Re: Bridesmaids

rowen_lo · January 2015

I posted this in Chit Chats when I should have posted this here....

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1048187/bridesmaids#latest

Looking forward getting replies

LondonLisa · January 2015

You can only get married once. In the UK the religious and civil ceremonies are one in the same. You ask bridesmaids to be in the actual wedding ceremony. What you are doing in Goa is play-acting and not a wedding (assuming you are actually married in Scotland).

Where are you actually getting married? From your post I assume it is Scotland, then that is your wedding. You are welcome to host a celebration in Goa, but this should not be a 2nd wedding. It should just be a party so definitely no bridesmaids, gifts, wedding gowns etc. It shouldn't have any trappings of a wedding. Would you normally ask people to fly to Goa for any other party? If you are hosting a wedding re-do in Goa, that is very much against etiquette.

I assume that all your guests in Goa know that you would have already had your wedding in Scotland, correct?

LondonLisa · January 2015

Just in case, this is the original post:

Hello,

I'm getting married in 3 months and 16days as of today.
I'm having 2 weddings, one in Scotland which is close intimate family only wedding and the other in Goa.
However my Fiance & I reside and work in the middle east.
I thought it was too much to ask my close gfs to come to Scotland and then to Goa, India to be bridesmaid and making do with the family in Scotland.
I have done most of the work myself already, done the dress, venue and stuff. I have also sent the Save-The-Dates out. It also means that it hard for everyone to get leave to make it for the wedding in Goa though they definately want to come and have left it still to be confirmed.

My question, is, is it too late to ask them to be a part of the wedding, specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!)

Would be too late? I would welcome the help to get our wedding invites done, since we are making it ourselves but its not necessary either.
Just would like them to be a party of the whole traditional process in India.

climbingsingle · January 2015

Are you having a tradition ceremony in India? Because the way I understand it (my MOH/best friend is Indian) is that there are no bridesmaids or bridal party.

lnixon8 · January 2015

Did you think coming to the etiquette board would get more positive replies? Read the sticky on PPD

NYCMercedes · January 2015

Just let them be guests if they want to come. That's being "part" of the wedding. And, please don't expect your friends to be help that you should hire.

YourDogDontKnowSit · January 2015

"specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!) "

Huh, funny. Someone who is "not the first choice" doesn't want to put out the time and money to be a bridesmaid for you twice? Once at a wedding that isn't a real wedding? How surprising. If I were them I'd also back out from the first wedding - maybe your 3rd choice will step up?

levioosa · January 2015

I already replied to you in chit chat. Seeing you post again here hasn't changed my mind. You only get one wedding. Only pick bridesmaids you are closest to. There are no bridesmaid "roles" beyond showing up in the dress and smiling for the pictures.

slothiegal · January 2015

Two weddings = two separate threads in hopes of the answer she WANTS to hear.

Blue_Bird · January 2015

rowen_lo said:

Hello,

I'm getting married in 3 months and 16days as of today.
I'm having 2 weddings, one in Scotland which is close intimate family only wedding and the other in Goa.
However my Fiance & I reside and work in the middle east.
I thought it was too much to ask my close gfs to come to Scotland and then to Goa, India to be bridesmaid and making do with the family in Scotland.
I have done most of the work myself already, done the dress, venue and stuff. I have also sent the Save-The-Dates out. It also means that it hard for everyone to get leave to make it for the wedding in Goa though they definately want to come and have left it still to be confirmed.

My question, is, is it too late to ask them to be a part of the wedding, specially since my Godparents' daughters who are my bridesmaids in Scotland, do not want to be bridesmaids in Goa again. (Weird, dont ask! They were not the first choice anyway!)

Would be too late? I would welcome the help to get our wedding invites done, since we are making it ourselves but its not necessary either.
Just would like them to be a party of the whole traditional process in India.

SITB: Yes, it is too late.

rowen_lo · January 2015

Yes i posted it twice thinking this was the right place which I didnt see first.

I live in Qatar, its a multicultural place. Most of of my friends are from the UK and prefer being in Goa on the beach for the wedding. I felt it was too much to ask them to attend both weddings, which also means taking time off which is a little hard to do.
And yes, it is another wedding which will involve vows and the receptions thereafter.
And since they have been to Scotland and given their preference, I choose the girls in my family to be there in Scotland without the added pressure.

Plus I am paying for the dresses is Scotland and the dresses in Goa and yes, all I want them to do is be a part of it, smile, look pretty.

Blue_bird: Thank you. Thats pretty much all I wanted... that its too late.
LondonLisa.. yes officially married in Scotland. But in Goa, where being a Christian we do have a white dress ceremony, thought the girls would look great having their feet in the sand & a drink in their hands.

