Cash Bar Conversation

Re: Cash Bar Conversation

• novella1186 member

  

  January 2015

  I wish people would put their wedding reception in perspective and realize all it is is a party THEY are HOSTING. If you were hosting a party in your own home, would you charge your friends for drinks? Hopefully not. So then why would you do that to them at your wedding? You are not queen for a day. You are you, and it is a party, and you are still required to treat people well. Ugh.
  

  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  My DH flat out said he would refuse to attend a cash bar.   I believe him. Not that we have ever been invited to one.  Nor do I expect to be.   This is the only place where I know people have them.  Everyone in my RL is this when cash bars are brought up:

  
  

  
  

  
  

  He normally works weekend days and nights, so it's an easy out for him.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  January 2015

  This was our cash bar conversation:

  
  

  "                                                                          "

  
  

  There was none. My H doesn't even drink and we never even considered a cash bar for a second.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Someone I know has suggested twice that Fiance and I look at a cash bar and I have flat out said NO twice.  We are limiting our drinks to beer, wine, and mimosas though, but no limit (other than the kegs running out) and no money required. 
  
  ETA:  doubtful on the kegs running out.  2 full size kegs for 75 people (65 after taking out the kids) at a Sunday brunch.
  

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• novella1186 member

  

  January 2015

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015

  
  

  novella1186 said:

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  Holy shit. This is HARD. I don't dance. I have two left feet.  People would be paying to get their feet stomped on.  I'd have to go with open bar so I can get them drunk so they won't notice me stomping on their feet during their money dance with me. 
  

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• Inkdancer member

  

  January 2015

  novella1186 said:

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  Cash bar. And then I'd have a dry wedding. BAM.

  

  

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• novella1186 member

  

  January 2015

  Inkdancer said:

  novella1186 said:

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  Cash bar. And then I'd have a dry wedding. BAM.

  lol cheater!
  

  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2015

  Dollar dance.    I would rather deal with a 3 min dance then a 5 hour cash bar.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015

  Before I leave should I just write www.theknot.com- check out the discussion boards on a slip of paper and hand it to her? 
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  January 2015

  novella1186 said:

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  Easy. Dollar dance, 30 second song with one person and I give their money back. Done.

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• Inkdancer member

  

  January 2015

  lolo883 said:

  novella1186 said:

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  Easy. Dollar dance, 30 second song with one person and I give their money back. Done.

  Oh! Or dollar dance in which I give everyone a dollar.

  

  

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• Couggal12 member

  

  January 2015

  H and I never even considered a cash bar. We knew we couldn't afford a complete open bar so we settled with hosting beer, wine, pop, lemonade, and water. I don't think my friends would let me live it down if I made them pay $7 for a bud light. 

  

  
  

  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  January 2015

  Dollar dance ~ and I'll refrain from tricks... If I was going to be a tacky, rude host I'd rather only cost my guests a dollar each, not $5 for each drink they have all night.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• Knottie79372645 member

  

  January 2015

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

  It's not about where you live. It's about what is polite. You don't make people open their wallets when you've invited them.
  
  For the record I live in the midwest and the 8 or so weddings I've attended have all been in IL or IA. Some even at country clubs, one at a dinky park place. No cash bars at any of them.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

  Also keep in mind there's no law that you have to serve booze- if you can't afford an open bar, just serve non-alcoholic drinks. Or do what FI and I are doing and limit it to beer and wine to control costs. Hard liquor or any liquor is not required. Serving something to drink is if you're having a reception.

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

   I'm originally from Delaware/Philly area.  Never heard of a cash bar in my social group.  My family are pretty solid middle class, but always seemed to make it work.  DH is from Long Island, NY. Never heard of cash bars in his circle either.

  
  

  We both have worked at various resorts, country clubs and restaurants around the country and islands.   95% of those weddings were open bars.  The few cash bars I did work the guests were not happy.  It appeared to be outside their norm also.

  
  

  We currently live in CO and work at a private club.   Cash bars are not even an option given to the hosts of the party.   

  
  

  Neither of us have been invited to a cash bar wedding at any place we have ever lived.  I honestly don't know what we would do if we got an invitation for a cash bar wedding.  It's never happened and combined we have gone to some 80+ weddings.    I honestly do not see it happening in the future as it's just not done in our world. Regardless of where we lived.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• NavyBlue143 member

  

  January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

  I've attended many weddings with cash bars, but I've never bought alcohol at them. Honestly I prefer a dry wedding to a cash bar wedding. I don't mind not being able to drink, I do mind paying for an outfit, buying a gift, spending my Saturday waiting out your rude ass gap, pretending to care about your slideshow that doesn't play, and having to pay $10 for a glass of Sutter Home. 

  
  

  Our budget was 5k, including honeymoon, and we managed an open bar, with liquor. We searched until we found a venue that allowed us to bring in our own caterer and our own alcohol. That's how we afforded it. Properly thanking our guests who traveled, spent money, took time off, whatever, to us meant nobody opened their wallets at our reception. It's probably the lowest budget wedding I've ever attended, and it was the only one with an open bar. It wasn't a wide variety, but we knew what our guests liked and provided it. We even had enough liquor and wine left over to last us 6 months afterward. It's possible, if you are willing to look and work for it, to do an open bar even with a budget wedding. 

