Toasts: The good, the bad, and the boring

novella1186 · January 2015

I've read several things over the past year about how the bride and groom should give a toast at the rehearsal dinner and also at the wedding (and yes, I know the difference between a speech and a toast! So thankful no speeches are involved!)

I know it's tradition to thank guests for coming and whatnot. But what else do you say besides that? If I had to get up and give my wedding toast right now it would be like, "Thanks for being here, have fun drinking, love you!" Everyone on both sides knows I'm a writer so I feel like there's always this expectation/pressure that I'm going to say some brilliant profound thing. Which is exactly why we're not writing our own vows. I love public speaking, but usually I know exactly what I need to say. I'm at a loss here.

Did you all give a toast at your rehearsal dinner and/or wedding? What did you say? Have you ever witnessed any epicly bad ones? Or astoundingly great ones? Aside from keeping it brief and saying thank you, what else is entailed?

ETA: replaced "need to" with "should" because I don't know if toasts are even necessary, or just a tradition? I'm sure plenty of people opt out of this one

hellohkb · January 2015

Oh dear. I didn't know you had to thank your guests for attending via a toast. I thought that's what the thank you notes were for. If it's an etiquette faux past not to toast, I'll stand there smiling while ultra extrovert FH makes a quick speech.

We're skipping all other toasts unless our dad's want to make a quick one.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

We got the mic, thanked everyone for coming, and said "let's dance! "

novella1186 · January 2015

hellohkb said:

Oh dear. I didn't know you had to thank your guests for attending via a toast. I thought that's what the thank you notes were for. If it's an etiquette faux past not to toast, I'll stand there smiling while ultra extrovert FH makes a quick speech. We're skipping all other toasts unless our dad's want to make a quick one.

I have no idea if it's actually like a requirement or just a tradition. I mean the reception is meant to be a thank you for guests, and then you go around and talk to everyone and thank them for coming personally and then also send thank-you cards like you said. So I don't know if the toast is even a necessary thing?

Couggal12 · January 2015

We did not have any speeches/toasts at our rehearsal dinner. We thanked each person individually for coming, and we wrote a thank you letter to MIL for hosting with a small gift card.

We did not give a toast at the wedding either...we talked with each of our guests individually and made it a point to thank them at that time for coming. To be honest I can't recall a wedding anytime recently that I've been to where the B&G made a toast? Normally it's just the WP or the parents who do.

ETA: added words

novella1186 · January 2015

Couggal12 said:

We did not have any speeches/toasts at our rehearsal dinner. We thanked each person individually for coming, and we wrote a thank you letter to MIL for hosting with a small gift card.

We did not give a toast at the wedding either...we talked with each of our guests individually and made it a point to thank them at that time for coming. To be honest I can't recall a wedding anytime recently that I've been to where the B&G made a toast? Normally it's just the WP or the parents who do.

ETA: added words

I remember in the wedding where I was a BM (about 5 yrs ago) the bride and groom stood up and said a brief thank-you and a few other things but it was just quick. I don't remember that happening at the last wedding I went to...

MairePoppy · January 2015

I'm trying to remember if I've ever attended a wedding where the bride and groom toasted the guests, but I think it's a nice thing to do. I think the short toast you suggested is perfect because it's brief and unpretentious.

amelisha · January 2015

I don't think I've ever been a wedding where the bride and groom said anything like that, so I hope it's not an expectation, as I would die.

I usually am consumed by embarrassment on behalf of all the people who do speak at weddings anyway, so that was the main impetus for us saying no to all toasts and speeches for our wedding. We talked to the parents and asked them if they would mind skipping all that and we don't have a wedding party, so I think we're in the clear, but I will seriously just spontaneously combust if I have to stand up and say anything or if I have to listen to my loved ones talk about me. ugggggggggggghhhh nnnnnnnnoooooooo.

hellohkb · January 2015

amelisha said:
I don't think I've ever been a wedding where the bride and groom said anything like that, so I hope it's not an expectation, as I would die.

I usually am consumed by embarrassment on behalf of all the people who do speak at weddings anyway, so that was the main impetus for us saying no to all toasts and speeches for our wedding. We talked to the parents and asked them if they would mind skipping all that and we don't have a wedding party, so I think we're in the clear, but I will seriously just spontaneously combust if I have to stand up and say anything or if I have to listen to my loved ones talk about me. ugggggggggggghhhh nnnnnnnnoooooooo.

I'm the same way! I may have FH say a super quick thank you while I stand next to him. I've been able to give long extensive presentations for college, but the idea of a speech gives me the heebie jeebies.

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

We didn't have a RD. I think having the bride and groom say a few words at the wedding is becoming more common, but I'm not sure why.

