Wedding Cost Stress :/

mlg78 · December 2014

You're throwing the wrong kind of wedding if it's going to put you in a position where you need to use your wedding gifts to help pay for the event. I'm sure there are areas you could slim things down quite a bit to get a lot closer to the $8K that is being given to you.

ShesSoCold · December 2014

I agree with PP. My H and I were engaged for two years to give us the time to save for the wedding. Even then, we had a small wedding and cut out a lot of extras to save money. At the end of the day, a wedding is a party. I honestly think it's nuts to put any amount of money on a credit card for a party, let alone 8 freaking grand. I can only imagine what the total cost of that will be after the interest when it's paid off. You and your FI need to decide what's most important to you and go with it. There are a ton of ways to save money on a wedding, if you're willing to cut back or scale down.

jacques27 · December 2014

Let's put this into perspective. Picking what the average minimum payment would be and what a general average percentage rate might be...if you can only afford to pay the minimum on your credit cards it will take you 8 years and cost you an additional $3800 in interest to pay off your $7000. Your 15K wedding is actually a 19K wedding, and that's assuming you don't need to put anything else on the credit cards in the next eight years, like emergency car repairs or a hospital bill. Even if you were able to make payments of $250/month, it's still going to take you over 3 years and around 2250 in interest.

Are you really prepared to start your marriage an additional $7000 grand in debt that will likely loom over you for years? And not paying your student loans isn't an option if you want any sort of job where you have access to personal identifiable information of others, government work, or financial work - defaulting on those loans will haunt you for a good long time.

Do not go into debt for a party. If there's familial pressure then they can either pay for what they want or you can be an adult advocating for your future financial health and stand up to them to explain that you can only do what you can afford. Credit card debt is a slippery slope and interest starts piling up. Start making cuts asap and go hang out on the budget board if you need help figuring out what to cut and how to make your $8000 stretch farther.

CMGragain · December 2014

When, exactly, is your wedding? Have you sent out the invitations?

II suggest that you cancel your wedding. You send out cards that say "The wedding of Bride and Groom will not take place as planned." No explanation is necessary.

Now you are free to plan a different wedding on a different date. You can elope, or you can have a small ceremony and reception. An afternoon ceremony with a cake and punch reception is very traditional and affordable.

Honestly, if you go ahead with this wedding that you cannot afford, I think you are too young to get married. Being in love is not enough. You need to be financially responsible, too.

southernbelle0915 · December 2014

I highly recommend NOT putting anything wedding related on a credit card if you can't pay it off immediately. Lines of credit and loans should really not be used for frivolous things like parties.

I'm really sorry you've felt pressured by your family to have a wedding you can't afford. This is a good time to take a step back, figure out what you CAN afford and draw the line. I highly doubt your family wants you to go into credit card debt. All you have to say is "I'm sorry, we can't afford (insert thing you think they expect), and we don't go into credit card debt to do it."

My guess is that the pressure is mostly because they expect a large amount of people to be invited. If you haven't already sent invitations/save the dates or verbally told these people they're invited, then rethink your guest list. It's probably the biggest way to save money. Good luck!

flantastic · December 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

I highly recommend NOT putting anything wedding related on a credit card if you can't pay it off immediately. Lines of credit and loans should really not be used for frivolous things like parties.

I'm really sorry you've felt pressured by your family to have a wedding you can't afford. This is a good time to take a step back, figure out what you CAN afford and draw the line. I highly doubt your family wants you to go into credit card debt. All you have to say is "I'm sorry, we can't afford (insert thing you think they expect), and we don't go into credit card debt to do it."

My guess is that the pressure is mostly because they expect a large amount of people to be invited. If you haven't already sent invitations/save the dates or verbally told these people they're invited, then rethink your guest list. It's probably the biggest way to save money. Good luck!

The bolded is a very important thing to do, not only for your current financial situation, but for your future marriage. You don't want family pressure dictating the way that every major life event will go. Learn now to just say no, like an adult.

OliveOilsMom · December 2014

There are many ways to cut back on your wedding. If you have your ceremony/reception at a non-meal time you can skip serving a meal, which will drastically help with costs. If you have your ceremony at 2 PM or 8 PM, you can follow it with a light appetizer and dessert reception or just a dessert reception. You can still have dancing and other traditional things, but you will save money not buying each person a full meal.

Also, limit or eliminate alcohol. That too will save you a lot of money.

Ditch favors, limos, super fancy stationary, and other non-essentials. Look into Vistaprint.com for invitations - they have sales and groupons you can use (although not together) frequently.