I said I have already taken care of everything, there is nothing I really their help for except to calm me down planning for both. Sorry I ever thought posting here was a way to do it with other brides and expect anything positive.

LondonLisa · January 2015

Then why don't you cancel this Scotland malarkey and just get married in Goa? If this Goa ceremony is so important, it can't mean THAT much to you if you are unwilling to do it properly to really get married. Especially because a Christian wedding in Scotland is so easy. I go to a wedding to see 2 people arrive single and leave married- you will already be married in Goa, so it is fake. You are right- it is far too much to ask people to attend both. And you cannot have 2 weddings without getting divorced in between. If your grandparents couldn't come to your graduation ceremony would you hire a venue and reinact it for them? Of course not- it is silly! Then why do it for a wedding. Being an adult means you have to make compromises. Again, no one is saying don't throw a celebration in the other place, it is just beyond AW-ish to have a fake wedding re-do. Also, if I flew to Goa to attend a "wedding" and found out that the couple was already married and didn't tell me, I would end my friendship with that person- it is so inconsiderate! ETA- TK ate my paragraphs!

rowen_lo · January 2015

Thanks for the replies....

artbyallie · January 2015

rowen_lo said: Yes i posted it twice thinking this was the right place which I didnt see first.

I live in Qatar, its a multicultural place. Most of of my friends are from the UK and prefer being in Goa on the beach for the wedding. I felt it was too much to ask them to attend both weddings, which also means taking time off which is a little hard to do.
And yes, it is another wedding which will involve vows and the receptions thereafter.
And since they have been to Scotland and given their preference, I choose the girls in my family to be there in Scotland without the added pressure.

Plus I am paying for the dresses is Scotland and the dresses in Goa and yes, all I want them to do is be a part of it, smile, look pretty.

Blue_bird: Thank you. Thats pretty much all I wanted... that its too late.
LondonLisa.. yes officially married in Scotland. But in Goa, where being a Christian we do have a white dress ceremony, thought the girls would look great having their feet in the sand & a drink in their hands.

I said I have already taken care of everything, there is nothing I really their help for except to calm me down planning for both. Sorry I ever thought posting here was a way to do it with other brides and expect anything positive.

ETA: my stupid boxes never work

Whoa, really, two dresses for the bridesmaids.... why?

As to the second, presumably other Christian brides in Goa are not already married. And what on earth do you think a white dress has to do with your faith?

larrygaga · January 2015

I'm confused about why you even want the wedding in Scotland. Also, why not just through a celebration of marriage party if it's only to celebrate with your family?

Don't post here asking for opinions or advice and then get mad when we don't force feed you what you want to hear.

If you do want posters who will do that, go over to weddingbee.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

You sound very entitled OP.

levioosa · January 2015

Just wanted to chime in that the posters here are also multicultural. We post from all over the world, so if you are thinking that our advice is somehow invalid because it's "only from North America," then you are very wrong.

What you are planning is rude. Your only option would be to plan a "celebration of marriage" in Scotland without any vows, wedding dresses or wedding party, the ceremony, or anything else that belongs in a wedding. Throw a party, sure, but don't expect people to travel to both. It's very selfish to think that people have nothing better to do than to spent exhorbitant amounts of money traveling to two weddings for you, one of which will be fake.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

None of this makes any damn sense, and I love when SS brides use the multicultural excuse to try and justify a PPD ><

slothiegal · January 2015

rowen_lo said:

Yes i posted it twice thinking this was the right place which I didnt see first.

I live in Qatar, its a multicultural place. Most of of my friends are from the UK and prefer being in Goa on the beach for the wedding. I felt it was too much to ask them to attend both weddings, which also means taking time off which is a little hard to do.
And yes, it is another wedding which will involve vows and the receptions thereafter.
And since they have been to Scotland and given their preference, I choose the girls in my family to be there in Scotland without the added pressure.

Plus I am paying for the dresses is Scotland and the dresses in Goa and yes, all I want them to do is be a part of it, smile, look pretty.

Blue_bird: Thank you. Thats pretty much all I wanted... that its too late.
LondonLisa.. yes officially married in Scotland. But in Goa, where being a Christian we do have a white dress ceremony, thought the girls would look great having their feet in the sand & a drink in their hands.

I said I have already taken care of everything, there is nothing I really their help for except to calm me down planning for both. Sorry I ever thought posting here was a way to do it with other brides and expect anything positive.

Well if you get good photo ops out of it, forget everything we've said and GO FOR IT.

What you're doing is incredibly rude on so many levels.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

NYCMercedes · January 2015

I'm thinking that if one believes one is entitled enough to have two weddings to the same man, then one is entitled enough to believe they can do no wrong in any aspect.

teddygirl9 · January 2015

Why don't you spend the money you were going to spend on your wedding in scotland and use it to fly your family out to Goa and have one big one all together?

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