Please tell me I'm being dumb and ridiculous-- Update!

novella1186 · January 2015

It's time to book our honeymoon. We've been talking about where to go for over a year and after a lot of debating and research, we decided on Italy. FI and I both love to travel and love to go to other countries, and neither of us have been to Italy yet. With less than 4 months till the wedding, we need to get plane tickets like NOW.

But I can't get myself to book them. Every time I think about even checking prices I start to panic. Probably my worst phobia is flying, even though I grew up flying multiple times a year, all over the world. I wasn't scared of it as a kid till we had a really bad experience-- which I thought nothing of-- and then my mom (who also hates flying and digs her fingernails into the armrest the entire time) said "I really thought the plane was going down and we were all going to die." So my little kid brain was like "Oh, that's a thing that can really happen." Since then, my fear of flying has grown and grown.

Last night I was tempted to just not go on a honeymoon at all, or go somewhere in the US that we could just drive to (cuz we both also love road trips). But I knew that some day I would really, really, really regret missing this opportunity. I have this huge passion for travelling and seeing the world, and this stupid fear is preventing me from it. It sucks.

I even convinced myself that since I'm so hesitant to book our flight, it must be because I have this subconscious premonition that the plane I book our tickets for is destined to go down and we're going to die on our honeymoon. Doesn't help at all that tons of plane crashes have been in the news over the past year. The logical side of my brain is like "Nope, that's total nonsense. You always do this to yourself. And the plane never crashes." But the neurotic side of my brain is like "You can't do it! Don't get on the plane!"

FI really wants to go. And honestly so do I. I've always wanted to go to Italy. I can't ruin this for us. Ugh! I need all you logical-minded, wise, sane knotties to talk some sense into me. This really sucks

loro929 · January 2015

You are being ridiculous. (kindly speaking, of course ;-)) There is a higher chance of getting into a car crash than your plane. Don't worry, don't stress out. Buy the tickets and you will have a good time.

I fly very often for work as well as for travel (upwards 20 times/a year) and about two years ago for some reason I started having panic attacks every time I flew. So this was extremely problematic for me. Same fears as you. One day, I got a grip and said to myself "loro: You need to get over it.". So, I ordered a glass (or several) of wine, got through that flight, and my fear has disappeared. Seemed too easy but since then my fear has really gone away. I think you need to get over it simply by facing it head on. Buy your tickets and start dreaming of all the wine and all the pasta/pizza and all the beauty that Italy has to offer.

ETA. more words and grammar

wandajune6 · January 2015

You're being silly. I understand completely, but you're still being silly. Statistically, you're far safer on that plane than driving to work.

I fly a lot for work and truly hate it. I get motion sick, claustrophobic, and basically just scared. And yet I still do it.

Talk to your psychologist or doc for a prescription for something to help with the anxiety. My aunt takes Xanax when flying. I'd do the same if I could get my hands on it!

mrstrevor15 · January 2015

My ex's father was scared of flying too. He went to the doctor and got some xanax for the flight to calm his nerves, maybe you will be able to fall asleep the whole flight...

lurkergirl · January 2015

I can't say anything because I could have written the same post! I used to love it, and I would love to travel more, but I super hate flying.

novella1186 · January 2015

I know the statistics, and I know cars are for more dangerous, but when I'm in a car I'm in control and there's no chance of plummeting thousands of feet out of the sky. I try to tell myself the logical facts, but then I counter it with crap like "But I've been in several car crashes and I've been fine. If the plane crashes, everyone dies!"

Like the whole time I'm on the plane all I want to do is go sit with the captain and say, "Is everything fine? We're ok right? How's the plane doing? Are we ok?" Ugh. I drive myself nuts.

larrygaga · January 2015

Think about how many crashes you heard of and then think about how many flights happen per year. Planes are very, very safe.

I don't know how to tell you to get over your fear, because it's just something you will probably have to face. It's not something you can easily get exposure to over and over. Going to Italy is a pretty long flight!

That first step is booking it!

climbingsingle · January 2015

I would also talk to your doctor about prescribing an anti-anxiety med just for the flight. But yes, you are being ridiculous. I fly all the time, and have never had a problem.

Where in Italy are you going?

novella1186 · January 2015

larrygaga said:

Think about how many crashes you heard of and then think about how many flights happen per year. Planes are very, very safe.