There are many ways to have a dignified and etiquette approved wedding while sticking to your budget. If it was so important for your family to have this big wedding, then they should be paying for the entire thing. Not forcing you to have a big party they want, but you need to put on a cc. We always advise to never go into debt for a wedding.

There was a bride that posted on here once complaining that the gifts people gave her and her H were not enough to cover their costs for the reception. She thought that the reception would be paid for by her gifts, that was not the case and she was very bitter. Please don't take the mind-set that any gifts given will allow you to pay off your portion of the wedding quickly, you will be sadly disappointed.

rcher912 · January 2015

Oh, OP, I hear you. I'm feeling exactly the same pinch. The reality of finances and bills is a harsh one.

That said, I like all the support from PPs. I agree that we all shouldn't have to go into debt for a wedding - certainly not 7k+ - but I also know that some of my expenses will undoubtedly go on my credit cards, as many things do.

KEEP TRACK.

Figure out a budget you're comfortable with and keep track of your expenses. Seriously consider what's important to you and what's not ("dinner is an absolute but transport is not" is where I am - so one location, no transport, and everyone gets themselves home at the end of the night saves a little bit so I can have the big dinner I want).

All I can say is be sure to just sit with this for awhile, and then keep track of all your expenses. You know where you stand, so to come back in a year and go "OMG HOW DID WE SPEND SO MUCH?" is not something you need!

climbingsingle · January 2015

Do not going into debt for a wedding! Unless you can pay those credit cards off immediately, you shouldn't do it. It's one day. There are many ways you can scale back. The Budget board has lots of good ideas.

plainjane0415 · January 2015

I'm in the don't go into debt for a wedding camp. It's really important to communicate and establish a feasible budget from the very start. As PP have said, if you put something on a credit card make sure you can pay it off immediately. Debt for a wedding just isn't worth it, if you think about it, the most important thing is getting married. Just keep that as the focus!

weddingcactus · January 2015

mkmetz said:

Hi all,

I started off wanting a simple wedding but due to family pressures and my naiveté about how much weddings actually cost, we are spending much more than I imagined. It will end up being about a $15k wedding in total. We are blessed to get 8k in help from family, but we will realistically end up putting the rest on credit cards. Between that and my student loan debt, I'm starting to feel panicked--how did I get in this situation? Maybe if some guests give checks for gifts we can start to pay off some of the debt.

At this point it is what it is. I'm wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and got their finances straightened out after the wedding?

I go back and forth between being excited and wishing we would have eloped lol.

I understand the pressure, the excitement, and the lack of information about the true cost of a wedding. Listen to your instincts that are telling you that going into debt is scary - it is. As a previous poster already detailed for you, the cost of interest on credit cards is incredible and a party is not worth spending the next few years of your life paying off huge amounts of debt. Student loan debt is in and of itself a big burden. The idea is that the debt from a student loan will (hopefully) pay off with higher future income. This is not the case with wedding debt.

You need to sit down with your fiance and discuss your finances - what money do you have on hand from relatives and what money have you two saved up for the wedding. Then take a look at your wedding costs and start looking for places to cut. As mentioned before, it's the wedding reception, not the wedding itself that usually costs the most. You need to figure out how much you can really afford and stick to that.

Have you already sent out invitations? Not only can you look for ways to cut the costs, you might also want to consider postponing the wedding until you're in a position financially to pay for it.

It is concerning to me that you say you "will receive 8k from family" but that you will "end up putting the rest on credit cards". Does this mean you and your fiance have saved up nothing to put towards a wedding? If you have not been able to save up anything so far, how will you possibly pay for credit card debt with compounding interest? What is your plan to pay off this debt? Do you understand compounding interest (CLICKY)?

I highly doubt that your family wants you to go into debt over your wedding. You need to set a budget, make cuts as necessary, and stick to what you can afford. If you're panicking now, imagine how you'll feel once you're a year into debt with compounding interest. The time to do something is now. Make a solid plan with your fiance for your future.

larrygaga · January 2015

I just saved 600 bucks making my invites by hand

I will buy bulk flowers and put my centerpieces together which I estimate will save me about 800

I saved about 400 by picking a photography session that just gives me edited pictures, then I can go on shutterfly or something and make an album for less than 100 bucks

Thrift stores are your friend.

Other ideas probably mentioned already

-trim guest list

-buffet

-beer and wine bar

-ipod and speakers instead of dj

-research cupcake prices. Many times they are much cheaper than a wedding cake!!!

-Skip STDs. If you really need to let people know ahead of time, a simple call or email will do!

-See if you can find a dress that fits you perfectly, and skip alterations!!!!

-I hear fake flowers are cheaper, but I never looked into fake ones

It would be wonderful if we all got the fancy things for a wedding. Sadly, we can't always have that. Remember that at the end of the day you need 20-50 bucks for the marriage cert, everything else is extra.

Knottie79829663 · January 2015

You have to figure out where you can cut cost. I save about $400 on only ordering 105 invitations (my wedding party won't be getting formal invitations).

Really a lot of the things you can do yourself

I saved $300 on ordering silk flowers instead of real ones.

I found someone on Etsy to make a replica of a Vera Wang dress for $600 instead of paying $1400 for one dress.

There is a lot you can do to save first I would cut down you guest list

greenapples27 · January 2015

Thank you to those who provided helpful tips for cutting down budget. We are re-examining to see what we can do.

I appreciate everyone else's advice that it is not worth going into debt, but I do feel quite judged. I regret posting the initial post. Lesson learned.

wrigleyville · January 2015

mkmetz said:

Thank you to those who provided helpful tips for cutting down budget. We are re-examining to see what we can do.

I appreciate everyone else's advice that it is not worth going into debt, but I do feel quite judged. I regret posting the initial post. Lesson learned.

Don't feel judged. They simply want to make sure you understand how the debt can pile up, as you mentioned in your original post. Some of them did the math because they wanted you to see exactly how it can affect your payments.

We don't know you, so we aren't going to sugar-coat things like family and friends would, but that doesn't mean we don't care. If we didn't care, we wouldn't respond.

greenapples27 · January 2015

I just thought people telling me I was too young to get married (without knowing my age) and to cancel my wedding was harsh.

wrigleyville · January 2015

mkmetz said:

I just thought people telling me I was too young to get married (without knowing my age) and to cancel my wedding was harsh.

The poster who said that is a grandmother. Most people under 30 are "very young" to her. Take it with a grain of salt.

However, if you are going to end up in tons of debt, it really is a good idea to postpone the wedding. Then you can save up the money you need. Instead of paying down a credit card that charges you interest, that money can earn interest in a savings account.

apromise22 · January 2015

I disagree about postponing the wedding. It is absolutely possible to have a wedding for $8000. Keep the guest list down, rent a church hall, decorate it with some streamers, have it catered by a local restaurant (NOT a "wedding caterer"), and rent a couple kegs of beer. I think those weddings are really fun, honestly.

You also for $8000 could have it in the private room of a restaurant if you keep the guest list really small.

wrigleyville · January 2015

nhs226 said:

I disagree about postponing the wedding. It is absolutely possible to have a wedding for $8000. Keep the guest list down, rent a church hall, decorate it with some streamers, have it catered by a local restaurant (NOT a "wedding caterer"), and rent a couple kegs of beer. I think those weddings are really fun, honestly.

You also for $8000 could have it in the private room of a restaurant if you keep the guest list really small.

This is also true. For some reason, I was under the impression STDs/invitations had gone out already.

MegEn1 · January 2015

We are having a 20 month engagement in order to save up for the wedding. We're cutting it close - we'll JUST have what we need to pay for everything budgeted in August, luckily FI has some savings that in case we go over a grand or two we can make it work. The only thing going on the credit card is the honeymoon, which we will then spend the next year paying off.

Save. Save. Save. Delay your wedding if you need to, particularly if STDs have not gone out yet.

We have friends who got married when we met (four years ago) and they are STILL paying off that wedding. STILL!!!!

ohannabelle · January 2015

There is no reason on God's green earth why anyone can't have a lovely, tasteful, and 100% etiquette approved wedding for 8000 dollars.

It simply means that you want things that you simply can't afford.

You want a huge guest list, or you want a fully catered sit down dinner, or you want a dress that's half the budget, or the really expensive photography package, or whatever.

I wanted a dream house on the lake, so much. I bought a smaller house in the burbs, because it was in my budget.

It's that simple. Don't plan what isn't affordable.

If you can't throw a fantastic party for 8000 dollars, something's wrong. Not with the budget, with the plan.

blushingbride8888 · January 2015

It's SO hard and stressful saving for a wedding - I feel your pain. I'm making my own invitations which will cut $500-600 off our budget. I will also make any other paper products if I decide to do them but I'm thinking programs aren't necessary. Rather than do menus I'm writing ours on a chalkboard that goes with our venue and I'm thinking about reusing décor from the ceremony space in the reception space and returning our centerpieces.

I'm not doing floral centerpieces to save $$, only bouquets and corsages etc. Unfortunately, our food and alcohol cost can't be cut any further and is the majority of the wedding costs. Try to cut on things you don't care about and just have faith you'll get through it!

Wedding Cost Stress :/

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