Inviting to ceremony and not reception? HELP!

Re: Inviting to ceremony and not reception? HELP!

• ChemFanatic25 member

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Okay, I have read so many different things on this topic but hear me out before you freak out of me and say "NO! SO RUDE!"
  My fiance and I are having a wedding at a resort we both worked at (and this place is the reason we got together in the first place!) and it's also in the town we both grew up in, so it really has a lot of meaning to us. The ceremony spot can hold up to 200 people, while the place we are going to have our reception is only 85 max. ( there is another place for a reception there but it would cost more than double to rent that space, not to mention the extra cost of per person for food).
  At first we thought it would be no problem sticking to the 85 number, but as the days go by, our list gets longer and longer. We both have decent sized families so that takes up most of the 85, leaving no room for anyone else.
  I would like everyone's honest (and respectful) opinion on the situation of inviting people to the ceremony and not to the reception.
  It has NOTHING to do with me wanting more presents and not wanting to pay for everyone; in fact, if someone is only invited to the ceremony, I wouldn't even expect them to bring us a present anyways. We are trying to stick to a tight budget, while still making this day the day of our dreams.
  The type of people that would be invited to just the ceremony are the older people in our families; the ones that wouldn't really want to hang around until 10 at night and dance and party anyways...
  If we do go through with this decision, how should it be worded on the invitations?
  

  Whoever is invited to the ceremony should be invited to the wedding. Find a different venue for the reception. If you don't want to, try you hardest to cut the guest list down to 85 people. Even though you don't want gifts and you want people to be present for your special day, it can still come off as gift-grabby and rude.
  

  

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• allispain member

  

  January 2015

  I've read through your whole post, OP, and I'm still going to say that doing what you suggest would be very rude. The fact that you both come from large families does not justify being rude. The fact that this particular venue has sentimental value to you does not justify being rude either.

  
  

  There are so many ways to cut costs and still be a good host - this is not one of them. I highly suggest you hit the budget board to see what suggestions people have about ways to have a lovely wedding on a budget without being rude to your guests.

  
  

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• landa10315 member

  

  January 2015

  Still rude. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. Either budget for more people at the reception, or keep your guest list at 85.

  

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• Fran1985 member

  

  January 2015

  You can't do this. You need to pick a different venue or cut the guest list to less than 85. It would be incredibly, incredibly rude.

  
  
  

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• flantastic member

  

  January 2015

  There's no way to go about this that isn't rude - sorry. Your guest list is your guest list for both events, because the point of the reception is to thank guests for making the time to be present for your ceremony. You can't ask some people to come witness your ceremony and not thank them - no mitigating circumstances change this.

  
  

  If you do not have the budget to expand your guest list past 85, you have to cut some people from the list. It's okay if not all the family gets invited. (Believe me, my parents between them have 14 siblings.) You can also change to a cheaper reception venue and add more people.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2015

  My honest opinion...if you do what you are planning you are going to be seen as incredibly rude.

  
  

  So either cut your guest list down to 85 or find another venue to hold your reception.

  
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2015

  You're not special. Your situation is not different. This is rude. There is no way to sprinkle glitter on a shitty idea and make it look pretty. 

  
  

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• levioosa member

  

  January 2015

  Unfortunately your situation is still the same and what you wish to do is incredibly rude.  You need to either prune down your guest list, or pony up the extra money to host everyone properly. 
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2015

  If your venue allows for only 85 people (and I assume this includes you, you FI, your families, bridal party, and vendors as well as your guests), then you cannot invite more than the number of people who will bring the total people in the venue to 85. So your choices are to cut your guest list back to that number or to find a venue that can hold all the people you want there. Inviting guests only to the ceremony but not the reception is not one of them.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  January 2015

  A wedding is one, single event. There's the ceremony piece of that event and the reception piece, but it is one event - "the wedding". This idea is incredibly rude. Like every other bride, you'll just have to make hard choices on what you can afford without giving any guests the middle finger.

  
  

  Think about it this way, would you consider inviting people over to your house to hang out and then saying to some of them, "OK, it's time for you to leave now, I'm going to be serving dinner and hosting a party for these other people but not you." I'm assuming you are not rude enough to do that. The wedding is no different. 

