Snarky brides...tell me if this is a bad idea

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

We are getting married at an inn that has nice gardens. It will be in the spring time and if weather is good, outside.

We are thinking about taking a half hour break between the ceremony and reception. During this time we would have a brief photo session (still debating about doing a first look to get in more pictures...I think we'd be okay with mostly candid shots but posed pictures may also be nice. Anyway that's besides the point). I also thought We could use the break to go back to our room and use the restroom and freshen up.
I'm not sure if we really need a cocktail hour. Especially since it's a daytime wedding. I was thinking we would have a sign (or put it on the program) that says reception starts in half and hour and suggests they explore the grounds and gardens in the meantime.

I worry that some ppl aren't going to want to and then just sit in the reception area for half an hour and get grumpy.

Do you think a 30 min break with no cocktail hour will be fine? As a guest, would you get annoyed? Or would you be grateful for the opportunity to roam about the venue (which is very nice).

LondonLisa · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

We are getting married at an inn that has nice gardens. It will be in the spring time and if weather is good, outside. We are thinking about taking a half hour break between the ceremony and reception. During this time we would have a brief photo session (still debating about doing a first look to get in more pictures...I think we'd be okay with mostly candid shots but posed pictures may also be nice. Anyway that's besides the point). I also thought We could use the break to go back to our room and use the restroom and freshen up. I'm not sure if we really need a cocktail hour. Especially since it's a daytime wedding. I was thinking we would have a sign (or put it on the program) that says reception starts in half and hour and suggests they explore the grounds and gardens in the meantime. I worry that some ppl aren't going to want to and then just sit in the reception area for half an hour and get grumpy. Do you think a 30 min break with no cocktail hour will be fine? As a guest, would you get annoyed? Or would you be grateful for the opportunity to roam about the venue (which is very nice).

A gap of any length is rude. You don't have to have a full "cocktail hour" but you do have to host some refreshments during that gap. I don't want to explore a garden in nice heels and a dress. Why not just put out some seats and trays of fruit, cheese, baguettes and punch. Then the people that want to sit and chat and others can walk around the garden. Also, what is your plan if it rains?

Plus, I would be willing to bet that this would last longer than 30 minutes. Photos, plus going back to the hotel room, plus refreshing makeup I would guess woudl take around 45 minutes. Manoeuvering in a wedding gown takes a lot longer than you would expect.

AddieCake · January 2015

Just because it is daytime doesn't mean you don't need to host refreshments during your gap. Our "cocktail" (mimosas) hour was at 11:00 a.m.

charlottesmom0626 · January 2015

Yeah if it was any sort of sunny/hot I wouldn't like to be stuck outside without refreshments and told to just walk around in my nice clothes. I'd probably stand there with a bitchy face on.

mikenberger · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

We are getting married at an inn that has nice gardens. It will be in the spring time and if weather is good, outside. We are thinking about taking a half hour break between the ceremony and reception. During this time we would have a brief photo session (still debating about doing a first look to get in more pictures...I think we'd be okay with mostly candid shots but posed pictures may also be nice. Anyway that's besides the point). I also thought We could use the break to go back to our room and use the restroom and freshen up. I'm not sure if we really need a cocktail hour. Especially since it's a daytime wedding. I was thinking we would have a sign (or put it on the program) that says reception starts in half and hour and suggests they explore the grounds and gardens in the meantime. I worry that some ppl aren't going to want to and then just sit in the reception area for half an hour and get grumpy. Do you think a 30 min break with no cocktail hour will be fine? As a guest, would you get annoyed? Or would you be grateful for the opportunity to roam about the venue (which is very nice).

So what am I supposed to do for 30mins? Stand around and stew? Nope. I'd leave. You need to host your guests, even if it's as short of a gap as 5mins. It can be as simple as "Here's a beverage and a snack and a chair. Enjoy!" Play some nice music, encourage the wandering of the grounds...

But you need to host your guests 100% of the time.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

Okay. Well my dress is pretty simple (sheath gown with no train). And it's not a black tie wedding...not completely casual but definitely not formal.

I think weather is usually in the 70s. We're getting married in late April.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

The thing about the refreshments is that cheese, crackers, and fruit doesn't match the reception food at all. We're having a big buffet of Persian food.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

So we could serve drinks...but idk about any food. They'll be eating a lot for lunch and I wouldn't want anyone to spoil their appetite...plus it's hard to think of the kinds of snacks to serve. I mean, we could put out pita or naan and all kinds of dips?

esstee33 · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:
So we could serve drinks...but idk about any food. They'll be eating a lot for lunch and I wouldn't want anyone to spoil their appetite...plus it's hard to think of the kinds of snacks to serve. I mean, we could put out pita or naan and all kinds of dips?

Or you could just do the polite thing and not have an unnecessary gap at all. Problem solved!

LondonLisa · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

So we could serve drinks...but idk about any food. They'll be eating a lot for lunch and I wouldn't want anyone to spoil their appetite...plus it's hard to think of the kinds of snacks to serve. I mean, we could put out pita or naan and all kinds of dips?

They are adults- you don't need to worry about their appetites being spoilt. Pitta, naan, dips, olives, figs, nuts and drinks is perfect. Make sure you have some chairs as well and your guests will be fine. Think about a dinner party. When people arrive, you give them a drink and have put out some nibbles before everyone sits down to the main meal. You don't just force them stand out in your garden for 30 minutes.

Also, just because it is usually sunny in April doesn't mean it always is. It can very easily rain too. Make sure you have a rain plan.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

We do have a rain plan. that's why i said we hope it's outside. i guess if there is rain, the whole explore the garden thing wouldn't work anyway and ppl would just be hanging out.

lovegood90 · January 2015

Yes, this is a rude idea. Any "breaks" between the ceremony and reception should be no more than an hour (cocktail hour) and need to be hosted with beverages and food.

mikenberger · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

We do have a rain plan. that's why i said we hope it's outside. i guess if there is rain, the whole explore the garden thing wouldn't work anyway and ppl would just be hanging out.

"Hanging out" is not something you do at a wedding. That's something saved for Friday Nights with friends. Finger foods are fine. Just something to keep people busy and not standing around staring at each other.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

i know. that's why i said it wouldn't work....

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

follow-up question. Say we don't have a gap, but we, the bride and groom, don't arrive immediately. ceremony ends, we do the receiving line, and the guests head straight to the reception (which is about a 5 min walk on a stone path). my husband and i run up to our rooms to pee and freshen up. (I promise you i'm going to need a bathroom break - i drink so much water). so we get to the reception 15 mins after the guests. will that be okay?

LondonLisa · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

follow-up question. Say we don't have a gap, but we, the bride and groom, don't arrive immediately. ceremony ends, we do the receiving line, and the guests head straight to the reception (which is about a 5 min walk on a stone path). my husband and i run up to our rooms to pee and freshen up. (I promise you i'm going to need a bathroom break - i drink so much water). so we get to the reception 15 mins after the guests. will that be okay?

As long as the refreshments and reception starts as soon as your guests arrive, it should be fine. People will need to find their seats etc. But do not be longer than 15 minutes.

However, I really think you are making this more complicated than it needs to be. It is going to take you 5 minutes to walk up to your hotel and another 5 back down again. WC/freshining up breaks will take 10 minutes at a minimum. Inevitably you will want a photo or 1 person will catch you to chat, that is another 5. Then you are looking at 25 minutes. Just have an inexpensive tray out of snacks and non-alcoholic drinks and give yourself the 30 minutes to actually catch you breath

Maggie0829 · January 2015

What everyone else has posted is exactly spot on.

Also, your apps do not need to coordinate with the meal you are providing. I would much rather have some cheese and crackers and fruit to munch on for 30 minutes then nothing because those chosen apps don't coordinate with your meal plans. I mean, think about how ridiculous that sounds.

AlexisA01 · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:
The thing about the refreshments is that cheese, crackers, and fruit doesn't match the reception food at all. We're having a big buffet of Persian food.

Are you Persian as well?
I think if you have an array of dried fruits, flavored water, and other persian delicacies you will be fine.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

No we are not Persian but we love the food.

MandyMost · January 2015

The key is that something needs to start as soon as the first guest arrives at the reception location. Since you're doing all one location, something needs to start as soon as the first guest leaves their ceremony seat and exits the ceremony area.

If this is the reception, that's fine. Your guests can pick up their escort card and get seated at their table...but either food needs to start being served almost immediately, or any introductions you're planning needs to happen almost immediately. And it sounds like you don't want to go immediately from ceremony to reception, so that plan won't work. Also, people generally like to chat, and it's hard to heard people from the ceremony directly into the reception without giving them a chance to chat. This will throw off your timelines if you do try it.

If it's a cocktail "hour" that's fine, too. Have 30-60 minutes of some snacks and drinks for your guests, before they're expected to take their seat at the reception. The guests can chat with each other, and you can take your time going to the bathroom and freshening up, and if you want to take any photos you can. Also, you can totally join your cocktail hour as soon as you're done. I'd suggest having a 60-minute cocktail hour, and you join as soon as you can, even if it's 10 minutes in. Have fun and mingle with your guests!

wrigleyville · January 2015

I would not judge cheese, fruit, and veggie trays no matter what you had for dinner.

I would judge not having refreshments available while you're freshening up and taking pictures.

Some people will not be hungry, but others will. I have to eat a small meal every two hours to keep my blood sugar levels consistent. Eating a couple pieces of cheese and an apple slice would not spoil my appetite; it would keep me from getting very, very "hangry".

Adults know better than to fill up on snacks before dinner. Appetizers are mostly to tide people over, and every adult knows that. I wouldn't worry about that at all. I'd worry more about my guests being fed and happy.

jacques27 · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

The thing about the refreshments is that cheese, crackers, and fruit doesn't match the reception food at all. We're having a big buffet of Persian food.

What? Persians don't eat fruit? Or cheese?

Guests don't care if the foods "don't match". They just care that it tastes good, there is plenty of it, and they are properly hosted at all times.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

yes they do eat those two items. what i mean is that cheese, fruit, and crackers as appetizers is a french/english thing. persians don't serve that for appetizers, but they probably serve their own variant of it (a carb with something to flavor it).

ChemFanatic25 · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

yes they do eat those two items. what i mean is that cheese, fruit, and crackers as appetizers is a french/english thing. persians don't serve that for appetizers, but they probably serve their own variant of it (a carb with something to flavor it).

Just set out a couple of platters of persian appetizers. Really simple, not complicated at all. That way if you do end up running behind schedule (and let's face it - what schedule doesn't run without a couple of kinks?) your guests will have a light snack before the meal. Plus it gives you time to not have to feel rushed.

Is the cost of putting out appetizers concerning you? I'm sure if you go to a local store like wegman's you could find some things to throw some platters together without putting too much of a dent in your budget.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

A break of up to an hour is perfectly fine....but you have to host it. Whatever length of time you choose - 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour...you just have to provide snacks and drinks (non-alcoholic is fine if you're having a dry wedding).

Your food doesn't have to "match". Cheese/crackers and fruit is fine even if you're having Persian food.

I would probably do 30 minutes and just have a little display set up at the back of the ceremony of cheese/crackers and fruit. You could have a little sign that lets people know drinks/the bar is inside (or wherever it is) and that the reception will start in X location at X o'clock. It wouldn't hurt to have the officiant make an announcement about this and/or to have it in your programs so that people know what's going on.

LadyMillil · January 2015

We did a receiving line while the venue staff changed the ballroom from ceremony to dinner seating. It was 15-20 minutes. We had punch but no snacks because the "gap" was a last minute change due to weather. I had a small clutch that my mom kept with her purse during the ceremony. As people started to enter the ballroom and find their seats I ducked into the bathroom to freshen up and stuff. I had a big ballgown and was done and ready for the "grand entrance" before everyone was seated.

slothiegal · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

yes they do eat those two items. what i mean is that cheese, fruit, and crackers as appetizers is a french/english thing. persians don't serve that for appetizers, but they probably serve their own variant of it (a carb with something to flavor it).

I think someone else said it above, but as a guest, I wouldn't really care about the appetizers not being Persian....cheese and crackers are generally a crowd pleaser no matter what.

Off topic, I suppose, but I know you mentioned you two aren't actually Persian, just enjoy the food--are your guests also of the same mind? (I ask because I honestly don't even know what constitutes as Persian food....however, I know there were some guests at my own wedding who would've been SOL because they are damn picky eaters. Obviously you can't cater to every individual's taste, but I just don't know enough about the food to know if it would be pleasing to a large group who is not accoustmed to it.)

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

I'm the pickiest eater I know and I love what I consider persian food. It's a mix of Mediterranean, middle eastern, and maybe some Indian (I realize I may not be accurately describing Persia, I just felt it would be easier to say persian food than to break it down). But think kabobs and pita and baklava foods like that.

I have never met someone who can't find something they like in this cuisine.

ChemFanatic25 · January 2015

Knottie57426687 said:

I'm the pickiest eater I know and I love what I consider persian food. It's a mix of Mediterranean, middle eastern, and maybe some Indian (I realize I may not be accurately describing Persia, I just felt it would be easier to say persian food than to break it down). But think kabobs and pita and baklava foods like that.
I have never met someone who can't find something they like in this cuisine.

Meh, I already know someone who would not like any of that food but hey, you can't satisfy everyone. I personally would be thrilled with that menu because you don't see that too often at weddings or any other events for that matter. I do suggest making sure you offer a vegitarian dish alongside the other dishes as well. That shouldn't be too difficult with this type of cuisine.

Knottie57426687 · January 2015

Well it's a buffet so there will be a ton of food options. I mean, we'll have rice, pretty much anyone will eat that. And things like grilled veggies and fruit...basic foods that I think most adults would be fine with.

kristenone · January 2015

Just so you know, Persian cuisine does have a lot of fruit and nuts. If you wanted to carry the theme into your short cocktail hour, you can serve some of the fruits and nuts they grow in Iran.

Snarky brides...tell me if this is a bad idea

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