UGH (Fi vent) ::With Update in Comments::

Re: UGH (Fi vent) ::With Update in Comments::

• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2015

  Yeah, I'd just kill him and tell God he died....

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• novella1186 member

  

  January 2015

  ugh I'm sorry. That's really annoying. Wine! 

  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  January 2015

  dolewhipper said:

  I'm so pissed off right now. Since figuring out our guest list a year ago Fi and I decided we would not be inviting children to the wedding. Every one of my friends and family members knows about it, since I told a few key people, and a few family members who are parents have outright asked and I've said nope (in a much more refined, "I'm sorry, we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to" kind of way).
  
  While texting with my FFIL today, he told me he had just booked a hotel room for him and FSMIL, one for his sister, and one for his daughter (fi step sister) her H and their child. Their child is 2. Their child is not invited. Their child's name was not on the STD. It was wrong of step sister to think child was invited. But FFIL for some odd reason thought said child was invited.
  
  I immediately asked if Fi had told his parents about how we weren't going to invite children. He said that he hadn't and figured they would figure it out. Nopenopenopenope. I'm not even inviting my sister's children. If we had kids it would be an additional 32 little people. That's insane. Now FFIL is pissed, and I can't help but feel like I'm in an awkward place with FFIL. He has been helping us tremendously with the financial side, and while I did send over a guest list a long time ago to see if he wanted to add anyone to it, the children weren't on there and he didn't ask and we didn't say anything.
  
  I know this is between Fi and FFIL, but I talk to FFIL about 3 times a week. Ugh. I wanna kill Fi.
  
  FTR, I know I'm being over dramatic but I just need to vent. Wine, anyone?
  

  While you are perfectly within your rights not to invite any children, you can invite a few nieces and nephews without inviting all 32 children. Children are guests just like anyone else that you invite. It's doesn't have to be all or none. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• larrygaga member

  

  January 2015

  kmmssg said:

  Yeah, I'd just kill him and tell God he died....

  ????????

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• dolewhipper member

  

  January 2015

  huskypuppy14 said:

  dolewhipper said:

  I'm so pissed off right now. Since figuring out our guest list a year ago Fi and I decided we would not be inviting children to the wedding. Every one of my friends and family members knows about it, since I told a few key people, and a few family members who are parents have outright asked and I've said nope (in a much more refined, "I'm sorry, we couldn't invite everyone we wanted to" kind of way).
  
  While texting with my FFIL today, he told me he had just booked a hotel room for him and FSMIL, one for his sister, and one for his daughter (fi step sister) her H and their child. Their child is 2. Their child is not invited. Their child's name was not on the STD. It was wrong of step sister to think child was invited. But FFIL for some odd reason thought said child was invited.
  
  I immediately asked if Fi had told his parents about how we weren't going to invite children. He said that he hadn't and figured they would figure it out. Nopenopenopenope. I'm not even inviting my sister's children. If we had kids it would be an additional 32 little people. That's insane. Now FFIL is pissed, and I can't help but feel like I'm in an awkward place with FFIL. He has been helping us tremendously with the financial side, and while I did send over a guest list a long time ago to see if he wanted to add anyone to it, the children weren't on there and he didn't ask and we didn't say anything.
  
  I know this is between Fi and FFIL, but I talk to FFIL about 3 times a week. Ugh. I wanna kill Fi.
  
  FTR, I know I'm being over dramatic but I just need to vent. Wine, anyone?
  

  While you are perfectly within your rights not to invite any children, you can invite a few nieces and nephews without inviting all 32 children. Children are guests just like anyone else that you invite. It's doesn't have to be all or none. 

  Oh I totally understand that. It's just easier to say none (other than the WP of course). We'd rather have it that way anyways. 

  
  

  I get some people invite children, and some people don't at all. It's everyone's prerogative; I fall in the latter group.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• dolewhipper member

  

  January 2015

  scribe95 said:

  If the inlaws are helping foot the bill I can see where they would be annoyed that you aren't inviting FI's niece/nephew. 

  I completely understand. But when I sent the guest list to Fi mom & dad, no children were on it. And they added a couple other names of adults and okay'd it. Nothing was said about kids wanting/having to be there. We just hit the less than two month mark and I already addressed my invites; the ship has sailed FFIL.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  January 2015

  Ugh, that's super frustrating! Just take a deep breath, politely stand your ground and let your Fi deal with him Oh, and wine!

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• dolewhipper member

  

  January 2015

  scribe95 said:

  The fact is, right or wrong, some people assume kids are automatically invited - especially immediate family kids. Do other events in his family always include kids? I find it suspect that FI purposely didn't say anything. Kind of wimpy and now causing a problem.

  Fi just didn't have it on his radar; the more he cares about something, the more productive he is towards that. Because he didn't say anything signals to me that he didn't care nor did he think it would be an issue. 