I don't know how to tell you to get over your fear, because it's just something you will probably have to face. It's not something you can easily get exposure to over and over. Going to Italy is a pretty long flight!

That first step is booking it!

I've flown to Europe before so the length of the flight is no big deal. We were originally going to fly to New Zealand, which also seemed like no big deal to me (I've flown to China from Chicago which takes about 22 hours in the air). But I 100% agree with you, take off and landing is the WORST. Usually once we're in the air I can chill out a little only because I know I'll fucking die if I spend the entire flight in total panic. It's just getting ON the plane and making it through takeoff

novella1186 · January 2015

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I would also talk to your doctor about prescribing an anti-anxiety med just for the flight. But yes, you are being ridiculous. I fly all the time, and have never had a problem.

Where in Italy are you going?

The Amalfi coast. So we'll fly into Naples

climbingsingle · January 2015

novella1186 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I would also talk to your doctor about prescribing an anti-anxiety med just for the flight. But yes, you are being ridiculous. I fly all the time, and have never had a problem.

Where in Italy are you going?

The Amalfi coast. So we'll fly into Naples

Awesome! We're planning to do the Amalfi coast on our next trip to Italy.

lovegood90 · January 2015

I understand 100000%!

I had the same "premonition" once and thought it was a "sign"- I caused my brain to go overboard! I was flying from China to Canada alone (as BF was staying there longer) and it was just a little while after the Malaysian Airlines tragedies. I was convinced that this plane was going down too, or BFs was when he came back, I was a madwoman basically. But nothing happened! I try to remind myself that plane crashes only seem to happen a lot because they get reported in the news- the news doesn't report on the thousands of planes that land safely every day.

Once you get on the plane you can always get drunk or take some drowsy medicine I'm so jealous though, I'd love to go back to Italy!

onefootinthebayou · January 2015

As someone who flew 99 flight segments this year, 100 last, and 92 the year before, I can tell you the worst things that will happen to you will be these: someone will invariably drill you with an aggressive seat recline, someone will eat fried chicken or fast food near you (and there is some sort of sorcery on a plane that makes fried chicken smell horrific instead of delicious), you will most certainly take an elbow or two, you may get a bag dropped on your head, and if you are flying transatlantic to Italy, many people will remove their shoes and socks. I swear to you, these are the worst things that will happen.

I swear by noise canceling headphones, loading up the iPad with movies, a very comfy eye mask, and a tiny lavender pillow that I can snuggle up to on a long flight. There's a great store, Flight 001 that has all kinds of accessories that make flying much more enjoyable. I bought my own travel blanket there and if a flight is especially bad, I just put it over my head. Strangely, this behavior still doesn't make me the weirdest person on the plane.

In seriousness though, if you have a true phobia, speak to a professional and perhaps an Rx for sedatives will help you out. If it's in your budget, fly business class. It's a much nicer experience. I hope you go through with it and have a wonderful time.

jenna8984 · January 2015

snap out of it!

maeday2 · January 2015

Girl - Xanax is your bestie.

I could have written this shit. I had the travel day from HELL yesterday and ate them like fucking pez. (I don't advise that, for the record.) Seriously though, taken properly they will help you.

I used to love flying and I think I have read too much of the terrible news lately that is so flush with plane crashes and I suddenly am petrified. We're talking almost had a full blown panic attack yesterday.

I flew into some awful weather yesterday and honestly didn't know we had even landed because the entire descent was that bumpy. Hearing the pilot say multiple times to "brace yourself" and "it's going to be really rough guys" sucked balls. But, I was better off medicated.

novella1186 · January 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

As someone who flew 99 flight segments this year, 100 last, and 92 the year before, I can tell you the worst things that will happen to you will be these: someone will invariably drill you with an aggressive seat recline, someone will eat fried chicken or fast food near you (and there is some sort of sorcery on a plane that makes fried chicken smell horrific instead of delicious), you will most certainly take an elbow or two, you may get a bag dropped on your head, and if you are flying transatlantic to Italy, many people will remove their shoes and socks. I swear to you, these are the worst things that will happen.

