Wedding Etiquette Forum

For Lurkers: Buffet Style Dinner....plan accordingly (XP)

I was a BM in my good friends AHR this past weekend and everything was very nice, but I wanted to drop some knowledge here for lurkers.

Regarding the dinner buffet:
The bride had about 300 people at her AHR, but only 1 buffet. The caterers were serving the food, so only one side of the buffet was open. The bridal party got there around 6:30. Head table was released to buffet just before 7pm. My DH was the 3rd to last table to be released and didn't get to go up to the buffet until 8pm! Not cool! I also felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable eating at the head table while all the tables around me had no food. I felt like everyone was staring at me with hungry eyes.

Moral of the story: if you have more than maybe 150 people (maybe more than 100) you really need to have at least 2 buffets. Ideally 2 buffets with both sides open. The food was delish and there was plenty of it, but it was awkward when I was finished eating and finished my dessert and DH still hadn't eaten.

I know some things can't be helped and obviously when you have a big reception not everyone can eat at the same time, but I think within 10-15 minutes of each other is acceptable. 1 hour later is not acceptable.

Re: For Lurkers: Buffet Style Dinner....plan accordingly (XP)

  • Hopefully they didn't shut down the bar for dinner. I'm having various rolls and bread put out with butter and having fewer guests, but then again I have (at times) considered good french bread and a bottle of good red wine a perfectly balanced dinner for a Friday night.


  • There's a lot of WTF for me in this post.

    1st, you were a BM in an AHR?  Huh?

    2nd, how did the venue not know how to properly serve 300 ppl?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • dcbride86 said:
    What does AHR mean?
    I believe it means At Home Reception (a nicer way of saying PPD)

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  • That's poor planning, to be sure. But lurkers be aware that 1. BMs are witnesses to the wedding ceremony. It's not appropriate to have BMs for an AHR. 2 It's rude to separate anyone, including your wedding party, from their dates.

    @afaber24 Did your friend actually expect you to buy bm dresses? Did she provide you with bouquets, attendants gifts and have a wp dance? Those things should only happen at an actual wedding and reception. If the couple wants to dress the part of bride and groom and have a wedding cake, fine, but they shouldn't expect anyone else to spend money on wedding related stuff. 


                       
  • @MairePoppy I freaking LOVE your signature picture!!

    To the original post- yeesh!

    I agree, so many things wrong. But my biggest offence is still the single buffet table for 300 people- waiting an hour for food is pretty crappy, particularly while watching others eat. 
  • That's poor planning, to be sure. But lurkers be aware that 1. BMs are witnesses to the wedding ceremony. It's not appropriate to have BMs for an AHR. 2 It's rude to separate anyone, including your wedding party, from their dates.

    @afaber24 Did your friend actually expect you to buy bm dresses? Did she provide you with bouquets, attendants gifts and have a wp dance? Those things should only happen at an actual wedding and reception. If the couple wants to dress the part of bride and groom and have a wedding cake, fine, but they shouldn't expect anyone else to spend money on wedding related stuff. 


    I'm an idiot.  I thought your signature GIF was a black cat on a white cat sliding across the snow. Judge me please lol
  • That sucks.  And being a BM at an AHR?  Nope!

    The last wedding I went to had a terrible buffet situation too.  175 people and only equipped to handle maybe 50.  There was only one buffet line and although dinner started at seven, at nine people were still waiting in line to eat.  It was awful.  They ran out of food halfway through and had to make more. We were passing out dessert when some people hadn't even gotten their dinner. 


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  • Yah, we did buy dresses, but we wore them to the DW in November as well. And the bar did not close for dinner which was good and led to DH getting shwasted! The issue with the bars though (yes, two bars!) was that they were partial cash, so there was always a line at both.

    The buffet situation is tough because no one serves 100+ people on a regular  basis, so you have to depend on your caterer/venue. I wish I would have asked her more about those details during the planning. I would have heavily insisted on two buffets. It was a mexican buffet, so they totally could have done chips and salsa on the tables which would have been great, but sadly there was no food for some folks until after 8pm.