  
  

  At the last wedding (and only) I went to from his side of the family, there were a few kids invited that had their own room to watch tv and play games. It can be possible that in his circle, kids are invited to these events, but he never made me aware that was the case or that not inviting kids would even be a slight problem with anyone. Obviously if I had known, I would have pushed him to talk to his dad. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• tcnoble member

  

  January 2015

  dolewhipper said:

  scribe95 said:

  The fact is, right or wrong, some people assume kids are automatically invited - especially immediate family kids. Do other events in his family always include kids? I find it suspect that FI purposely didn't say anything. Kind of wimpy and now causing a problem.

  Fi just didn't have it on his radar; the more he cares about something, the more productive he is towards that. Because he didn't say anything signals to me that he didn't care nor did he think it would be an issue. 

  
  

  At the last wedding (and only) I went to from his side of the family, there were a few kids invited that had their own room to watch tv and play games. It can be possible that in his circle, kids are invited to these events, but he never made me aware that was the case or that not inviting kids would even be a slight problem with anyone. Obviously if I had known, I would have pushed him to talk to his dad. 

  This. I definitely feel your frustration. FILs had at one time mentioned "how cute" it would be if we had FIs longtime dog in our wedding. We just kind of laughed it off, oh yeah that would be cute (except we aren't doing it). FI didn't think anything of it - and then recently his parents brought it up again and asked how we were configuring things for the dog. Umm. I talked to him after and asked if he had very nicely shut down that idea and his response was "No. I figured we would handle it closer to the wedding." WHAT? Like on the day of when they show up with the dog?

  
  

  Like you said, the ship has sailed, nothing left to be done about it - when they RSVP for their 2 year old, all you can do is politely say "I'm sorry, we are only able to accommodate x and y, hope you can still make it!"

  

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• dolewhipper member

  

  January 2015

  tcnoble said:

  dolewhipper said:

  scribe95 said:

  The fact is, right or wrong, some people assume kids are automatically invited - especially immediate family kids. Do other events in his family always include kids? I find it suspect that FI purposely didn't say anything. Kind of wimpy and now causing a problem.

  Fi just didn't have it on his radar; the more he cares about something, the more productive he is towards that. Because he didn't say anything signals to me that he didn't care nor did he think it would be an issue. 

  
  

  At the last wedding (and only) I went to from his side of the family, there were a few kids invited that had their own room to watch tv and play games. It can be possible that in his circle, kids are invited to these events, but he never made me aware that was the case or that not inviting kids would even be a slight problem with anyone. Obviously if I had known, I would have pushed him to talk to his dad. 

  This. I definitely feel your frustration. FILs had at one time mentioned "how cute" it would be if we had FIs longtime dog in our wedding. We just kind of laughed it off, oh yeah that would be cute (except we aren't doing it). FI didn't think anything of it - and then recently his parents brought it up again and asked how we were configuring things for the dog. Umm. I talked to him after and asked if he had very nicely shut down that idea and his response was "No. I figured we would handle it closer to the wedding." WHAT? Like on the day of when they show up with the dog?

  
  

  Like you said, the ship has sailed, nothing left to be done about it - when they RSVP for their 2 year old, all you can do is politely say "I'm sorry, we are only able to accommodate x and y, hope you can still make it!"

  Oh TC, I wished it was that easy.

  
  

  UPDATE: At first FFIL was okay. Then he started getting super passive aggressive and guilting Fi. I guess even though I have info for childcare options on my wedding website and the STD was made out to just step sister and her hubby, they still booked plane tickets and a room for said 2 year old. I also found out that there was a 5 year old in the mix too from a former relationship. YIKES.

  
  

  So the children will be coming to Miami. Now on to the fun part. Part of guilting Fi included how now FSMIL is going to have to watch the children instead of going to the wedding. Fi is a LOT closer to FSMIL than step sister. Then, FFIL asked if the kids could go to the ceremony at least, just not the reception. In all honesty, I won't care or notice if the children are at the ceremony. It's a church, and technically anyone can go in and watch. But I'm not giving the children a tiered invite. This is not how this works. 

  
  

  All the while this is going on through text between FI and FFIL. FFIL upset Fi so much, Fi called FMIL. I adore this woman. She found the way to calm him down and at the end of their convo, FFIL calls FMIL! Insanity. She's able to reason with him and calm him down too. 10 minutes later FFIL texts Fi to apologize. When Fi calls him back later, come to find out step sister is fine with the whole thing, completely understands and states it was wrong for her to assume they were invited in the first place (never met this girl but I like her already!), and says that hubby is kind of an introvert so he will probably stay with the kids anyway. 

  
  

  So everything is cool beans now. Thank God I have a DOC because I don't want to know about any drama come the day of my wedding.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  January 2015

  Ugh! Good for you guys for standing your ground. Give these kinds of people an inch, they'll take a mile. If you let them come to the ceremony, I wouldn't be surprised if they weaseled their way into the reception too. Glad it's been resolved!

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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