Grooms Sister and Bridesmaid passed away 12/26 . How do we move forward?

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Hi Brides,

I have lost someone that was like a sister to me and was my grooms sister. She was suppose to be apart of the wedding and she has been such a large part of planning. We don't plan on changing our date but how do we handle this? My thought was that I wouldn't replace her at all and that Jamal's brother, which would have been walking with her would walk down the aisle with a single white rose in her honor. Is that doing to much? I'm at a lost and I can't really talk to my groom about this because he is hurting so bad right now but he has made it clear that he wants to move forward with the wedding. I think it's ok because what I want is that our wedding turn into a positive event of the year full of love and hope.

Please help me!

huskypuppy14 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. Definitely do not replace her. When is your wedding? You can decide how you want to remember her, but maybe take a little time to grieve first.

I personally think the rose idea sounds lovely.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

cyspencer85 said:
Hi Brides,

I have lost someone that was like a sister to me and was my grooms sister. She was suppose to be apart of the wedding and she has been such a large part of planning. We don't plan on changing our date but how do we handle this? My thought was that I wouldn't replace her at all and that Jamal's brother, which would have been walking with her would walk down the aisle with a single white rose in her honor. Is that doing to much? I'm at a lost and I can't really talk to my groom about this because he is hurting so bad right now but he has made it clear that he wants to move forward with the wedding. I think it's ok because what I want is that our wedding turn into a positive event of the year full of love and hope.

Please help me!

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss (and your FI's loss). Definitely don't replace her; that would be bad. I think the idea you suggested sounds subtle and classy. (This is assuming that the guy who would do this is comfortable with it). When is your wedding?

Jen4948 · January 2015

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I agree with not replacing her, but make sure her brother is okay with any "memorial" gestures to his sister-his grief must be very intense too, and this may be something he's not okay with.

debbeau · January 2015

My husbands 19 year old sister died unexpectedly 6 months before our wedding. We proceeded with our plans with the blessing of his family. His family was coming in from Ireland. His whole family said it was wonderful to have a happy occasion to get together for after all of their grieving. There were some sad moments but still a wonderful day.

MairePoppy · January 2015

I'm sorry for your loss.

The single flower memorial is dignified, as long as her brother is comfortable with it. Otherwise you could put the flower in a vase near the altar. I don't know when your wedding is, but you could plan this simple memorial a few days before. No need to press your fi for an opinion right now.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

The wedding is 9-12-15 in Boston, MA.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

It's 9-12-15 in Boston at the W hotel. I was so excited and now the groom is so sad and I just want to make this day as special as possible while not making it sad.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Thank you ladies.

wrigleyville · January 2015

This is still very fresh. Give him time to grieve. I wouldn't discuss or think about anything wedding-related at this point. The rose and other such ideas are things that can wait a while.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Yes, that is what I thought but he brought up with the fact that he wanted me to keep planning and not to wait with out me bringing it up. I think it's his way of trying to keep things kind of normal.

MairePoppy · January 2015

cyspencer85 said:

It's 9-12-15 in Boston at the W hotel. I was so excited and now the groom is so sad and I just want to make this day as special as possible while not making it sad.

It will still be special because it's your wedding day. You can hang out with us and enjoy happy talk about wedding planning, until your fi is ready to plan with you again.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Thank you MairePoppy :-)

debbeau · January 2015

MairePoppy your response really touched me. It showed the true meaning of a community.

Jessie42613 · January 2015

These ladies have it covered, but I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Thank you Jessie and again ladies thank you. I cried today because with all the ugliness in the world it is always nice to know that there are people out there that care about other people. XOXO. I would love to keep you ladies updated.

crackktheskyy · January 2015

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you loss. Hang in there.

marie2785 · January 2015

I'm very sorry to hear about your and your fiance's loss.

Your pain right now is very fresh, and probably pretty raw. In a few months it will begin to calm down a little--it wont stop hurting, but it may become easier for you and your FI to talk about what you want to do. Because of this, I'd give it a little time before you approach him about this and with your idea. Give yourself time to process it all too. Go forward and plan the wedding, but this detail can wait to be finalized.

climbingsingle · January 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm usually not one for public memorials of a loved one that has passed, but I think the rose idea is really nice. I hope you do it.

short+sassy · January 2015

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You sound like a good person being primarily worried about your FI's grief, while still handling your own and trying to keep the wedding planning going.

I also like white rose idea, assuming it is okay with the family and others involved. And like the other PPs, it is a discussion that can wait many months when the grief won't quite be so fresh.

mrsdee15 · January 2015

PPs covered what I was going to say, but also wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the white rose is lovely assuming your FI and his family are okay with it. Definitely hang out with us and talk wedding stuff!

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I have to say Mrs.Dee your little pic is so cute. You have 7 months left to go? Are you doing a small wedding?
Did everyone else do large weddings or just kept it small?

[Deleted User] · January 2015

climbingwife , your pictures are amazing.

mrsdee15 · January 2015

cyspencer85 said:

I have to say Mrs.Dee your little pic is so cute. You have 7 months left to go? Are you doing a small wedding?
Did everyone else do large weddings or just kept it small?

You're so sweet, thanks! That's our pup Tyrion. He also goes by the names "Dog" and "No!"

We are inviting around 140, so not a small one. We have space for 350 in our venue so I'm just glad it isn't going to be packed. But eeeek, I just noticed that we're approaching the 6-month mark soon! Do you have a guest count?

[Deleted User] · January 2015

we are Inviting 130 -150 with fingers crossed to land 120 - 130 lol.. But my mom just keeps adding and adding. But The W only has space for up to 140 lol so we shall see.

flantastic · January 2015

cyspencer85 said:

we are Inviting 130 -150 with fingers crossed to land 120 - 130 lol.. But my mom just keeps adding and adding. But The W only has space for up to 140 lol so we shall see.

Invite no more than 140. Several posters on here, even with larger weddings, had 100% attendance.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I'm sorry for your loss. For now I would just continue as planned and then address the issue of honoring his sister this spring, when it's not so fresh. Also think of including his parents & other sibling on the discussion after you talk with him. This way you can get feedback from the family on what they would be comfortable doing. Your wedding day is suppose to be happy and they will be thinking of her no matter what you end up doing because she isn't there. Take some time to heal and cross these bridges in a few months.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Oh the big thing I forgot to mention, whatever you plan to do that would honor his sister and your best friend, give his immediate family a heads up prior to the wedding day so that they aren't caught off guard and can mentally try to prepare themselves.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Ahhhhhh well here is the thing.. my Cuz is getting married the month before me so we think that people are going to make a choice between the two because many family members are in the south and my wedding is in Boston and His is in NY. So I will make sure to let the queen know that she has to cool out lol

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Yea i was going to talk to them about before hand. i was going to wait until about July to even talk about it.

kaitlynmichelle · January 2015

The rose idea is beautiful. I also normally am not a fan of memorial gestures, but this sounds absolutely lovely. Just make sure everyone is ok with it/knows about it. A touching gesture could be very painful if it is a surprise.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Grooms Sister and Bridesmaid passed away 12/26 . How do we move forward?

Re: Grooms Sister and Bridesmaid passed away 12/26 . How do we move forward?

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