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Etiquette

Engagement Party

First time poster here... Hi Ladies! My lovely and wonderful bridesmaids are throwing us an engagement party. They created a really nice looking e-vite that is now sent to all the guests - problem is, when you click on the link in your email invitation (as a guest) there is a button underneath the text (so, first comes the card, that has text on it, then some text underneath, i feel like i am not explaining it well...bear with me), and then there is a button (auto generated by evite) that says "find registry" and if you click on it you can search by name, and indeed it does link to our registry if you type in our names. I am kind of mortified that it makes us look like we are expecting gifts for the engagement party - is that so? What should we do ? It seems like there is no way to change e-vite settings to remove it. Should the host somehow mention it in the text ("please ignore button, its from evite not us..." ) or does that only make matters worse? Thanks! And Happy New Year! 
- The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 

Re: Engagement Party

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited December 2014
    mj8215 said:

    First time poster here... Hi Ladies! My lovely and wonderful bridesmaids are throwing us an engagement party. They created a really nice looking e-vite that is now sent to all the guests - problem is, when you click on the link in your email invitation (as a guest) there is a button underneath the text (so, first comes the card, that has text on it, then some text underneath, i feel like i am not explaining it well...bear with me), and then there is a button (auto generated by evite) that says "find registry" and if you click on it you can search by name, and indeed it does link to our registry if you type in our names. I am kind of mortified that it makes us look like we are expecting gifts for the engagement party - is that so? What should we do ? It seems like there is no way to change e-vite settings to remove it. Should the host somehow mention it in the text ("please ignore button, its from evite not us..." ) or does that only make matters worse? Thanks! And Happy New Year! 

    Did the emails already go out? Why is your registry even done this early?

    Just change the names on your registry to something fake so people can't find it if they search.

    ETA if the email hasn't gone out yet, find another way to send that won't have that button. Or see if it's because they used a shower template - if they use another template there might not be a button.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It is okay to feel the way you are feeling.  Engagement parties are not technically gift giving occasions but some people may bring a nice bottle of wine or something small anyways (I was raised to never show up empty handed to a party so I would bring you something).

    At this point I really don't think there is much to do.  If your BMs send another email saying "ignore that button" then peoples attention will be drawn to it even more.  If they send something like "no gifts are necessary" then it makes it look like you were expecting gifts in the first place.

    The best course of action is to be overly appreciative if anyone brings a gift (send thank you notes ASAP) and then let it go.

    As for me, I don't really judge the couple so much in this circumstance because you aren't hosting this party.  You didn't send the invites.  I would just think it was an error made by one of the hosts and not really hold it against you.  Now if this kind of thing was in the wedding invite, that is a whole other situation.

  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I wouldn't worry too much about it. What's done is done. Do you have any registries out there?
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  • Make your registries private. This should be an option you can update online. 

    You're right, as I guest I would think this was a gift grab if there was a direct link to the registries.
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  • aurorajanetteaurorajanette member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    Is it a direct link as a part of the message, or is it an ad that has a link? If it looks like an ad, most people will understand that it's not controlled by your or the hosts of the party, and will likely ignore it. Otherwise, I agree with Maggie.

    ETA: clarity
  • Thanks for the responses! 
    A few clarifications: 

    We got engaged in 8/2014 and the wedding is 8/2015, so its on the late side for the engagement party, but thats due to everyone's super busy schedules plus my mom lives far away and we ended up deciding on a date that is during her upcoming visit. (just to clarify, my only input for this whole party was the day/time and ideas for location when asked by the BM who is organizing).
    So, this is why we already have a registry (honestly we just got started on it the other day though). 

    I actually panicked at changed our names to cartoon characters (on our bloomingdale's registry) as suggested by southernbelle above... upon further review of this whole website though I am concluding that the button is an ad - if you click it, it takes you to a site where you can search for someone's registry (the form has a "the knot" logo on top of it so it must be sponsored by TK?) and if you type in both our first and last names and month/year of wedding (which we haven't officially announced to any prospective guests yet, just mentioned it to a few people (VIPs) in conversation here and there) only then do you get to a link to our bloomingdale's registry. 

    So... I think its OK to go back to our real names - since this is an ad? Otherwise its pointless to even have a registry? Its not like clicking the button takes you to it, you still have to make the effort of typing in our full names and date? Right? 
    - The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    mj8215 said:
    Thanks for the responses! 
    A few clarifications: 

    We got engaged in 8/2014 and the wedding is 8/2015, so its on the late side for the engagement party, but thats due to everyone's super busy schedules plus my mom lives far away and we ended up deciding on a date that is during her upcoming visit. (just to clarify, my only input for this whole party was the day/time and ideas for location when asked by the BM who is organizing).
    So, this is why we already have a registry (honestly we just got started on it the other day though). 

    I actually panicked at changed our names to cartoon characters (on our bloomingdale's registry) as suggested by southernbelle above... upon further review of this whole website though I am concluding that the button is an ad - if you click it, it takes you to a site where you can search for someone's registry (the form has a "the knot" logo on top of it so it must be sponsored by TK?) and if you type in both our first and last names and month/year of wedding (which we haven't officially announced to any prospective guests yet, just mentioned it to a few people (VIPs) in conversation here and there) only then do you get to a link to our bloomingdale's registry. 

    So... I think its OK to go back to our real names - since this is an ad? Otherwise its pointless to even have a registry? Its not like clicking the button takes you to it, you still have to make the effort of typing in our full names and date? Right? 
    Yeah it sounds like an ad to me, just a way to drive traffic to TK and have people search for registries.  I think you're fine.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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