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• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2015

  Agree with all the others.  You either need to cut your guest list or find a different reception venue.  No special circumstances here (and I really can't imagine that scenario exists anyway).

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• alpacalunch member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  It couldn't have come as a huge surprise that your family invites would be a large number. Plan appropriately. 

  
  

  Find another spot for your reception, or prune the guestlist. Don't be rude.

  
  

  Edit: Spelling is hard.

  

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• squiggle104 member

  

  January 2015

  Like I said, no need for the rude comments, I'm not trying to "Sprinkle glitter" on it and I don't think I'm special what so ever, I actually think I'm quite the opposite... I'm asking for a simple opinion, if you can't just give it to me, you can take your rude opinions elsewhere @ShesSoCold...and with an inability to read instructions (ie, the fact I didn't want anyone to be rude) and with an attitude like that, I would suggest you invite no one to your ceremony NOR your reception...and if you're already married...those poor poor people...
  Everyone else, thank you for your respectful opinions, we are going to have to do some figuring out I guess! : )
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Like I said, no need for the rude comments, I'm not trying to "Sprinkle glitter" on it and I don't think I'm special what so ever, I actually think I'm quite the opposite... I'm asking for a simple opinion, if you can't just give it to me, you can take your rude opinions elsewhere @ShesSoCold...and with an inability to read instructions (ie, the fact I didn't want anyone to be rude) and with an attitude like that, I would suggest you invite no one to your ceremony NOR your reception...and if you're already married...those poor poor people...
  Everyone else, thank you for your respectful opinions, we are going to have to do some figuring out I guess! : )
  

  
  

  
  

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• squiggle104 member

  

  January 2015

  Case and point
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2015

  @shellc, this is not "opinion." It is not polite to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.

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• amelisha member

  

  January 2015

  That's "case in point" ("an illustrative, relevant, or pertinent case".)

  
  

  Nobody is being rude to you by telling you your idea is rude. Sorry.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Like I said, no need for the rude comments, I'm not trying to "Sprinkle glitter" on it and I don't think I'm special what so ever, I actually think I'm quite the opposite... I'm asking for a simple opinion, if you can't just give it to me, you can take your rude opinions elsewhere @ShesSoCold...and with an inability to read instructions (ie, the fact I didn't want anyone to be rude) and with an attitude like that, I would suggest you invite no one to your ceremony NOR your reception...and if you're already married...those poor poor people...
  Everyone else, thank you for your respectful opinions, we are going to have to do some figuring out I guess! : )
  

  You asked us to "hear you out" before we commented and then you listed off reasons why you think this may be okay. I did do exactly that. I read you post and most of it was irrelevant and to me, implied that you believe your situation is different and special. Therefore I responded accordingly. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it's rude. Blunt, yes. Rude, not so much. 

  
  

  I invited everyone to both my ceremony and reception and the entire wedding was completely within good etiquette. But nice try. 

  
  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  January 2015

  I'm sorry, but your situation is not an excuse to be rude to people. No one is making you choose the venues that you chose. You chose a reception venue that will only hold 85 people, and if you insist on keeping it then 85 is the max # of people you're allowed to invite to the ceremony AND reception.

  I have yet to hear of a valid excuse for inviting someone to the ceremony and not the reception. The reception is meant to thank your guests for attending the ceremony. To not invite someone to the reception is just non-negotiable unless you don't care that you're being extremely rude and will potentially damage relationships with these people.

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• flutteringinfl member

  

  January 2015

  OP, I'm curious, what response would you consider not rude? I'm genuinely asking, if you were someone reading your post, and you determined this was a rude thing, what response would you decide was a way to communicate that without being "rude?"

  
  

  I get the feeling that you consider anyone telling you you're not the exception and that it is rude to do what you're planning to be rude, but I'm wondering.

