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Registry and Gift Forum
dirtywordplay
member
Nontraditional Wedding
My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?
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Re: Nontraditional Wedding
(But you also don't include the info on wedding invitations either.)
No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.
But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.
Etiquette doesnt vary on this. Registry information is never included in any kind of wedding invitation.
Bridal showers are different. But since you are eloping, a bridal shower would be against etiquette anyway.
When you send a birthday invite, do you also send a list of gifts that you would like? I didnt think so.
It's never acceptable to include registry info on a wedding invitation, and this is doubly so if you eloped and are having a celebration of marriage party. They didn't get to see the event they're being asked to celebrate, so please keep the registry faaaar away from those party invitations.
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fka dallasbetch
??? @hellohkb Did you leave out the word NOT in the first sentence. As it stands, it's rather unlike you and doesn't fit with the rest of your comment.
The announcement should not have any party invitation on it. Separately and some time later, send out an invitation to your first entertaining as a married couple , a party for friends and family.
Do not put any registry info on this invitation. It is not a gift giving occasion, and it would look crass, like you expect gifts of anyone who answers. One never puts registry info on wedding invitations for the same reason.
Many close friends and family will want to give you gifts because they are happy for you at this milestone of life. They may call you or email, or put a note on a party invitation asking you if you registered any where. Only then do you say, yes we did and tell or send them registry info.
For a party on any other occasion, you would never approach someone and say, come to our great party, two weeks from Friday. And here is a list of presents I would like , so that it will be easy for you to get my gift. At least I hope you would not.
This kind of more formal entertaining may be new to you. But other people would think you very greedy if you did what you plan.
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
June 26, 1976
Anytown, Iowa
That is ALL! Send out party invitations separately. This will not be part of your wedding. You are eloping. You don't get a reception, and you shouldn't expect any gifts. Including a gift registry? Eeewwwww!!!!
There is nothing non-traditional about eloping. That is VERY traditional. Both my grandmothers did it. Many people couldn't afford big weddings in the old days - or now.
To be clear, your source for information really isn't a consensus about etiquette. It's from the president of a commercial registry site, so there you go. You will get a consensus about etiquette here.
I also read the site several times, and saw nothing that said it's acceptable to put registry information on the invitation. It says in fact do not include information on your announcement, but include it on your wedding web page.
"Couples that decide to have a reception after their elopement should not hesitate to not only set up a traditional registry, they can and should include it on their wedding page, feel free to send out announcements and be quite open about it."
Edited for spelling.
ETA: Quote
ETA - if I knew a couple IRL who eloped, and I searched their names to see if they set up a gift registry and found out that they actually did, my jaw would probably drop. And then I'd close the browser. And mail them a card sans gift.
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fka dallasbetch
Formerly martha1818
We eloped. We did not have a celebration afterwards, as that would have defeated the purpose of our elopement. We wanted it private for a reason.
We set up a registry after we returned to get the completion discount. There were very few items on it, no one knew about it, and no one ever asked. If someone had asked, I still would have not shared the information, as the items on the registry were items I would never expect anyone to purchase for us (furniture, mainly.)
My recommendation is to skip the registry or have one set up for your use only. If someone asks, do not share the registry information. Instead, respond with "Since we had a private wedding, we did not put together a registry." If someone still presses, respond with "Though we do not have a need for anything specific, we have been trying to save up for X."