    There were many many etiquette blunders in this 2 part affair, but I'm trying not to be too snarky. We all had a nice time. 
  • dcbride86 said:
    What does AHR mean?
    I believe it means At Home Reception (a nicer way of saying PPD)
    Actually, an AHR is not a PPD. It should just be a party though, no redo ceremony, no wedding party, no bouquet toss etc. 
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  • dcbride86 said:
    What does AHR mean?
    I believe it means At Home Reception (a nicer way of saying PPD)
    Actually, an AHR is not a PPD. It should just be a party though, no redo ceremony, no wedding party, no bouquet toss etc. 
    Thanks for the clarification :)

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  • My parents had their reception @ her parents home, right after the wedding at the church.  This was not a PDD.
  • AHR refers to At Home Reception that follows a Destination Wedding (DW). Usually a wedding that takes place out side of the country or another state that is not where the couple live.

    It doesn't refer to a reception that takes place at a home/residence. Which is totally fine.

    AHR are sometimes considered a PPD because its another day to dress up and get attention and its a different day than the one the couple was married on. So they're no longer a bride and groom, but they dress up as them. 
  • So, this of course got me worried about our buffet. I definitely want to avoid having people wait a long time for their food. Our caterer is planning to do a buffet with servers. We are inviting 135 people. What do you think the tipping point is for needing more buffet lines? Of course there will be apps (cheese, fruit, crackers in this case) during cocktail hour but I don't want people getting hangry. 
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  • I'd say ideally two for your size group. And the second one can always be torn down after everyone has their first serving. Keeping the other open for seconds. Having some food like bread, rolls, crackers at the table would be great too!
  • afaber24 said:
    AHR refers to At Home Reception that follows a Destination Wedding (DW). Usually a wedding that takes place out side of the country or another state that is not where the couple live.

    It doesn't refer to a reception that takes place at a home/residence. Which is totally fine.

    AHR are sometimes considered a PPD because its another day to dress up and get attention and its a different day than the one the couple was married on. So they're no longer a bride and groom, but they dress up as them. 
    I think this is why I equated it with a PPD. The only AHR I've been to WAS a PPD. Bride and groom wore their wedding dress and tux, had a "first dance," etc. No vows, but it was basically exactly like a regular wedding reception.

    I guess I just didn't consider that an AHR could not be a PPD, but that makes sense. So thanks for the clarification!

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  • SP29 said:

    @MairePoppy I freaking LOVE your signature picture!!


    To the original post- yeesh!

    I agree, so many things wrong. But my biggest offence is still the single buffet table for 300 people- waiting an hour for food is pretty crappy, particularly while watching others eat. 
    *************
    Agreed, lousy planning.

    However, I know the two inns I worked at, as well as some independent caterers, all discussed levels of service when they talked about costs and contract.

    One serving line takes so many staff. This price.
    Two serving lines takes so many more staff. Higher price.
    Head table meals preplated, so first group of people do not have to wait for them. No extra cost.

    And time and time again, people would say, oh no, do not preplate the WP food. No one will mind waiting for them.

    And only one line, because they do not want to pay more for more serving staff.

    Not bad planning by the venue, usually. Bad planning by the people paying the bill, and the hosts who are so sure no one minds waiting around to eat until WP went through the buffet first.

    People don' mind 20 minutes, but hate waiting an hour.

  • So, this of course got me worried about our buffet. I definitely want to avoid having people wait a long time for their food. Our caterer is planning to do a buffet with servers. We are inviting 135 people. What do you think the tipping point is for needing more buffet lines? Of course there will be apps (cheese, fruit, crackers in this case) during cocktail hour but I don't want people getting hangry. 
    That's really something your venue should be able to tell you. . .it is their job, afterall.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • My parents had their reception @ her parents home, right after the wedding at the church.  This was not a PDD.
    At Home Reception does not mean a reception at a house.  It means a reception "back home" after a destination wedding for people who couldn't make it to the wedding.



  • Viczaesar said:



    My parents had their reception @ her parents home, right after the wedding at the church.  This was not a PDD.

    At Home Reception does not mean a reception at a house.  It means a reception "back home" after a destination wedding for people who couldn't make it to the wedding.


    Thanks for posting this. I was so confused what that had to do with anything. Now I get the train of thought.
  • My parents had their reception @ her parents home, right after the wedding at the church.  This was not a PDD.
    At Home Reception does not mean a reception at a house.  It means a reception "back home" after a destination wedding for people who couldn't make it to the wedding.
    Thanks for posting this. I was so confused what that had to do with anything. Now I get the train of thought.
    I actually started to post to ask if I was the only person who didn't understand the post, and then I got it halfway through typing.  :p



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