how many is too many?

triciana · December 2014

My wedding is coming up and I have 12 BM and my fiancé has 7 guys. I'm trying to cut my number down as much as I can but it doesn't seem to be working. Most of the ladies are family members some of who I'm not as close to but my mother wants them in the wedding. My parents are divorce and I have two sisters on my dad's side and a cousin whom I'm close to. I choose them to be a part along with my two close friends and another cousin from my mother side whom is like a sister-so we are at 6 right. I asked his sister to be in it.. My mother had an issue with my dad's two daughters and cousin so she wanted me to add some of her sisters children. Before you know it. I'm at 12BM. I'm trying to cut it down by asking them to do other things in the wedding so that I can get my bridal party to 14ppl considering my fiancé doesn't want that many people in the wedding. He even took his sister out and asked her to do something else.

I say all this to say. Large parties are great to have because they can help out with a lot however it can be difficult when finding dress to match everyone body size. If they don't all live in the same city, country that can be difficult too. Also there is always someone that will catch an attitude especially if the focus is not on them. Choose you bridal party wisely.

Maggie0829 · December 2014

triciana said:

My wedding is coming up and I have 12 BM and my fiancé has 7 guys. I'm trying to cut my number down as much as I can but it doesn't seem to be working. Most of the ladies are family members some of who I'm not as close to but my mother wants them in the wedding. My parents are divorce and I have two sisters on my dad's side and a cousin whom I'm close to. I choose them to be a part along with my two close friends and another cousin from my mother side whom is like a sister-so we are at 6 right. I asked his sister to be in it.. My mother had an issue with my dad's two daughters and cousin so she wanted me to add some of her sisters children. Before you know it. I'm at 12BM. I'm trying to cut it down by asking them to do other things in the wedding so that I can get my bridal party to 14ppl considering my fiancé doesn't want that many people in the wedding. He even took his sister out and asked her to do something else.
I say all this to say. Large parties are great to have because they can help out with a lot however it can be difficult when finding dress to match everyone body size. If they don't all live in the same city, country that can be difficult too. Also there is always someone that will catch an attitude especially if the focus is not on them. Choose you bridal party wisely.

@triciana - have you asked these people to be bridesmaids? If so you can't turn around and tell them that they aren't going to be BMs anymore and instead are going to do some rando job at your wedding. That is rude as hell.

And to the bolded. Did your FI seriously tell his sister that she is no longer in the wedding and can do something else? What exactly is that something else? If it isn't a reading or presenting of gifts (if you are having a Catholic mass) then there isn't any "something else."

PrettyGirlLost · December 2014

Lakinn said:

How many bridesmaids do you have? i am currently working on asking my closest friends, and i have the number down to 8. I think that number is rather large but i don't think i could exclude anyone. Are there any many common difficulties any of you face with having a large group?

I had 10 BM's and DH had 9 GMs.

Yes, we are close to each and every one of those people. I have 3 siblings and a SIL, DH has 4 siblings and a SIL and BIL. The others were close friends from highschool and college that we see at least once a month or so.

I gave the BM's a choice of 5 dress colors to choose from and asked them to get a knee-ish length dress in one of those 5 colors, so I didn't have to worry about budgets or shopping trips.

We had a 2 year engagement, so I purchased their gifts over a 1.5 year time span.

mrsk616 · December 2014

i personally would love to have 4 but i will probably have 2 maybe 3 tops. i always thought more than say maybe 6 was a little to much for my liking

IrishPirate60 · December 2014

If there are more people standing with the bride and groom than are sitting in the seats, there are too many.

charcoalandblush · December 2014

I originally wanted 2 or 3. DF couldn't narrow it down to fewer than 4, but the problem was for me to add a 4th, I would have had to add at least 2 others (because it's the same group of friends/same level of close-ness). So I ended up with 6, which I am not thrilled about. I think more than 4 or 5 is really unmanageable, especially if they're different friends from different groups who don't know each other and don't necessarily agree on wedding related things/otherwise get along.

Jen4948 · December 2014

charcoalandblush said:
I originally wanted 2 or 3. DF couldn't narrow it down to fewer than 4, but the problem was for me to add a 4th, I would have had to add at least 2 others (because it's the same group of friends/same level of close-ness). So I ended up with 6, which I am not thrilled about. I think more than 4 or 5 is really unmanageable, especially if they're different friends from different groups who don't know each other and don't necessarily agree on wedding related things/otherwise get along.

You never had to have at least 2 others in addition to your original choices, because even sides are never required.

Since that ship has sailed, realize that you can't ask anyone to step down without putting your friendships with them at risk. That's why we regular posters always advocate for asking only those who are truly your nearest and closest, and never asking anyone to have even sides or to "suck it up." If someone is not happy that they or a third party was not asked, they will have to do the "sucking it up" and live with their disappointment while keeping their mouth shut. The only person who gets a say in who stands with the bride is the bride-not her parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, kids, and not the groom or his parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, or kids. The same applies, of course, to who stands with the groom-he is the only one with a say. Who's paying for the wedding and threats of hurt feelings do not have any part in their decisions.

charcoalandblush · December 2014

I definitely understand that even sides are necessary, but it was important to me to have them be relatively close. I have at least 10+ people that I would feel happy asking to stand next to me, so in my case it seemed better to ask a couple of extra girls than for me to have two and him have four (or even six). I definitely understand that it's different for everyone. You shouldn't ask someone that you wouldn't ask anyway just to make the sides even (or close to even). For me, it just made sense since I already had a decent number of people that I felt like I was "leaving out" anyway.

charcoalandblush · December 2014

To clarify my previous post, what I'm not thrilled about is the NUMBER. Not the people themselves. I love my bridesmaids dearly, and I'm happy to have each of them in my wedding. It's just the total number that feels unmanageable at times. I have never considered asking any of them to step down.

how many is too many?

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