ceremony

AddieCake · January 2015

Why the sudden desire to get married in a church if you don't go to church?

Jen4948 · January 2015

As far as I know most houses of worship do require you to have their resident clergy officiate. Some are open to co-officiating with an outside officiant, but it's unusual that they'll an outside officiant to completely replace them.

So I'd ask if your church will allow for co-officiating with your officiant; otherwise, you might have to eat the deposit if no one is okay with your officiant co-performing the ceremony or refunding the deposit.

laurelizabeth625 · January 2015

We do go to church but two different church. I go to church in North Jersey and he goes to a Catholic church in South Jersey

laurelizabeth625 · January 2015

It became easier to do our ceremony onsite because my family is from North Jersey and its a far travel. We wanted the reception right after. But someone just recommended a church near our location and we love it and it would flow right into our reception

vmj23 · January 2015

Is this a catholic church? I know someone who used their own priest, who was someone they knew well, at the church that they were getting married but would think all churches have their own requirements. Some churches will only let you marry there if you are a member - have you checked to make sure you can hold the ceremony there?

MobKaz · January 2015

jv523 said:

Is this a catholic church? I know someone who used their own priest, who was someone they knew well, at the church that they were getting married but would think all churches have their own requirements. Some churches will only let you marry there if you are a member - have you checked to make sure you can hold the ceremony there?

If it is not a Catholic Church, is your fiance OK with his marriage not being recognized by his church? Is he aware he will lose standing in his church and the ability to receive sacraments?

banana468 · January 2015

Jen4948 said:
As far as I know most houses of worship do require you to have their resident clergy officiate. Some are open to co-officiating with an outside officiant, but it's unusual that they'll an outside officiant to completely replace them.

So I'd ask if your church will allow for co-officiating with your officiant; otherwise, you might have to eat the deposit if no one is okay with your officiant co-performing the ceremony or refunding the deposit.

Not correct. If the clergy is of the same faith it isn't a requirement that he be a Co officiant at least by Catholic doctrine. Both my parents and my husband and I were married by my mother's cousin, a Catholic priest with no additional priests present. We just cleared it with the parish in the planning process.

Jen4948 · January 2015

banana468 said:

Jen4948 said:
As far as I know most houses of worship do require you to have their resident clergy officiate. Some are open to co-officiating with an outside officiant, but it's unusual that they'll an outside officiant to completely replace them.

So I'd ask if your church will allow for co-officiating with your officiant; otherwise, you might have to eat the deposit if no one is okay with your officiant co-performing the ceremony or refunding the deposit.
Not correct. If the clergy is of the same faith it isn't a requirement that he be a Co officiant at least by Catholic doctrine. Both my parents and my husband and I were married by my mother's cousin, a Catholic priest with no additional priests present. We just cleared it with the parish in the planning process.

Aside from the fact that not every house of worship is a Catholic church, not every house of worship is willing to allow for outsiders to officiate at weddings. Each has its own rules and procedures about that. The OP needs to find out what the rules are for the specific house of worship where she wants to be married and abide by them, even if it means that she can't get her deposit back.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

OP, change your username. I just found your LinkedIn profile very easily.

CMGragain · January 2015

Most churches are offended if a couple wants to use their building as a pretty background for their wedding ceremony. Ministers from the same denomination are often allowed, but I don't know any church that would allow a secular officiant to perform the ceremony. They are houses of worship, not the Elks Club.
United Methodist churches are open to marrying non-members. You would need to meet with the minister for premarital counseling. The minister would need to approve.
What is wrong with the church with which you are currently affiliated?

princessofgenovia · January 2015

My BFF got married at her mom's church but were able to use the pastor from their church. They allowed it because her mom is a member of the church. She got married at her mom's church because they were able to use the fellowship hall, her church doesn't have one.

laurelizabeth625 · January 2015

holyguacamole79 your telling me to change my profile name? (I'm not sure what OP stands for) But very creepy that the only thing you did when you came to this board was look me up on Google, but I have nothing to hide. And second your suppose to find my Linkedln account when you search my name....that's the point.

princessofgenovia · January 2015

@laurenaltera, OP stands for original poster. Its recommended (and in fact might be in TOS, not sure) to keep private information off the boards. It's a matter of internet safety. We're friendly, yes, but we're strangers.

If you met some lady on the street would you go "Hi, here's my work history! And easy ways to contact me!", basic information is what internet hackers use to get more extensive information on you.

Also your s/n looks like a first and last name combo. @holyguacamole79 double checked that fact, I did the same and can now see your registry, where you went to high school and college. That's a lot of personal information. Which is why she reccomened you change it.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

laurelizabeth625 said:
holyguacamole79 your telling me to change my profile name? (I'm not sure what OP stands for) But very creepy that the only thing you did when you came to this board was look me up on Google, but I have nothing to hide. And second your suppose to find my Linkedln account when you search my name....that's the point.

