Hi there!

marylab · January 2015

After reading and a little bit of thinking,I feel like this board is the right place to be right now.
Introducing and looking forward to know and chat with you!

Screen Name:marylab
Age:21
Significant Other's Age:30
What You Do:2nd year of University(studying French language and literature),baker-event planner but mostly staying-at-home
What SO Does:He works as a carpenter
State of Relationship:Engaged,living together
How Long You've Been Together:Since July '09
How You Met:Online,playing a game.Never thought it could lead with us being together though.
Wedding Date (if you're engaged/married):Either this or next year
Real Babies:None
Fur Babies:A little snob cat called Broyer,we adopted and adore.
Loves: Reading,my ''job'',decorating the house,doing things for others
Hates:Not being able to finish goals
Pet Peeves: Disappoint people,clutter,nothing to do,boredom
Hobbies/Activities:Cooking,reading,organizing parties,baking
Favorite Thing About Your SO:Making me laugh and smile even the worst moments
Least Favorite Thing About Your SO:Being forgetful
Describe Your Personality:I am always trying to be moving,giving 100% of myself on everything I do.I am sometimes insecure
and care about what others say,but try not to.As a Taurus I am a little stubborn and absolute to my opinion,but try hard not to,
better question myself more and give other ideas a go to.
Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]):About 3.5 to maximum an 8,if I'm driven to my ends
I've Been On TK Since:May '11
How You Came to Be On TK:Back when the first idea of the wedding came up,and was trying to figure out
what kind we would want to have.It was the perfect site.
How I like my potatoes:Love them anyway!Crisscut are my favorite,can't say no!

Favorite book/author:I can be reading almost everything,but it would be Harry Potter and Sophie Kinsella

Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself:We live in Greece.Many things are done differently here though,
but I love this crazy place and wouldn't change it.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I don't know what I'm doing right now and my brain isn't working so I leave you with this:

peekaboo2011 · January 2015

I'm a little confused as to why this board is the "right place for you" if you're already engaged. We have people in different stages of their relationship here, sure, but to start on NEY when you're already engaged? My head hurts.

GoldenPenguin · January 2015

marylab said:

After reading and a little bit of thinking,I feel like this board is the right place to be right now.
Introducing and looking forward to know and chat with you!

Screen Name:marylab
Age:21
Significant Other's Age:30
What You Do:2nd year of University(studying French language and literature),baker-event planner but mostly SAH-FI
What SO Does:He works as a carpenter
State of Relationship:Engaged,living together
How Long You've Been Together:Since July '09
How You Met:Online,playing a game.Never thought it could lead with us being together though.
Wedding Date (if you're engaged/married):Either this or next year
Real Babies:None
Fur Babies:A little snob cat called Broyer,we adopted and adore.
Loves: Reading,my ''job'',decorating the house,doing things for others
Hates:Not being able to finish goals
Pet Peeves: Disappoint people,clutter,nothing to do,boredom
Hobbies/Activities:Cooking,reading,organizing parties,baking
Favorite Thing About Your SO:Making me laugh and smile even the worst moments
Least Favorite Thing About Your SO:Not keeping his word,even to the little things,don't say it if you are not sure you'll do it
Describe Your Personality:I am always trying to be moving,giving 100% of myself on everything I do.I am sometimes insecure
and care about what others say,but try not to.As a Taurus I am a little stubborn and absolute to my opinion,but try hard not to,
better question myself more and give other ideas a go to.
Snark Level (1 [low snark] - 10 [high snark]):About 3.5 to maximum an 8,if I'm driven to my ends
I've Been On TK Since:May '11
How You Came to Be On TK:Back when the first idea of the wedding came up,and was trying to figure out
what kind we would want to have.It was the perfect site.
How I like my potatoes:Love them anyway!Crisscut are my favorite,can't say no!
Favorite book/author:I can be reading almost everything,but it would be Harry Potter and Sophie Kinsella
Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself:We live in Greece.Many things are done differently here though,
but I love this crazy place and wouldn't change it.

Judgy McJudgerson, party of me.

I'll just be over here.

labro · January 2015

@TwoDimes You are my favorite person today (not that you aren't usually #1 on my favorite people list!). I think I am having a judgy day too.

My head hurts too much for this today.

I'm done.