DH and I did take the mic at our wedding and thank everyone for their support of our union and for coming to the wedding. This did not take place of individual conversations in any case. I preferred to say a few words to honor my guests as important people in our lives, rather than have anyone stand up and say anything about us. Besides us, only my dad stood up and he literally gave a 10 second toast, like, "Hi everyone. Let's all raise a glass to them!" Seriously, that was it. It was perfect.

Good toasts are where someone says something kind about the happy couple. Bad toasts are where someone makes fun of the bride or groom or couple. Good toasts are short- 2 minutes or so. Bad toasts are long and rambling.

One thing I did enjoy was when a bride and groom stood up and thanked everyone for being there, and also called out one guest for being the one to make them go on a blind date. That was super cute.

ElcaB · January 2015

We gave a toast at both our RD & reception. Both were very short & sweet thank yous.

daria24 · January 2015

We hosted our own wedding and didn't do any sort of speech/toast. Or at the RD, which was only about 10 people.

I have seen that sort of thing at RDs, but I can't think of a single wedding where the bride or groom gave a thank you speech.

tcnoble · January 2015

I'm glad to hear people saying it isn't required/expected for the B&G to give a toast at the wedding. I'm a teacher and can talk in front of hundreds of students all day, but talking in front of my peers? I can't.

A friend of mine gave a toast at her wedding and it was awkward - it sounded more like an address you'd give at a conference or something.

I'll pass.

ETA at their rehearsal dinner, the FOG gave a toast and then the mic suddenly was being passed around and most of the guests were his OOT family... so it suddenly was a 10 minute long "toast to the groom" where everyone who got the mic shared their favorite story of the groom or something. It was dreadful.

novella1186 · January 2015

tcnoble said:

I'm glad to hear people saying it isn't required/expected for the B&G to give a toast at the wedding. I'm a teacher and can talk in front of hundreds of students all day, but talking in front of my peers? I can't.

A friend of mine gave a toast at her wedding and it was awkward - it sounded more like an address you'd give at a conference or something.

I'll pass.

Yeah, the stuff I read about it gave me the impression that it was expected and kind of the norm. I like that the opposite seems true based on these posts! I didn't really like the idea of a rehearsal dinner toast, aside from just being like "hey, cheers everybody!" and then be done with it.

beethery · January 2015

I will probably be very drunk towards the end of the evening, grab the mic, and slur, "THANKSHHHH FA COMIN' OUT. LOVE Y'ALL!" or something equally ridiculous.

If I'm doing table visits or a receiving line, or whatever, I don't think I need to stand up and thank everyone for coming, since I'd already be doing it anyway.

I also can not understand people demanding speeches/toasts. Extoll my greatness to a room full of people you may or may not know! IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL AWESOME. I'm not going to demand anyone get the mic and say a damn thing at the wedding or reception besides the motherfucker I'm paying to do the talking.

You let me know ahead of time that you want to say something? Cool. I'll pass that on to the DJ unless you are some dickhead that I was obligated to invite.

novella1186 · January 2015

beethery said:

I will probably be very drunk towards the end of the evening, grab the mic, and slur, "THANKSHHHH FA COMIN' OUT. LOVE Y'ALL!" or something equally ridiculous.

If I'm doing table visits or a receiving line, or whatever, I don't think I need to stand up and thank everyone for coming, since I'd already be doing it anyway.

I also can not understand people demanding speeches/toasts. Extoll my greatness to a room full of people you may or may not know! IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL AWESOME. I'm not going to demand anyone get the mic and say a damn thing at the wedding or reception besides the motherfucker I'm paying to do the talking.

You let me know ahead of time that you want to say something? Cool. I'll pass that on to the DJ unless you are some dickhead that I was obligated to invite.

haha yeah my biggest concern as far as people talking, honestly, is making sure to keep the mic away from my dad. That would just be a total fucking shit show. And our DJ already knows not to let my dad have the mic, but I have a feeling he'll try some way to get it anyway. So I'm thinking of instructing the DJ to cut the sound if the mic somehow ends up in my dad's hands. That's how bad I don't want him up there talking. Thanks to that issue, we're probably not doing any toasts at all (aside from my FI and I possibly saying a quick thank-you")

classicalandedgy · January 2015

We are not having a bridal party except our son, and don't really plan on doing a lot of wedding-y things. No first dance etc. It's really just a short ceremony and then a party and we do not want any of our guests toasting us either to be honest, so to head of any well meaning family who would like to toast, we are going to have champagne served during the ceremony and when it's over we are just going to turn to our guest and say something to the effect of, how happy we are that everyone came to share in this day, we love them and their support means everything to us. Then we're just going to head out into the crowd and mingle with everyone and along the way we'll do personal thanks as well.

yogadevil · January 2015

At my cousins wedding 10 years ago, the groom gave a toast about his ex, saying he was thankful he "didn't end up with Suzie so he could meet Lisa.". I should've seen it coming though, at the joint bach party we all had to raise our glasses and say "Fuck Suzie!" multiple times throughout the night.