This is a public forum, and there have been stories in the past of people who would find out stuff about posters. And I don't think those are the people you want finding your LinkedIn. It was obvious that your other screen name was your first name + last name. I'm just trying to help you out.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

And I agree with others. You and your FI need to get on the same page regarding your church for the wedding. Some churches will require you to have a certain officiant, and some won't. As a Catholic, we had a priest friend witness our wedding, and our pastor simply confirmed that this priest was in good standing. That took no more than an email. I know of other churches that are laid back, and I know of others who will require you to use their minister.

@mobkaz made a good point. If you and your FI do not marry in the Catholic church, he will not be in communion with the church. Does he wasn't to do that?

rcher912 · January 2015

There are special dispensations that can be given by the Catholic Church to marry in a different house of worship with a Christian officiant, as long as there's good reason. Just make sure to check in with FI's parish, and since the wedding is in North Jersey, that's probably a pretty strong case to start.

That said, though, it is quite important to have this conversation sooner rather than later, as the Catholic Church does have a whole process for the Sacrament of Matrimony (oy, can you tell I've been doing too much research on this?!)

CMGragain · January 2015

I am confused. Where does the OP say that one of them is Catholic?

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

laurelizabeth625 said:

We do go to church but two different church. I go to church in North Jersey and he goes to a Catholic church in South Jersey

@CMGragain‌

laurelizabeth625 · January 2015

holyguacamole79 Thank you, sorry I didn't realize this site had that issue before!!

slothiegal · January 2015

Oh boy.

MairePoppy · January 2015

Yes, it wasn't brilliant on your part to refer to the silly laws of any religious group.

CMGragain · January 2015

If your FI is married anywhere but in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest, he will not be able to take communion in the Catholic church - ever. Neither will you. I gather that YOU are OK with this, but how does your FI feel about this?
A protestant minister will gladly marry you, but that marriage will not be recognized by the Catholic church as valid.
You both need to talk about this. Your families will probably be very upset about a marriage that is not recognized by the Catholic Church.
You have insulted a lot of people with your last post. I am not Catholic, but I have great respect for the church. I suggest that you apologize.
If you both are certain that you never again want to practice your Catholic faith, then go ahead with your plans.

CMGragain · January 2015

Aha! The bat signal! I would love to be a fly on the wall when those two Italian-American New Jersey mothers get together about this one! Ha!

OP, deleting your post was a bad idea. Now everybody will come flying in on our broomsticks and read what a silly girl you are!

wrigleyville · January 2015

Why do you even bother going to a Catholic church if you think the laws are "silly"? Why not find a church that is more in line with your faith?

laurelizabeth625 · January 2015

I don't go to the catholic church, I left it many years ago. I take communion at my new church, which is Christian. Communion is not only part of a Catholic church. It represents Jesus and His body, so whether you are part of that church or not you are still able to take communion. I do not let a Church tell me what I can and cannot do. I read the Bible and go to church to worship God. I respect the church, but I do not always respect the ways of men and how they lead the church. The catholic church I was at many years ago was greedy and manipulative. They started introducing practices that made no sense to our religion to please the people who brought in the money. Perhaps my feelings towards one Catholic church has ruin the experience for all other ones.

MobKaz · January 2015

laurelizabeth625 said:

I don't go to the catholic church, I left it many years ago. I take communion at my new church, which is Christian. Communion is not only part of a Catholic church. It represents Jesus and His body, so whether you are part of that church or not you are still able to take communion. I do not let a Church tell me what I can and cannot do. I read the Bible and go to church to worship God. I respect the church, but I do not always respect the ways of men and how they lead the church. The catholic church I was at many years ago was greedy and manipulative. They started introducing practices that made no sense to our religion to please the people who brought in the money. Perhaps my feelings towards one Catholic church has ruin the experience for all other ones.

You really put the "special" in snowflake, don't you? Your moral outrage should be shared with Pope Francis. He is cracking down on corruption in Rome.

MairePoppy · January 2015

May I offler a word of advice to you, laurelizabeth625? Stay away from religious discussions.

CMGragain · January 2015

While it sounds like leaving the Catholic church was right for you, what about your FI?

apromise22 · January 2015

CMGragain said:

If your FI is married anywhere but in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest, he will not be able to take communion in the Catholic church - ever. Neither will you. I gather that YOU are OK with this, but how does your FI feel about this?
A protestant minister will gladly marry you, but that marriage will not be recognized by the Catholic church as valid.
You both need to talk about this. Your families will probably be very upset about a marriage that is not recognized by the Catholic Church.
You have insulted a lot of people with your last post. I am not Catholic, but I have great respect for the church. I suggest that you apologize.
If you both are certain that you never again want to practice your Catholic faith, then go ahead with your plans.

A Catholic can receive dispensation to be married in another church without a priest present. Furthermore, re "ever" and "never again", MANY couples get married without a Catholic priest and then later get their marriage blessed/recognized by the church (and hence are able to receive communion).

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