Asking My Bridesmaids Tonight

MegEn1 · January 2015

Hey Knotties,

So I'm 'asking' my bridesmaids tonight. We're about nine months out from the wedding, will likely be sending out our STDs in the next month. The girls I am asking are spread out all over the country, so I'm sending them each an email.

Yes, I'm asking them via email. Please don't hate me.

These aren't girls I see very often, but they were all best friends to me at one point or another in my life. Without these women, I would not be who I am or where I am today. I have specific memories, specific stories with each of them about our pasts and that show how and why they are so special to me. I hate talking on the phone, I'm terrible at it and quite frankly even if I rehearsed I likely couldn't get it out in the way I want to. At the same time, I want each of them to know WHY I'm asking them, and thank them for being so important to me in the past.

An email's alright - right? I intend to put a lot of thought and sentiment into each of these but I'm a little worried about an email being too informal or impersonal. I thought about sending each of them a letter but email just makes more sense, perhaps it's not as romantic as letter writing but it's still etiquette-approved, right?

Right?!

Sorry, for those of you who have seen my previous posts you all know I'm a big worrier.

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

I'm a phone person. But that's just me.

sarawifenow · January 2015

Honestly, this is not something that bothers me. I think an email is fine.

hellohkb · January 2015

I sent a message to those I can't see very often, like my aunt who lives in NY or my friend who I don't get to see very often. Everyone else I casually asked in person. I don't think it really matters how you ask. It doesn't have to be a formal thing.

NowIamMrsKlein · January 2015

I'm not a phone person either and all my bridesmaids live far far away, I've probably haven't phoned them in years, we have a text/email/in person relationship so I thought it would be weird to phone them and I didn't know when I would see them in person next.

I bought a card and wrote a nice letter inside saying why I would be honoured for them to stand up with me. They all said that they loved getting the card in the mail. That it was a really sweet and unexpected surprise 'amongst the bills'

emmaaa · January 2015

I think an email is fine. If that's how y'all normally communicate then I wouldn't think anything of it. If y'all normally text, send a text.

larrygaga · January 2015

I texted all mine. It's just about what kind of relationship you have. I went on google and sent them all this. Aren't your STDs going out really early? I'm 5.5 months out and I'm just getting ready to mail mine.

Mine are mostly sisters and my best friend, all of whom probably assumed would be a maid anyway. It didn't need to be a huge deal.

emmaaa · January 2015

larrygaga said:

I texted all mine. It's just about what kind of relationship you have. I went on google and sent them all this. Aren't your STDs going out really early? I'm 5.5 months out and I'm just getting ready to mail mine.

Mine are mostly sisters and my best friend, all of whom probably assumed would be a maid anyway. It didn't need to be a huge deal.

@larrygaga I think STD's can go out anywhere from 6 months to a year before.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

I think they will know why you are asking them if you are all as close as you say you are. You don't need to tell them why. It is kind of obvious.

Personally, for things like this a short phone call would be better. This is a personal thing you are asking of them and email just screams business. I would include all the reasons why they are such great friends in their thank you cards you give them along with the BM gift at your rehearsal dinner.

MegEn1 · January 2015

Are the STDs too early? I was aiming for 7-8 months, mostly for people who have to travel. We just got one for a wedding abroad in August, so maybe it is too early? I don't know. Either way they likely won't go out until March, as much as I'd like to say February. Prying addresses out of people is easier than pulling teeth.

I'm bad at this LOL.

As far as asking bridesmaids, I kind of feel like I SHOULD do mail cards, but I just prefer email I guess. Maybe it's just lazy. I think part of it is that at first some of these ladies might be like 'Wait, why is she asking me? I haven't seen her in three years.' There's a reason, I promise.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

emmaaa said:

I think an email is fine. If that's how y'all normally communicate then I wouldn't think anything of it. If y'all normally text, send a text.

This.

novella1186 · January 2015

I asked my BMs via text. None of them live in the same city as me (one is currently living in Spain) so there was no way to ask in person. I really should have called but I knew every single one of them would be at work (and Miss Spain would probably be sleeping) and I was too excited to wait.

And honestly, I wouldn't be offended if one of my friends asked me via e-mail or text. The sentiment is the important part, I think, and I would just be honored/excited that they wanted me to stand up with them.

Side note: I find the pinterest over-the-top "bridesmaid proposals" completely gag worthy. I feel like the brides who do that must think they and their wedding are REALLY REALLY REALLY important to make such a big deal about asking someone to be in their bridal party. It's not a fucking life-long commitment. It's wearing a certain dress on a certain day. Get over yourself.

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

I agree with the idea that whatever your normal mode of communication is, feel free to use it.

Funny story--- this weekend I just got a group e-mail (normal mode of communication for this small group) from a friend that mentioned us all bridesmaid dress shopping. She never actually asked me to be a bridesmaid so I'm sitting there thinking, wait, am I a bridesmaid? I replied just to her and am currently awaiting reply!

At least ensure you actually ask, hah!

KeptInStitches · January 2015

I asked my MoH on the phone after I caught her on Facebook and asked her if she had a minute to talk. If it's how you normally communicate, no worries.

pinkcow13 · January 2015

Email is fine. Personally, I always knew who mine would be, so I asked them as soon as they congratulated me on the engagement, via text. I am NOT a phone person at all, and my girls all know this. If they got a phone call from me, and we had no plans to meet, they would assume something was wrong.

MegEn1 · January 2015

So I emailed! Some were long-winded. My favorite was this one though that I submitted without a single word in the body of the email:

BrandNewJ · January 2015

Email is cool. I sent mine letters because I was so nervous of their answers! My best friend got a card with a horse licking a kid that says "I'm not sure what I'm looking at, but I think something about friendship?".

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