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How do you tell...

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Re: How do you tell...

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    The problem is that some people have commented on it, personally, like you all said I think dreaming is great.  From a psychological aspect though, I think it's more damaging than mere dreaming, and at points she goes through some serious bouts of depression about it.  I guess desperate is the wrong word, perhaps unhealthy is better.   She is pretty vocal about wanting to be in a relationship and get married, I wish that for her too, she's great. But between being so vocal and pinning, yes people are seeing and commenting especially since her pintrest account with linked with her FB.   

    But perhaps I do stay away from this one, it's just hard to see a good friend driving herself crazy by purposely seeking out things that make her depressed and then sharing it with a bunch of random people.    

    Maybe my problem is more with social media, I do think that for some it's harmful when you begin to obsess over what other people have or are doing, rather than being present in your own life. 

    Are you a psychologist? Are you HER psychologist? If not, it's still not for you to judge.
    It's not about judgment... That's why I admitted that "desperate" was a poor choice of word.  It's more about that I know that she is hurting on some level, and when you care about some one it's natural  to want to help them.  But, I agree with most of the posters this is probably something I need to let her work out on her own. 
    I mean "judge" in the sense of making a determination. You made a determination that what she's doing is harmful. That's not your decision to make. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt that if something is hurtful to her, she will stop.


    Uggh, I know I should and maybe that's my issue,  Have you just ever had that friend that you've known forever (we've known each other for 17 years) they keep doing stupid shit and making bad decisions then they come to you and ask why stupid/bad shit keeps happening to them?

     

    I guess I'm just feeling this way because she spent the weekend with me and my FI this weekend and it was just a weekend of self disparaging comments and how xyz said this to her or that or why she doesn't understand why so and so won't return texts or doesn't want to see her again, and I just wanted to tell her to stop disclosing so much shit so early on and to so many people.  All the while she is saying these things she's pinning wedding shit on pintrest and giving everyone on FB a blow by blow of her life...  But, yes you are right I guess ultimately it's my issue.  Ranting is over now... sorry.

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    The problem is that some people have commented on it, personally, like you all said I think dreaming is great.  From a psychological aspect though, I think it's more damaging than mere dreaming, and at points she goes through some serious bouts of depression about it.  I guess desperate is the wrong word, perhaps unhealthy is better.   She is pretty vocal about wanting to be in a relationship and get married, I wish that for her too, she's great. But between being so vocal and pinning, yes people are seeing and commenting especially since her pintrest account with linked with her FB.   

    But perhaps I do stay away from this one, it's just hard to see a good friend driving herself crazy by purposely seeking out things that make her depressed and then sharing it with a bunch of random people.    

    Maybe my problem is more with social media, I do think that for some it's harmful when you begin to obsess over what other people have or are doing, rather than being present in your own life. 

    Are you a psychologist? Are you HER psychologist? If not, it's still not for you to judge.
    It's not about judgment... That's why I admitted that "desperate" was a poor choice of word.  It's more about that I know that she is hurting on some level, and when you care about some one it's natural  to want to help them.  But, I agree with most of the posters this is probably something I need to let her work out on her own. 
    I mean "judge" in the sense of making a determination. You made a determination that what she's doing is harmful. That's not your decision to make. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt that if something is hurtful to her, she will stop.


    Uggh, I know I should and maybe that's my issue,  Have you just ever had that friend that you've known forever (we've known each other for 17 years) they keep doing stupid shit and making bad decisions then they come to you and ask why stupid/bad shit keeps happening to them?

     

    I guess I'm just feeling this way because she spent the weekend with me and my FI this weekend and it was just a weekend of self disparaging comments and how xyz said this to her or that or why she doesn't understand why so and so won't return texts or doesn't want to see her again, and I just wanted to tell her to stop disclosing so much shit so early on and to so many people.  All the while she is saying these things she's pinning wedding shit on pintrest and giving everyone on FB a blow by blow of her life...  But, yes you are right I guess ultimately it's my issue.  Ranting is over now... sorry.

    She spent all weekend with you and your FI and she's been single since the dawn of eternity?