I swear by noise canceling headphones, loading up the iPad with movies, a very comfy eye mask, and a tiny lavender pillow that I can snuggle up to on a long flight. There's a great store, Flight 001 that has all kinds of accessories that make flying much more enjoyable. I bought my own travel blanket there and if a flight is especially bad, I just put it over my head. Strangely, this behavior still doesn't make me the weirdest person on the plane.

In seriousness though, if you have a true phobia, speak to a professional and perhaps an Rx for sedatives will help you out. If it's in your budget, fly business class. It's a much nicer experience. I hope you go through with it and have a wonderful time.

Thank you! I'll definitely be talking to my doctor. (And checking out that store!)

blabla89 · January 2015

We just booked plane tickets for our HM in Italy! And you should too

I know all the news stories about plane crashes and whatnot are scary, but think how many planes travel across the country and the world every day without incident. You'll be fine.

onefootinthebayou · January 2015

novella1186 said:

Thank you! I'll definitely be talking to my doctor. (And checking out that store!)

http://www.flight001.com/

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

Ok, Novella, calm down and breathe. Remember the following (and my husband is an "av-geek" and I know too much about flying thanks to him):

Planes are designed to stay up. Those suckers don't even have backward thrust which is why a little cart has to push them out of the gate. Also, any crash you've ever heard of--- six or seven different things had to go wrong and combine at just the right time for the plane to go down. Plus, every major crash in the past resulted in some technological advance or FAA regulation to ensure the most critical piece of the crash doesn't happen again. For example, pilots won't fly into hot zones of thunderstorms in order to avoid microbursts. They have doppler radar on board. The flight attendants are there for your safety-- if you remember that more recent crash in San Fran, it was the flight attendants who got 100s of people to safety.

I totally get the control thing, I do. I fly a lot and sometimes feel motion sick too. Turbulence makes me nervous until I remind myself that it's just a few air pockets and the plane will stay up. It's only a few hours of your life though, and you'll be somewhere fabulous! Some of the airlines (like United) let you tune into the flight deck. It's channel 9 on United. You can listen to what the pilots are yakking about. If they're calm, you're calm.

Italy is amazing. You have to go and have a fabulous time!

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

Have your FI book the tickets.

You will be fine! And it'll be so worth it to go to Italy! You won't crash and die because the universe owes us a recap of your trip when you get home. Knottie mojo wins, always.

maeday2 · January 2015

@thisismynickname That just soothed me. I need to print your pep talk and tape it to the chair back when I fly next. That's not weird, right?

Another thing that helped me yesterday was occupying my thoughts elsewhere with a book. I should reread that chapter, though. I forced myself to read.

novella1186 · January 2015

So when I was in college I was friends with a guy who was in flight school (my college has one of the world's best aviation schools) and I seriously made him sit down with me and tell me every single detail that happens in the cockpit, and how hard it is for anything to go wrong, and exactly what the pilot is doing when, on and on and on. I probably asked him about 800 questions. (This was right before I flew to Europe the first time.) I should have recorded him so I could play it back every time I have to fly lol.

thisismynickname, aviation geekery definitely helps me feel better about it. Thank you!

amelisha · January 2015

I'm not a nervous flier, but I have to echo the other suggestions about getting a one-time (well, two-time) dose of Xanax or whatever from your doctor. I know several people who do have a fear of flying who do that and it's made a world of difference for them. My mom used to do it every time she flew but she's now had so many safe journeys that she doesn't even have to take them anymore, she just keeps it in her bag and knowing it's there if she feels panicky is enough to calm her down. Combine that with some relaxation breathing and constant reminders to yourself about all this logical stuff already mentioned re: aviation safety and it makes a huge difference.

You'll miss out on so many great experiences if you can't fly to get there. It is really, really worth finding a way to calm your fears if you like to travel.

CMGragain · January 2015

Phobias are very difficult to deal with. Are you sure that you want to let your fear of flying control your life? Do you want to miss out on wonderful experiences because of a feeling which you know isn't logical?
Buy the plane tickets.
Go to a doctor, and tell him about your issues with flying. He/she might be able to prescribe a mild anti-anxiety medication which will help you get through the flight. DH has travel issues, and FINALLY he got some meds to help him when he flies! He's not worried about the plane crashing - he's worried about getting through the airports and losing his luggage. (Control issues.)
Don't feel ashamed. Lots of people have this irrational fear. The question is - are you going to let it stop you and your FI from taking the honeymoon of your dreams?

pinkcow13 · January 2015

I could have written this post as well. I am terrified of flying. And I must love torture, because I watch shows like "Why Plane's Crash", which then haunt me when I fly.

