Nontraditional Wedding

dirtywordplay

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

misshart00

I would leave it out. A lot of times, people don't buy a gift if it's just for the party.

(But you also don't include the info on wedding invitations either.)

KatWAG

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.

But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.

 

dirtywordplay

KatWAG said:

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.

But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.

 

I was unsure about that too, but I looked it up and found that the consensus seemed to be that if you're sending announcements and having a reception party, its acceptable to do so. That site also said to "include your registry information like you would with a typical wedding, on the invitation", so I guess the etiquette here varies some. 

Here's the site if you're curious. http://theplungeproject.com/wedding-registry-etiquette-for-couples-who-choose-to-elope

KatWAG

dirtywordplay said:

KatWAG said:

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.

But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.

 

I was unsure about that too, but I looked it up and found that the consensus seemed to be that if you're sending announcements and having a reception party, its acceptable to do so. That site also said to "include your registry information like you would with a typical wedding, on the invitation", so I guess the etiquette here varies some. 

Here's the site if you're curious. http://theplungeproject.com/wedding-registry-etiquette-for-couples-who-choose-to-elope

Etiquette doesnt vary on this. Registry information is never included in any kind of wedding invitation.

Bridal showers are different. But since you are eloping, a bridal shower would be against etiquette anyway.  

When you send a birthday invite, do you also send a list of gifts that you would like? I didnt think so.

mikenberger

So you eloped. Didn't invite the people that you're giving your gift registry to, essentially asking for gifts. 

annathy03

Don't include it in the announcements, you can verbally tell people where you're registered if they ask.  You wouldn't include that on the invitation for a traditional wedding either, stores will tell you differently because they only care about their profits and sales, not your guests.

I think it's OK to have a small registry for your own purchasing and for anyone who does ask, but just FYI unless Target has changed in the past few months they delete registries 3 months after your "event date" so it may not be the best in terms of tracking while you accumulate things for your home.

NYCMercedes

Please do not include a party invitation with your wedding announcement! They are two separate events. Send out your announcements promptly and then a few days later send your party invitations. The party is not a reception as that ship has sailed. It's a celebration and, of course, you wouldn't put any registry info on the invitation. It's fine to have a Target registry but let others can spread that info via word of mouth.

Viczaesar

dirtywordplay said:

KatWAG said:

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.

But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.

 

I was unsure about that too, but I looked it up and found that the consensus seemed to be that if you're sending announcements and having a reception party, its acceptable to do so. That site also said to "include your registry information like you would with a typical wedding, on the invitation", so I guess the etiquette here varies some. 

Here's the site if you're curious. http://theplungeproject.com/wedding-registry-etiquette-for-couples-who-choose-to-elope

No, they are absolutely wrong.  It is never, ever okay to mention anything about gifts in an invitation, with the sole exception of showers since the purpose of a shower is to shower somebody with gifts.  This is a gigantic etiquette no-no, meaning it's rude as hell.  It doesn't matter if the invitation is for a wedding or a celebration, it's not okay to include registry information on the invitation.

fwtx5815

dirtywordplay said:

KatWAG said:

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.

But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.

 

I was unsure about that too, but I looked it up and found that the consensus seemed to be that if you're sending announcements and having a reception party, its acceptable to do so. That site also said to "include your registry information like you would with a typical wedding, on the invitation", so I guess the etiquette here varies some. 

Here's the site if you're curious. http://theplungeproject.com/wedding-registry-etiquette-for-couples-who-choose-to-elope

It's never acceptable to include registry info on a wedding invitation, and this is doubly so if you eloped and are having a celebration of marriage party. They didn't get to see the event they're being asked to celebrate, so please keep the registry faaaar away from those party invitations.

hellohkb

I would not add registry information on your wedding announcements, if I were you. There are simply announcements, after all. I would then send a separate party invitation and also keep registry information off of there. If anyone asks, you can tell them where you registered. It will get around word of mouth and people will decide whether or not they want to get you something.

