Forum virgin! Help with a sticky uninvited guest situation...

bfanz22 · July 2010

I have exhausted all my friends and BMs in trying to find a solution to this problem, so I am hoping some of you seasoned vets may have some suggestions! I am not new to the Knot, but I am new to the forums, so please bear with me

Our wedding is one month away, and we have just about collected all the RSVPs from our guests. Like many others, we are allowing +1s for our friends who are married, engaged or in a serious, committed relationship. One of our invited friends broke off her engagement about a year ago, but has been dating a new guy for a few months, a guy that we've never met. We invited her as a single – she is friends with a very large number of the other guests, so she will definitely not feel alone. Not long after invites went out (she was invited as a single), she was talking to my FI and other friends about the wedding and said that she told her new BF that he had to take off work for our wedding. My FI didn't say anything, and planned on addressing it with her later. A few days ago she emailed my FI saying that her BF would not be able to make it to the wedding (even though he wasn't invited in the first place), but asked if she could bring a good (guy) friend who my FI had met ONCE instead.

I have no idea how to handle the situation. If we had invited her +1, then her bringing someone else wouldn't be such an issue. I'm not sure how to go about telling her that 1) she can't bring some random guy, and 2) we didn't invite her BF in the first place. It will be especially awkward because almost all of her other friends that are coming were invited with their BFs or GFs (all of whom we know and are friends with).

Out of all our guests, she is someone who I never expected this from. She has been in a number of weddings and is very in tune with wedding etiquette. On top of that, on all the replies we included numbers, so people would be less likely to fill in extra guests (for example, hers said "number of guests attending: ___ of _1_")....so there is definitely no room for confusion as to who was invited.

Any advice or suggestions on how to handle this? Or how to approach her? I really, really don't want her to bring some random guy....but I have a feeling that to avoid an awkward conversation, my FI will want to allow it....

Thank you!

luckyme502 · July 2010

You call her and tell her that she can not bring her friend to the wedding.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

If you have room in the budget and space in the venue, like if you have received some "no" RSVPs then if it were me, I would just let this slide and let her bring him. OR I would tell her that she can't bring the random guy and not mention that her BF wasn't even invited in the first place. If her BF could come, I would let him come.

If you really and truly don't have space for 1 extra person, then you're just going to have to come clean and let her know that she wasn't actually invited with a +1.

bfanz22 · July 2010

Thank you for the advice! We were thinking the same thing...that if her BF had been able to make it, we would have let it slide. I will probably wait until our RSVP cut-off date to see if we accommodate 1 extra person, and then decide.....

Thanks

SarahRuthG · July 2010

Yeah, simple.

"So sorry, so-and-so, but our budget doesn't allow for any extra guests. I can't wait to see you on the big day. You are going to be sitting at a table with whats-her-name and that-girl and I know we are all going to have a great time being together."

If she begs and pleds, "I really am sorry, but there is nothing I can do about it. We are maxed out on space at the venue."

andy71781 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_forum-virgin-sticky-uninvited-guest-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea75d983-649f-4ecd-b501-b8f6db2ef062Post:6f20eedc-8740-4d2b-95de-d864785cf9ba">Re: Forum virgin! Help with a sticky uninvited guest situation...</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have room in the budget and space in the venue, like if you have received some "no" RSVPs then if it were me, I would just let this slide and let her bring him. OR I would tell her that she can't bring the random guy and not mention that her BF wasn't even invited in the first place. If her BF could come, I would let him come. If you really and truly don't have space for 1 extra person, then you're just going to have to come clean and let her know that she wasn't actually invited with a +1.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

This - pick your battles.

wadingmoose · July 2010

I'm with Dani. I'd be more inclined to let it slide, especially since the people you expect her to hang out with at the wedding all have plus ones. It's not real fun being the only single in a group of couples.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · July 2010

I would have thought that because everyone else is bringing a plus 1 that you would allow her to do the same. Even if she knows a lot of people, being the third wheel is not fun.

bfanz22 · July 2010

Thank you all, again! There will be a number of other singles there in our group of friends, so I don't think she'd feel too much like a third wheel. I'm thinking the best thing to do would be to let it slide....you all are right – pick your battles. It's not worth the drama.

Knittibell · July 2010

"Hi Jane, listen- I'm really sorry that your boyfriend can't make the wedding, we were looking forward to seeing him again, but since you'll know a lot of people at the reception, do you mind coming on your own? We'll be sure to seat you with X, Y and Z so that you'll be with people you know... it's just that our budget is really tight and we're really trying to avoid any random +1s when we can- I knew you'd understand, can't wait to see you! "

laurenbergher · July 2010

There are really only two options here: let it slide, or tell her the truth. I am not a fan of the white lie of not enough space. It's fine for distant relative you barely know, but not for close friends. It is perfectly okay to tell her that you aren't really comfortable having someone you don't know in your wedding pictures. No one wants to look through photos with their kids and say, "yeah, I have no idea who that schmuck is". This is your reception, to celebrate with your friends and family. It's impolite for her to invite some random person, and it is perfectly alright for you to tell her she can't.