Gap between wedding and reception

bridetobe9995 · January 2015

Hi all! So we are having our reception at a Catholic Church because FI was raised catholic. Because of Saturday mass, we have to have the ceremony earlier in the day than I wanted. I'm very firm about wanting an evening reception, so that will mean about a 2 hr gap between the ceremony and reception. Is this a horrible thing to do to my guests?!

wrigleyville · January 2015

Yes. Either move the ceremony, if possible, or move your reception to an earlier time slot.

falsara · January 2015

Having a gap like that is going to leave your guests bored with nothing to do. You need to move the reception to an earlier time.

lurkergirl · January 2015

bridetobe9995 said:
Hi all! So we are having our reception at a Catholic Church because FI was raised catholic. Because of Saturday mass, we have to have the ceremony earlier in the day than I wanted. I'm very firm about wanting an evening reception, so that will mean about a 3 hr gap between the ceremony and reception. Is this a horrible thing to do to my guests?!

Yes, a gap is a horrible thing to do to your guests.

paperpusher · January 2015

Yes. You need to move the reception up or find a way to have the ceremony closer to the reception so that there is no gap.

NYCMercedes · January 2015

Yes. Find a place to start your reception right after your wedding. Don't be rude to your guests.

flantastic · January 2015

bridetobe9995 said:

Hi all! So we are having our reception at a Catholic Church because FI was raised catholic. Because of Saturday mass, we have to have the ceremony earlier in the day than I wanted. I'm very firm about wanting an evening reception, so that will mean about a 2 hr gap between the ceremony and reception. Is this a horrible thing to do to my guests?!

I understand this issue - the Catholic church where I grew up had a policy of no weddings after 2 PM. Unless you move parishes (which may be non-negotiable for your FI - it was for me) you will have to begin your reception in the afternoon. It sucks, but that's how it is.

You can't force your guests to awkwardly wait around for hours just to have the reception you've dreamed of, because the reception is meant to thank them for coming. It's about them, not you. Don't thank them poorly.

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

Why not have a Friday wedding, then you can have a later church wedding and have your evening reception.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

Yep, that would be a pretty horrible thing to do for your guests. Move your reception earlier. I promise, people will still have fun! And way more fun than waiting around for hours.

AddieCake · January 2015

Yep. People are going o be grumbling about you behind your back.

morphemes · January 2015

Honestly if I were invited to a wedding with a two hour gap, I would probably leave after the ceremony because I wouldn't want to wait around for 2 hours without anything to do. While I would probably tell myself "Oh, I'll totally come back later for the reception", I know I'd lose motivation and bail. If you have a two hour gap, you'll lose a lot of your guests.

larrygaga · January 2015

If it helps- I attend a wedding with a 3 hour gap this year. I would not have thought twice about declining but it was close family. My siblings and I were late to the reception because we were starving, bored and thirsty and went to a bar and lost track of time. We weren't the only ones, either. One of the uncles rented a conference room in the hotel for a few hours, and everyone pitched in snacks and booze. Most of the guests were busy at this party and were accidentally late to dinner. Everyone was talking crap about the bride and groom, because they were so annoyed by it. Of course they didn't say anything to the couple's face because that would be mean.

So if you come here and tell us that your family won't care because they love you, I can tell you that they will care they just won't say it to your face.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

Are you joking?

Yes, it's horrible.

novella1186 · January 2015

We figured this out for another poster in a similar thread a few months ago, I think. Are you having plated dinners with multiple courses? Cocktail hour? What's the travel time between the church and reception site?

Here's a potential solution: Let's assume you have to have the ceremony at 3. It ends by about 3:30. People are arriving at the reception venue by 4.
You have cocktail hour till about 5.
Serve the salad course by 5:30 (assuming between 5 and 5:30 guests are still being hosted, mingling, and making their way to their seats for dinner)
It takes some time to get the food out to each person and takes some time to eat it.
So dinner will end up being served around 6. Pretty normal dinner time.
After dinner is the typical dancing and whatnot, so there's your evening reception.

If your ceremony has to be at 2, cocktail hour will be an hour earlier than the above schedule.
To prevent dinner from being served too early, do your spotlight dance, toasts, and whatever just before dinner is served. Proceed as above.

No gap, evening reception, Catholic service, no problem. I hope this is helpful to you!

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

Ditto PPs. I had a Catholic wedding at 2:00. Mass was until 3:15. Cocktail hour was at 4 (or whenever guests arrived). Dinner was at 5:30, and the party went until 9. Good time had by all.

climbingsingle · January 2015

Yes, it's horrible. Gaps are extremely rude.

MsSparky · January 2015

I am planning on not going to a wedding this spring because of this. There is a 3 hour gap being planned, and it is an hour drive for me. Yes, this is rude.

lovegood90 · January 2015

Yes, extremely rude. I wouldn't bother attending the ceremony if there was a gap. (Yes, rude of me too, but come on, I'm supposed to just devote an entire Saturday to your wedding and waiting around for you? Nooooope. NopeNope. Nope).

maeday2 · January 2015

Chipmunk415 · January 2015

My friend had a 2 pm Catholic ceremony, with a 6 pm reception start time. The "gap" was to be filled by a "tea" in the church's fellowship hall while the bridal party did photos for 2.5 hours, with a half hour to go to the reception location ( a 10 minute drive).