ETA: I forgot a rather key word there.

ohannabelle

Nope nope nope.

A wedding announcement should have absolutely nothing in it except for a wedding announcement.

If you include registry information, it's exactly like walking up to someone and saying, "Hi, did you know we got married? We'd like you to buy us a present."

If you wouldn't do it verbally and in person, don't do it in writing.

If you would do it verbally, yikes. 

NYCMercedes

hellohkb said:

I would add registry information on your wedding announcements- There are simply announcements, after all. I would then send a separate party invitation and also keep registry information off of there. If anyone asks, you can tell them where you registered. It will get around word of mouth and people will decide whether or not they want to get you something.

??? @hellohkb‌ Did you leave out the word NOT in the first sentence. As it stands, it's rather unlike you and doesn't fit with the rest of your comment.

southernbelle0915

It's inappropriate. You could find support for anything you want to do on the internet. Someone is bound to say "oh, sure. that's just fine! go ahead!" But it's against etiquette.

When you list registry information you're saying, "I expect gifts. Here's where you can buy me gifts." And in your situation, you'd be saying, "we didn't invite you to our wedding! but you can come to this party. AND I expect gifts. Here's where you can buy me gifts." If you don't want to come across like that, don't include registry information. Most people don't buy gifts for parties anyway - just for weddings.

WhatawagSBNy

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

---------
The announcement should not have any party invitation on it. Separately and some time later, send out an invitation to your first entertaining as a married couple , a party for friends and family.
Do not put any registry info on this invitation. It is not a gift giving occasion, and it would look crass, like you expect gifts of anyone who answers. One never puts registry info on wedding invitations for the same reason.

Many close friends and family will want to give you gifts because they are happy for you at this milestone of life. They may call you or email, or put a note on a party invitation asking you if you registered any where. Only then do you say, yes we did and tell or send them registry info.

For a party on any other occasion, you would never approach someone and say, come to our great party, two weeks from Friday. And here is a list of presents I would like , so that it will be easy for you to get my gift. At least I hope you would not.

This kind of more formal entertaining may be new to you. But other people would think you very greedy if you did what you plan.

hellohkb

NYCMercedes said:

hellohkb said:

I would add registry information on your wedding announcements- There are simply announcements, after all. I would then send a separate party invitation and also keep registry information off of there. If anyone asks, you can tell them where you registered. It will get around word of mouth and people will decide whether or not they want to get you something.

??? @hellohkb‌ Did you leave out the word NOT in the first sentence. As it stands, it's rather unlike you and doesn't fit with the rest of your comment.

@NYCMercedes OH MY GOD hahahaha yes I meant NOT. Thank you for catching that typo!

CMGragain

This is the proper wording for your marriage announcement.  They should not be mailed until after your ceremony.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
June 26, 1976
Anytown, Iowa

That is ALL!  Send out party invitations separately.  This will not be part of your wedding.  You are eloping.  You don't get a reception, and you shouldn't expect any gifts.  Including a gift registry?  Eeewwwww!!!!
There is nothing non-traditional about eloping.  That is VERY traditional.  Both my grandmothers did it.  Many people couldn't afford big weddings in the old days - or now.

dirtywordplay

Thank you all for the replies. I didn't know that the announcement and invite to the celebration in April should be separate. For the record, I was never intending to put registry info on all the cards. I was just thinking of including it in the ones going to people who would be likely to be asked about the registry. It would be a separate note in the envelope that says "grandma, in case anyone asks you about registry info, we have one set up at target, just search our names. love you". It would not be on all the cards. 

KatWAG

dirtywordplay said:

Thank you all for the replies. I didn't know that the announcement and invite to the celebration in April should be separate. For the record, I was never intending to put registry info on all the cards. I was just thinking of including it in the ones going to people who would be likely to be asked about the registry. It would be a separate note in the envelope that says "grandma, in case anyone asks you about registry info, we have one set up at target, just search our names. love you". It would not be on all the cards. 