AlPacina · January 2015

@TwoDimes - Dayum girl! You're better at sleuthing than Benedict Cumberbatch!

loves2shop4shoes · January 2015

So you started dating when you were 15 and he was 25? I'm pretty sure that's illegal, even in Europe.

marylab · January 2015

@TwoDimes judge freely!

Yeap,yeap and yeap.
When a date is set things for us just don't seem to happen.
No more mistakes this time!
The first time,it was money.Then next year in just in 40 days,Fi's both grandmas and uncle died.
It's close to a year since that,but I didn't second question things and called and cancelled all postponings with vendors and venue.It was a very difficult time for his family,his grandma was living in the same house with his parents.Here we usually wait for a year to pass at least before big events.
We could give it a go,but we wouldn't have a lot of music and people would talk and talk,why we did it.So instead we did a housewarming/engagement cocktail party this September,because our best man(long story short in an orthodox greek wedding ceremony it's the person who exchanges the rings and ''marries'' the couple)was here off from work,as he lives in London,for Fi's side of family.

About things being different here?
Well the meaning of engagement and engagement party is a lot more different.

And you are not an idiot.His name is John or Giannis in greeklish.
But in the greek alphabet his name starts with the third letter Γ.Wich is Gamma.
It looks like an upside L indeed.

The things I could go back and NOT do,are too many.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I have no idea what you're saying.

marylab · January 2015

@ loves2shop4shoes lol no.I was 16 and he was 24.We have 9+ years of difference though.
I'm born in may and he's in july 20th.

peekaboo2011 · January 2015

marylab said:

@ loves2shop4shoes lol no.I was 16 and he was 24.We have 9+ years of difference though.
I'm born in may and he's in july 20th.

That doesn't make it better.

loves2shop4shoes · January 2015

marylab said:

@ loves2shop4shoes lol no.I was 16 and he was 24.We have 9+ years of difference though.
I'm born in may and he's in july 20th.

Ok. 16 and 24. That's still very illegal, at least here. Are the laws different in Greece?

marylab · January 2015

Well,let's say age is a funny story till this day.
Hmm as far as I know no it's not.

On paper you can get married at 16,but parents have to agree with that.
My parents have actually 8 years of difference and his..please don't freak out but 12.
His mum was pregnant with his oldest sister and turned 17 days after giving birth.

marylab · January 2015

GoldenPenguin Gosh the third one does sound weird..
Usually it's taking the garbage out or forgetting that we have to go to friends out after work.
It's just starting with ''I promise you that''..and forgetting he said that.

Ollie08 · January 2015

@marylab - Is English not your first language?

marylab · January 2015

@peekaboo2011 He indeed proposed in '11.So technically we are engaged.
But it's also a time when you pick a date and stick with it.And we don't have a date,so solid that we have half the venue/banket paid and a singed contract.
Lesson learned I'm not starting planning and paying anything before we are 100% sure.
Same goes for talking about it and generally being overexcited and then dealing with bad emotions.

marylab · January 2015

@Ollie08 No it's not.I did get a degree,but it has been a few years since then.

And if you don't practice/talk a language for a while you do stupid mistakes.
I'm really sorry for that.When I go back and reread I correct them.

speakeasy14 · January 2015

Welcome! Greece is one of my top places to visit. What part of Greece are you from?

What is SAH-FI?

marylab said:

GoldenPenguin Gosh the third one does sound weird..
Usually it's taking the garbage out or forgetting that we have to go to friends out after work.
It's just starting with ''I promise you that''..and forgetting he said that.

marylab said:

Least Favorite Thing About Your SO:Not keeping his word,even to the little things,don't say it if you are not sure you'll do it

^^To this: did you mean to say he is flaky/forgetful?

marylab · January 2015

Thank you!I'm from Athens but we are living right now about 30 miles away,near the sea.
I knew I wasn't good with shortcuts!lol
Stay-at-home-fiance?
I have a fb page where occasionally I get orders but it's not like I have a steady month-in month-out paycheck.Plus the studying.

Yes he is.It's just the little annoying things now and then.

CLoGreenEyes · January 2015

Hello and welcome.

I think the concern most of us have is not the age gap between you two (my parents have ten years), but the fact that you were soooo young when you started dating a 24-year-old man. I'm sure you know the amount of growth and change people experience from their teens to their twenties, so it just makes us wonder: why is NOW the right time to start planning your wedding? Why not wait until you're a little older, through school, etc.? Just something to think about.

