Wedding Night Disaster...Help! XP

jaydiva13 · January 2015

Hello Everyone! I’m new to this forum.. a friend of mine suggested it to me, she said this website was a lifesaver for Her wedding! Anyway, me and my hubby to be are worried about our wedding night privacy, and here’s why. A few of our friends have already suggested that we go hang out after the wedding..Uh No! It gets worse!….my best friend suggested we come over her house after the reception for a movie night…I politely declined..and now she’s mad at me, saying im rude for saying no to the movie and drink night. Another one of my bridesmaids said well if we can’t go over my best friends house we can just all chill in me and future hubby’s hotel suite.. Have drinks and order pizza…Am I overreacting?? Should I just let them come into our suite after the reception? honestly me and future hubby just want some alone time after the wedding…my mom even thinks I’m being rude..Help bees! should me and future hubby stay in a different hotel room and not tell anyone where?

jacques27 · January 2015

Are you being rude for politely declining an invitation somewhere, if that's what you're doing? No. However, the attitude you have about it in this post makes me think you're responding to them in a similar tone and attitude, which is rude. The "Uh No! It gets worse!" is making me think that and even though you think you're being polite, maybe your true underlying feelings about it are apparent.

It really is not unheard of for the bride and groom to have an after party and continue the party with some of their guests after the reception is said and done. Sometimes they go bar hopping or to someone's house or to a casino or rent a hotel suite. There are plenty of brides and grooms who want to do that, knowing that they'll have many more nights of just the two of them together ahead of them.

That said, it's perfectly ok if that's not how you want to spend the evening and to decline the offer of an after party. Just check the attitude when you do it and don't act like they suggested you go kick puppies and murder babies after your wedding. A polite "Gee, it's so nice that you want to continue the festivities and I thank you for wanting us to come, but FH and I are just looking forward to unwinding after the reception and spending some time alone after socializing all day. But don't feel like you guys can't all get together and keep partying just because we want to turn in early."

Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.

jaydiva13 · January 2015

I definitely don't respond to them with an attitude. I'm just posting about my frustration in the forum.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

jaydiva13 said:

Hello Everyone! I’m new to this forum.. a friend of mine suggested it to me, she said this website was a lifesaver for Her wedding! Anyway, me and my hubby to be are worried about our wedding night privacy, and here’s why. A few of our friends have already suggested that we go hang out after the wedding..Uh No! It gets worse!….my best friend suggested we come over her house after the reception for a movie night…I politely declined..and now she’s mad at me, saying im rude for saying no to the movie and drink night. Another one of my bridesmaids said well if we can’t go over my best friends house we can just all chill in me and future hubby’s hotel suite.. Have drinks and order pizza…Am I overreacting?? Should I just let them come into our suite after the reception? honestly me and future hubby just want some alone time after the wedding…my mom even thinks I’m being rude..Help bees! should me and future hubby stay in a different hotel room and not tell anyone where?

I answered you on the Honeymoon board. Please edit your posts and put XP in the title so everyone knows you posted this question two times.

BlueBirdMB · January 2015

It's obviously very important for you and your husband to be alone after the wedding. We also didn't want to be disturbed after the wedding. We were with people all day and wanted time alone as a married couple. A lot of people don't feel the same way.

You have every right to politely decline invitations and to politely tell people that no one is invited to your own room on the wedding night. You just hold your ground.

crackktheskyy · January 2015

I answered you in another forum earlier today.

esstee33 · January 2015

Um, hell to the no. You can politely decline any and all invitations on your wedding night without it being rude so long as you're not copping an attitude with people about it. A simple "No, thank you, we'd like to spend our wedding night alone together."

I'm more shocked that all these people in your life are inviting you out on your wedding night. IT'S YOUR WEDDING NIGHT. WTF? Do they think you guys are going to spend your first night as a married couple playing checkers in your room, bored to tears?

thesilverbride · January 2015

Oh lord.. Tell them it is your WEDDING NIGHT..WINK WINK. It is traditional to spend the night with your new hubby! If someone is mad at you for that they are the ones in the wrong.

Viczaesar · January 2015

jaydiva13 said:

Hello Everyone! I’m new to this forum.. a friend of mine suggested it to me, she said this website was a lifesaver for Her wedding! Anyway, me and my hubby to be are worried about our wedding night privacy, and here’s why. A few of our friends have already suggested that we go hang out after the wedding..Uh No! It gets worse!….my best friend suggested we come over her house after the reception for a movie night…I politely declined..and now she’s mad at me, saying im rude for saying no to the movie and drink night. Another one of my bridesmaids said well if we can’t go over my best friends house we can just all chill in me and future hubby’s hotel suite.. Have drinks and order pizza…Am I overreacting?? Should I just let them come into our suite after the reception? honestly me and future hubby just want some alone time after the wedding…my mom even thinks I’m being rude..Help bees! should me and future hubby stay in a different hotel room and not tell anyone where?

This isn't a disaster. Tell people that you're not doing anything after the wedding but hanging with your new husband and relaxing, alone. They can get glad in the same pants they got mad in.

Bees?

artbyallie · January 2015

Viczaesar said:

jaydiva13 said:

Hello Everyone! I’m new to this forum.. a friend of mine suggested it to me, she said this website was a lifesaver for Her wedding! Anyway, me and my hubby to be are worried about our wedding night privacy, and here’s why. A few of our friends have already suggested that we go hang out after the wedding..Uh No! It gets worse!….my best friend suggested we come over her house after the reception for a movie night…I politely declined..and now she’s mad at me, saying im rude for saying no to the movie and drink night. Another one of my bridesmaids said well if we can’t go over my best friends house we can just all chill in me and future hubby’s hotel suite.. Have drinks and order pizza…Am I overreacting?? Should I just let them come into our suite after the reception? honestly me and future hubby just want some alone time after the wedding…my mom even thinks I’m being rude..Help bees! should me and future hubby stay in a different hotel room and not tell anyone where?

