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Not Engaged Yet
TeraF17
member
To Ring or Not to Ring
Hello! I'm new to this board, as my SO has only recently expressed interest in wanting to get married soon. We are both in our last year of undergrad, and money is pretty tight. He has recently been saying "let's get married...in 6 months" and I keep asking if he's proposed or wants to start planning the wedding. I don't want to plan it until we are officially engaged, and he doesn't want to get engaged until he can afford a ring. That's our dilemma, since I keep telling him it shouldn't be about a ring, it should be about us being married and committing our lives to each other. I've been trying to come up with alternatives to getting an engagement ring now that he would be happy with (I've suggested using an emerald ring my grandmother gave me that she used to own or doing just wedding bands for now and purchasing a diamond ring later when we have more money) but he says he wants to be traditional. Any advice on what to do?
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Re: To Ring or Not to Ring
It's better not to have a deadline,especially if you're not financially stable.
If you want you can get engaged,and if you like a small diamond ring he can afford that's even
better.I chose mine to be small and love it.
Then think together how you want your weddings and how much it will cost.
How both your parents want to help with it,and where you are going to live/do to pay it.
It's better to wait to get what you truly want and enjoy than rush.Believe me.
If you are happy together that's all that matters.
He may be just stressed to give the best for you,and fulfill your dreams or start a family.
Talk with him about how you both see it happening and do give it a little space.
Good luck!
As far as the ring goes, ways to cut costs there are to use a different stone other than a diamond. If you still want the diamond look moissanite or white sapphire are good options. Look at other metal options if possible. If either of you had time for a part time job and you were planning on purchasing the store from a major retail chain, you could always try to get a part time job at one of the chains (assuming they still offer employee discounts to part time employees).
If your SO wants to be traditional, he's going to want to be traditional and it becomes more of a conversation about moving the timeline out. My honest advice is that you guys are young, graduate from college, get your careers started and work for about a year in those careers; possibly move in together (I think everybody should live on their own before living with a SO) and go from there. After you're out of college, depending on your career paths, the job market can be pretty tight and may be a little on the stressful side to find a job that you're comfortable with. I don't know how to say this very delicately so I'll probably be more blunt than I want to be: Right now you're in your undergrad - when you're in school you are in this little bubble that makes things easier before going out into the 'real world'. When you get out in the 'real world' there are other stresses that do start adding up and can change people and sometimes make people grow apart (no fault of their own, doesn't make anybody a bad person, it just sometimes happens). **Please note: I'm assuming you're in the traditional undergrad type program; either still living at home or on campus or in a college apartment.
Other options: How would he feel about you helping to pay for your ring (if you're able)? How would your SO feel about you proposing to him (and then later getting a ring)?
Also, I got engaged the summer after I graduated from college. I was 22 and DH was 25 at the time. And looking back on it now, I can tell you, I was YOUNG. It ended up working out fine. We had a two year long engagement, and when I said, "I do," at 24, I was ready to be married.
Though I will say, the amount of personal growth and maturity that I've experienced even since my wedding has been HUGE.
My point, I guess, is that while you CAN get engaged and married young, there really is no rush. I would really recommend getting to know yourself well, and getting to know life as a grownup well. And that takes time.
But better be safe than later sorry and disappointed.
It's better to talk to your parents to move in together and be just engaged,
than rushing,and not having them 100% by your side.
Timing does matter.And to me it matters twice to live together
before the I-dos.It's a challenging period and you have to be tested yourself
before a wedding.You will see what aspects of your personalities you will
have to accept and others you will have to talk about.
And standing on your own feet is also important.
In the end you will do what you want,no matter what we say.
Just considering the wedding subject,think of what you want and not
of what you ''just can afford now''.Because you are young,and a couple
of years is nothing,waiting and preparing to have it the way you wanted instead of regretting
for ever..