We are going to Australia for our honeymoon (and still need to book the tickets as well!) and that will be the longest flight I have ever been on. Just the thought of it fills me with anxiety. I would suggest definitely getting a prescription for Xanax, as that helps a lot. Also, doing some research online about plane safety and flying in general will help you think rationally. This is a site that I used to frequent: http://www.fearofflying.com/ - it has some useful information for free. There are also courses that you can purchase, but I didn't feel the need to do so.

What I usually do before a flight, is stay up the night before, and then pop a Xanax right before getting on the plane. I come prepared with my headphones, books, and whenever we hit turbulence, I remind myself that it's normal aircraft activity. It all helps, but I do tend to be a nervous wreck on flights, even with incorporating all that I mentioned above. I will need plenty of Xanax for our honeymoon, because I know I'm going to be a ball of anxiety for that.

Couggal12 · January 2015

You're being silly, but, if it helps I am also silly too when it comes to flying

. I have to take medicine to calm my anxiety whenever I fly. It doesn't matter if I'm flying 1 hour or 5 hours, I have to take something. I realize it's a ridiculous fear I have considering it's more dangerous to drive in a car but, I just can't stay calm when I fly.

If you can go to the doctors and get some anti-anxiety meds it will help a lot.

buttercup1958 · January 2015

You will be fine! Plus I want to live through you haha. Italy sounds like fun and I know you will have a great time. I've been flying since I was 5 so I'm not scared of flying. I'm more scared of being on opposite ends of terminals and missing my plane!

hellosweetie1015 · January 2015

Girl, get on that plane. You'll regret it if you don't.

I hate airports. I really actually like flying, but airports - especially ATL - make me crazy. I had about five freak-out panicky moments before our flight last week, because at first I couldn't confirm that everyone had everything they were going to need, and then our departure for my grandmother's house was delayed, and then we couldn't print boarding passes when we got to my grandmother's, and then we got "lost" (we were not lost, but I felt lost) trying to find food on Christmas Day, and then I had two in the actual airport because everything was going wrong and we were going to miss our flight. I had four separate instances where I started crying, got it under control, and then lost it again.

We got to the gate two full hours before we could even board, which was three hours before the plane was supposed to leave.

If you can't book the tickets, tell your FI to. Get you something to help with your anxiety - Xanax or wine or something - and have a BLAST.

dolewhipper · January 2015

I can't help you with getting over the flight itself, but I can tell you it will be VERY MUCH WORTH IT. Italy is an amazing country, both in culture, food, people and the country itself is just gorgeous. You would be doing yourself a disservice not going

charlieyankee03 · January 2015

I work for an airline planning and monitoring flights. I work anywhere from 60-70 flights per day, 4 days a week. I've been doing this for 2.5 years and have watched thousands of flights takeoff and land safely. There are safety measures out the ass for flights departing and entering the US and our pilots are trained to handle abnormal issues.

A lot of the plane crashes that have been in the news have been small planes and sadly, usually amount to pilot error with private pilots who don't have a second in command sitting with them or all the bells and whistles that commercial planes have.

I definitely think that if your doctor can give you something to calm your nerves that will have the biggest effect...just be careful how much you drink on the plane or things could get interesting lol. Good luck!

maeday2 · January 2015

I'm the wound up control freak type and I really believe it's a control issue for me and less of a phobia. It's the whole process and airports in general.

FI gets his rocks off flying. LOVES it. Yesterday morning I was flipping because the usually dead Memphis airport was packed with people at 5 a.m. and the security line was ridiculous. FI kept repeating, "It's fine babe, take your pill. Take your pill. Take your pill."

Seriously, Xanax is my main side piece when it comes to traveling. I can't preach how valuable it is.

You'll probably be traveling the same date as me if you're leaving the day after your wedding. If our paths cross, we can pop Xanax and do some breathing exercises together.

Please tell me I'm being dumb and ridiculous-- Update!

Re: Please tell me I'm being dumb and ridiculous-- Update!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards