Fi family likes to tack on fun extra guests and not warn anyone

larrygaga · January 2015

"Oh hey you wanna go to this wedding today?"

"yeah sure lets go!!! Who is getting married?"

Legit. I already told my coordinator/venue owner/ in charge of catering lady. I told her I would keep the list smaller than the max to allow for extras. She asked me to pick foods that we can stretch (mashed potatoes and rice) and we are having a buffet. She was surprisingly okay with it. Anyway, besides putting specific names on the envelopes, which FI's family will ignore, can I put a little line that says number attending? Would you? Will this make it worse? Is it rude? They won't tell me they are bringing extra people. I know this family well.

Maybe they would tack on the extra randoms they are thinking about springing on me, and then I can have FI call them and say no. Maybe I would at least have more warning.

Here is an example (lol @please rsvp)

ohmrs2014 · January 2015

Is there any way you can make it abundantly clear that extra guests are not allowed? We had this issue and had to make phone calls. I had one guest pass off the invite to her son and his FI because she couldn't make it.

ohmrs2014 · January 2015

These were our RSVPs.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

I would go one step further and make it say Number attending: ______ of 2 (or however many). But they'll probably still ignore that. Hell some of my people didn't even write their name in.

larrygaga · January 2015

ohmrs2014 said:

Is there any way you can make it abundantly clear that extra guests are not allowed? We had this issue and had to make phone calls. I had one guest pass off the invite to her son and his FI because she couldn't make it.

I'm not sure how to do that without being rude and saying who is not invited.

lolo883 said:

I would go one step further and make it say Number attending: ______ of 2 (or however many). But they'll probably still ignore that. Hell some of my people didn't even write their name in.

That is a kick ass idea

Inkdancer · January 2015

It is 100% okay to write __ of X attending/ __ of X not attending and then call people if they do not specify.

It is also 100% okay to have a coordinator/ security at the door to turn away uninvited guests.

wrigleyville · January 2015

Oh god. My family is the same way. My mom always says, "Oh, they're just kids. They won't eat much," or, "Uncle Brian's in town, so we're going to bring him with us. He'd be so bored staying home all alone, and he loves weddings."

/facepalm

doeydo · January 2015

Inkdancer said:

It is 100% okay to write __ of X attending/ __ of X not attending and then call people if they do not specify.

It is also 100% okay to have a coordinator/ security at the door to turn away uninvited guests.

This.

larrygaga · January 2015

Inkdancer thanks friend!!! I'm totally doing it. It's like 4 seconds of effort for a lower risk of bridal panic attacks

wrigleyville said:

Oh god. My family is the same way. My mom always says, "Oh, they're just kids. They won't eat much," or, "Uncle Brian's in town, so we're going to bring him with us. He'd be so bored staying home all alone, and he loves weddings."

/facepalm

"The exchange student I hosted 4 years ago is visiting that entire week"

So leave him home alone or don't come. Like, damn.

Am I marrying into your family?

tcnoble · January 2015

We filled in the RSVPs so it had ____ of (number WE invited) attending.. So it is (hopefully) very clear how many people we invited.

Sugargirl1019 · January 2015

We had a horrible situation with the # guests attending:_______ thing. It worked most of the time. But when it failed, IT FAILED. Guest had just his name on invitation. But he wrote in 2 on the line. "Because it asked how many guests are attending! So I want to bring a girl I'm interested in!".. Didn't end well that we never had this girl in the original count, told friend he had to say "sorry, I was too eager and jumped the gun on inviting you to a wedding you werent invited to" and then we got blamed for ruining any future dates with her.

We also had a family RSVP for their adult children that we had sent invitations for. So aunt and uncle RSVPd for 5 instead of 2, while their 3 children sent back their own RSVPs. Hard to keep track.

Long story short: I vote for ___ of 2 attending.

lurkergirl · January 2015

I could be wrong, but I think @addiecake did something like "______ seats have been reserved in your honor," and filled on the blank so there was no question of how many were invited.

larrygaga · January 2015

Oh, I like the idea of filling it in!!! Where would I put that? Right between the name line and the accept/reject lines?

wrigleyville · January 2015

larrygaga said:

Inkdancer thanks friend!!! I'm totally doing it. It's like 4 seconds of effort for a lower risk of bridal panic attacks

wrigleyville said:

Oh god. My family is the same way. My mom always says, "Oh, they're just kids. They won't eat much," or, "Uncle Brian's in town, so we're going to bring him with us. He'd be so bored staying home all alone, and he loves weddings."

/facepalm

"The exchange student I hosted 4 years ago is visiting that entire week"

So leave him home alone or don't come. Like, damn.

Am I marrying into your family?

It's highly possible. Are you marrying a Pole from the Detroit area?

Wait.

That doesn't really narrow it down...

larrygaga · January 2015

They aren't from Detroit specifically. FI is half polish on his moms side. It's a very, very strong polish family.

velvethelicopters · January 2015

DF has a Polish/Czech family. There's a reason we are going to DR. We've already heard "What if second cousin, thrice removed Joe is in town that week, how will he be able to join? He won't be able to get tickets that fast?"

That's kind of the point.

AddieCake · January 2015

lurkergirl said:

I could be wrong, but I think @addiecake did something like "______ seats have been reserved in your honor," and filled on the blank so there was no question of how many were invited.