This isn't a disaster. Tell people that you're not doing anything after the wedding but hanging with your new husband and relaxing, alone. They can get glad in the same pants they got mad in.

Bees?

Crossposted from WeddingBee, I'm assuming? OP, over here we're called Knotties.

atlastmrsg · January 2015

Just put on your assertive, big girl panties and tell these people no. Not in a mean way, but "thanks for the offer to have everyone over for pizza, we appreciate it, but we've made other plans."

The other plans is you all being alone.

"Can we come to your hotel suite after?"

You: "Thanks for wanting to hang out, but no. We've made other plans."

"Let's all go out drinking afterwards! Want to come?"

You: "Thanks for wanting to hang out, but no. We've made other plans. We hope you have a good time!"

The pattern: Appreciative but firm no responses.

Set boundaries, but do it in a respectful way.

MandyMost · January 2015

What's the time frame we're looking at here? When is your reception over? It's easy to tell people you're not up for hanging out more if the reception ends at 11pm, but it'll be harder if you're having an afternoon wedding that's over at 6pm, for instance. If it's the latter, you're probably going to have to explain things to people why you want to be alone since it's not actually your "wedding night" at that time yet.

People are taking a lot of time, energy, and money to attend your wedding, so of course they want to see you! Perhaps it would help to make some added efforts to see them all throughout the weekend at other times. Are you doing brunch the next morning, for instance? Or hanging out after the rehearsal dinner?

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

kristy1801 said:

Oh lord.. Tell them it is your WEDDING NIGHT..WINK WINK. It is traditional to spend the night with your new hubby! If someone is mad at you for that they are the ones in the wrong.

If I would have had the energy to stay up longer, I would have loved to continue to celebrate with select friends and family.

We just went to sleep, that's it.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

As someone who went to a local bar still in my wedding dress with a group of friends while her Groom was passed out in the hotel room, I guess I am not the best one to give you advice. I mean the whole "ooh it is the wedding night" crap is just silly to me. I have the rest of my life to have married sex with my H so missing having sex on our wedding night was just not a huge deal.

But if you and your FI truly do not wish to hang out with anyone once your reception is over with them just tell them no. If they throw a fit well then they are the ones looking silly.

ETA: But keep in mind that your friends are wanting to spend more time with you after your wedding because they are happy and excited for you and want to continue the celebration with you

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:

As someone who went to a local bar still in my wedding dress with a group of friends while her Groom was passed out in the hotel room, I guess I am not the best one to give you advice. I mean the whole "ooh it is the wedding night" crap is just silly to me. I have the rest of my life to have married sex with my H so missing having sex on our wedding night was just not a huge deal.

But if you and your FI truly do not wish to hang out with anyone once your reception is over with them just tell them no. If they throw a fit well then they are the ones looking silly.

ETA: But keep in mind that your friends are wanting to spend more time with you after your wedding because they are happy and excited for you and want to continue the celebration with you

Thank you!

I typed a bunch of different things along these lines, but ultimately just gave up. I personally think it's gross and creepy when other people make the wedding night insinuations.

TheVincentes · January 2015

Just explain this day is special and we just want to savor the moment by spending it alone together.. and who cares if they have a problem let them go out and party after your wedding you do not have to do ANYTHING you don't want to do. I will be spending my night with my hubby and kids in our vacation rental away from everyone. The wedding is where you celebrate with everyone I could not imagine having to go out with friends after that exhausting exciting event all I want to do is relax afterwards with no one but my kids and hunny. They will understand.

ohannabelle · January 2015

I generally find that "No, thank you, we already have other plans," works in multiple situations. Like any situation where no, I don't want to go, because I already have other plans.

It isn't a difficult problem. The polite decline. You owe no explanations. None should be asked of you.

If anybody you're declining has a problem, it's still not difficult. It's their problem. Not yours. They can sulk if they choose to.

The only real problem might be that you have some seriously childish friends with crappy social skills.

There are no bees.

levioosa · January 2015

ohannabelle said:

I generally find that "No, thank you, we already have other plans," works in multiple situations. Like any situation where no, I don't want to go, because I already have other plans.

It isn't a difficult problem. The polite decline. You owe no explanations. None should be asked of you.

If anybody you're declining has a problem, it's still not difficult. It's their problem. Not yours. They can sulk if they choose to.

The only real problem might be that you have some seriously childish friends with crappy social skills.

There are no bees.

What? Yes there are.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

AddieCake · January 2015

Yeah, this is in no way a disaster. You tell people no, you don't want to hang out with them and that you'd rather just be alone with your husband. Anybody who is mad about that is just being a dick, and they can get over it, same as they would any other time you decline an invitation.

kellyem2 · January 2015

I don't really understand why people would think this is appropriate. A bride and groom really need some alone time after their wedding to let everything sink in.

Besides that you are going to be really tired when your wedding finally ends you probably aren't going to be in the mood to socialize with other people.

I'd be polite but firm with these folks. Tell them it isn't personal, but you don't want to commit to other plans after your wedding because you'll be tired and you'd like to have a romantic moment with your new spouse.

Btw, a great way to avoid any pressure the day of is to make alternative plans. Arrange transportation for you and your groom that's separate from your bridal party and leave the reception at a different time. Even cutting out of your reception half an hour early can be enough time to get out of dodge and get some privacy. In fact, it used to be traditional to handle things this way.

If possible, don't tell anyone where you're spending your wedding night and tell the front desk not to give out your room number if you're worried people will come looking for you.

Wedding Night Disaster...Help! XP

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