So probably don't do those things

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

We gave people a shout out in our programs. Thanking them for the love and support throughout our lives. BM and MOH gave toasts at our RD. My dad gave a welcome toast at our reception.

The best ones I've seen are about 3 minutes. They start out with something humorous that everyone can relate to (not a stupid inside joke only a few people understand - ugh) and then get a little "real", winding out with thanks and/or well wishes.

The worst are long, drunk, laden with inside jokes, reading from a piece of paper/phone, inappropriate, embarrassing, and/or disingenuous.

The most epic one ever was a wedding a couple years ago. I've talked about it on here before. Summary: 20 minute doozy with all of the above and revealing to the bride's entire (super religious) family that she and groom had been living together. She cried in the bathroom for the rest of the reception. Since she had been a total sloppy drunk biatch all weekend (H was in the WP so she was everywhereeee), I had an evil grinch smile.

novella1186 · January 2015

This just made me remember the most epic/awful toast I've witnessed. It was at the horrible wedding we went to a year ago (really poorly hosted and not a good time).

One of the drunk groomsmen stood up and was reading nervously from a piece of paper, rambling on, mumbling, tripping over his words, saying tons of not funny inside jokes, and then he got to the part where the bride and groom met (back in high school) and said "One of the reasons groom fell for bride right away was because she was so easy.... so easy... so easy-going." My drunk table was laughing hysterically and everyone else looked really uncomfortable, including the bride.

OliveOilsMom · January 2015

My BIL gave a toast at our wedding. H & BIL's father had passed a few years before I even met H. While BIL gave a very nice and quick toast, the last thing he wanted to say was essentially that even though our dad has never met you, he wouldn't have liked you, he would have loved you. Except BIL forgot a word or mixed words up, which made it seem like FIL wouldn't have liked me at all. Now, I knew what he meant, H knew what he meant, MIL and probably the entire reception knew what he meant to say, but he kicks himself still, almost 3 years later, that he mixed it up.

We gave a quick thanks at our RD, before we handed out the gifts to our WP and parents. We didn't give any toast at the reception, but we did table visits and thanked everyone for coming then. Of all the weddings I've attended, I've not seen a B&G give a toast at the reception.

lovemesomemonster · January 2015

Last wedding I was in they did not do a toast BUT they ended up getting a bad one anyways.. She had two MOH's (myself and her sister) I kept mine under 2 min, hit the one funny that was appropriate and a quick "you are so lucky to have found each other, to many more years of happiness" blah blah blah.. her sister did a great, more heartfelt (no funnies) one that complimented mine (again under 2 min) THEN another bridesmaid decided she wanted to talk, not planned.. we got to sit through not one, not two, but THREE stories about her and the bride (none of which were particularly interesting) and she topped it off with the water works... yep, that one went on for longer than our two combined!

charcoalandblush · January 2015

I would say it's about 50/50 for weddings I've been to. It isn't exactly a toast. And like you said, I can't remember exactly what they said. Just something like "We wanted to thank everyone for coming to celebrate such a special day with us. We also wanted to thank our bridal party for X, our parents for Y, and random people for AB and C." Super short, like <1 min

Sorry, that's probably not super helpful

loveislouder · January 2015

I was in a wedding a couple years ago where I, MOH, did a quick toast, his BM did a quick toast and then we had to sit through audio recordings of two of the brides friends who couldn't make it, 10+ minutes each, both in which the bride instructed said friends to threaten the new Husband that if he ever hurt her, they'd kill him.

beachyone15 · January 2015

I don't think it's necessary for the B&G to give a toast/speech at their own wedding. We didn't for our wedding (that's what table visits are for I'd always assumed). However, my H did say a few words at the rehearsal dinner after we had a few people toast us so that was nice.

emmaaa · January 2015

We made a toast to thank everyone at the RD. H stood up and said something along the lines of, "We wanted to thank y'all so much for being a part of our wedding. Everyone here means the world to us and we couldn't imagine spending our wedding day without y'all." And I was like, "Yep, that's what I was going to say. We love y'all so much, thank you from the bottom of our hearts." Short and simple.

At the wedding we just had the MOH and BM toasts. We thanked everyone individually.

Toasts: The good, the bad, and the boring

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