  

  
  

  
  

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• Dreamergirl8812 member

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Like I said, no need for the rude comments, I'm not trying to "Sprinkle glitter" on it and I don't think I'm special what so ever, I actually think I'm quite the opposite... I'm asking for a simple opinion, if you can't just give it to me, you can take your rude opinions elsewhere @ShesSoCold...and with an inability to read instructions (ie, the fact I didn't want anyone to be rude) and with an attitude like that, I would suggest you invite no one to your ceremony NOR your reception...and if you're already married...those poor poor people...
  Everyone else, thank you for your respectful opinions, we are going to have to do some figuring out I guess! : )
  

  You don't want us to be rude to you and we don't want you to be rude to the most important people in your life. Apparently we can't all get what we want.
  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  

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• squiggle104 member

  

  January 2015

  Okay well thanks anyway, I guess I'm not going to be turning to any of these boards with any questions I have about planning my wedding...This was my first post on here and I am just getting attacked, being told opinions aren't opinions when they actually are and being told I'm not special, and whatever else was said, when I specifically said I just wanted some input and nothing rude.
  
  

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• lovegood90 member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Okay well thanks anyway, I guess I'm not going to be turning to any of these boards with any questions I have about planning my wedding...This was my first post on here and I am just getting attacked, being told opinions aren't opinions when they actually are and being told I'm not special, and whatever else was said, when I specifically said I just wanted some input and nothing rude.
  
  

  Oh my goodness, here we go again. Just because we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear doesn't make us rude. If you can't handle getting truthful, albeit blunt, advice, then yes maybe these boards aren't for you.
  

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• flutteringinfl member

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Okay well thanks anyway, I guess I'm not going to be turning to any of these boards with any questions I have about planning my wedding...This was my first post on here and I am just getting attacked, being told opinions aren't opinions when they actually are and being told I'm not special, and whatever else was said, when I specifically said I just wanted some input and nothing rude.
  
  

  Etiquette is not a matter of opinion. It is a social code. If you don't want to abide by that code, fine, you can do what you wish. But if you come on an etiquette board and ask if breaking etiquette is okay, then people are going to tell you no. I am amazed how many people come on this board and ask that.

  
  

  So, here's the truth: You can do what you want. We aren't the police. We won't stop you. But if you want to abide by proper etiquette, then no, you can't invite people to the ceremony and not the reception.

  
  

  And you never answered my question.

  

  
  

  
  

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• squiggle104 member

  

  January 2015

  Saying I'm not special and calling my idea "Shitty" isn't rude? Really?
  

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• mikenberger member

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Okay well thanks anyway, I guess I'm not going to be turning to any of these boards with any questions I have about planning my wedding...This was my first post on here and I am just getting attacked, being told opinions aren't opinions when they actually are and being told I'm not special, and whatever else was said, when I specifically said I just wanted some input and nothing rude.
  
  

  It's clear that the internet is not for you. 

  
  

  You cannot tell people how to behave and how to post and expect something good out of it. "Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up faster." You got some great advice, it's up to you to pick and choose what you want to pull from it. If it's just "YOU'RE ALL MEAN NASTY OLD HAGS!" then I suggest you go find a place that will pat you on your head and tell you it's perfectly okay to do whatever you want because it's YOUR day.

  
  

  
  

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• flutteringinfl member

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  Saying I'm not special and calling my idea "Shitty" isn't rude? Really?
  

  You aren't special though. Just because you don't like to hear it doesn't make it rude. Saying it's a shitty idea is blunt, and maybe some would consider it rude, but the ladies on here are tired of people coming on with the same bad ideas and having to say over and over that the bad ideas are bad no matter what the situation. Just because you really like the venue doesn't make it okay to only invite people to half the wedding.

  

  
  

  
  

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• squiggle104 member

  

  January 2015

  I actually thanked everyone else for the input except for the one person who was actually really being rude when I said I didn't want any rude input!
  

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• squiggle104 member

  

  January 2015

  If you're so tired of saying over and over that it's a bad idea, how about you don't even read them and reply?
  

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• flutteringinfl member

  

  January 2015

  shellc104 said:

  I actually thanked everyone else for the input except for the one person who was actually really being rude when I said I didn't want any rude input!
  

  Well that's fair of you to point out how your post was misinterpreted, but you can't expect to come on a board and dictate how people reply to you. That's not how the internet works. That's not how much of anything works. If you're not prepared for responses that are in accordance with the culture of the community, then don't ask that community questions.

  

  
  

  
  

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