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

  I live in Politesville, in the county of Goodhostington.

  
  

  Yeah, our bar was expensive - like 7500 IIRC - we just budgeted accordingly for it the same as we did for the food and the entertainment. I wasn't about to spend $4 grand on flowers and then make my friends pay for a drink. Tacky as hell.

  
  

  I've attended a wedding with a partial cash bar, and only ordered what was hosted. I'm not paying for drinks at a party I've been invited to.

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• charcoalandblush member

  

  January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

  I live in the midwest. In our circle, partial cash bars are the norm (I have never been to a wedding here without one). But that doesn't make them less tacky or rude.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Cookie Pusher member

  

  January 2015

  I'm in NJ and have never attended a wedding with a cash bar, and I've been to dozens of weddings. Having a cash bar was never even brought up in our discussions, and our venue and caterer wouldn't have allowed it anyway - it was either dry or bring in whatever booze you want to serve. We opted for a mostly premium open bar. We cut unnecessary things like flowers to keep ourselves within budget.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  
  

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• sarahufl member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  I have been to tons of weddings. Probably over 40. I think....one? had a cash bar. And believe it or not, that was the least of their offensive nonsense. They even charged for soda ($4 a can) and Sutter Home was $10 a glass. It was miserable.

  
  

  ETA: This was the first weekend of August. Sent gifts to their home before the wedding. Still no thank you card.

  
  

  Every wedding I went to as a kid had dollar dances. I think they are big in my family. I roll my eyes at them and didn't even entertain the idea of having one, but they don't bother me NEARLY as much as a cash bar.

  
  

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• WinstonsGirl member

  

  January 2015

  I'd do cash bar over dollar dance just cos they're the norm up here.  While it totally sucks, people here would be used to it.  Never heard of a dollar dance before TK.  Granted, bars here are usually twoonie bars, but still.  It sucks

  
  

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2015

  I grew up in FFLD county in CT and cash bars are unheard of there. In fact, I think I had to leave CT to attend a cash bar wedding. One in RI charged me for a diet Coke and several in MA and NH were a bait and switch change to cash bar.
  
  My parents cringed when I told them about the cash bars we've seen. My dad can be a bit like Frank Barrone and just looked at me like I had 4 heads when I told him that people really do charge their guests for booze.

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• porkchops926 member

  

  January 2015

  I just went to a friend's wedding a couple months ago, it was open bar until 7:30, at which point it became cash. The reception started at 6.

  
  

  The result of this? My other friend and I pounded back drinks as quickly as possible before 7:30. By the time the main course came around, we were already screaming and cackling at the table and I had knocked over my soup. 

  
  

  Usually I'm a polite guest but I figure if you're asking people to pay for drinks at a certain point it's karma. 

  

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• dcbride86 member

  

  January 2015

  novella1186 said:

  Ok so let's say you were in some bizarre universe where you HAD to either have a cash bar or a dollar dance at your wedding. Not matter what, you have to pick one. Which one would you pick?
  

  Cash bar.  I would a million times people rather call me cheap than a cheap stripper wannabe
  

  <a href="'>http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Free Wedding Vows">

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• dcbride86 member

  

  January 2015

  Knottie79372645 said:

  Where do you people live? You seriously would not attend a wedding with a cash bar? I've worked worked many weddings at a country club (with incredibly wealthy members) in my home town and plenty of them do not have open bars. You can literally pay thousands for people's drinks. I'd be happy to buy beer and wine and leave the option for guests to purchase their own drinks. The vast majority of weddings I've attended have been that way and nobody was offended in the slightest.  

  I would probably attend it, in part because I wouldn't know that it was a cash bar.  But I would also side-eye it and talk about it.

  And as to the country club thing - money doesn't buy you class (or etiquette)
  

  <a href="'>http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Free Wedding Vows">

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2015

  I've been to a wedding with a partial cash bar. The thing is I and no one else not in the planning loop knew that there was going to be a partial cash bar. In fact there was no sign saying mix drinks cost money, so my one friend got a nice shock when she ordered two martinis only to then be told "that will be $18."
  
  So if I knew a wedding was cash bar I would go but I would be judging the hell out of the couple and then leave early because, in my circle, a party stays going because of the alcohol. No alcohol means a short party.

  
  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Maggie0829 said:

  I've been to a wedding with a partial cash bar. The thing is I and no one else not in the planning loop knew that there was going to be a partial cash bar. In fact there was no sign saying mix drinks cost money, so my one friend got a nice shock when she ordered two martinis only to then be told "that will be $18."
  
  So if I knew a wedding was cash bar I would go but I would be judging the hell out of the couple and then leave early because, in my circle, a party stays going because of the alcohol. No alcohol means a short party.

  This was the hilarious thing about the partial cash bar I went to. When I ordered a cabernet, the bartender said "are you sure? That's $6 but I can give you merlot for free." Um, yep, free one please. I'm sure the hosts probably thought they were doing people a favor but nope, free > preferred varietal.

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