Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
heatherrae8
member
Help! Problem with no-children wedding
Okay, so we are trying to finalize our list and we have decided on no children under 18 but my Fiance has three sets of couples (cousins and an aunt) who have children who are 3, 7 and 9, and 14 coming. His mom wants us to make an exception for these children because if we don't invite them it will be drama and they supposedly have "no one" to watch them. I say the youngest stays with his god mother who is local to us, the two that are bro and sis and are 7&9 stay with a family friend's back in Vegas and the 14 yr old stays with a friend for the weekend in Vegas. Or they hire someone from Care.com or something along those lines to watch all 4 of them back at my future MIL's house. Am I asking too much? I have A TON of cousins in that age range and that I am close to that we could invite but are not. I feel like if you have kids, you should be responsible for them and if you want to be there, you will find a way to be there.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help! Problem with no-children wedding
That said, if these people are your FI's VIPs and he really wants them there, and they absolutely can not come without their children... then I'd leave this up to your FI.
ETA: exception, as PP noted, would be if your FMIL is paying for the wedding, or contributing to Reception costs.
Nope, you're allowed to exclude children. Their child care issues shouldn't be your concern. Just put the couples' names on the invitations and if they inquire about their children you can just say "sorry for the misunderstanding but the invite was just for you and your SO."
You're perfectly within your rights to not invite children as long as you don't split up families (ie inviting one child in a family but not their sibling).
If they can't come because they can't find childcare, then they can decline.
Formerly martha1818
The only reasons you should worry about this:
1) Your FMIL is paying for the wedding.
2) It would upset you if these people had to decline.
It will cause less drama if you or FMIL can say to them that no children will be invited, but you don't have to give an explanation for inviting or not inviting anyone.
Personally, I don't agree and I see that as splitting up the family. . .because that's exactly what it is. Every member of that family save one will be invited to your wedding.
As another PP said, inviting in circles relieves these odd situations that are caused by arbitrary age cut offs. Personally I'd invite just the Aunt and Uncle in this situation, and not the cousins.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
If you want to go above and beyond, you could rent a hotel room, and pay for a babysitter for the day (or hire the sitter to watch them at FMILs home). Those 4 kids could hang there, watch movies, etc.
Formerly martha1818
This isn't dying on a hill, it's enforcing "those who pay get the say." The FMIL may not be happy with that, but that is her issue to deal with.
If the OP and her FI are always asked about whether or not something is a hill they want to die on whenever it comes to setting boundaries with someone who isn't paying, then when do they get to make and own their own decisions about their own wedding and lives? The FMIL's potentially hurt feelings aren't the only things to consider. And it isn't always an "FMIL problem" but respect for a decision they need to apply across the board.