The tea was terrible. Coffee, hot teas, water, and crappy cookies. There weren't enough for everyone, and the sound system playing music was blaring. None of our mutual friends attended, and the few who did were from the grooms side and stuck together, no interest in mingling. DH (at the time FI) and I left early and went back to my parents (we were staying with them) for a while and watched basketball.

I love my friend dearly, and would never tell her how bad that gap was. DH, however, now completely understood why I insisted on the cocktail hour starting immediately after the ceremony while we took some photos. He grumbled that he didn't get a grouper finger during cocktails, but acknowledges that this was the best way to go.

Move up your reception or risk boring your guests to tears.

wrigleyville · January 2015

morphemes said:

Honestly if I were invited to a wedding with a two hour gap, I would probably leave after the ceremony because I wouldn't want to wait around for 2 hours without anything to do. While I would probably tell myself "Oh, I'll totally come back later for the reception", I know I'd lose motivation and bail. If you have a two hour gap, you'll lose a lot of your guests.

Or, the guests do what my family does, which is decide if they're going to the ceremony or just the reception. It's extremely common to see 40 people at the wedding and then 200 people at the reception. The larger the gap, the fewer people you'll see at the actual wedding.

This is also rude, admittedly, but it's proof that gaps are NOT popular, especially when people come in from out of town.

I hate sitting around in my dress clothes. It's boring, even if I have a book or something. The reception is the after-party, and I want to keep up the celebratory mood. It's a downer to go to the wedding, get all excited for the couple, and then bum around for 2-4 hours.

Cookie Pusher · January 2015

I would be bored out of my mind and hungry as well (I eat every 2-3 hours). Chances are, I'd end up grabbing a burger and beers at the first place I could find. I may or may not show up to the reception. I may or may not be buzzed.

blabla89 · January 2015

So now that we've established that a gap is a bad idea, I'll just say that you can have an awesome reception in the afternoon. You can still serve a meal, have plenty of booze (if you like, but it's not necessary), hire a great DJ who knows how to get the crowd up and dancing, and do all the same things you would do at an evening reception.

bridetobe9995 · January 2015

Wow. I appreciate the responses.. I guess I did not realize this was such a hot topic. I feel a bit silly now.

blabla89 · January 2015

bridetobe9995 said:

Wow. I appreciate the responses.. I guess I did not realize this was such a hot topic. I feel a bit silly now.

Hey, no worries. It's better to ask a silly question than to go through with it without caring about your guests' comfort. Just curious, what time would your ceremony have to start and end?

Chipmunk415 · January 2015

bridetobe9995 said:

Wow. I appreciate the responses.. I guess I did not realize this was such a hot topic. I feel a bit silly now.

Don't feel bad. It's better ask and get advice than to not bring it up.

Now if you'd come back and said "screw all of you/none of you understand/its my daaaay and everyone has to put up with it" there might be a horde of sloths and Knotties hunting you with torches and pitchforks.....

JCbride2015 · January 2015

bridetobe9995 said:

Wow. I appreciate the responses.. I guess I did not realize this was such a hot topic. I feel a bit silly now.

Don't feel silly! Better to ask while you still have time to change your plans!

What time does your ceremony have to be? Can we help you figure out a timeline?

novella1186 · January 2015

bridetobe9995 said:

Wow. I appreciate the responses.. I guess I did not realize this was such a hot topic. I feel a bit silly now.

No worries! There are lots of ways to work around it, many of which PPs have suggested. You can have your Catholic ceremony and a really great reception with no gap

If you need any further help with it, the people on these boards are always happy to give advice/suggestions!

IrishPirate60 · January 2015

No one has mentioned one other option: get married at the parish's evening Mass. We baptize at Sunday liturgies. Your guests can join the gathered folks (just think, a full church rather than acres of empty pews). Provide cookies and punch for afterwards, thank people, then head to the hall for your reception.

danamw · January 2015

Back in the 1960's, when I was about 8 years old, my cousin got married, and had a 6 hour gap between Catholic wedding and reception. I kid you not. My parents and I went home, but I now wonder, what all those people did for 6 hours, who could not go home. Makes me giggle now. Must have been dull for them. It's a shame.

But worse for me. My mom had me change out of my dress, and stay in the house, because she didn't feel like cleaning me up again for the evening. On a Saturday afternoon. In the spring. I was 8. Oh God. Hurts to think about it.

Chipmunk415 · January 2015

Fwiw- I see you have your heart set on an evening reception. When I started planning, I wanted that too, but it didn't work out for me (venue had a min body count req for Saturday evenings that I wouldn't meet).

I had a late morning ceremony with a lunch reception. Beer and wine plus sodas, no liquor. Classy jazz and big band music playing. It looked and felt like a swanky evening reception but there was light outside. Everyone loved it and loved having time to do their own thing later in the afternoon. Dh and I got to relax and have a private first meal on our wedding day which was awesome.

Point being, you can have the evening feel without making your guests wait till evening

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