The bolded sounds gift grabby and rude. Dont include it in any cards.

southernbelle0915

dirtywordplay said:

Thank you all for the replies. I didn't know that the announcement and invite to the celebration in April should be separate. For the record, I was never intending to put registry info on all the cards. I was just thinking of including it in the ones going to people who would be likely to be asked about the registry. It would be a separate note in the envelope that says "grandma, in case anyone asks you about registry info, we have one set up at target, just search our names. love you". It would not be on all the cards. 

Nope. Let grandma call you and ask about it. 

Blue_Bird

dirtywordplay said:

KatWAG said:

dirtywordplay said:

My fi and I are eloping next month. We're sending out "just married" announcements that family will get the day of or the day after the wedding. The announcements also have a "rsvp by (date) for celebration party in april" on them. We created a registry in case people ask, and also so that we can work on getting things we want/need for the apartment after the wedding. We don't have a wedding website or anything like that, just a Target registry. My family is out of state, so I will be including a map of our city and a list of local hotels in their announcements as well. Would it be appropriate to include registry info in a couple of the announcements? I wouldn't put it in all of them, but maybe in my grandma's and his mom's because those are the people likely to be asked for information? Or should I just leave it out until someone asks me for the info and be the one to give all the info out?

No you should not include registry information in any of your announcements. Its tacky, and would come off very gift grabby.

But I dont think you should be registering at all since you are eloping.

 

I was unsure about that too, but I looked it up and found that the consensus seemed to be that if you're sending announcements and having a reception party, its acceptable to do so. That site also said to "include your registry information like you would with a typical wedding, on the invitation", so I guess the etiquette here varies some. 

Here's the site if you're curious. http://theplungeproject.com/wedding-registry-etiquette-for-couples-who-choose-to-elope

To be clear, your source for information really isn't a consensus about etiquette. It's from the president of a commercial registry site, so there you go. You will get a consensus about etiquette here.

I also read the site several times, and saw nothing that said it's acceptable to put registry information on the invitation. It says in fact do not include information on your announcement, but include it on your wedding web page.

"Couples that decide to have a reception after their elopement should not hesitate to not only set up a traditional registry, they can and should include it on their wedding page, feel free to send out announcements and be quite open about it."

Edited for spelling.

ETA: Quote

AddieCake

I think it is weird that you are going to register since you eloped.

climbingsingle

AddieCake said:

I think it is weird that you are going to register since you eloped.

I was just going to post this. I would side eye the crap out of a couple for doing this.

fwtx5815

climbingwife said:

AddieCake said:

I think it is weird that you are going to register since you eloped.

I was just going to post this. I would side eye the crap out of a couple for doing this.

I third this sentiment.

ETA - if I knew a couple IRL who eloped, and I searched their names to see if they set up a gift registry and found out that they actually did, my jaw would probably drop. And then I'd close the browser. And mail them a card sans gift.

lovegood90

AddieCake said:

I think it is weird that you are going to register since you eloped.

Agreed. It's super inappropriate, IMO. If you wanted to get wedding gifts, you should have invited people to witness your wedding. That ship has sailed.

LondonLisa

Ditto PP- your party is not a gift giving event. That is what happens when you elope. I would find any registry tacky and rude. If someone wants to give you a gift, they are welcome to, but a registry for an elopment is gift-grabby, even if you don't advertise it. 

Jells2dot0

We eloped. We did not have a celebration afterwards, as that would have defeated the purpose of our elopement. We wanted it private for a reason.

We set up a registry after we returned to get the completion discount. There were very few items on it, no one knew about it, and no one ever asked. If someone had asked, I still would have not shared the information, as the items on the registry were items I would never expect anyone to purchase for us (furniture, mainly.)

My recommendation is to skip the registry or have one set up for your use only. If someone asks, do not share the registry information. Instead, respond with "Since we had a private wedding, we did not put together a registry." If someone still presses, respond with "Though we do not have a need for anything specific, we have been trying to save up for X."