I wish you both happiness and success, and I hope you enjoy NEY and get something out of it. Definitely lurk a little and post when you feel comfortable. Everybody here has different perspectives on things, and their advice and ideas can really have a positive impact if you're open to them (and some snark on the side

.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

There are 16.5 years between me and Mr. H, so you'll get no age gap judgments from me. I do agree with @CloGreenEyes in being a little concerned for how young you were when you started dating. There's a world of difference between 16 and 20, never mind 16 and 24.

Also...he proposed in 2011 and you're "technically" engaged? If he proposed, you're engaged. Is there a difference between being "technically" engaged and...actually engaged?

marylab · January 2015

Thank you girls.
It's funny how it's actually the first time,I hear people notice the difference.
We actually first met that July,and then started counting from that day.
It was a year later that I met his parents and a year and a half he met mine.
I just never noticed something odd between us honestly..we knew each other about
a year prior that,and it wasn't like it was an arranged relationship.

I just never felt he was too old or me too young.And it didn't stop me from finishing school,trying to get to University twice,working etc.

If I wouldn't like to hear other people's opinions then I shouldn't have posted here.
After a lot of thought where I got to is,that previously I have rushed things indeed.
We were just living together and I wasn't working,when I relied just on money we had on the side.And as my previous posts confirm,that rush was the reason both families weren't that excited to follow.
My mother was sad I left so soon and moved out at 18,because she was sure I would give up studying for some reason,even if I tried to reassure her the opposite.
His sisters were frustrated we were willing to get into dept,and tried just the wrong way to show that it's not all rainbows and pink bubbles,when you move in,pay bills and save up for something when one's job is taking a dive and other's is nearly non existent.

I was in my pink bubble and of course it popped.
I was so blind and so disappointed we had to postpone in 2012,that only later I got the memo,why things happen for a reason sometimes.In August my grandma died,a person who I spent a big piece of my childhood with,due to my parents working.And it would be exactly 40 days the day we planned to move the wedding.
Let's say everything did work out,and we won the lotto or anything and financially we would be perfect.Or scrap the last penny and pay for everything until the last minute.Either way we would cancel.Who would be happy?My parents and the side of my family that would not come or his?
Plus nobody gives you back your deposits.

I didn't get my lesson and rushed into 2013 again.I admit..like a fool.
I was steadily getting my page known and some customers and Fi got a new steady job,but it was too early,to be able to enjoy it,and not be running until the last minute.
I finally did get a little sense into me and relaxed and indeed saw that a year or two doesn't mean anything,when we are still young,definitely wait to have kids and dream of a house,of a happy relationship and not of a stressed and stretched home 24/7.

We started fresh in 2014,this time sure and financially stable at last.
Well in February his grandma passed away,and we didn't give it a second thought.
This time I didn't whine though.Things happen for a reason,that's the point that I stick with.

So..since we were at a good state,in September we did the engagement party we wanted.A little side note though why I say technically.
Except some ceremony details,which have to do totally with the fact that we are having an orthodox christian wedding,weddings are quite the same.The only difference -which is the reason I joined the site back then- is what style of event someone wants.I fell in love with detailed decorations,alternative guest books,signature drinks..even place cards!These are details,couples usually don't pay attention to.Weddings are pretty much the same,and you see some like these only if the bride or groom is from Usa eg.
But it's a total different story how an engagement is apprehended.

Most brides and friends of mine I know,didn't get a proposal,or a ring.
They may have gotten one as an anniversary gift or anything,but not with the following question.Very traditionally if a couple decides to get marry,the father of the groom,-yes the father- will give the bride a diamond ring and it is called a ''vow or promise''.The couple promises to get engaged.Now that means,not that a wedding date is set,but an engagement date.They will buy their wedding rings,and host a party.Either out in a restaurant or either in someone's parent house.It's a very important moment,and looks like a small wedding.You have decorations,flowers,a bouquet,food and drink,you get dressed nicely and have a photographer.Then a priest or the father of the bride blesses the rings in front of an icon of Mother of God and Christ.Then the couple exchanges rings but on their left hand.Since latter at the wedding ceremony they will wear them on their right.
Eg. if you see a couple on the street and they are wearing rings on their left,you know they're engaged.