I didn't put number of seats, but I did fill in the blanks for everyone. That line that says M_______________, that is.

artbyallie · January 2015

If they're likely not going to warn you anyway, I would probably let it spread by word of mouth. Mention casually to the gossipiest members of that family that uninvited guests will be turned away or won't have a seat/plate or whatever.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

I kind of feel like "number of seats reserved" makes it feel like you're taking a party bus to Cedar Point.

larrygaga · January 2015

artbyallie said:

If they're likely not going to warn you anyway, I would probably let it spread by word of mouth. Mention casually to the gossipiest members of that family that uninvited guests will be turned away or won't have a seat/plate or whatever.

That would just get us in a shitload of trouble.

I am thinking about having a seating chart so at least random people and the buttheads who brought them are very clear that they are not to take other people's seats, at least.

Although I have heard they don't listen to seating charts either. At long as my 65 people get their seats and food, I don't care what happens to the rest of them.

I'm sick of this family. Everytime I have to try and figure out a way to deal with them I like them less and less. Unfortunately, so does FI. We already make a choice to switch holidays every other year and yet FI somehow manages to make excuses to only come to my family holidays.

MrsMack10612 · January 2015

We actually put the names of the people invited on the RSVP card so:

Mr. John Smith _____will attend _____respectfully declines

Mrs. Jane Smith _____will attend _____respectfully declines

This can get a bit much if you are inviting families with lots of kids, but for couples or threes it worked out very well.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

larrygaga said:

artbyallie said:

If they're likely not going to warn you anyway, I would probably let it spread by word of mouth. Mention casually to the gossipiest members of that family that uninvited guests will be turned away or won't have a seat/plate or whatever.

That would just get us in a shitload of trouble.

I am thinking about having a seating chart so at least random people and the buttheads who brought them are very clear that they are not to take other people's seats, at least.

Although I have heard they don't listen to seating charts either. At long as my 65 people get their seats and food, I don't care what happens to the rest of them.

I'm sick of this family. Everytime I have to try and figure out a way to deal with them I like them less and less. Unfortunately, so does FI. We already make a choice to switch holidays every other year and yet FI somehow manages to make excuses to only come to my family holidays.

My friend's friends and family were like this at the wedding I was in last summer. She didn't have SOs at the head table (boo!) but at least had them all sitting together with her parents... until someone started moving place cards around to get some new friend to sit with them. Her BFF's H ended up sitting at a whole table of people he'd never met before.

Obviously that would have been a different story if her H was seated with her, but people still could have split up couples/families with their sneaky switching.

dolewhipper · January 2015

I have a few family members like this. This is what we did

FutureMrsN3312 · January 2015

We weren't inviting kids so I made sure to address the envelope "Mr & Mrs Blah Blah" and I filled in the number attending.

Thankfully we didn't have anyone RSVP for people that weren't invited. But we did have plenty that didn't write their names on the card. Thank god I coded the back. It was such a time saver.

tcnoble · January 2015

FutureMrsN3312 said:

We weren't inviting kids so I made sure to address the envelope "Mr & Mrs Blah Blah" and I filled in the number attending.

Thankfully we didn't have anyone RSVP for people that weren't invited. But we did have plenty that didn't write their names on the card. Thank god I coded the back. It was such a time saver.

Probably one of the most useful tips I got from these boards!! We have a lot of family members with the same last name so I know if we didn't do this, figuring out RSVPs would be a nightmare.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

In my dreams, it would be etiquette-approved to put an asterisk at the bottom of the invite that says "no substitutions" kind of like you see on some menus.

kmmssg · January 2015

MrsMack10612 said:

We actually put the names of the people invited on the RSVP card so:

Mr. John Smith _____will attend _____respectfully declines
Mrs. Jane Smith _____will attend _____respectfully declines

This can get a bit much if you are inviting families with lots of kids, but for couples or threes it worked out very well.

This is exactly what we had to do when stepdd got married almost 6 years ago. Her biomom(one of 6 siblings) and stepdad (one of 10 siblings) both have families famous for bringing extra guests. Poor stepdd would have phone calls with biomom with yelling and tears, and then a call to me with more tears. DH and I were hosting the wedding.

We did by name RSVP's, hired an awesome DOC who was thoroughly aprised of the situation, and she informed biomom that there would be no seats or foods for anyone not invited by name. Biomom was pissed, but we didn't have any crashers.

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

I wrote every name on the reply cards with the accept or decline, and my Mom asked why.

When I told her that the MOB & MOG for the wedding I was just in had upset their kids ( who let MOMS pick out stationery as a what could go wrong task ) by having the printers put 6 extra lines on every reply card and meal choice card so people could list all the people they wanted to bring and what they were likely to eat...

my mother was stunned.

It also was very useful because I had seen reply cards from FI's sister's wedding where people wrote only initials or first names, a lot of help when there are 3 couples named Maria and Carl, 4 Carlo or Giancarlo married to Marie , and all with same surname.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

wrigleyville · January 2015

Our #1 reason for getting married in Vegas was that it totally suited us and sounded like a blast.

Our #2 reason was my mother's tendency to invite people by word of mouth. In this situation, she would have felt bad saying, "Oh! You should come! It will be so much fun," when "just dropping by" the wedding would involve airfare and a hotel.

So yeah. It was partially because of Elvis and partially because of my mother.

larrygaga · January 2015

I am still wanting to elope. FI wanted the big wedding, and since he never has an opinion on anything ever I figured why the hell not????

Now I know why the hell not.

I am very willing to cave when he finally has a strong opinion on something.

Fi family likes to tack on fun extra guests and not warn anyone

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