    I'd be whining about everything as well. Why don't you tell her "Honey, you're telling these guys too much! Save a little mystery, make them want to find out things about you." I think, as a friend, and not a counselor/psychiatrist, that's a good statement to make.

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  • Uggh, I know I should and maybe that's my issue,  Have you just ever had that friend that you've known forever (we've known each other for 17 years) they keep doing stupid shit and making bad decisions then they come to you and ask why stupid/bad shit keeps happening to them?

     

    I guess I'm just feeling this way because she spent the weekend with me and my FI this weekend and it was just a weekend of self disparaging comments and how xyz said this to her or that or why she doesn't understand why so and so won't return texts or doesn't want to see her again, and I just wanted to tell her to stop disclosing so much shit so early on and to so many people.  All the while she is saying these things she's pinning wedding shit on pintrest and giving everyone on FB a blow by blow of her life...  But, yes you are right I guess ultimately it's my issue.  Ranting is over now... sorry.

    I have a friend like that. Perpetually single, doesn't want to be, rarely gets a first date let alone a second... but if I were to try to give her pointers on how I think she "should" be acting to change that, it would only be making her more like ME. She doesn't need to be like me; she needs to find a person who will like HER for exactly who she is. If someone has issues with the way your friend presents herself, that's THEIR problem, not hers. Just try to be there for her when she's feeling down, pump up her confidence, and encourage her to be just exactly who she is.

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  • Thanks everyone

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  • id let it go. its her pinterest. my family is noisy so i didnt pin anything i didnt want them to see. 
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  • She is an adult, she knows people can see what she puts up, she must be fine with it. I am sure everyone knows about her wedding aspirations anyway.

    If nothing is weird or suspiciously upsetting, what is the problem? People are talking? Who cares?

  • Pinners gonna pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.  Shake it off.
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  • Wait...do straight dudes actually give a shit if a woman has thought about her wedding prior to getting engaged/being in a relationship? Like, they actually get upset about that and won't date an otherwise totally awesome chick because of it? If so, straight dudes are fucking dumb.

    Though this has not been my experience with my straight dudes. And most of them want to get married more then my straight chicks want to. And have totally thought about their weddings and what they want/don't want at them. 
  • MagicInk said:

    Wait...do straight dudes actually give a shit if a woman has thought about her wedding prior to getting engaged/being in a relationship? Like, they actually get upset about that and won't date an otherwise totally awesome chick because of it? If so, straight dudes are fucking dumb.


    Though this has not been my experience with my straight dudes. And most of them want to get married more then my straight chicks want to. And have totally thought about their weddings and what they want/don't want at them. 
    No and most straight dudes probably assume all women do it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    If I had a dollar for every one of my friends that had a public wedding board on pinterest that weren't engaged, I'd be a rich lady.  That also includes me, I had a wedding board before I was engaged.  *gasp*
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  • Pinners gonna pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.  Shake it off.
    Didn't I hear you and TSwift were feuding? :D

    On-topic: Novella has some fantastic advice in her story. Definitely just be there for her if she asks. I dunno if you and your FI hang out as a couple with her often as opposed to "girl time", but if your FI is there more than maybe 1/3 of the time, maybe cut that back a little? I dunno, when my friends have SOs, it's nice to hang out with them as a pair, but it's not the same as hanging out with my friends without their SOs. There's a definite dynamic change there. I know you like spending time with FI, and with your friend, but sometimes your friend needs you and not FI - and just because you're a pair doesn't make you conjoined. 

    I am probably in the minority, but I honestly didn't think about my future wedding at all until FI started talking about us getting married in a more serious way (as opposed to offhand "when we're married this cheese will live in our fridge at all times" comments). Never looked at dresses, never looked at magazines, didn't have a wedding Pinterest board. I might be the minority, but it's not something I looked forward to. My cousin had a big fancy-shmancy wedding when I was a kid, and my mom helped my aunt do all the planning for it, and I remember wondering why in the world anyone would sign up for that amount of crap to do. 
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  • MagicInk said:
    larrygaga said:
    Wait...do straight dudes actually give a shit if a woman has thought about her wedding prior to getting engaged/being in a relationship? Like, they actually get upset about that and won't date an otherwise totally awesome chick because of it? If so, straight dudes are fucking dumb.

