. I lived with my step-grandma for awhile after college and that was the most annoying thing. She'd get home and start talking away. I like her and she's really nice, but sometimes the talking was just too much. I'm a person who needs her space. Also, I was usually doing something on the computer so I'd have to stop what I was doing to carry on a conversation.

maeday2 · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

ShesSoCold said:

Ugh, OP, I hear ya. H is his mom's only child and we don't want kids. She tries to guilt us into it. Not because we'll enjoy kids and because we'd be good parents, but because she wants to have fun with grandkids.

MIL and SFIL have also tried to dictate that I dictate H to do things. "You need to make sure he goes to the doctor". "You make sure he calls his mother more often". I file these requests right there under "not my problem".

Yes, this is exactly it. She solely wants us to have kids so that she can be a grandmother.

I'm in this boat too.

I love my mom dearly. The other night she went into a mope-fest about how other ladies her age and all her friends already have grandkids. She knows we want to wait at least 3 years from now, but it became more about her time table. Then she throws out, "But I don't want to put that pressure on ya'll."

It's frustrating for other people to tell you what decisions to make and when to make them.

pinkcow13 · December 2014

We definitely have the same FMIL/MIL. Just last night she texted me saying she has not put up a christmas tree in years, but she will once she has her grandbabies. Thanks. She has also crochet a few blankets and outfits for the future grandbabies. I'm honestly so damn sick of it.

Oh and she is the same with the questions. I think you are a saint for surviving an entire WEEK with her.

climbingsingle · December 2014

It took a lot of convincing that she won't be able to stay with us next time she comes because the house will be under major renovations. Maybe I can set her up a tent in the backyard.

VulgarGirl · December 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

It took a lot of convincing that she won't be able to stay with us next time she comes because the house will be under major renovations. Maybe I can set her up a tent in the backyard.

Where in the backyard? What kind of tent? What color of tent? What kind of renovations? Are you renovating to include a nursery? Where did you buy the tent? When did you buy the tent? Why is a tent called a tent? How did you learn to set up a tent? Will you teach your kids to set up a tent?

Yes I'm being a brat. :P

climbingsingle · December 2014

MagicInk said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

It took a lot of convincing that she won't be able to stay with us next time she comes because the house will be under major renovations. Maybe I can set her up a tent in the backyard.

Where in the backyard? What kind of tent? What color of tent? What kind of renovations? Are you renovating to include a nursery? Where did you buy the tent? When did you buy the tent? Why is a tent called a tent? How did you learn to set up a tent? Will you teach your kids to set up a tent?

Yes I'm being a brat. :P

teddygirl9 · December 2014

WOW good for you! That must have been very difficult to hold your tongue =\

flutteringinftmyers Haha my SO's momma is the same. It drives him so crazy because he ends up missing parts of the movie/tv show as well. I usually just ignore and say 'shh watch' haha.

We went out to dinner for SO's bday this weekend, to a nice restaurant, and his parents got into THE biggest fight in the middle of the restaurant. It was so awkward, and everyone was staring. Once we left he was like 'See?! This is why I'm not normal!' haha. His mom just also kind of makes things up or twists words to mean something completely different, but it was a bad time for it to come to blows.

lavenderfields13 · December 2014

I don't know if I'd survive a whole week so good for you! I hope your H definitely has another conversation with her about the no kids issue.

I am also lucky to have FMIL who loves me but she drives me absolutely nuts. She asks the silliest questions, I think she just likes to have something to say. There doesn't always have to be talking! She has been trying to be my best friend for years and it's not happening. I feel guilty but we just don't have anything in common besides FI. I think friendships should happen naturally- not be forced upon you.

She has also been wanting us to have kids for YEARS. We just got engaged last year. And I think it's just because she wants to be a grandmother. Well, me and FI are not ready so shut up already, it's not going to be your kid. She is also a little irritated that we're not getting married in a church- I'm not religious and FI isn't religious enough to care. She has said that she will take our future kids to church and I HAVE to have them baptized. Again, our kids, not yours, back off.

Sorry, that turned into my own rant!

mrsk616 · December 2014

my FMIL has told my FI friends mother that i was pregnant (which i was not).

she has asked us constantly what we are doing on a certain night?

she has been all up in my shit on things. she even asked me to finish a crochet project she had started. ummm no

I survived MIL's visit.

Re: I survived MIL's visit.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards