Do I have to invite my racist uncle?

LisBalis47 · January 2015

I'm in a bit of a conundrum. I have an uncle whom – to put it nicely – I absolutely cannot stand. To me he's a bigoted, racist drunk; to others he's a generous and harmless loudmouth who pays certain family members' way through life (cars, college, etc).

I absolutely do not want this man at my wedding. I had enough of his racist rants over the holidays to last a lifetime, and I don't want him spouting off or offending any of my guests who are all kind, wonderful people of all walks of life. But since so many members of my family just adore him and are very close with him, I expect some significant blowback of the "How could you not invite him?! Why isn't he here?! What kind of niece are you?" variety, and I also expect some of that burden of fall on my parents as well.

So should I just say eff it and forget him? I think I should. I guess my real question then is, how do I explain to the family that I'm not inviting my uncle because he's the absolute worst?

lyndausvi · January 2015

Actions have consequences. Even good actions. Only you can decide if he consequences are worth it or not.

I consider not inviting your uncle as a good action. No one should have to deal with a racist.

However, that doesn't mean you will not have to face the consequences of having to explain to your family why. Sure it sucks when people question things like that, your wedding, you get to make the invite list. Reality it they will ask and wonder. Especially if he is generally around family functions.

It sucks being an adult. But own your choice. Tell them the truth if you must, don't let them try to guilt you. The subject is closed.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I'm not inviting an aunt. I just don't like her, barely know her, won't invite her. I know there will be blowback from some members of the family. I don't give a shit.

Why wasn't Aunt L invited?

L hasn't been invited because she hasn't been my aunt in 25 years.

But she's Blood!

That doesn't make her family. But this bean dip sure is delicious.

MairePoppy · January 2015

If you're paying for your own wedding, you don't have to justify your decision to anyone. If you choose to make an explanation to your parents (for instance) be honest. Tell them you're uncomfortable with the racist remarks that Uncle Archie makes.

If your parents are paying and Uncle Archie is a brother to one of them, you may have to accommodate their wishes. In that case, I would expect them to keep an eye and ear on him at the reception.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I have another aunt that I'm on the fence about inviting. But I'm kinda a bitch and I kinda don't like these people. Last time we were at a family reunion it got back to me (from my frustrated father) that this aunt (dad's sister) and her husband made some homophobic comments. I didn't hear so I couldn't go off on them, and I kinda think that even my dad was on the periphery of the conversation. But I'd like to NOT invite them, then if they or someone else asks why they weren't invited, I'd LOVE to tell them, "because I have too many gay friends to invite bigots to my wedding." But, like I said, I'm a bitch.

fwtx5815 · January 2015

MairePoppy said:
If you're paying for your own wedding, you don't have to justify your decision to anyone. If you choose to make an explanation to your parents (for instance) be honest. Tell them you're uncomfortable with the racist remarks that Uncle Archie makes.
If your parents are paying and Uncle Archie is a brother to one of them, you may have to accommodate their wishes. In that case, I would expect them to keep an eye and ear on him at the reception.

This.

Do I have to invite my racist uncle?

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