    Though this has not been my experience with my straight dudes. And most of them want to get married more then my straight chicks want to. And have totally thought about their weddings and what they want/don't want at them. 
    No and most straight dudes probably assume all women do it.
    See I knew it was the bullshit of romantic comedies and relationship books that tell women how to fix themselves to the be the perfect girl to land a guy.

    Just like the whole chasing someone threw a crowded airport thing. Yeah, try running through an airport with no luggage screaming someone's name all "Don't get on the plane", you'll win a TSA strip search.
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  • Ain't nobody gonna tell me the 16 secluded lakeside homes I've pinned are unrealistic.  'Cause I'm totally going to have an in house movie theater, bridal salon style walk in closet, sauna, and basement complete with a bar and fireplace too.  Oh, and I'll definitely have that rockin' bod I pinned to my exercise inspiration board, but I'll be eating that gourmet mac 'n cheese without a care.  Followed by Chocolate Kahlua cake, obviously while still maintaining previously mentioned glorious figure. 

    I don't think the pinterest thing is a big deal.  Now, if she's calling vendors, that's a different story. 





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  • If I had a dollar for every one of my friends that had a public wedding board on pinterest that weren't engaged, I'd be a rich lady.  That also includes me, I had a wedding board before I was engaged.  *gasp*
    If I knew about Pinterest prior to my wedding you can bet your ass I would have had a wedding board on my account.


  • Pinterest didn't exist before I was engaged. But I did have a bridal magazine or two laying around my house. And I might have gone to a bridal expo or two after getting free passes though no one I knew was getting married. What? Free. Cake.
  • If I had a dollar for every one of my friends that had a public wedding board on pinterest that weren't engaged, I'd be a rich lady.  That also includes me, I had a wedding board before I was engaged.  *gasp*
    And conversely, I still don't have one!  My venue manager just asked for the link to my pinterest board... is that weird?

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  • Pinners gonna pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.  Shake it off.
    Didn't I hear you and TSwift were feuding? :D

    On-topic: Novella has some fantastic advice in her story. Definitely just be there for her if she asks. I dunno if you and your FI hang out as a couple with her often as opposed to "girl time", but if your FI is there more than maybe 1/3 of the time, maybe cut that back a little? I dunno, when my friends have SOs, it's nice to hang out with them as a pair, but it's not the same as hanging out with my friends without their SOs. There's a definite dynamic change there. I know you like spending time with FI, and with your friend, but sometimes your friend needs you and not FI - and just because you're a pair doesn't make you conjoined. 

    I am probably in the minority, but I honestly didn't think about my future wedding at all until FI started talking about us getting married in a more serious way (as opposed to offhand "when we're married this cheese will live in our fridge at all times" comments). Never looked at dresses, never looked at magazines, didn't have a wedding Pinterest board. I might be the minority, but it's not something I looked forward to. My cousin had a big fancy-shmancy wedding when I was a kid, and my mom helped my aunt do all the planning for it, and I remember wondering why in the world anyone would sign up for that amount of crap to do. 
     
     
    **** Damn boxes
    Most of our time together is spent as girl time.  She just so happened to come stay the weekend with us, we live in different states.  I did make sure to take time out and do stuff just us two, too.  I do mostly listen and give advice only when it's specifically asked and just mostly try and be there for her.  I know it's just really hard right now, I know she is having a difficult time dealing with the fact that two of her closest friends are getting married this year, me and another one.  I think wedding is on her brain and she just really wants to be married...and everyone knows.  I don't think she realizes how many people have commented on how wedding obsessed she's become. 
     
    I perfectly well intend to keep my well meaning mouth shut though as the knotties have suggested.

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  • Pinners gonna pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.  Shake it off.
    Didn't I hear you and TSwift were feuding? :D

    Doesn't matter.. That damn song is catchy as hell.
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