Wedding Party

My maid of honor passed away. How do I replace her?

About two weeks before I got engaged, my best friend died. She would've been my maid of honor, and now I don't know what to do. I know I need a maid of honor and I have a few other friends I could choose from, but I don't want to replace her. That's her title. She earned it. I still want her to be a part of my wedding, but I'm kind of at a loss of what to do next. I will still have bridesmaids, but I feel like I need to have a maid of honor as well. Any advice?

Re: My maid of honor passed away. How do I replace her?

  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. 

    I agree with PPs, you do not need to have someone else stand as your MOH. Any of your bridesmaids can hold your bouquet while you say your vows, sign your marriage license or ketubah, give a toast at your reception, or anything else that this friend may have done if she were here. I'm sure that no one can replace this friend in your life, not replacing her in your wedding would be a fitting way to honour her. 

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    atlastmrsg[Deleted User]Blue_Bird
  • I'm so sorry for your loss! If I were in your situation, I would have all bridesmaids. A friend of mine is having all bridesmaids and no MOH because she "loves all her besties the same." It is fine to just have bridesmaids in the bridal party and no MOH. Reserve that spot in memory and commemoration of your best friend.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm sorry you lost your friend. MsOH are not necessary, so just don't have one.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • I wouldn't have one. Just do all BMs. To honor her, I would carry something or hers on your bouquet or wear something she gave you. It could be your something borrowed.
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    novella1186PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm sorry for your loss. 

    Like the other PP's I wouldn't have one.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I personally wouldn't have a MOH ...I saw once, on a wedding show, where a bride had lost a member of her party and had an empty seat in the front row where she placed a bouquet (just like the bridal parties bouquet) before taking her place at the alter beside her FI. I thought it was a very touching tribute to her friend, had me in tears. If your concerned about the MOH duties and who would handle them, I would just ask the remaining bridesmaids to split the job between them whenever/wherever you need help. The girl standing directly to your left would handle your bouquet/veil etc simply because she's closest. Sorry for your loss!! Good luck! !
    rcher912Knottie00409866
  • Just my opinion...no need to be nasty
  • OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I think the knotties have it covered; no need for an MOH. You could honor her by not having an MOH and also by wearing something she gave you or putting something around your bouquet to remind you of her, exactly as southernbelle and levioosa have said. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Every time I see the title of this thread:
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    PrettyGirlLostlevioosaashley8918ChemFanatic25
  • larrygaga said:
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    I'm just quoting this so I can see Justin Verlander again. He's pretty.

    OP, I'm very sorry for your loss. I agree with PPs saying the most fitting tribute is to not replace her. (As MOH or just with another BM - sides don't need to be even.) You may list her in the program if you want.

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    rcher912
  • I agree with other PP to just have BM and no MOH. I love the suggestion of wearing something of hers be it something she gave you or if you don't have anything see if her mother has a piece of jewlery still from her that you can borrow for the day. If that doesn't work, maybe get a locket and put her picture in it & pin it to your bouquet or to the inside of her dress (assuming it would be comfortble) near your heart, because that is where she will live forever, in your heart.
  • I would agree to have no MOH.  We are having a memory candle at the reception next to the guestbook to honor the grandparents.  This may also we something you want to do.
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  • I'm looking for someone who will make a very specific charm for me in remembrance of my grampa.  (He was a stamp collector, and he carved wooden birds, particularly chickadees.  I want a chickadee stamp charm.)  Depending on its size, I may wear it on a bracelet, a necklace, or otherwise pin it to my dress.  I will be wearing earrings that belonged to my grandmother.  No blatant, in-your-face memorials for me.
    levioosaPrettyGirlLost
  • I would actually disagree with PPs who said that this would be inappropriate. I was present at a wedding where the bride had a tribute to her sister who had passed the previous year. Her sister had been her best friend her whole life and it meant so much to this bride that she was able to, in some respect, still honor her sister as her MOH. She had a pillar with a candle present in the place where her sister would have stood and the groom had one more groomsman than she had bridesmaids. The gesture was not at all depressing, rather it was a comfort to her to know her sister was there in spirit.  Ask your coordinator to help you with the logistics of this honor. 

    knottiea39b8ab2c3e1c94e
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    I would actually disagree with PPs who said that this would be inappropriate. I was present at a wedding where the bride had a tribute to her sister who had passed the previous year. Her sister had been her best friend her whole life and it meant so much to this bride that she was able to, in some respect, still honor her sister as her MOH. She had a pillar with a candle present in the place where her sister would have stood and the groom had one more groomsman than she had bridesmaids. The gesture was not at all depressing, rather it was a comfort to her to know her sister was there in spirit.  Ask your coordinator to help you with the logistics of this honor. 

    As a guest, I would find it strange, morbid and depressing to see a pillar candle standing in for a person.
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]levioosa
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    I would actually disagree with PPs who said that this would be inappropriate. I was present at a wedding where the bride had a tribute to her sister who had passed the previous year. Her sister had been her best friend her whole life and it meant so much to this bride that she was able to, in some respect, still honor her sister as her MOH. She had a pillar with a candle present in the place where her sister would have stood and the groom had one more groomsman than she had bridesmaids. The gesture was not at all depressing, rather it was a comfort to her to know her sister was there in spirit.  Ask your coordinator to help you with the logistics of this honor. 

    So her sister's spirit wouldn't have shown up without a tribute pillar?



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    [Deleted User]zitiqueenlevioosa
  • JoanE2012 said:

    I would actually disagree with PPs who said that this would be inappropriate. I was present at a wedding where the bride had a tribute to her sister who had passed the previous year. Her sister had been her best friend her whole life and it meant so much to this bride that she was able to, in some respect, still honor her sister as her MOH. She had a pillar with a candle present in the place where her sister would have stood and the groom had one more groomsman than she had bridesmaids. The gesture was not at all depressing, rather it was a comfort to her to know her sister was there in spirit.  Ask your coordinator to help you with the logistics of this honor. 

    As a guest, I would find it strange, morbid and depressing to see a pillar candle standing in for a person.
    I second this. That happened at a wedding I went to and I lost it, and had to run our of the ceremony because I was crying. I couldn't return. It wasn't fun, and other people were affected by it. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Don't replace her. I've seen a wedding where a groomsman had passed away and they left a rose in his place within the groomsmen. For her, have a bridesmaid hold an extra bouquet and leave it in her place. It honors her in a subtle way.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Don't replace her. I've seen a wedding where a groomsman had passed away and they left a rose in his place within the groomsmen. For her, have a bridesmaid hold an extra bouquet and leave it in her place. It honors her in a subtle way.
    Nothing subtle about either of those ideas.  Those are pretty damn blatant and In Your Face.  A locket is subtle, an empty chair holding an extra bouquet is most definitely NOT.
    mikenbergersouthernbelle0915lovegood90
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