Nowadays couples don't get engaged that often,they skip it and do a wedding right away.Which means proposals are not a big thing.They do happen once in a while,but it's either the overomantic groom who plans them or surprise.
Nobody drools over rings,and showing them off is considered tacky.

Which means..until this September,nobody really saw us as a serious couple..even living together and even knowing that Fi had proposed.They would see the ring but still didn't care.Now after the party?Well now we are engaged!We still get congratulations..
Weird isn't it?It's just the culture difference.

Now since yesterday I started with the wrong foot..I feel like I need to get to square one.Start over,not rush and do plan but not excessively.

Due to circumstances we could only invite his side of family and our friends to the party.And after a talk with my parents they didn't like the idea of having people in their house.It will get really crowded,and they are not fans of the cocktail style buffet I had,they are used to seated dinner more.So we are planning one this February.It will be closer to my family to get to the restaurant than to get here,and I don't want them to spend on gas,when I don't even want gifts,but they will bring them either way..so at least to reduce the damage.And finally close that engagement chapter after all.They want to celebrate and be happy for us,so it's unfair to do it only for his side of family.

Ps.We are that ''lucky''.That we had to give our rings back and get new ones.We ordered them a lot time ago,but just a week before they informed us they melted them..We paid a deposit of course,but due to no time to find something else,and them having the design and measurements we agreed to remake them.We picked them up and paid them in full when just after a week of wearing them,mine was all in scratches and his even changed shape!We paid for white and pink gold and got I don't even know what!So we have to get new ones,since we just gave them back took the money and don't want to have any business with that shop anymore.

We almost did it all.I tried dresses,we booked a venue,talked with photographers,florists etc.
Well good!Now we know what we want,we can call and start planning,sending STD,doing all the cute things..after we know a date is set.That we can have our man of honor here for sure,not stress with money and both families happy,not earlier and not like there is no other day left!Lesson learned.And I want to enjoy it for once.
So we are dreaming of a wedding,but are not yet engaged,right?
That's why I felt like this is a place I should have started.

Swazzle · January 2015

loves2shop4shoes · January 2015

@swazzle, DED.

GoldenPenguin · January 2015

@swazzle:

peekaboo2011 · January 2015

I would just like to say that you can absolutely not be both engaged and not engaged.

Either you have a fiance, and you are engaged, or you have a boyfriend and you are not engaged. PICK ONE.

GoldenPenguin · January 2015

peekaboo2011 said:

I would just like to say that you can absolutely not be both engaged and not engaged.

Either you have a fiance, and you are engaged, or you have a boyfriend and you are not engaged. PICK ONE.

THIS. THIS. SO. MUCH. THIS.

marylab · January 2015

Did he proposed?-Yes
Do I consider us an engaged couple?-Yes
Do our families consider us an engaged couple?-No
Why?-We don't wear rings.
But didn't he proposed and offered a diamond ring,which I wear?-Yes
Then why don't they consider us engaged?-Because here it doesn't matter.
Have an engagement,wear your wedding rings and then we call it a deal.

We didn't even want to have that engagement party from the beginning,because
the proposal was for me the big thing.But nobody else cared or cares about it.
They want the traditional way.

peekaboo2011 · January 2015

marylab said:

Did he proposed?-Yes
Do I consider us an engaged couple?-Yes
Do our families consider us an engaged couple?-No
Why?-We don't wear rings.
But didn't he proposed and offered a diamond ring,which I wear?-Yes
Then why don't they consider us engaged?-Because here it doesn't matter.
Have an engagement,wear your wedding rings and then we call it a deal.

We didn't even want to have that engagement party from the beginning,because
the proposal was for me the big thing.But nobody else cared or cares about it.
They want the traditional way.

THEN YOU ARE ENGAGED. JFC THAT'S NOT HARD.

marylab · January 2015

How would you feel when for almost 4 years you are the only two who actually believe that?
For the rest of this country,we are not.
It's frustrating,it drove me crazy to prove the opposite again and again,but no,until February we are both.And I will be happy to be done with that nonsense.

GoldenPenguin · January 2015

Does engaged = married in Greece? I mean, obviously, something is not coming across in translation. But if he proposed, and you said yes, regardless of if you have a ring - you're engaged.

Hi there!

Re: Hi there!

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